Oh God, at this rate I'm going to disappear
Got buried to the deepest of earth
And destroyed by the love
🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸
"Why do you cry? I'm here,"
Sana felt her body got embraced by a strong arm, not as strong as the one who used to embrace her but it's familiar and she yearned for. His soft warm breath was rushing against her crook, his soft hair that brushed against her hair also his heartbeats that she felt even in a thick air.
How long have it been?
"I won't leave you again,"
Sana felt her crown got a tender kiss. Warmth was spreading through her body, filling her chest. Both of her hands were searching for familiar fingers that surely hers, surely for her, which always held her hands gently. When she found what she was looking for, then interlocked their fingers, Sana raised her face and met his hazelnut orbs. The sparkling eyes, are staring at her in a tender and loving way.
"If I happen to leave again, you come with me,"Jimin smiled gently. The smile that eventually filled Sana's dream, made her longing the most. Park Jimin is hers, not other's. He belongs to her. That smile, eyes, nose, fingers, hair, skin, everything belong to Sana. Sana felt possessive just now. Maybe the effect of a hidden yearn?
When Jimin raised his hand to touch Sana's cheek, was the time when she felt something isn't right. Sana's heart skipped a beat. No way! This couldn't be happen! Why it could be so damaged?!
"Oppa, what had you been through?"Sana sobbed while reached his knuckles which are full of scars, bruises and...cutlet scar on his wrist?
Jimin's smile faded away. When Sana realized, Jimin already lost his senses.
***
"Mr. Kim! Mr.Kim! This is emergency! He tried to commit suicide!"
Mr. Kim rushed into Jimin's office that locked from outside and guarded by bodyguards' layer. Only Mr. Kim, Presdir Park and his wife also the maids that allowed to enter the room the whole time. How heartbreaking when he saw that pitiful guy is lying down on the couch with bloods flowing down to the floor. A blood stained cutter was on the floor near the couch. Jimin tried to cut his wrist and waited for death to pick him up.
No. That's not what Jimin actually means. No matter what the reason and way is, as long as that could make him out from the prison in this luxurious building. If trying to commit suicide and dying could make him got rushed to the hospital, then he will run away as far as he can. Run away from this family, back to Sana's side and start a new life.
"Young Master this is not right!"Jimin smiled coldly after hearing Mr. Kim's words. Even though his head was already heavy, his vision already blurred, Jimin still could feel Mr. Kim carried his body and rushed him leaving the room.
Thought that his plan will work but actually after Jimin woke up, he was back to his room. In the same room. He had been slept for three days straight...with anaesthetic help which made him didn't realize that they already brought him back the room again. How imprisoned.
What is Park Jimin's sin? Does he really not deserve to be born in this world with his own reasons?
***
Like a dream, now Jimin already in Sana's embrace. Even though he was sure that his family won't leave him alone, but Jimin vowed that he won't let go of Sana. Run away to the other side of world? Leave his status? Dump his current life? Only that ideas that filled Jimin's mind.
"Oppa, please don't get involved with that bad guys again,"Sana begged.
Hell yeah, Jimin lied. Same with when his fist bruised a couple months ago, Jimin lied again. He said that the scars and cutlet scar in his wrist are because he fought in China due his business matter. He told Sana that there's people who want to destroy their business and Jimin was trapped, fortunately Mr. Kim quickly came and brought polices and everything had set down. Yeah, that's all Jimin's made story. Sana plainly believed that, pissed off by the people who hurt her lover then begged Jimin to overcome the problem more carefully next time.
"It will never be happen again Sweetheart, don't worry,"Jimin pecked Sana's temple then her lips. He smiled when seeing the girl he misses, loves, and the only reason why he's here then he brought Sana to his passionate kiss again. Deeper and longer.
I'll get destroyed.
***
Sana woke up and found a sleeping figure beside her. She roamed around her gaze to the room that she had left for so long. Now she's already here again, back to Jimin. Jimin who is sleeping soundly beside her, still on their clothes. What Jimin did to Sana are only kiss and hug her, never more. How happy, how sheltered and appreciated she is by her own lover. But why it felt so weird?
This is not a black-white theme room with shirtless handsome figure who only covered by white blanket sleeping soundly beside her. The face she stared right not is the face that always filled her days before, so familiar and full of love but why felt so weird? Sana felt weird how she used to went through the nights with Yoongi, stared at his face before and after she slept and now it swifted to Jimin who literally already with her earlier than Yoongi. The guy who supposed to be by herside. But Sana felt her heart is empty.
Yoongi...what is he doing right now? Can he sleep? Is his wound still hurt? That's what inside Sana's mind. Sana quickly shook her head, realized that this is completely wrong. Even though she knew, her heart already fell to the person who destroyed her yet she pitied the most. Looking at Jimin, Sana still feels the same feelings she had before...she likes him, she wants him.
But not as big as what she feels with Yoongi.
Tired. That what's Sana felt. She had no idea how she already changed into a very cruel person to Jimin if she kept thinking about Yoongi like now. Sana left her bed and entered the bathroom. She thought in bathroom she could cool down her head and get back to her senses. Sana decided to drown her head onto cold water.
Yoongi likes Jimin. It's useless for her to miss Yoongi. She won't be loved. Were what crossing Sana's mind.
***
Yoongi hasn't sleep yet even though clock on the wall already pointed it's pin to number 2. He still stood in front of his apartment's huge window, looking at the calm city scenery in early morning. Only dim moonlight which illuminated his dark apartement room. The apartement which he felt more quiet and empty.
Yesterday Sana was still here.
Yoongi knew, wishing that Sana would still be by his side tonight is an impossible thing. The queen is already back to her place, her right position, to her king's side. Yoongi is only a knight who's hiding in the shadows. Hiding everything. His feelings and solitude. Only able to hold the memories when Sana was still there by his side, the times that they went through together remains in his heart. Every bitter and tragic memories that they went through, until the sweetest yet painful things they ever experienced. Never did Yoongi feel happy, truly happy without any sadness and pain. Every time he was with Sana –after he realized his actual feelings- Yoongi has always felt happy and also pain. Even when he was able to laugh at the theme park the last day, Yoongi still felt that Sana is so far away from him, far from his grip, Sana sooner or later will leave and disappear.
What Yoongi feels right now is more painful than when Jimin locked his world from everything and opened his world again but ran further to only Sana. Sana wants him and he gives himself to Sana but Sana is not belong to him. Sana would never belong to him. He is resctricted to snatch Sana from someone dear to him.
"Is this the true love?"Yoongi sighed.
Yoongi wanted to get drown into the darkness and silence. If he can't reach his light once again, let him sunk and got buried or vanished within the wind because of every impossible loves he has in his lifetime.
Even tears can't come out anymore. For what? If things won't go better and in fact his heart is not at crying stage anymore, it's bleeding.
*Save Me*
Sana only let out a bitter smile. Early morning, she went to school –again- with Jimin and in the beginning everything went as normal as it used to be, only Jimin's hysterical fans screams echoed all the hallway to celebrate and cries over their idol's comeback. But back off buddies! Jimin is Sana's and their fingers kept interlocking all the hallway. Until they met BTS boys at their usual place, Sana let go off her grip when she met Yoongi's eyes.
"Dude! I thought yesterday we have to meet at the clubhouse!"Jin smacked Jimin's shoulder lightly, Jimin only laughed.
"Hyung, we already waited for 3 fuckin hours, then finally these assholes only got drunk,"Jungkook pointed at Hoseok, Namjoon Jin and Taehyung. Jimin once again only let out a cheeky laugh, feeling guilty yet not so guilty. He was nearly serious when he said he will come to the clubhouse, but Sana cried all the day how could he leave Sana alone?
"Sana-ya, can we borrow this Hyung today?"Jungkook asked to the milky white girl. Sana who got dumbfounded when hearing their protests to Jimin immediately laughed and gave a small nod.
"Omo Oppa, what do you guys talking about? Jimin Oppa is not a stuff and he has rights to hang out with you all,"Sana smiled.
"But I don't want to go with them, just let them alone,"Jimin joked.
"What the hell Chim!"Hoseok yelled in disbelief. Jimin let a loud laugh immediately when seeing that dancing manchine got upset.
"Hahaha. Kidding. I'm sorry I just got tired yesterday so...well today I'll treat you all,"Jimin patted Hoseok's back.
"Yeah! Let's rent the clubhouse and don't let anyone else to enter!"Jin said in excitement.
"Hell no! If the clubhouse is restricted from other people it won't be fun!"Hoseok smacked Jin's head.
"Gosh! I know you just want to hit the girls, right?! What a jerk!"Jin retorted.
"What if we invite all sexy girls in Seoul?"Namjoon suggested while rubbed his chin.
"Whoa, we will have a big party tonight!"Hoseok looked so excited.
Sana only widened her eyes upon hearing these handsome metrosexual guys in front of her. She already knew that the most famous rich kids in this school which are called as kingkas are all including with rich handsome and playboy kids. Now she started to think whether Jimin ever slept with other girl like Yoongi was? Maybe yes. And is that possible that one of the girls would be Seulgi?
"Easy, in my lifetime I've never seen Jimin touched any girl but you,"Sana jolted when suddenly Taehyung approached her and whispered in her ear. Taehyung gave a tender smile when he met eyes with Sana, he really knew that Sana is uneasy right now. While Yoongi in other hand, only fell in his silence- as always- sat on the bench while watching them from the edge.
"This is the perfect time to get Yoongi a girl. You should have fun too Yoongi-ah!"Jin patted Yoongi's shoulder. Sana quickly landed her sight to Yoongi and her heart almost stop. Girl? Is that means....
"Damn how lucky you are Yoongs! You definitely can get Seo Jisoo again. She just want to fuck with you. Holy crap that girl,"Hoseok fumed, he has eyes on Jisoo ever since for so long time.
Hurt. Sana bit her lower lip hardly. She never heard that name, never knew that Yoongi ever had sex with her. Whether everything already began from the beginning or after he came to Sana's life that Yoongi fucked Seo Jisoo. Sana felt her body trembling, almost lose it's stability. Her knee weakened.
"Hyung, what if you try to start a new with Jisoo. Maybe you can fall in love,"Jungkook patted Yoongi's back lightly.
"That's right, I think only with Seo Jisoo you had sex more that once. There should be a chemistry between you guys,"Namjoon hummed.
"Yah,"Yoongi rolled his eyes lazily, he doesn't want these boys continue the talk.
"Oh really Yoongi? That's good. Isn't Seo Jisoo a good girl?"Jimin asked. Yoongi let out a heavy breath when hearing that from Jimin. Then he stared at Jimin with sad eyes, hoping that Jimin will understand the meaning behind his stare but he knows that Jimin won't ever understand. Immediately the situation got heavy. It just not that they don't know, or pretending to be blind, but every BTS members know that Yoongi has a special feelings to Jimin. They know, but they only let themselves to be at the stage of 'just know' and it's enough, no need to get involved, that's their principle.
Sana forced herself to smile when seeing Yoongi's expression. The broken, sorrowful, and pained expression. Sana acknowledged that because Yoongi loves Jimin. Sana only doesn't know that Yoongi indeed got hurt, but Yoongi got suppressed not because of Jimin. That's because he saw Sana's almost cry expression upon hearing the bullshits about Seo Jisoo from his brothers. Upon seeing the girl he loves bit her lower lip hardly to shift the pains in her heart.
"Sana, I got a message from Tzuyu. She's looking for you,"Taehyung broke the awkward moment between them. Taehyung smiled gently when Sana turned around to him. Taehyung knew someone need to be rescued here. Yoongi and Sana. Yoongi who is not able to rescue Sana and Sana who have no idea how to run away from them and cry to loosen her jealousy. Only with this way, Taehyung could release what chained them right now.
"Ah, come on. I'll send you to Tzuyu's class,"Jimin looked at Sana.
"I also want to meet Tzuyu. Just let Sana with me, she's save," Taehyung said while signed Sana to follow him.
"Right Oppa, I'm okay. See you later,"Sana asked for permission to the boys. Without waiting for Jimin's response, Sana quickly tip toed and kissed her lover's cheek then leave. Sana breathed in relief when she followed Taehyung's steps. The atmosphere that surround them before was really unpleasant. Too many hearts got hurt, but it's unspeakable with words.
*Save Me*
"Sana, I'm sorry,"
Sana sat beside Taehyung in one of tribun seat. They were at basketball indoor field which is rare to be visited at time like now. At first Sana got confused because Taehyung didn't send her to Tzuyu's place, but she still followed this guy until they're here.
"Why are you sorry Taehyung-ah?"Sana got confused.
Taehyung looked at Sana and smiled sadly, feeling guilty.
"If only I could protect you from him, maybe everything won't turn out like now. Not this complicated,"Taehyung said.
"What do you mean?"
"I supposed to protect you from Yoongi. So you would never get involved with him and everything went too late,"
Sana almost couldn't breathe normally when she looked at Taehyung in disbelief. Sana knew that Tzuyu realized her feelings right now, figured out her secret, but she can't believe that Taehyung also knew about that.
"Even I got slapped by your bestfriend because I'm too late to save everyone,"Taehyung laughed bitterly.
Tzuyu and Taehyung know Sana's secret.
"Plase, don't tell this to Jimin Oppa!"Sana grabbed Taehyung's shoulders and looked at him with anxious.
"Please don't break Jimin Oppa too!"
Taehyung bit his lower lip, looked at Sana with heartache stare.
"I already destroyed Yoongi's life! I don't want to make Jimin Oppa cry too!"Sana shouted. Taehyung pulled Sana to his embrace and then Sana's cry broke out.
"I don't want...at least there's one more people that means a lot to me and I don't want to destroy him too. I don't want to see Jimin Oppa cry just like Yoongi! I don't want Jimin Oppa suffering like Yoongi! I've already done cruel things to Yoongi by owning Jimin the one he loves, even though in the end i...I break the one I love...I don't want the other one I love is suffering too! So don't tell anyone else about this...to Jimin Oppa...that I and Yoongi...,"Sana's voice hoarsed and almost run out. Taehyung clenched his fist hardly, feeling every throb of pains that Sana threw. It was so painful and aching in Taehyung's heart as well.
"Sana, calm down...,"Taehyung stroked Sana's back.
"I'm drowning Taehyung-ah! I don't want to be like this. It's not myself! But I can't stop my feelings to Yoongi. I can't!"Sana sobbed.
"And I don't want to destroy Jimin Oppa,"
"I know...that's why just calm down,"Taehyung caressed Sana's hair. Sana was still crying in Taehyung's embrace. Made Taehyung really regret that everything already went too late. Taehyung's late arrival to prevent that hatred feelings to love already destroyed Sana deep inside.
"Please stay strong Sana-ah...at least to make Jimin happy,"Taehyung swallowed his saliva when he said that. It was so not fair for Yoongi but everything already too late. The persons who have more rights to be saved are Sana and Jimin. Jimin has more rights to Sana. Jimin who they want to make happy from a long time ago, the one they want to make him to appreciate his existence in this world. After Jimin felt how's the feeling of being a real human, the person who deserve to live and reach everything he wants in this world, Taehyung knew that their purpose already accomplished and they can't just destroy it again.
They can't. Please understand. Both of the boys are having miserable life. Jimin has no one beside him, has no one who love him properly, who want his existence aside of become a heir of the biggest business kingdom in ASIA. Right after he was born, Jimin's rights are already snatched away. Then how about Yoongi? Yoongi who has miserable and unfortunate life, who almost got killed by his step father, who witnessed his mother hung herself in front of his eyes when he was child, who got shackled for days, imprisoned in his house's basement with infected wounds everywhere, yet he came to Jimin and offered him a place. His existence. His heart. But Yoongi wasn't able to reach Jimin. Right when Jimin found that person, Yoongi lost everything. Then when Yoongi found the person he truly loves, the only one he wants in this world, Jimin could lose everything.
Taehyung stopped caressing Sana's hair when he felt someone's presence between them. Yoongi. Yoongi who stared at Sana with heartsick eyes. Taehyung then released his hug and Sana could notice Yoongi's presence.
"Taehyung-ah, give me time with Sana,"Yoongi asked.
"I want to finish everything,"Yoongi continued. Sana felt all her body got weaken, she can't let go of Taehyung and buried her head in Taehyung's chest even deeper, she cried even louder because she doesn't want anything that Yoongi will tell to happen. But Taehyung knew that everything won't be solved if she kept being like this, slowly Taehyung released Sana's body and smiled gently to her, assuring her that everything will be alright.
"Hyung,"Taehyung looked at Yoongi with meaningful eyes. Taehyung doesn't want to see Yoongi broken, hurt himself or else. Taehyung wanted Yoongi to be stronger and wiser. Even though yes, it's not fair for Yoongi, considering Sana is already become the only one in his life. Even Yoongi didn't think enough when he jumped in between Sana and the criminal who wanted to stab her, Yoongi didn't waver to protect Sana with his life. Even though it's hurt but Yoongi should know his place right? Jimin also has rights on Sana, Jimin already owning Sana before him.
"Why do you cry?"Yoongi asked, looked at Sana with his icy and sharp gaze. He deliberately do that so Sana will feel terrored just like before, not love that he unconsciously showed to Sana. Well, indeed, Yoongi was already careless and he regretted that. If only he was not weak, careless which made Sana able to enter his deepest heart, everything won't turned out like now.
"Taehyung is right. You should make Jimin happy,"Yoongi still stood in front of Sana, looked at Sana who was sitting in front of him with tears were still flowing down. Yoongi smiled cynically even he himself can not cry anymore, yet Sana always cries everyday.
"Forget what you said that night. You won't own me, that's impossible,"Yoongi stared at her in painful face just now. It was because he lied. Of course Sana is already owning him, she owns his heart, because right now, he felt his feelings are all gone, got carried away with this girl who always cry.
"And stop crying,"now Yoongi kneeled down in front of Sana, wiped her tears. However he already vowed to himself, he won't hurt Sana again. He won't back to the old Yoongi who tormented Sana's body and feelings. He is this girl's hostage. Unfortunately, he won't let the owner know that.
"You cry too much and that's not suit you,"Yoongi said in soften voice.
Sana raised her face to look at Yoongi's face. Between the tears that brimming on her eyes, Sana managed to look at Yoongi's face yet it blurry, he stared at Sana with bitter smile. Sana doesn't get Yoongi's game plot, even though Yoongi said that the war is over but she still felt that Yoongi is trying to torment her. Torment her because she's indeed got tormented. He already succeed to make Sana falling in love with him and make her got hurt because she hurt Jimin at once she wants Yoongi. Sana already gave everything to Yoongi, everything even though Sana thinks she would never get Yoongi's heart.
"I can't go back to Jimin,"Sana also can't go back to Jimin's side. Even though she forced, because she still felt the same feelings to Jimin but she just can't now. How will she explain to him that she's not virgin anymore? She would only destroy Jimin with that. Ah...everything felt so wrong! No matter what she did, decided, in the end it'll lead her to destroy all side.
"Forget what we had already went through these whole time. He will forgive you, no matter what happen,"Yoongi wanted to pull Sana to his embrace. Once again. Because he thought this will be the last time for him, really the last time. Yoongi wanted to feel the existence of the first and only person who replied his love for the last time.
"May I kiss you for the last time?"Sana asked. Yoongi swallowed his tears, he can't cry again because his heart is hurt, too deep. It hurts to hear Sana's last request. This is a goodbye.
"You may, I'm yours for a moment, my lady,"Yoongi stood up from his position and tugged Sana to sit on his lap, closed the gap between them, held her closer to him. Considering that the request came from Sana's mouth earlier than him, it's Sana who suppose to kiss him first but thinking that it's Yoongi's request too –which only appeared inside his heart- Yoongi got Sana's lips first. Gently he pecked her lips, then kissed her, massaged her lips with rhythm before he nipped her lower lip. When her lips gave a small gap, Yoongi shoved his tongue inside her wet cavern, roaming inside her warm mouth, swiping out all part inside her cavern. This intimate touch will be the last, Yoongi vowed this will be the last time. And after this, he should let her go and pray to God for this girl to forget him.
With these kisses...I hope you can forget me. But I swear to God, I'm forever yours.
🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸
Fyi guys the Jisoo from the club isn't Jisoo Blackpink, it's Seo Jisoo of Lovelyz.
Well then, don't forget to comment 😉