"Are you ready for this?" I asked, looking at Alix out of the corner of my eye. "I don't think I am."
"Me neither. But this isn't about what we want. I don't think it ever has been." He sighed and walked in without another word.
I looked up at the new base, the old, tall hotel rising up like a gnarled tree that had to fight against the elements over the ages. It was dilapidated and looked so empty I never would have looked twice at it. But now, we would go in and try to act like we belonged. I felt more out of place here than at any ball. I was afraid. The tunnels under the streets had been my home, but this was like opening the door of your home to find a stranger having moved in. It was all my fault, so I did not have the right to complain. I would have to deal.
We walked into the Magia with masks on. We were well known, as Department Heads. Scrap and Blade, back again, undead. We had been gone for quite a time, but many people were missing or gone. They had not been able to find a lot of people, so we were a happy surprise. Hooray.
The hotel was ragged and old with moldy carpets and wooden beams in the ceiling that looked like they might fall at any moment. I could hear things moving in the walls, and shuddered at the thought of what could be in them.
A man I did not recognize came up to meet us. With a flat expression, the man around his late twenties said, "There is a Department Head meeting right now. You may proceed to the Presidential Suite. I have been sent to escort you." He frowned at us both, turning quickly and walking hurriedly up the stairs. I gave Alix a questioning look and he just shrugged. We walked up the stairs and Alix was slow, staring at our feet the entire time.
We followed the man into a large room where all the hotel furniture had disappeared in lieu of a long desk. People were emphatically discussing a topic I was unable to hear. Some were standing, some were waving their fists, but the scary ones were the ones who were sitting complacently with thoughtful looks on their face. Those were the ones to impress.
When we walked in, only a few Heads even looked our way. I saw jaws drop as they did, and eventually the room fell silent. I walked up to the table, giving a respectful nod to Rampart. We were not friends, but had a trust built on mutual respect. "Hello," I said casually.
"Scrap," Rampart said steadily. I could see the ghost of a smile on his face. "You're not dead."
"No, sir. Not today. I see you've garnered a promotion."
"Comes with a nice shiny badge," he informed. "Along with a lot of other shit to handle, like some of these useless sacks of weight. Good to see you back."
"Sadly, it's not for just the pleasure of your company. I've got a mission request."
"You come here after months and you have a request from me? This had better be good. Everyone sit." Everyone sat, turning their eyes to me expectantly.
I took a deep breath and waited a moment before pulling off my hood, letting my blonde curls fall out, and then took off my mask, slipping it into my pocket. I stood in front of my Magia friends as Guinevere for the first time. It felt good to have people know my true identity. I felt Alex standing behind me, cooled right like a spring, ready to defend us if anything went wrong.
I heard more than one gasp, and saw many faces of wide eyes and open mouths in absolute shock. One lady's coffee mug slipped right through her fingers and cracked in half when it hit the floor. The cup was mostly empty, but some brown coffee stained the carpet. The room had been effectively quieted. I said nothing, waiting for one of them to react with their words. "My Queen," Rampart said sarcastically. "What can we do for you? You destroyed our base, yet you come to us for help."
"Taking off a mask does not make me a different person. I'm still Scrap, and I helped build that base from the ground up. Or, well, from the ground down. But my point stands."
Everyone begins speaking at once. They were chattering to each other, yelling at me, or talking to Rampart about what they should do. I slammed my palm against the table, hard, and people quieted once again. "I regret my previous actions, and I am the best chance you have to regain territory and power."
Rampart looked silent and thoughtful, eyebrows scrunched together. "What do you propose? How do we know that you won't turn on us? That this isn't a trap?"
Blade stepped up. "She's an institution here. Scrap has always been around, and I know that she would never betray us. She's probably helped each and every one of you at some point. She's loyal."
When some still looked hesitant, I continued. "You know me. This has been my home since I was eight. I'm a Department Head, and I've been loyal for years. I blew up your base because you came in and killed my family. I've made my peace, but even in the bombings I bombed entrances without telling any secrets of the Magia."
Rampart replied, "You're not a Department Head anymore, Scrap. You've been gone for months. Blade has come in consistently, but you have not. You know Sweet from the Department of Stealth. She's the DHStealth now."
"What?" I said under my breath. The words crashed into my ears like waves, befuddling my ability to talk. They had replaced me? Replaced? Me? It made sense, but I hadn't thought about it. They replaced me? With her? Sweet was a short and small young woman in my department who had always been an asset for sneaking into small places. She would not have been my appointment, but as I was locked up in a tower, I had not had a say in the matter.
Sweet waves at me. She was sweet, but I had to force my eyes away from her and the chair she was sitting in. I said, "For the record, the reason I didn't come in was because I was in jail. I was locked in a cell while being tortured and I never told Magia secrets. But whatever." I cleared my throat. "I would like to reclaim my throne from Ralphus, the Imposter King."
The room was silent but for Rampart's laughter. "Why would we help? Because of our loyalty? This is an organization run on need, not favors."
"The reign of King Ralphus Falkland has been disastrous for peasants, yes? I happen to know that's a field you all are interested in. I would make better wages, less sanctioned street punishment, more distribution of food. Food. Isn't that the international currency of the world? You know me, and you have the power to influence my decisions. There's no way I could be worse than Ralphus."
Rampart turned to the rest of his companions. "We will discuss."
Alix moved to take his seat at the table of Department Heads, but Rampart waved him off with a quick wave. "We already know your view of this. Be gone."
We left the room, shutting the door with slow hands. Alix was already talking under his breath, probably mostly to himself. "They're going to help us. They have to. It just makes sense."
I put a hand on the small of his back. "I think they'll help us. Don't worry. We'll save your sister."
He nodded. "I'm worried about that, of course. But I also want to help all the people suffering because of Ralphus's laws, you know? Those people are important to me, too. You're gonna be a much better queen."
"Thank you. You're very kind," I replied, looking back at the suite door as we walked away.
"I know you. You're going to make the world a better place. More food, magic, and happiness than ever before for the average person." We descended the stairs, me holding onto his arm. "Right?" he asked when I said nothing.
"Well..." I avoided eye contact with him until we got down the stairs.
"Well what? Are you saying that you're not going to give anything more out? You're going to be just like Ralphus and Ector?" He stepped close to me and I could see the hurt encapsulated in his blue eyes.
"No, no. The people will have food...but I talked to Ralphus, and have you ever thought about what giving magic to peasants would do to the nobles? To me?"
He shook his head. "To you? Have you ever looked outside your damn window and seen all of the people struggling because of you? They're not just 'peasants.' They're people. My people are dying, and they will continue to die if you sit around in your little castle and do nothing. Are you seriously trusting the man who beat you over me?"
I chewed on my lip, and could feel tears taking form in my eyes. "No, he's just put some logical thought into it. Even if he's cruel, he's smart. You have to be smart to conquer a kingdom."
"And I'm an idiot? I'm stupid because I want my people to live better lives than the rats in the streets? Because I want them to have a life that's more than just wondering what their next meal will be—or if they'll have one at all? I was that kid, the one who was starving on the streets."
He clenched his fist into a ball and I stared at it to avoid looking at his face. "They'll have food," I said.
"But not enough. You can't have them being strong enough to rebel, right? Right? Maybe I have put some thought into this, maybe I'm not just some idiot who can't read. What I do know—what I do know perfectly well is that you're going to make my people suffer so that yours can stay in their wealthy lives."
"They are my people, too. I live in this country, I own it, I've spent so many nights of the year among these people. I know how they live and I'll make sure that live as best as fit."
"They are not your people," he said with disgust in his voice. His hand unclenched and he stepped back from me. "Anyone who says they own a country is nothing but a tyrant."
"That's not fair." I felt my face puckering up in lines at my cheeks, my eyes, and my nose to keep from crying.
"You know what's not fair? Us dying because of whatever standard you see 'fit.' These aren't your people, no matter how much you pretend to belong in the Magia. You've never starved a day in your life, sitting up there in that castle in your perfect life. You've never seen the one you love most, dying in front of you from something that could be prevented if someone in that castle gave you some of that overabundance of food."
"Don't talk to me about watching the ones you love die!" My tears dropped out, because I was thinking of her.
He knew what I was thinking. He turned the conversation on my mother, and I could only listen as hideous words came out of his mouth. "Have you ever thought that maybe she was complacent, too? Queen Corliss. So kind that people died on the streets."
"That was never her fault! Shut up!" Now I was screaming, trying to get all this anger out through my mouth. I expected someone to come break it up, but no one did. There was no one to save me from this. "I'm not the bad guy here. People would die, if they had enough food, weapons, supplies, magic. They'd kill every noble, and then they would kill me. Do you want me to die?"
"Have you ever thought that if you gave people food, they might not hate you?" he asked.
My arms waved all over, trying to show how much I had thought about this. "Do you think that matters to them? It would never be enough, we're a small country, we don't make much food. Did you know that there was a huge crop failure recently? And the Magia tried to kill me back when I was an innocent girl. They knew I was raised by Ector, so they tried to kill me. Who says they wouldn't do that again?"
"Excuses! That's all a load of complete crap! You know they wouldn't kill you if you distributed what you had. In that stupid castle of yours, you have enough food to feed the whole city. So why lie? Just tell the truth. You like to think you have a family in the Magia, but you're really just there so you can be better than all of us 'peasants.' You enjoy stepping on everyone else so that you can stay comfortable. And that's how I know you'll do it. You're never going to give up anything that's yours because you've always loved comfort. Safety. Security. I told you that one time when you were Scrap and I could say what I actually meant. I thought you changed, or that maybe it wasn't a big deal. But it is. You're still so selfish!"
I said nothing.
"Have you ever thought about anyone else a day in your life? Why would you have to, right? Your life is perfect. You walk through the streets, but you're blind to what people truly go through. You haven't suffered what they've suffered. You haven't suffered what I've suffered." He shook his head, over and over again, before he said something new.
"I can't be with you if you let my people suffer."
My tears started to fall. I looked down at the ground. My chest felt like a gust of wind had knocked straight into me, blowing all of the air out of my lungs. "Maybe that's for the best. Even if I'm selfish, that doesn't make you not mean."
He shook his head in disgust. "I can't even believe you. I'm mean because you need to realize who you really are—the Guin I know is there, hiding inside this selfish brat—and pull your shit back together. I'll be around when you do. And if you don't...then good-bye, my Queen."
My eyes stayed locked on his. "I don't like ultimatums."
"Funny. The world doesn't revolve around you this time," he said. Then he turned and walked away without another word. The world had caved in around me and no one even cared.