"I will read the books in library when recess,"Sana said before Jimin leave her in front of her class.
"Wait until I come and send you there,"Jimin pecked Sana's cheek gently. Sana smiled and gave a nod.
"Oh right,"Jimin unbuttoned the first button of her shirt. Sana widened her eyes in disbelief.
"This is what I meant before,"Jimin kissed Sana's cheek once again before he went to his class. Sana blushed, without he unbuttoned her first button there's some part on her skin which revealed the kissmark he made last night on Sana's neck. Quickly she buttoned her shirt again, at least when Jimin is not around! Sana rushed to her class because fortunately, the first lesson hasn't started yet.
SANA:
When I entered the class, I only swallowed my bitter smile when I see Yoongi's empty seat. Of course he won't attend the class, Yoongi is leaving to only God knows where. It's already two days after he left and I'm powerless to fight over Yoongi once again.
Yoongi never loves me. He detests me. He did all of this because he hates me, he already succeed to destroy me even though in the end he was the one who back off, ordered me to be happy with Jimin Oppa.
Yoongi hates me and he loves Jimin Oppa. But a half of me feels that Yoongi had never lied. His tender touch, his warm and shady eyes, his sacrifice...I felt that Yoongi loves me. But I ward away the feelings when he confessed his love to Jimin Oppa. That's why I no need to fight over him anymore.
I need not to fight my love anymore.
I should kill this feelings as fast as I can because I already made love with Jimin Oppa. I completely belong to Jimin Oppa. And I have no reason anymore to keep wanting Yoongi.
But why my heart feels so empty?
I turn around to Yoongi's empty seat again. He supposed be there today, right now. I supposed to still can see him. And maybe I can...
I can love him and hiding from this world.
*Save Me*
When Sana turned around for the umpteenth time back to Yoongi's empty seat, the girl felt her belly twirled. Is that because she's too sad?! Sana shook her head and quickly ran leaving the class because she felt something urge to threw out from her stomatch.
"Hoek!!!!" (an. Idk how to verbalize throwing up sounds in English I'm to lazy to search up lol)
Sana threw up all of her foods she ate this morning.
"Hoek!!!!"
Once again, she threw up her stomach contents, but right now what came out were only her stomach liquids.
"Hoek!"
Three times Sana puke. After she calmed down, Sana turned on the sink and washed her mouth then her face. Sana stared at the mirror in front of the sink. Stared at herself. A fear engulfed herself momentarily. She recalled that she didn't menstruate last month!
"No way...,"
Sana ducked her head, buried her face between her arms on the sink.
"No way...,"
*Save Me*
After Yoongi disappeared, life went stabile than usual. Jimin and Sana were back as the sweetest couple just like before. Tzuyu still argued and nagged Taehyung who always followed her. The other BTS members even though they worried Yoongi, but they can't find Yoongi anywhere. Only one problem that Sana hides now.
Sana almost couldn't breath when she saw the pregnancy test pack's result. There's two lines werr shown there, made Sana's legs weaken and she sat weakly onto the bathroom's floor. If she really positive got pregnant, the only father of the fetus inside her womb is only him.
Min Yoongi.
It's impossible if the father is Jimin, because Sana started to feeling nauseous after Jimin was back. Before she vomited at the school, Sana was already feeling nauseous days before only she thought it was the effect of her stress. But now....
"Sana, are you okay?"
Tzuyu knocked the door because Sana hasn't came out yet for about an hour. Sana wiped her tears and tried to gather her remaining energy. She can't hide this, sooner or later the bump will get bigger. Oh no, Sana's life is really screwed up.
"Sana, what's wrong?"Tzuyu was shocked when she saw Sana's redden eyes, even though the girl already wiped out her tears but no doubt she looked like crying.
Moreover, Sana didn't intend to hide this from Tzuyu. Sana still held the test pack until Tzuyu noticed that. Tzuyu quickly get the small item Sana held and her eyes widened almost pooped out.
"OH MY GOD!"
"Tzuyu-ah, what should I do?"Sana bit her lower lip. Upon hearing Sana's weak voice, Tzuyu woke up from her shock and looked at Sana with rounded eyes.
"We...we will talk about this calmly,"Tzuyu grabbed Sana's hand to her room. Now Tzuyu locked her room, even though there's no one inside her house but Sana and her but Tzuyu needs more privacy. Tzuyu grabbed Sana's shoulder, she didn't want Sana to fall down.
"Tell me which people ever slept with you?!"Tzuyu asked. Tzuyu quickly covered her mouth with her palm. Stupid Chou Tzuyu, of course you know the answer. Sana is not a cheap girl who easily give her body to any people especially under Taehyung and others also especially Yoongi's tight supervision.
"Did he cum inside yours?!!!"now Tzuyu's question getting coherent. Sana almost couldn't breath, it was really hard. She can't even cry anymore.
"From the start, he released his babyseeds inside my womb...,"Sana said lowly.
"Hell! No way! Impossible! You should be carefull eventhough Yoongi forced you Sana-ya!"
"But I consumed birth control pills frequently just like you did Tzuyu-ah,"Sana bit her lower lip.
"Do you remember I ever miscarriaged my baby?!"Tzuyu's voice gotten weaken but shrilling. Sana grabbed Tzuyu's pillow and buried her face on the puffy pillow. No, Sana can't cry anymore. She's frustrated, really frustrated.
"Okay okay just...calm down. We should calm down,"Tzuyu caressed Sana's hair gently.
"Do you love Yoongi?"Tzuyu asked. Another stupid question, Tzuyu already knew the answer right? She knew Sana's condition the most.
"Are you ready to leave Jimin Oppa?"now Tzuyu asked carefully, because she also knew how Sana's feelings towards Jimin. Sana wanted to cry right now. It was obvious that it's so hard to start over with Jimin. Turned out there's always obstacle and problem.
"I want to see Yoongi...,"
"Yeah, if you love him, I mean...I know that you're with Jimin too but we are talking about a life. That fetus inside your womb right now is your future baby, with the one you love. Don't make a same mistake just like me,"Tzuyu bit her lower lip. She felt sad just now, it was her and now Sana who should face this kind of fate. Why their destiny should be like this?
"Don't commit a sin that will make you regret in your lifetime,"Tzuyu now pulled Sana into her embrace, hid her tears from Sana when she recalled with her past.
"How can I see Yoongi again?"Sana asked in almost audible voice.
"I want to see Yoongi...,"
Tzuyu tightened her hug. Sana's body was trembling right now, in the beginning she didn't cry but when Sana realized how big her desire to meet Yoongi, her tears broke out.
"I will find Yoongi for you,"Tzuyu murmured.
Sana was crying for pretty long time until she fell asleep. Tzuyu caressed Sana's hair gently before she left Sana sleep on her bed. Sana that Tzuyu loves so much.
"Actually I wanted to tell you that I'll undergo a surgery...,"Tzuyu smiled bitterly.
*Save Me*
"Hmmm...,"Sana gasped weakly, sucked Jimin's lips gently which massaged her lips. After Sana done with her homeworks and Jimin finished his job, they decided to drink hot chocolate and sit in the living room, watching tv. Then it went just like what happens now, Sana sat on Jimin's lap, her arms sneaking Jimin's neck and their lips met. Jimin tilted his head to deepen his kiss and one of his hand grope Sana's breast.
"Oppa...,"Sana moaned when she felt her breast got squeezed by Jimin.
"Yes?"Jimin teased. Sana broke the kiss and their eyes met, Jimin stared at her with warm and tender eyes. Sana will sunk in Jimin's gaze if he didn't kiss her lips once again.
I love you...
Sana really wanted to say that to Jimin but she can't. All day her thoughts were messier than before. Started from her longing on Yoongi which everyday got bigger and bigger, the fact that she's pregnant with Yoongi's baby, until her mixed feelings towards Jimin. Sana felt her affection to Jimin got bigger but her guilt to him also got bigger. No. Sana can't be careless again and make Jimin cry. She can't, because Sana doesn't want that. Because of that reason why right now Sana acted normally, hugging Jimin like usual, kissed him back. Hiding her worries and guilty.
If she didn't...then once again she'll break Jimin.
Even though she knew, this is only about a time bombshell, but Sana hasn't ready yet.
It was when Jimin unbuttoned her pajama and buried his head between her cleavage to suck her skin, Sana felt her stomatch stirred and something wanted to be thrown out as soon as possible. Oh shit! This is really shit because Sana doesn't want Jimin to find out that she's pregnant!
"Oppa...,"Sana tried to stop Jimin who now licked Sana's mound.
"Wait Oppa...I need to pee,"Sana said. Jimin released Sana and stared at her confusedly. Sana only gave a clumsy smile then she rushed leaving Jimin and locked the bathroom.
Without let out too loud sound, Sana threw out all of her contents. Even though all day she didn't eat too much until now there's nothing that came out from Sana's stomatch but water, she still felt nauseous. Sana stared at her face on the mirror. It was so pale. If Jimin noticed that it will be dangerous. Quickly Sana wiped her mouth and took her lip tint then smeared them on her lips.
"Yoongi...what should I do...,"
The Sana right now, felt powerless without Yoongi beside her.
*Save Me*
Day by day that Sana went through became futher away. She had no idea how many steps she already left her past, forgetting him. She had no idea how many liter of tears she lost upon mourn on her messy life. Then...she had no idea how many weeks her pregnancy is.
Sana lost her smile even more, her sincere smile even in front of Jimin and either Tzuyu. Sana too often crying alone, feeling her heart festered everyday because of too crave, too lost, too guilty and regret. She visited the lake where she and Yoongi used to meet. Hoped Yoongi will eventually appear in front of or behind her, because magically everytime she visited the lake she always met Yoongi but right now Yoongi is nowhere.
Today Sana became more chaotic because she just knew from Taehyung that Tzuyu will undergo a surgery. What surgery? Tzuyu never -able- told her about that. Considering how the disease work, Sana can't calm. All day she didn't focus on the lessons just to wait the school over. She will go to the hospital and accompany Tzuyu. If it's Tzuyu, Sana can forget everything. Sana can forget that her deepest sadness is losing Yoongi, or Jimin's problem and her pregnancy. Tzuyu is the most important more than anything in this world for Sana. Remember that Tzuyu is the one who gave Sana a reason to keep optimism with her life? Tzuyu opened Sana's eyes, she's the person who saved Sana when she lost the meaning of her life.
"No matter how hard your life is. No matter how bad it is until everyday you only can cry and got hurt. There's always someone who can protect you in this world, there's someone who will cry if you're gone. So, don't die! If you haven't met that person yet, go find it! Don't stop to find that person. That's what we call with fight your life! Don't ever think to die again!"
The person is Chou Tzuyu.
"Baby, we're arrived,"
Sana woke up from her daydream. Turned out she already inside a car, right at the hospital parking lot and with Jimin. Jimin caressed Sana's hair gently and smiled slightly, understood Sana's uneasy heart.
"Everything will be alright, Taehyung already booked first class room in this hospital. So don't worry, because he's the one who will be panic the most if something happened to Tzuyu,"Jimin chuckled when he remembered Taehyung. Sana gave a relief smile and nodded.
"Then let's go,"Jimin said.
"Yes Oppa,"Sana unbuckled her seatbelt and hopped out the car.
It was when Sana walked with empty head, not too focus with her surroundings. What was on her mind is only Tzuyu's smile before today, Tzuyu who was still nagging in irritation because Taehyung was too captious about her pills. Tzuyu who said that she will find Yoongi as fast as she can and drag the man to Sana's face to take responsible. When Sana passed some people who stood in front of emergency room, Sana's step was halted and quickly she snatched something from a man who was chatting with his friend.
"Dear?!"Jimin was startled when seeing her action.
"This!"Sana was staring at something that guy held with her shocked expression. She quickly snatched the item and flipped it. Sana was frozen when she found 'it'.
"Where's the person who have this beanie?!"
"Eh? Sana?"Jimin took the blue beanie Sana held. There's printed MY initial name. Jimin immediately got bad feeling about this and looked at the guy, waiting for an answer.
"I'm sorry is this your acquaintance's belonging? I found it in Itaewon two weeks ago. You know, the suicide case two weeks ago? I wasn't able to see the guy who jumped from 8th floor, but I managed to take this beanie on the scene,"
Sana's world felt like ruined after hearing the guy's explanation. He was still talking but Sana can't hear anything again. The guy asked her something but Sana doesn't know what he was asking about. Her head suddenly felt hurt. Too hurt. Her breath started heavy and difficult. The next second what Sana heard in the end was Jimin's scream before her world turned a pitch black.
Why do our life should end like this?