The way your fingers moved almost mechanically towards his phone number was something you never guessed you'd be used to; never something you'd consider as second nature to you.
It strikes you as nothing but odd how indifferent you were prior to meeting him. How you used to keep to yourself, how love used to be such a distant concept, how a single person can step into your life and change that very same fact. How the word 'love' managed to pop into your vocabulary so quickly and so easily; how much you love him and how you used to do everything in your power to convince yourself otherwise.
You've told him countless times that relationships, attachments or the mere knowledge of having someone to go to sleep and to wake up next to are foreign concepts to you, that being with anyone that isn't yourself is fated to end in disaster, that there isn't anyone in this goddamn world that can change that. But somehow, somewhere along the way, he managed to completely fuck that up.
And you couldn't be more grateful.
"TaEhYuNg, you fUck-" You start after bringing your phone up to your ear, your hand having hovered over the call button for at least a couple of minutes, but you try not to let that fact show in your voice, "I miss you."
You hear him giggle over the line, "How can you insult me, yet be so endearing at the same time?"
"I don't know." You shrug to yourself, even while knowing fully well that the male can't see you, "Come over, I'm in dire need of cuddles."
"I'm getting groceries, Y/n-ie."
You scoff, "Why are you only productive as soon as I move out?" You ask, offended, the male only laughing in response as you narrow your eyes, "You know what, keep your bitchass over there."
"No, I'm coming, love." A grin curled up his lips along with the increased rate of your heartbeat every goddamn time he calls you that. You breathe out a low 'okay', and if he noticed how breathy the single word you uttered was or your embarrassment that shortly followed that very same realization, he doesn't comment.
Each step towards your dorm felt like a chore, an obstacle, the only thing keeping him away from you being the distance he'd have to walk to reach you. Each step, each turn, each crack on the wall was so heavily embedded into his mind that he can practically already visualize the decor in an instant, can already count the amount of stairs he'd have to climb until he reaches your floor, can already feel each dip on the ground before it can make him stumble. He's done this so many times, but he's long since stopped caring, because each step is just one single step closer to you.
So it's only when he finally reaches your floor that his steps speed up just the slightest bit, lips stretching into a giddy smile, and soon he's right in front of your door, ringing the doorbell excessively as he (not so patiently) waits for the door to open, and when it does is when he inevitably smiles at the sight of your glare and furrowed brows that surely would make you look annoyed, but the tint of red on your cheeks and your lips threatening to twitch into a smile saying otherwise.
"Hi, Y/n." He smiles as he leans against the door frame, shooting you an exaggerated smirk and wiggling his eyebrows excessively, and you only snort as you make space for him to enter your home. You're taken off guard when he shuffles closer to you only to envelope you in a hug, and you're smiling as he takes a hold of your hand to drag you into your living room as if it were his own, stopping only to shut the door behind him.
Taehyung's still holding your hand as he inevitably collapses onto the couch with you in his arms, limbs folding in one another with both of you facing the television as his arms cocoon you in, resting his chin on your head and holding you from behind as he squeezes you, humming in content. It's only while he's engrossed in playing with your fingers do you notice the remote sitting innocently atop the coffee table in front of you, your arms being restricted by the male making you incapable of picking it up as you huff.
"Who's going to press play to turn the TV on?" You mutter to the male, his eyes glistening as an idea pops into his thoughts. Your boyfriend, to the best of his abilities, unfolds one of his legs from yours and stretches it towards the remote where he jams the heel of his foot onto it, that miraculously manages to turn the television on. The scene makes you burst into laughter. "You're such a dork."
He brings your hand that was intertwined with his up to his lips, pressing a chaste kiss to the back of it, and all he could think at the moment is how when he's thirty, fifty, eighty, and for many years to come, or when the day comes where growing white hair becomes a competition; this is the same hand he wants to hold. "As long as I'm your dork."
Taehyung is just a ball of fluff, just giving and giving and giving away love like he was meant to love every single person in the world. But right between the seams, right between the cracks of the deepest crevices of his heart, he was someone who fears the unknown wonders of love just as much as you do. And if he was willing to go through the experience with you just as much as you do with him- then you don't mind this, no, not at all.
~
You're no fool. Maybe 'fool' is the wrong term, because maybe not anyone would be able to notice the male's slight change in demeanor. Maybe not anyone would notice how his smile isn't as bright as you're used to it being. Maybe not anyone would notice how he tends to mask his pain behind a simple curl of his lips and a simple laugh to go with it.
But then again, he's not this clingy with just anyone.
So when Taehyung pulls you closer with a smile in tow- in public, even- only then do you seem to question his behavior and how he seems to be a bit more touchy than usual. If there was a good way of labeling your boyfriend and one of his many characteristics right now, in this very moment, in this very millisecond- it would be affectionate.
"Taehyung, you're kind of in the way of me getting places right now."
"Good." He mutters in response, burying his face further into your hair in his nearly deathly back hug. You're overly aware of the stares you were getting from nearby students, but you've learned to cope with the attention ever since your boyfriend accidentally gave away your relationship the second you both started dating by openly screaming "I'm dating Y/n" in the cafeteria.
And if that wasn't enough, the way he picked you up and spun you around when you both got full marks on that history project you both did ages ago would probably be enough to let people know that you were, indeed, dating one of the biggest heartthrobs of the school.
But graduation is creeping faster than you're ready for.
And with assignments, tests and projects attacking you all at once, you're forced to face college even with the dread of what's to come in the future weighing you down more than the books in your bag that was way too heavy for comfort.
A chaste kiss to your exposed neck is enough to bring you back into reality, "Y/n, where are you going?"
You attempt to detach yourself from him as you respond, huffing when your attempts prove to be futile, "Library, why?"
"I wanna come." He mutters, rubbing circles on the back of your hand while swaying you back and forth, almost as if to coax you into agreeing.
You sigh, "Taehyung, I was gonna discuss something with tsundere-ssi."
He scrunches his nose, releasing you from his grasp, and you almost find yourself frowning. Almost. "Lee Hana? You're hanging out with her?"
"She's not as bad as she seems, actually." You blink, facing the male as you notice his change in expression. "Why do you want to come so badly?"
"Do you wanna come over later? I'll warm the couch for us to cuddle in!" He interjects, dodging your question not as subtly as he would like to believe he's being, but you decide not to pry. You hope he'll tell you later.
"I can." He smiles his large, endearing smile, lightly cupping your cheeks before pecking your forehead, ruffling your hair and running from the scene of the crime before you have the chance to complain. You huff while inspecting your now unkempt hair, yet unconsciously smiling at his all too familiar action.
You're not too sure what connection you both have that entwines you both in this quaint, cliche tale of two college students coming together, somehow spiraling out of the usual lives you were both so used to living. Because love, for the both of you, is nothing short of overrated and frightening. There's an unusual level of uncertainty that two people on the road to self discovery can't seem to confront, especially with the unpredictability and irrationality of loving another person, along with the insecurities that come with it.
You were someone who only experienced love in occasional spurts, whilst Taehyung simply didn't want to be in love at all. At least, before. He never trusted what it had to offer, how blinding and irrational it can make a person be, how much power the person holds or how easily that person can use it to hurt someone else.
He detested it, he detested the entire idea of it, he detested the small reminders that would come in the form of doubts and fears that would keep him up at night; fears that perhaps the idea of forever and love is nothing more than a facade, a trap. It scared him. It still does. He can't help the occasional spurts of fear that would wrap around his heart in the form of a protective layer.
Though that layer only weakens as he answers the door and there you are, just like he hoped you'd be. It only seems to weaken more as you start conversation with a short, somewhat shy— "Hi, Tae." —that manages to melt his heart every single time.
"Hi, Y/n." He replies, just as giddily. He makes space for you to enter the all too familiar house as you shuffle inside, the male closing the door and following close behind. Your boyfriend takes your smaller hand in his, guiding you to the couch that served as your own getaway with him, considering how often you both seem to be in it. You didn't mind that thought one bit.
This continued for a while; lingering touches, the way he refused to let go of your hand, how we would appear from seemingly nothing. You didn't mind, not at all, but you were scared. It made it seem as if he would disappear. You were too far deep, fallen too deeply in love, more than you could have ever imagined you would with anyone. It scared you to no end.
"Tae?" You remember casually asking at some point, yet the slight strain at the end of your sentence saying otherwise. You remember him turning, his head that was resting on your lap shifting so that you filled the entirety of his peripheral, humming as a motion for you to continue. Your palms sweat, the words forming in your head and at the tip of your tongue, your heart threatening to beat out of your chest. This feeling was all too new for you, you didn't know how to handle it, and it was nothing short of unsettling.
He whispers your name, and that's all it takes for you to lose it. "Why does it seem like you're keeping something from me?" The way he looks at you so alarmingly makes you continue with your lips almost trembling, so afraid to lose someone you never thought would mean so much to you in the first place. "I-I mean, you've been... really close lately. It's- It's not a bad thing! But something just seems.. off-"
"Y/n." Taehyung says your name in one breath, whispering so lowly you barely even heard him. The sun cracks through the blinds just enough to shine on his face in the dimly lit room and he almost smiles, almost can't meet your eyes. But he holds eye contact anyway. He inhales a deep breath anyway. His lips twitch into a halfhearted smile, but you know he's slightly too stiff in the shoulders, breathing just a beat too fast. "I'm leaving soon."
Fear fear fear is beating through your chest.
"I-I'm going to follow my dream. I'm going to be a singer. I-it's what I've wanted for so long b-but- but now- with you—"
"Taehyung." You swallow hard. Your eyes are wide to read his expression that was filled with nothing but sheer desperation; a need for you to understand, a need for you to listen. You're a mess; a mess of electricity, humming with life yet with no life at all. Heart beating erratically, your lips part for no reason at all. "You're leaving?"
"Y/n-"
"Taehyung."
His mouth parts. He exhales unwillingly. He bites his lower lip to stop it from shaking, and yet when he opens his mouth to speak, it does anyway. "Yes."
You're spinning with delirium.
Hundreds of thousands of seconds pass and you want to cry and scream and run and you don't know which to do first.
You know it's for him, you know he's dreamed of this for god knows how long, you know, you know, and yet the idea of him leaving seems so unfathomable, incomprehensible, that you do the first thing you think of, your mind and your thoughts straying far, far from logic or common sense.
You get up.
"Y/n-" You ignore him.
"My love-" You ignore him.
"Wait!" You ignore him.