I stood outside his door as if crossing the threshold would be like taking a step into a great, unchartered black abyss. This wasn't as dramatic as it sounds because it was an abyss of sorts. If I stepped into his apartment-in the daytime-I would be plunging into something that would take our relationship from awkward boss with ex-benefits, to awkward boss with ex-benefits and pancakes together in the morning.
"I think I'm going to go back to my place."
He unlocked the door and held it open for me like a gentlemen. "Pancakes, Sera. Innocent pancakes. There's nothing sinister about batter being flung into a pan."
"Um I don't know. It's all just a bit strange."
"What is?"
I rubbed my forehead and I swear I felt an actual sweat bead icicle. "Why are you doing this? Taking such an..." I could barely say the word out loud. "...an interest in me? Is it a joke? I mean, are you being serious?"
Ben walked up to me. Close. Too close. "Why you? Are you being serious?"
I nodded.
"Okay..." he said moving even closer. Way, way too close. He deliberately, and very inappropriately, pressed his body into mine now and I tried to hold down a breathy gasp, but couldn't manage it. "It may have something to do with the fact that I met the funniest, craziest, most beautiful girl at a club one night and then had the best, the best, sex of my life with her. Something that felt like so much more. And then, just when I was about to go looking for her, she landed right in front of me. I can't help wondering if it's fate."
My face flushed red-hot at the out-loud acknowledgement of the sex we'd had. Yes, it had pretty much taken the cake for the best sex I'd ever had, too, and, yes, it had definitely felt different in some way. In a way I wasn't sure I understood yet. I was rendered speechless by his confession. My tongue tied itself into knots and then the cat stole it.
"I don't date, Ben. And certainly not my boss."
"Why not?"
"You don't want to date me. Believe me."
"Why?"
"If you knew the kind of complications I come with, you'd keep away."
"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?"
I sighed loudly and shook my head. "No. It's not going to happen."
He looked deflated for a moment and then smiled again. "Does that mean we can't be friends either?"
Clearly he wasn't going to give up. I let out a resigned sigh. "Sure. Pancakes and coffee. Why not?" I followed the sentence with a shrug and followed him inside.
His place looked pretty amazing, not something I would have pictured. It didn't have that cool bachelor pad thing going on; in fact it looked rather homey.
"I like what you've done with the place."
"Thanks. I still have a few boxes to unpack, but getting there."
I walked over to the kitchen counter while he pulled out a pan and ingredients.
"You really cook?"
"Only desserts."
"Interesting," I said watching him expertly separate eggs, something I couldn't do-and he was doing it without even looking.
"If you got to know me you would find I'm an interesting person."
"And arrogant."
"Some people find it charming."
"Yeah, tell me about it, like the entire female population of our office,"
"Tsk-tsk, Sera, do I sense a hint of jealousy in your voice?"
"What!" I jumped. "No. Absolutely not."
He smiled at me slowly. That slightly skew heart-stopping smile that friends should not give each other.
"You know, you're such a...a..." I was searching for the right words. "A flirt. You go around flirting with everyone."
"I don't."
"Oh please. Don't act all innocent. The way you spoke to Ness and Samantha yesterday, or can't you help the fact that everything you say is laced with sexual innuendo, and don't tell me you're not in control of that husky sexy voice you do. Even your 'hello' speech was dripping with it."
Ben started to laugh then. "I admit the speech I gave was." His eyes twinkled. "But that was solely for your benefit. "
"What?"
"Didn't you like my whole, I don't want to be a backseat driver thing?" He laughed again as he whisked the batter.
"You did that on purpose?'
"Yup." He turned and winked at me before spooning the batter into the hot pan.
"So you recognized me straight away?"
"The second I saw you." He flipped the pancake over expertly.
"How's that even possible with what I was wearing? The wig?"
"I've spent a long time-" He cut that sentenced off so fast I almost didn't hear it. "I'm good with faces," he quickly corrected. For the first time since I'd known him, he sounded caught off guard. I got the distinct impression he wasn't telling me something.
"What do you mean, you spent-?"
"Especially such a beautiful face," he interrupted.
Stupidly, I forgot myself momentarily and felt my pulse start to race at the sudden compliment. He'd successfully managed to change the subject.
"So what were you doing at a gay club anyway?" I asked. I'd been wondering this for a few days now.
"My brother was performing." He was putting the pancakes on a plate now, gluing them into a tower with generous dollops of Mascarpone and berry coulee and topping the whole thing with way too much syrup.
"Who's your brother?"
"Miss Behave."
"NO!" I gasped "You're kidding?"
He shook his head.
I burst out laughing. The guys were going to have a shit-fit when they found out-Miss Behave was JJ's nemesis.
"Have you seen her perform?" he asked, sliding the plate in front of me and leaning across the counter.
"Oh indeed I have," I said, looking down at the pile of sugar-coated calories in front of me.
"You say it like there's a juicy story behind it."
I smiled up at him. "Oh believe me. There is."
The truth was that over the past two months we'd all gone in disguise to a couple of different clubs to watch Miss Behave so JJ could scope out the competition.
Ben looked at me curiously. "Now I am dying to know." He pulled out a fork and passed it to me, it was a clear indication that we'd be sharing off the same plate. I suppose friends share, so why did it feel so damn intimate, the two of us sitting across the counter, after our early morning "run" sharing breakfast. I calmed myself by changing the subject.
"Are you and your brother close?" I asked.
"Very!"
"So he might come and visit you here sometimes?"
Ben looked slightly confused by the question. "I'm sure he'll come around all the time."
"Well, then I'm pretty sure you'll know the story behind it very soon."
I winked at him this time, but immediately wished I hadn't, because his face lit up. I returned to the pancakes...
"MMMM. Oh my God these are..." I said, closing my eyes and taking in the flavors-Oh sweet sugar. Sugary-sugar fest-This was my kind of breakfast-I confess I eat chocolate for breakfast sometimes-I opened my eyes and looked at Ben, he was staring at me with those chocolate eyes of his-chocolate, my favorite.
"Has anyone ever told you how adorable you are when you eat?"
"Um..." My stomach dropped to the floor. I jumped up quickly. "I have to go. I don't want to be late for work."
"So how are you finding the new job?" I asked trying not to feel completely self- conscious as I chewed.
"It's going ok, we have that massive calendar shoot coming up soon and none of the creative are really cracking the idea yet."
"Aaaah, the calendar shot." I said. It was infamous. One of the clients, a luxury car brand, did a once a year calendar shoot usually in amazing exotic locations and everyone wanted to be apart of the team that went. They only took a small group of people with, and it was usually based on good work. It was almost a competition each year to see who would go.
"It's the only piece of work the CEO even cares about. He never even looks at the other work, but this is a but of a ego trip, I think he likes to hand out pretty, glossy calendars to people. So he'll be coming along. And they always want to work with some pretentious, over priced photographer flown in from Milan or something. As if they think our local photographers aren't good enough."
"High stakes."
"Very, and not to be offensive, but you guys have been coming up with pretty lame ideas for the last few years. I really want to do something interesting this year, but no one is really thinking outside the box."
"Lucky they have you to force them out the box then." I smiled at him, it felt so comfortable and natural talking to him about work like this. As if we had been colleagues for years.
"I think Samantha is probably the only one who'll make it out the box."
At the mere sound of her names I stiffened up. What was that I was feeling? Jealously? But that was insane. Suddenly I felt wildly uncomfortable. I jumped up quickly. "I have to go."
"But you haven't finished."
"I know, but I don't want to be late for work."
"Afraid your boss might have to discipline you? And yes, that was a purposeful sexual innuendo, in case you were confused about it."
His words made all the blood in my body rush in a Southerly direction. "Friends," I corrected him. "Remember."
"Okay. Friends." But his smile said something else entirely.
"I'm going now," I said and started walking towards the door but then turned around, went back to the kitchen and stole the plate of pancakes.
"Friends share," I said playfully and let myself out.