Dear diary, everything is the same. Same pain , same darkness. I'm still lonely, I don't know how to escape from this sadness. Still no call from my dad , I kinda don't want to talk with him but I miss his voice so much. I want him back so much , I wish he loved me too. I wish I could still have hopes and I could imagine him like a good father like I used to imagine when I was little. I wish I could hug him in photograph pretending he was here like I used before. I'm so sorry about my mom and everything she has been through, I'm so thankful that she didn't leave me like my father.
It's time for school, ouu I'm late already.
" Honey , hurry up."
" I'm going mom , love ya."
" Have a nice day , love you too."
" Come home straight from school, don't be late."
" Don't worry grandpa."
I'm walking to school, I can't stop thinking about how mean my grandpa sometimes can be. After my dad left my mom couldn't find a job and we didn't have a place to stay, so he left us to live with him in his house. But he is so mean to my mom and barely talks to her without no reason at all. We don't have where else to go so we're stuck here following his rules.
" Hayal, wait." Said Jimmy while he was running to reach Hayal.
" Oh, hi Jimmy. I think we are late for our first class." She said.
" That happened to me many times, but what's wrong with you ?
You're never late for school."
" I don't know , today I was lost in my thoughts."
" What happened? Is everything alright ?"
" Nothing new really..."
" Is that because of your dad ? Don't worry everything is gonna be alright ."
" Yeah, I'm glad that you're always here for me Jimmy.
Oh god , it's our vice principal , we're screwed."
" She won't see us."
" Ms. Walker and Mr. Stafford come to my office." Says vice principal.
" Damn it Jimmy , what if she calls my grandpa ?"
" Relax she won't."
" You always say that."
" Mr. Stafford I'm not surprised from you , you are always late. I don't know how are you doing so good in exams. But you Ms. Walker, what is going on with you ?
First your grades are going low, now you started being late, what is happening ?
I know I lot of stuff happened to you, but you have to think about your future ."
" I'm sorry Mrs. Michaels , it won't happen again, I promise ."
" If you need to talk I'm here , you know that right ?"
" Thank you Mrs. Michaels."
" Alright you both can leave now , go straight to your class."
They went out of her office , Hayal just walked away without saying nothing to Jimmy, and he silently watched her go.
I really want to leave this town. I want to live somewhere else, somewhere where nobody knew me , I just don't want people to feel sorry about me.
She spent all the day in school silently, she is always like this. She doesn't like talking much , and only true friend she has is Jimmy.
Finally I came home.
" Mom I came , where are you ? Are you in your room ?" Hayal asks.
She's trying to hide her tears .
" Mom what's wrong ? What happened? Did grandpa said something to you again ?" Her mom answered while she was crying.
" It hurts so much. I hurts so much when I see you suffering. "
" What are you talking mom ? I'm ok ."
" You're not. Do you really think that I don't hear you crying out loud all night, do you think that I don't know that you're in pain ?
You miss him so much I know. I'm sorry It's all my fault, I should've made him stay."
" It's not your fault mom , don't blame yourself. "
" I'm really a bad mom , I couldn't do nothing for you. "
" No , you're the best mom in the world. You've done everything for me.
Take some rest I'll make dinner . "
Her mom agreed and laid in bad, she was crying so hard. Hayal went in the kitchen to start cooking, she has no other choice because dinner should be ready on time , otherwise her grandfather will be so angry. While she was cutting vegetables she stopped, it's her grandfather coming in kitchen, she can hear from his angry breath. He always breathes like that.
" What are you doing ? Where is your mother ? " her grandpa asks.
" I'm cooking grandpa as you see. Why ? "
" This isn't your job " he starts yelling at me .
" Where is your mother ? Where in the hell she thinks that she can get free food. You have to work to get paid. Only thing she is doing is just laying in bed , stupid human. "
" Stop saying bad things about my mom, you have no rights . "
" And she has no rights to stay here, you're my niece but she is no one to me. If she was a good person my son wouldn't leave her. "
" What about me then ? What did I do ? What is my fault ?
I was only 10 years old when he left. Only your son is the ne who caused all this mess, only your son is the reason that me and my mom are suffering this much . "
" Suffering ? You're not even thankful for all the things that I've done for you. Just shut up and cook . "
He left.
I can't look properly to cut the vegetables , my eyes are obfuscated from tears. I wanted to scream because It hurts, it really hurts so much. It's killing me that I've to talk to him normally again and pretending like nothing happened, like he said nothing. Why god , why ? Why did I do to deserve all this pain ?
Please let me die , living in this way hurts so much . Why am I still alive when I don't feel like I'm living ?
She cried all night long.
I was afraid to wake up, because I fear to live another same day with same pain , same problems , same darkness. I feel like I don't have any energy left to get up , I just want to close my eyes and sleep forever.
" Honey , are you awake ? Hurry up and eat breakfast, you have to go in school . "
" Yeah mom , I'm coming. "
Her voice keeps me standing and I'm smiling just because of her , I don't want her to suffer more.
She was crossing the street completely lost in her thoughts. A car almost hit her. She fell on the ground. The car stopped and the driver went out from his car.
"Are you ok ? Are you hurt ? " he asked.
His voice sounded familiar to her.
When she turned her head she couldn't believe what she was seeing. It was Yusuf , her crush since she was a little.
I can't stop looking him , how much he has changed , he is prettier now , I even forgot to tell him that I was ok .
" Are you hurt ? " he asked again.
" No I'm ok . Thank you. "
" Ok then , I'm glad that you're not hurt. Be careful next time. Do you want to go in hospital or something ? "
" No I'm completely fine, thank you. "
He gets in car and drives away.
Damn , was that a dream ? Is he back ?
I didn't see him since he went in another city to study. How beautiful he is...
Damn I have to hurry I'll be late again , I promised Mrs. Michaels . I start running and I smile even that I'm in such hurry.
" Hayal , wait " it's Jimmy's voice .
" Jimmy don't waist my time. I have to be in class. "
" Relax we have more minutes left. "
Ok, how are you today Jimmy ?
" OMG , are you ok ? You never ask . "
" Really ?
I'm sorry, I always talked about my life situation and my problems, I never left time to talk about yours. "
" Seriously what is going on with you ? "
" I'm alright, just today is a good day. "
" Finally. "
They arrived in time .
" See you Jimmy , I have to be in class. "
" Ok , bye."
His voice was stuck in my head , that look , his eyes...
He looks like an angel. I really meant when I said , today was really a good day.
Even that her body was on class, her mind wasn't there. She thought all day for Yusuf.
Walking from school felt like I was walking in sand across the beach, it was so relaxing.
" Mom I'm home. "
" How was school? Are you hungry? "
" Yeah mom I'm starving. "
" I have to tell you something. Tomorrow we have to go in a ceremony. "
" In what ceremony mom ? "
" Do you remember Mr. Omar ? "
" Yeah. "
" He is doing a ceremony because his son came. "
" Really ? Did he really invite us ? "
" Yes. Do you want to go ? Do you have what to wear? "
" Yes , mom. Don't worry I'll wake up early in the morning and I'll buy a dress. "
They was eating dinner and her grandpa came saying :
" Don't look like fool tomorrow. Don't embarrass me. "
He really ruined my appetite. I should go to my bedroom , before he starts making another drama.
She went in her bedroom, then she took her phone.
I should call Jimmy to help me pick a dress tomorrow , maybe he is free while is Saturday.
" Hey, Jimmy. What are you doing? "
" I'm watching a movie, you ? "
" I just ate dinner. I was wondering if you have time tomorrow in the morning to help me shopping ? "
" Yes , I'm free. But where are you going ? "
" I'll tell you tomorrow. See you . Goodnight. "
" Alright , goodnight. "
This is settled, but how am I gonna act in front of Yusuf. He is just perfect, and everything around of him is just perfect.
It's 8pm , she woke up and texted Jimmy.
" Hey , are you awake ? " she texted.
" Yes , I'm brushing my teeth. " he replied.
" Good. I'm on my way , I'll wait you outside your house. "
Hayal just dressed up and walked out from her house silently. She puts her headphones on and she started listening some music. She was listening Emotional rollercoaster by Vivian Green, she arrived to Jimmy's house. Actually, it's not far from her house. He came out.
" Did you wait long ? " he asked.
" Nah , I just came " she answered.
" Ok. Did you eat breakfast ? "
" No , I didn't. I left home soon as I woke up. I didn't want to deal with grandpa's bullshit early in the morning. "
" I didn't eat too. Let's go and eat first , it's on me. "
" Ok, thank you." They started walking to get some breakfast.
" So why you asked me to shop with you? "
" I'm going in a ceremony tonight , but don't have what to wear. I need your help because I want to look flawless. "
" Do you really think I have a good taste ? " they both started laughing " I mean I don't have a good information about dresses. "
" It's better when you shop with someone, two options and thoughts. You'll give me real compliments. "
" Wait , why is this ceremony so special for you ? " she started smiling ,
" Tell me everything girl. "
" I just want to look good, that's all. "
" No , you're not telling me the truth. "
" Fine, I'm going to Yusuf's ceremony. His family is doing a ceremony that he is back in town. "
" Damn those rich people are really enjoying life. So they invited you ? "
" Yeah , they invited us all.
I'm really nervous, I hope my grandpa won't cause any mess, I don't want to be embarrassed in front of Yusuf. "
They arrived at café, And found a place to sit.
" What do you want to eat ? " Jimmy asked.
" A croissant and I want to drink latte. " she answered.
" Ok, I'll go to order them. "
Jimmy ordered them, and went back to the table.
" Seriously, I'm really nervous about you tonight. " said Jimmy.
" Don't make it worse, I'm already freaking out. I'm really worried about how my grandpa will act. "
" Why do you want to waist money on a dress when you can buy some strong sleeping pills to keep your grandpa sleeping the whole time until you'll come . "
The waitress brought the food.
" Stop joking about my situation and eat. "
" I really am enjoying this moment ? "
" What do you mean ? "
" I mean it's the first time in a while that I saw you acting like this. You never cared about your look , and you never was worried this much about your grandpa's acts. You always said " why should I worry about what he is doing, they are his mistakes so why should I feel guilty and take the blame ? "
" I just don't want to be embarrassed in front of Yusuf , he is really special , you know that , right ?
He has a big family that really loves him. He has strong reputation in this town , everyone respect them so much. He is so kind and sweet. His is intelligent and well educated. He has everything... "
What should I say now ? Every word that comes out of her month feels to me like she is screaming from pain. When I look at her I only see a girl surrounded by darkness. In her eyes I see a ocean made by her tears. Sometimes I feel like I can't save her, I wish I could help her. It really hurts to see her like this. But now she seems like there is a little hope for her. I'm praying that this guy won't hurt her. She has enough pain to deal with.
" Why are you staring at me ? Are you listening what I'm saying ? "
" Sorry , I was lost in my thoughts. "
" What were you thinking ? "
" Just thoughts ..."
" Sorry , I always talk about myself first and about my problems. How can I always be so irresponsible forgetting that other people have issues too. "
" No it's ok. You have been through a lot. I totally understand. "
" So is there a problem that it's bothering you ?"
" Not really. I'm just worried about our future."
While she was giving me that look , something was happening to me. Something really weird. Why am I feeling like this ?
" I'm here always for you , you know that , right ? "
" Yeah , always and forever. "
" So in which store are we going ? "
" I want to go in a second hand shop. Why should I spend a lot of money , when I can buy a beautiful dress and save some money for later ? "
She always does that. She Is so good at pretending , she's trying to hide from me that she doesn't have much money.
" Ok let's go there then. " They finished breakfast and Jimmy paid the bill , and they was on their way to the store
" Hayal, I want to ask something ? "
" Go ahead "
" Is your aunt still helping you and your family? "
" Yes, why are you asking ? "
" I just wondered. She seems so kind. "
" Yes, she really is. I'm not saying this only because she sends us money, I really love her only because she is so kind with us, and she really showed us that she really cares about us , she has been always here in moment of need since my dad left. "
" Sorry that I'm saying this but your dad is really a fool. I mean how can somebody turn their back on someone like you, someone who is so kind and beautiful, someone who is really respectful and smart..."
" My heart started to melt, if I were someone else I would believe that you mean it , and that you're in love. "
" I seriously meant it. I mean not that I'm in love with you, but the words that I said for you."
" Stop it , we arrived. "
" This is the store ? "
" Yes let's go inside. "
" Hi, I'm looking for a dress. " Hayal asked the assistant store.
" We have some. Come this way. " she answered.
Hayal and the assistant went to check them.
Oh god , none of them is my size. What should I do ?
" Are this all the sizes left ? "
" Yes , ma'am. "
" Ok , thank you. "
" Did you find one Hayal ? "
" None of them is my size Jimmy. "
" What should we do now ? "
" I don't know. This is the only second shop in this town. Let's go home, I'll find something to wear don't worry. "
I can see disappointment in her eyes. She doesn't have any nice dress. But she doesn't want me to worry. I should do something.
" I have a friend that works in a nice shop. They really have beautiful dresses. Why don't we go there , you can try some ? "
" No, I'll find one dress. I don't want to go there. "
" Ok , but my friend told me that all the dresses are on sale. Let's just go and check. "
" Fine , let's go. "
When we walked in I was amazed how beautiful dresses were. They really was beautiful. But I'm pretty sure they are really expensive, so I have not to make obvious that I don't have much money. I don't want Jimmy to feel sorry about me.
" Which one do you like ? "
" Can I help you ? The assistant store asked.
" Yeah, can you help my friend ? Find her the most beautiful dress that you have. " Jimmy answered.
" Come this way ma'am. "
" Jimmy , why are you being like this ? "
The assistant gave her to try an awesome red dress.
I was sitting on a chair while she came, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
Wow how amazing she looks right now. I don't know why am I feeling like this. Why am I feeling like I have butterflies in my stomach ?
She really look flawless like she wanted to.
" How do I look ? "
" You really look flawless. "
She gave me that smile that warmed my heart. She is really happy , I can tell that.
" How much is the price ? " she asked the assistant.
" 100$ ma'am. "
" Ok , thank you."
" Do you want to buy it ma'am? "
" No, I don't want to. "
" Ok , let me help you to undress it. "
Like I expected, she will not take this. I know that she will really be sad about it , and I know she really liked this dress. What should I do ?
She was really happy on that dress.
" I'm done, can we leave now ? "
" Wait, why aren't you buying it ? "
" You wanted me to give it a try , I did it. So don't ask more questions and lets go home."
" Ok. "
She was quiet while we was walking home. I have an idea , I have to do this for her.
" Hayal , I have to go somewhere . Would you mind if I go ? "
" No , you can go. Thank you for coming with me today."
" You're welcome. Thank you for inviting me. You know that I always enjoy the time that I spend with you."
" Me too. See ya. "
How wonderful person is Jimmy. I really appreciate his company and everything he has done for me. He is always for me , and he always supports me , and helps me with all ways possible. I don't know how to pay him back , his company is priceless.
I forgot about the dress, what am I gonna wear tonight ?
It's better if I don't go. This is the best solution. I don't want to look like beggar in front of Yusuf and his family. I won't go.
She went home , her mom is in the living room. Grandpa is resting in his room , he is probably drunk.
I hope she won't notice that I came , because she will be sad that I didn't buy a dress.
Thank good she went in her bedroom before she saw her.
I should take these clothes off and take a shower. It'll relax me.
While she was showering she can't stop thinking about Yusuf's eyes and when he said " Are you hurt ? "
How can I forget his amazing eyes anyway ?
The only thing that I like the most is showering, it's really relaxing and gives me a lot of time to think.
She took a long shower, she always does that, she loves the sound of water going down and how water warms her when it's cold , and how it refreshes her when it's hot outside.
It's 2pm but I just want to wear my pajamas and rest until tomorrow morning.
I feel like I don't want to leave my room until that time.
When my grandpa will hear that I won't go with them in ceremony he will be really mad and will say a lot of bullshit. And my mom will be really sad, she won't go either.
Someone opens the door. It's her mom.
" Oh , honey. Sorry for disturbing you. I didn't know you were home. When did you come ? "
" A while ago mom. "
" Somebody left this at our door , it was for you so I came to leave this on your room. "
" Thank you mom. Leave this on my desk, I'll check it now. "
" Ok, I'll leave now. "
I'm really glad that she didn't ask me about the dress , I'm not in a mood to explain.
She goes to check the package.
What is this ? It has been a long time since I received gifts. My dad sometimes sent me gifts but now he stopped doing that too.
OMG it's the dress. Oh god is this true ?
M
" You looked really flawless on this dress like you wanted to , so I couldn't resist without buying it. Please accept it.
Always and forever.
Jimmy. "
Oh god , this guy is crazy. Did he really bought it for me ?
I can't believe that this is happening. Now I can go to see Yusuf.
Yay , thank you , thank you , thank you. I should call him.
She takes the phone to call him , but she changes her mind.
I'll send him a pic when I get ready to go. I'm gonna let him worry a little bit if I've seen the dress yet or not.
She starts getting ready.
I'm gonna put some makeup and fix my hair nicely. I should look so beautiful tonight. This chance won't come again to impress Yusuf.
I wonder how beautiful he is gonna look on a suit, I'm sure he'll look fabulous.
For lipstick I choose a red one , the dress is red too.
I choose this color because guys like this color and they think it's really sexy.
I hope Yusuf will like it too. I'm really nervous about tonight.
Why Hayal isn't calling me ?
I hope everything is ok. Oh I've got a text message. It's from Hayal.
" I'm really nervous right now. I wish you were there with me. Thank you so much for the dress. You made me really happy. I don't know how to pay you back.
Always and forever."
She sent a photo.
I wish I was there with you too. I wish I was the lucky man that you would love , I wish I had a chance to make you happy. I wish I could heal you . I'm afraid that I might am in love with you.
What are you talking about ?
She loves you like a brother. Don't imagine stupid things , you're fool.
Jimmy is amazed how beautiful she looks , she stares at her pic for a hour without getting bothered , he's never bothered with her.
" Mom are you ready ? It's time to go. "
" Hayal , is that you ? Oh honey , you look like a princess. You have no idea how beautiful you look. All guys will be crazy about you. " says her mom.
" Thank you mom. You don't look like a queen, you're a queen. "
" Oh my girl, give me a hug. Just remember that I love you so much, alright ? "
" I love you too mom. "
" Stop acting like fools. When will you act normally ? " says her grandpa.
" Don't embarrass me at the ceremony or you'll sleep outside. "
" Ok, grandpa. "
I wish I could say to grandpa some words that he deserves:
You're the only one person who isn't normal here. You're the only one who embarrasses us. But I can't do that, I have to think about my mom , I won't make her sad again.
They got in a taxi and was on their way to Yusuf's house.
When she walked in she was amazed.
Wow his house feels like haven. It's the most beautiful place that I have ever seen. Everything is shining and well decorated. I feel like I'm on another planet.
" Welcome family Walker , we're celebrating outside , please follow me to your table " said a waitress.