Help me. I'm drowning. I have to stay strong though. And it's hard. Really hard. Ever since I told Collins about all my problems a few years ago, I expressed my feelings and told people what was going on. But now, I can't. Bailey is afraid, so I have to pretend I'm not, and I have to pretend everything is fine... even though it's not.
My life is ruined.
Everything I love, might as well say goodbye to it.
Collins is getting married, he's going to move to San Francisco most likely.
I'm gonna be a flipping father, I got kicked out and I have to live in this shit hole. This. House. Is. Garbage.
It's like I got pulled out by the rip tide when I was 15, and I had just reached the shore, but then I got pulled out again. And I'm struggling to stay alive. I'm crying for help but no one can hear my screams.
It just gets worse and worse everyday, harder and harder to fight the huge waves trying to drown me. And I know one day I'll drown.
I'm laying on the bathroom floor screaming for help at the top of my lungs, but yet no one can hear me. Tears roll down my cheeks as I fight to stay alive, for Bailey. For my future twins.
I know, I sound very childish when I say I'm scared. But these feeling are real.
I lay in bed every night and I wait for Bailey to fall asleep so she can't hear my soft cries.
It'd break her heart if she knew.
And I know I swore I would stay with her through all of this. But the truth is, I want to break up. It's too much for me. I'm stressed, and confused and I'm pretty much always having a panic attack whenever Bailey's not around. I love her, but it's just getting too much. I need to break up with her. But I'm going to talk to her dad. Try to get things right with him. She doesn't need a person like me in her life, one day she'll realize how much better her life would be without me.
I just need help, I'm drowning and she's blind to it.