DO NOT WATCH THE VIDEO BEFORE FINISHING THE CHAPTER!!!! (It will mean more if you read the chapter first; trust me ;) )
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Lauren's P.O.V:
To say that it hurt would be an understatement. It didn't just hurt. It burned and slashed at every living thing that still functioned in my body. It ripped and tore at my brain trying to make it comprehend.
Did she really mean what she had said? Could she really just let 'us' go so easily like the water off a ducks back? She said she loved me; she kissed me; she wanted me to hold her in my arms; yet now it means nothing.
I ran down the hallways from the bathroom hearing gasp when people saw that it was me crying. I'm supposed to be this strong person, but now I was sobbing in full sprint down the halls.
I finally made it to the front door and exited the school building before anyone could stop me. The front lawn was fairly empty, so not too many people gave me weird looks. Although I was still crying, I forced myself to stop and look for Ally's car. I remembered that we had parked near the big tree, and headed in that direction in another full on sprint.
Once I reached the car, I saw that it was locked and that I would have to either go find Ally, or wait. Seeing as there was no way that I was going back in that school, I knew that I would have to wait. I went around to the front of the car that was parked the farthest from the road where no one could easily see me and sunk onto the ground.
I leaned my head back on the car and prayed that no one had seen me run here. I just wanted to be left alone right now. I regretted ever considering that I loved Camila. I regretted the heart felt kisses and long and gentle touches that I had showered her with. I wanted to take everything back and leave her without any memory of the fact that I once called her mine.
I placed my head into my hands, and immediately they were drenched with the salty, warm tears that were pouring from my eyes. I curled my knees up to my chest and sat there on the ground. My heart felt like it would just fall out of my body with one false move. It had been shaken, and scarred so much that it no longer had a place in my chest.
"Lauren, you know Camila didn't mean it." I heard a soft voice from behind me. It sounded a bit out of breath, and I knew that they must have run after me. Without thinking, I assumed who it was and responded.
"What if she did Ally? What if she honestly meant that every moment we had was nothing to her? What if she honestly never cared?" I said this and pulled my knees tighter into my chest.
"Lauren, do you still hate me?" The question threw me off guard and I wasn't positive why Ally would think that I would ever hate her. She hadn't done anything wrong.
"Ally, why would I hate you?" I said as I lifted my head from my hands and turned it to see her face. The girl standing before me wasn't Ally at all; it was Normani. A surge of anger ran through me and I wanted to punch the girl in front of me. I tried to move and strangle her, but my body wouldn't allow me to do it.
The memories of all the fun times we had had together, and the laughs we had shared rushed into my head and made me want to smile. She really was my best friend for a really long time.
"As much as I want to hate you, I can't take being mad at anyone else." I said as I placed my head back into my hands. I heard a slight sigh of what seemed like relief and then I felt a presence sitting down beside me.
"I'm sorry that I was such a bitch." She said in a sincere voice. I didn't really know how to respond so I figured I could just let her continue.
"I just, I don't know what came over me. You might have had your moments, but you had always been my best friend. I don't know why I wanted to hurt you so bad." She said and I could hear unshed tears stinging her words.
"You know, I could honestly care less that you told everyone about Camila and me. It obviously doesn't matter now." I said following my sentence with a dry laugh. I felt her place her arms around me and lay her head on top of mine.
"I saw what you two have. There is no way in hell that Camila just let all that go. I admit, I don't know her all that well, but you don't let that stuff go." She said this and I did want to believe her; but I couldn't.
Every time I tried to believe what Normani was saying, I was taken back to the bathroom and Camila telling me what she had.
"You didn't hear what she said Mani." I said as I leaned into her embrace a bit more. I questioned myself on using my old nickname for her, but dismissed it because I really didn't care.
"I actually did. I was in the bathroom from the moment you walked in, to the moment you left. Camila didn't see me leave though." I couldn't believe that Normani had heard everything, and it made me a bit embarrassed.
"Why did you come after me?" I said lifting my head from my hands and gazing into her eyes. She thought for a moment and then looked away. When she turned back towards me, I knew she had what she was going to say.
"I guess that even if you were still mad at me, I couldn't let my best friend cry." She said this and I saw the tears that I had heard earlier slowly fall from her eyes. They shined in the light of the sun that still wasn't high in the sky.
"We're best friends Mani. We always make up." I said and moved my arms to wrap her into a hug. She hugged me back and I felt better. I still felt the pain of what Camila said, but hugging someone, who meant so much to me, filled a crumb of the canyon sized gap in my heart.
"I saw her face Lauren." Normani said, still holding me in the hug, even if I was no longer hugging back. The only face I had seen on Camila before I ran out was her anger filled one, so I didn't know what Normani was talking about.
"She felt bad for what she said. I think she's hurting just as bad as you are." Normani said finally releasing me from the hug. I looked into her eyes and saw that she wasn't lying, and thought about the fact that maybe Camila just said what she did because she truly is hurting.
"She doesn't look like she's hurting." I said in an annoyed tone. I wanted Normani to be right, but I didn't want to give myself false hope. In all honesty, Camila really did look like her normal self. It was like nothing was affecting her whatsoever.
"Some people don't always look like they are suffering Lauren. You should know that better than anyone. Some people prefer to ache in the privacy of their bed or on the floor of their bathroom. It varies I guess."
"I just, I love her." I said all at once. I can't explain why I said it; maybe I wanted to clarify it to myself. I would never stop trying to make her mine. I still regretted my decision to say goodbye, and I still regretted not getting to know her better. I envied the fact that she could look so well put together and at least pretend like it didn't bother her.
"I know Lauren. I have never seen you 'love' anyone before. In all honesty, I didn't think you could. I see the way you look at her though. I see the hidden smirks when you think about her in class. I'm not sure you ever noticed it Lauren, but when you 'love', you love hard." Normani said in a slightly playful tone obviously trying to lighten the mode. I didn't even realize that I did half the stuff she was mentioning. It made since though; everything about Camila made me happy.
"I don't love hard." I said in a playfully defensive tone. I couldn't say if I did or not; I never noticed. I had only ever been in love with Camila. Was that enough evidence to prove Normani's clam?
"Yes you do Laur. Trust me when I say that." Normani said pulling me into another hug. I hugged back and it was nice to have my friend back. I might not ever fully trust her again, but she was still there when I needed her most, and that meant something.
"I don't know if I can go back in there Mani." I said flashing my best pathetic child eyes that I could at her. She chuckled a bit, but gave me another tight squeeze.
"Lauren, it might be hard, but you can't run away from everything. If not today, then it becomes tomorrow. Then it becomes, days from now, and weeks, months, a year; why not get it over with?" She said as she began to stand up and pulled me with her.
I was no longer crying, and that was a relief. Having someone there to pick me up was helping more than I can explain in words. Ally is sweet, and so is Dinah, but Normani will always be the only person who knew me from the beginning.
We walked side by side back into the school building. Everyone had already gone to their classes, so the halls were empty. We joked all the way to class, but walked in silently. Mr. C didn't really seem to care that we were both late, and he just let us sit down. I glanced around the room quickly and was surprised to see that both Dinah and Camila were missing. Ally was in her normal seat and when I looked at her she gave me a quick wave and thumbs up which I returned with a smile.
Normani smiled at me when I looked at her, and I smiled back. I might be able to get through the day if I don't see Camila, and have Normani and Ally by my side. I'm not sure I can spend the rest of my life like that though.
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The day went by without another Camila encounter. Ally said that she had tried to find her, but Dinah said that she had disappeared. I didn't like the fact that no one knew where Camila was. All I could think about was the stuff on the news and in movies, where people get kidnapped or killed.
'Stop Lauren; don't think of the worst.' I kept thinking to myself. I couldn't add on to the stress that I already had. School was difficult enough without worrying about your ex.
Calling Camila my, 'ex' sounded foul coming from my lips. It was like calling your mom your dad; just felt wrong. Camila would always be my Camz. It didn't matter if she knew it or not. If she ever wanted me back, I would never be able to say no.
"You need a ride home Lauren?" I heard Ally's consoling voice pull me from my thoughts. I thought about it for a moment, but realized that Normani had already offered and I had already agreed.
I could tell that Mani really was trying to make up for everything. She genuinely felt bad for telling my secret and about making me loss Luis and Arin as friends. Mani had her flaws, but she still showed up whenever I needed her.
"No, I'm going home with," I paused not sure if I should directly tell Ally who I was leaving with, or beat around the bush a bit.
"I'm going with an old friend." I said finally allowing my mind to agree on the words. I wasn't sure if Ally liked Normani, and I wasn't sure what Camila had told Ally about Mani. I didn't want to risk confrontation.
"Cool by me! Just text or call me if you need anything." Ally said in her quick and eccentric voice. I chuckled a bit, but then nodded and walked to where Normani had said that her car was.
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"Took you long enough. I thought I would have to send in a search party." Normani said and then began laughing at her own joke as she got in the car. She had been leaning against the driver side door, and even from a distance I could tell that she was getting impatient.
"What can I say, I like to talk." I said as I hoped into the passenger's side. Normani and I both started fits of laughter. By the time we finished we both had tears in our eyes. Nothing was really funny in particular, but I think that we both felt that a good laugh was something the mood around us needed.
We drove for a while just signing to songs that would pop onto the radio. It made it so it wasn't silent in theory, but it was silent from the words we actually wanted to say.
I wanted to ask her why she chose Luis over Arin. I wanted to make her tell me why she told my secret. I wanted to scream and yell and let everything out into the open. I was so sick and tired of secrets.
I kept my mouth shut though. I had a feeling that opening it would cause a greater storm than I was prepared for. My shelter door was hardly standing, and food was low, so there was no way I could handle another one.
We finally made it to my house and Normani parked on the curb in front of my driveway to let me out. I only gave a simple wave goodbye before she zoomed off in the direction of wherever her next destination was.
I walked inside my house and found that it was completely empty. There was a note on the counter, but I knew it was just from my parents telling me that they were gone.... yet again.
I threw my stuff down at the front door and just barely pushed it out of the way so no one could trip on it. As I continued walking into the living room I avoiding looking at the couch from the memories it brought me. The kiss when Normani walked in on us was such an eye opener.
It showed me that I was willing to fight for Camila. Never before in my life had I cared about anyone but myself first. Now I had this cute little ball of joy sat squarely in front of me showing me what it was to love.
I chuckled at how easily my brain recalled the memory. No matter how mad I was at Camila, she still had me wrapped around her finger. I was completely whipped by that girl, and she probably didn't even know it.
I found my way to the kitchen avoiding the atmosphere of the living room. Once there I got out some pizza from the other night when Chris must have had friends over.
Pizza; that's Camila favorite. Why can't I stop thinking about her? I know I love her, but does love involve taking up every possible moment of thinking time you have?
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I had been working on my homework for the past 2 hours trying to complete it; which is completely out of my character. I kept getting side tracked by all the moments I had had Camila in my arms on my bed, on the couch, in the kitchen. Now it sounds like I'm listing places we did it; I should probably stop.
I laughed at my own thoughts and pushed my stuff aside to work on when I finally procrastinated to the point of no return and was forced to do it.
With my brain filled with math questions and writing prompts, I decided to get a bit of fresh air. Homework can really do a number on a person if you ask me. It was basically just an excuse to leave my house.
I had noticed that Taylor and Chris had gotten home hours ago, but neither of them had bothered me. I figured if I could find the keys, I could take the car on a short drive to wherever.
I slowly lugged myself down the stairs, and found that Chris had left the keys on the hook near the front door like he was supposed to. It was a bit of shock to find that Chris was actually following directions.
I grabbed the keys and went to get into the car. The seats were still hot from the day that had baked them even though it was now dark out. I took a second to look at the clock in the dash and saw that it read out 9:53 pm. That's not too late; I could come back in an hour or so.
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The drive started off silent, but then I started humming quietly to myself. The humming soon turned into quiet words with a tune, and then into a full singing voice. I got tired of only hearing my own voice, so I turned on the radio and began to sing to the songs that blasted through my car speakers.
I had been driving around for a little while, until I heard a song that made me swallow a lump that I hadn't even noticed in my throat. Its soft starter beat crept into my ears, and opened the gate to allow memories to surge along with the melody it carried.
When I was in the third grade I thought I was gay,
'Cause I could draw, and my uncle was, and I kept my room straight.
Was this some cruel joke that my mind was playing on me. Was this song honestly playing in my car, at this moment? Could I honestly have no control over any of it?
I told my mom, tears rushing down my face
She's like "Ben you've loved girls since before pre-k, trippin'."
I could have sworn that when the song said, "Ben", it was actually saying Lauren. The song wasn't making me upset, the memories that it brought were the ones causing the anger.
I continued listening to the song until it got to the part that I was anticipating since I heard the first beat. I knew that I could have changed the radio channel, and not put myself through the pain. I knew that I could block out the memories and not let the lyrics take me back in time. I couldn't will myself to ignore it though.
And I can't change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
The memories of me trying to deny the fact that I did, indeed, love another girl swarmed into my head. I found it hard to think of myself as loving anyone but Camila now, but back then, it was a totally foreign concept. The song kept going with the chorus and it fell onto the two verses I knew would be the most triggering.
My Love
She keeps me warm
I remembered the way I would wrap my arms around Camila's small, but curvy waist and allow her fingers to play with mine. The smell of her hair was intoxicating and I only wanted more. Our bodies formed as one whenever we were close; only proving the point that we were made for each other.
The song ended and I finally felt the tears I had been saving in my throat start to push up to my eyes and leak over like an infinity pool. I wasn't crying because I was sad; I was crying from happiness.
The memories I was re-experiencing, were the happiest moments of my life. I wasn't focused on the fact that I may never get to make more of those memories. Even just one of them could last me an eternity.
The tears ran down my cheeks and dripped onto my shirt. I knew that my shirt would be drenched before I made it home. I could care less about my shirt though.
I pulled over on the side of the road and grabbed my phone from the passenger's seat where I had thrown it. I started playing the one song that was making me feel all of this without boundaries, and clicked the repeat button before driving off down the road.
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Mani redemption!!!!!! I just didn't want to make Normani seem like a bad person entirely, so I figured that she should apologize. Which do you guys like better? Bad Normani, or Good Normani?
Dedication: This chapters dedication goes to @Nadine108. She is new to reading my story, so I wanted to give her a warm welcome. Hope you stick around!! :D
Challenges people!!! You googilies blow me away! Every day I check and almost hyperventilate by how excited I get from comments, reads, and votes. It truly makes my day, and I couldn't ask for better people. Last chapters goals were 1,500 reads and 200 votes. Currently we have 1,572 reads and 209 votes!!! You googilies are so sweet!!! This chapters goals are 1,600 reads and 215 votes. Let's do this guys (and girls OF COURSE)!!!!!!!!
Stay Beautiful My Googilies,
-TypeIsLife XD