When I got home, I was a nervous wreck. I still had no clue what to say or do and at this point all I could think of was speaking from the heart. And right now my heart was ridiculously confused so it wouldn't be much help to me, but every time I thought I was making a thoughtful decision it had blown up in my face so winging it would have to do.
Besides, it wasn't up to just me. There were two of us in this bond.
Because I was a coward, and I felt absolutely disgusting and sweaty, I decided that maybe shower would calm me down before I talked to him, put me in a better frame of mind physically and mentally where I didn't smell like sweaty gym socks, but when I walked into my room and saw him standing by my bed, I nearly had a stroke.
One, because I was not expecting that at all and two, because I couldn't feel Blade through our bond and that was not possible. Like...at all. Panic overtook me until I realized it wasn't Blade standing before me with a stern scowl. It was actually Dante, who on a quick glance looked like Blade.
I slumped against my bedroom door, not sure whether I should be relieved or horrified.
Dante's presence was the last thing I expected and the fact that Blade wasn't anywhere close enough for me to feel unsettled me in ways I wasn't expecting. I'd spent all this time wishing for him to go away and now that he wasn't here, my heart was cracking to pieces. Why wasn't here?
And having Dante here as a replacement only made the picture more grim.
"Sit down. We need to talk," Dante said brusquely.
"Where's Blade?" I asked, staying put by my bedroom door. Access to an exit felt safer and honestly, I wasn't sure this conversation was going to go well and I needed the support of something to lean on.
"At home. Lexi was trying to get Talia to talk some sense into him. Now sit."
I didn't want to sit or talk to Dante of all people, but I wasn't in a position to argue. I dropped my bag and crossed the room to sit on the edge of my bed, hands folded in my lap.
"What's going on?" I asked. Why were Talia and Lexi talking sense into him? About what?
"I'd like to ask you the same question." His voice was even frostier than the last time I'd spoken to him.
"Um..." I floundered for something to say, but between his intense stare and my nerves and worries over Blade, I was having a hard time focusing enough to come up with anything.
"Between you and Blade..." he prodded, folding his arms over his chest.
"We're fighting. I wanted to talk to him today though..." I said helplessly, tugging on my shirt sleeve. "Since when is it your business anyways?"
"Since he's my son and you're putting him in danger. What happened?"
He came here with all this attitude and he didn't even know why he was so mad at me yet? Or if there was even a reason to be? "None of your business. You were so against us from the start, so why should I tell you anything?"
"This isn't a game. This is serious," he growled.
"You think I don't know that?" I yanked up the sleeve of my shirt, showing off my ruined tattoo, the flaming red skin that our volleyball gym class had only made worse. "I'm more aware than you, but I'm taking care of it so stay out of it."
"I'm not staying out of it. You don't get understand the gravity of the situation." His anger didn't wane, but his eyes were locked on my arm.
"No, you don't get it! I know we'll both die if this keeps up, believe me I get it. I want this to end a hell of a lot more than you do, but as far as I'm concerned my relationship with Blade is none of your concern. His wellbeing yes, but frankly this isn't something you should bother with," I snapped before I took a breath, pulling my sleeve back down. "Unless of course you came here for a different reason besides lecturing me."
He bit the inside of his cheek, still staring at my arm even though I pulled my sleeve down to cover it. I hated the way he was looking at it.
"I'm right then. So what exactly do you have to tell me? I'm curious considering you refuse to let anything out and when you do none of it makes sense," I said, crossing my arms now to hide them.
"I lost my conduit."
That threw me. "What?"
"I lost my conduit," he said, enunciating it sourly before he looked away across my room, hands clenched at his sides. For a second, he reminded me so sharply of Blade whenever he clammed up and was upset about something.
"How?" I asked softly.
He sighed, irritation seeping from his face as he unbuttoned his cuff and steadily rolled his sleeve up with precision. "Before I met Talia it had just been my conduit and I. It was frowned upon back then, being with a servant, especially one that you were bonded so closely to. Nowadays not so much," he added the last part an icy glance my way. "But it hadn't mattered to me: I loved her and as long as I had her I was happy. We talked of me changing her, of her becoming my blood mate..."
He trailed a fingertip down his forearm, face softening until he was unrecognizable from the stern man I'd met. His arm tipped down, his tattoo there for me to see. Against my judgement, I moved closer, curious.
His was intricate, like a rose bush of spiked vines and buds not yet in bloom. Only instead of being red like I expected it to be, like Blade's was, it had faded to a dull, rusted brown.
"It never happened. Our kind didn't agree with it and I was expected to marry a pureblood vampire, not a human turned vamp...especially not my conduit. They told us to end it, but we refused and so they took further measures."
His hand rose, holding his forearm up between us but only he was able to see the mark his conduit had left on him. For once, there was nothing in him but grief and longing as he cradled his wrist, rubbing a thumb over his tattoo. "They separated us. For months we were alone, but we stuck through it, refusing to give in. They messed with our memories next, turning us against each other until we refused to speak anymore."
I knew what came next, but I didn't interject. This was his story to tell, his loss to feel. It was precious to hear someone's story of pain and I wouldn't take that away from him.
"It took almost a year," he said finally. "After a few months apart, we started getting sick, tired, hardly able to stand. Then the hallucinations started, the delusions set in, and we went mad with needing each other, sickened by visions of death and pain and losing each other. It wasn't long after that when she broke. She had been too sweet, too mortal, too heartbroken. She went insane, or so they said, and they killed her."
Gaze averted, he carefully unrolled his sleeve, cuffing each button with care like they were so delicate they'd break if pushed too hard. As his tattoo was hidden, so too was this vulnerability. Only this time, behind his steely gaze was something I'd never noticed before.
"It's the same story for almost every single vampire who tries to be with their conduit. One or both die, or they get separated and don't remember each other." It wasn't a threat he was here to deliver or a lecture, but a warning. And with it was more care than I'd thought Dante had ever been capable of. "I don't want my son to end up the same way."
"I don't want him to end that way either, but you've made it pretty clear no matter what happens we're doomed." I wasn't sure I liked Dante anymore than before, but his judgements felt less harsh now that I knew where they were coming from.
"Not unless you remove your bond, then you can both be safe and spared the heartache. We can even wipe your memory--you'll never even realize what happened."
"And then a big gap of my life will be empty and I'll have dreams about a boy I'll think I never met."
"We'll adjust your memory, cut out any parts with him and we'll do the same to him. Whatever yearning you'll feel will fade and you'll both be alive and can move on from it. Everything will be better. None of this will ever bother you again and you'll be free and safe from harm. Everything will be over and you can both live happily," he said, almost earnest. He believed his own words so much I felt a flicker of temptation. It was exactly what I'd been wishing for since my birthday: to be away from Blade, to forget he ever existed, to forget he had never ever hurt me.
But how could I forget all this and go back to New York like nothing had happened when I was a different person now than when I got here? The second Blade and I had met things were never going to be the same and those weeks of summer where I hadn't remembered anything but yearned for that something that was missing were some of the worst of my life. Every second of my existence was consumed by it, those dark eyes of a stranger who had saved me without ever knowing me, those nightmares of being taken and hurt.
The relief of finally being here, being close to him, no matter how badly he ticked me off and pushed the boundaries or how he'd made me fall for him despite all the millions of reasons I shouldn't have.
"No. I can't do that. Not to him," I said, taking a deep breath. I hadn't been sure before what I wanted, only that I wanted to fix things with Blade before we got any worse. But now I knew. "He heard me ask Ace about removing our bond and if you'd seen his face, you would know this is wrong. I shouldn't, but I love him, and there's nothing you can do that can erase everything that's happened between us. Not completely. Everything leaves a scar."
He pushed his fingers through his hair and part of it stuck up the way Blade's did. "I would gladly fix all this for you. Why are you declining?"
"Did you not just hear what I said? I. Love. Him. I'm not leaving him. What happened was shitty and terrible, but this is something we need to work out ourselves."
"Who said he feels the same?" he cut in, eyes burning.
It was a risk, I knew that. His obsession with clinging to Mona, with holding up his walls and keeping me out, but he was so much further along than I was, his mark was a wreck and so was he.
"He's worse than I am right now, so even if he hasn't said it, that's proof enough that he care. He's spent all this time trying to convince me I matter, that he was sorry for hurting me over and over again, and I don't think I got it until now. I don't want him to die and I hate that I'm hurting him so much, that we're hurting each other."
"You'll hurt him more if you stay together," Dante said, drawing himself up to his full height. Any vulnerability, any warmth and compassion I'd seen in him was gone, and this was the uncaring man I'd met who constantly put his son through the wringer. "This has to end, in fact, I'm ending it now. We're going to remove your bond and that's final."
My stomach sank through the floor. "You can't do that!"
"Oh, yes I can. I have all the authority in the world. Blade is my son and you've put him in danger. I thought you would see sense but clearly you're not wise enough to understand this situation."
"So you're going to do the same thing to your son that you went through? You want him to suffer like that, being forced to say goodbye or suffer the consequences because you decided it was a bad idea?"
"It is not the same thing," Dante snapped, bearing down on me only I was too upset to shrink under his fury and power. He might have thought he was protecting Blade, but Dante wasn't the only one who wanted what was best for him.
"Isn't it? Why can't you trust him to make his own decisions and take care of himself?"
"Because clearly he can't! He's at home being fed blood through an IV because he can't hunt and if this keeps up, he won't make it. I'm not taking the chance of losing my child because of some petty human."
Blade had gotten that bad? I knew he'd been going out hunting, but he also hadn't been sleeping, was slower and tired. How had it escalated that badly?
"You were once in love with a petty human," I said, desperately trying to cling to my high ground before the thought of Blade being weak and sick unraveled me.
"And I regret it wholeheartedly," he hissed, "I almost died. She did. As you so boldly pointed out, Blade is worse than you and I have no desire to you see live a long happy life while I bury my son for your mistakes."
No, no, no. This wasn't fair. Blade should be here with me, if we were together we could fix this, he would be okay. "It should be his choice, Dante. Not yours," I said, but my voice was starting to wobble and my legs were going weak.
"He'll thank me for this later," he said, brushing past me to the door. I fell onto my bed from him knocking me off balance.
"How can he thank you if he can't remember anything?"
Dante froze, one hand on the door knob, but he didn't turn around. "Seeing him happy is all the thanks I need."
"You're insane if you do this."
"Call me crazy then."
"When is Blade coming home?" Home. This was where I wanted to be, even if it was hard sometimes, even if it was painful.
"When you're gone and when Mona is informed—"
"No!" I shouted, leaping to my feet, my whole being rejecting even the thought of them together. Blood mates. Forever and always. No exceptions. They couldn't be together. Mona didn't understand him, didn't respect him, didn't even love him. He deserved better. They both deserved better and they were the two worst suited people to spend eternity together.
"That's how it was supposed to be until you came into the picture." He sounded so disgusted with me, as if I was nothing more than a leech that had come crawling into their lives purely to ruin them.
"No, it wasn't. Even when we first met, Blade was never serious about her. He never loved her and never will, he had zero intention of being her blood mate. The second you try and make it happen he'll leave her. You can get rid of me, but Mona won't last either."
"All this big talk, yet he wouldn't dump Mona for you?" He tossed me one last look, upper lip curled as if the sight of me alone was revolting. "I see you making a lot of excuses and not one has been good enough to change my mind. Let him go already. It'll be easier that way."
Blade had told me it wouldn't be easy in the end if I went down this path. That this would haunt me for all my life, every day. Memory wiping and messing up aside, this would kill me. Screw with my mind? It'll be worse than that. I'll be confused and hurting and sad about something, someone, I'm not sure even exists. How could someone ever get over that?
"Maybe for people like you," I said, "But not like us. I got my memory wiped right when I met him, and even then I was drawn to him and didn't know who he was or where. All I knew was that there was something, someone, out there waiting for me to find and if I didn't I'd lose it. That was after one night. It's been months of us getting to know each other, making memories, taking up space in each other's lives. It'll be impossible for you take all that away without us being affected by it on some level. You can't tweak and erase a whole person from someone's life, not without there being some sort of residue, something to show for it. We'd both know that something would be wrong and missing, and if Blade ever found that you had something to do with it he would never forgive you."
"I warned you before, both of you, and had you listened none of this would have happened. Your stubbornness has put you both in danger and since neither of you can think rationally, I'm forced to so I'm taking matters into my own hands. My son being upset with me isn't new, and it's a risk I'm willing to pay if it saves his life." He twisted the door knob and stormed out without another word, leaving me to this big empty house without Blade and the possibility of losing everything I've come to know and love these last few months.
This couldn't be happening. I didn't care what Dante had planned, there was no way I was going to let us end up the same way Dante and his conduit had.
I pulled out my cell, dialing Lexi, but each unanswered ring sent my anxiety spiraling. It was already too late, they were already cutting us off from each other, already taking away Blade's memories of me while he was too sick and vulnerable to stop them.
Then a click, and Lexi answered. A miracle.
"Lexi?" I paced the length of my room, trying to breathe and focus before I let all my panic take over. "What the hell is going on? Is Blade with you?"
"Yes, he's here, at home." Her voice was tired, rough with stress.
"No, I'm at home, and he's very much not here with me."
"You know what I mean," she said, blowing out a breath. "He couldn't hunt so they put him on an IV to get the blood he needs. This isn't good, Kiana. I don't want to lose my brother."
"I know. I wanted to talk to him today, but then he wasn't here and I couldn't find him, so I thought..."
"The worst happened? It did, but we've got it under control."
"Is that really a good idea? To have us separated?" I asked, clutching my phone. Dante's words rang in my ears. How insane they went from separation. How she broke down and lost it. How they had to kill her because she went crazy.
"Not really," she admitted, "But we need him here."
"Do you think I could—?"
"No, I don't think that's a good idea right now. Dad is AWOL and we all know he isn't a fan of you so if he saw you here he'd flip and Mom's already crying. Blade's unconscious anyways."
"But if I was there, it would make him feel better, right? So shouldn't I--"
"Kiana." She didn't snap or even raise her voice, but the grim way she said my name stopped me from pushing it.
"What happened to him?" I asked instead.
"We were trying to hunt but he doesn't have much energy. I found him on the balcony asleep in the snow and he was really struggling to stay awake and move. We were going after a buck, thinking maybe a hunt would distract him and the blood would give him an energy boost, but then he tripped."
I waited for the rest of the story, but none came.
"Lexi?" I prodded, not sure I liked where her silence was leading me.
"There's a lot of dead logs and branches around in the forest, Kiana," she said softly.
Staked. Because he tripped. Because he was tired.
Because I was killing him.
I inhaled sharply, trying to calm down before I thought too hard about what that might mean, but tears were already stinging my eyes. "Is he going to be alright?"
" He's going to be fine...it's just going to take a while to fix him up," she said with forced cheer. "Some blood and rest and he'll heal just fine."
"Are you sure I can't just come over to see him for a few minutes?"
"Not a good idea. I want you here, but Dad might do something and right now Blade needs peace and quiet if he's going to get better."
"I guess that makes sense, but I can deal with Dante."
"No, I rather not risk it," she said quickly. "He's crazy sometimes."
Maybe Lexi agreed with Dante and wanted me gone too. "I guess I'll stay home then. Can you just...can you keep me updated? Call me if anything changes and let me know how he is?"
"Of course. Now get some sleep, eh? Keep yourself in good shape. That'll help him out too."
"Can you tell him I called? When he wakes up, I mean. And that I hope he's okay?"
"I can do that." Maybe her voice thawed a little bit, but maybe it was just wishful thinking.
"Okay. Bye then." I slid my phone shut and crumpled down to the floor, arms around my knees, phone clutched in my hand.
I wished I could be there and see him for myself, make sure he was okay. Tell him we were going to be fine somehow, that none of it mattered and I'd get over it as long as he got better.
Blade POV
"Who was that?" I slurred, my eyelids too heavy to move. Lexi's voice, quiet as it was, had roused me from my sleep. Not that it was hard, I was in too much pain to sleep peacefully, body so hot it felt like I was being cooked over a fire.
"No one," Lexi said, smoothly lying as she pushed my hair back and tucked a sheet over me. "Go back to sleep."
I snorted in response and started to get up, regretting it instantly when pain shot through my whole stomach. I fell back down onto the bed with a hiss, clutching my burning stomach.
"Stay still," Lexi said, gently scolding me which meant I was worse than I thought. Lexi wasn't known for her bedside manner and if she was being remotely nice and weird it was because I was probably dying. Even Lexi couldn't be an asshole to someone on their deathbed.
"Who was it?" I growled, forcing my eyes open to glare at her. I was back home, my parent's home anyway. The medical wing had gotten far too much use since they'd moved in, thanks to Lexi and I fighting too rough and the occasional flare up with others we'd gotten caught up in. Even if we gave better than we got, coming out of a fight unscathed was a rarity, so we had both spent plenty of time in this room being patched up for various injuries.
"Kiana," she admitted with a wince.
Kiana had called? For me?
"What did she want?" I asked, losing some attitude, though I couldn't ignore how Lexi had wanted to keep it from me. If I hadn't woken up, would I have even known about it?
Fuck, I missed Kiana. I wanted her here with me, not Lexi. Even talking to her on the phone, being able to hear her voice, would be enough to take away some of this aching pain.
"She wanted to know where you were and what happened."
"That's it?" I guess she cared, but not enough to want to be here. I wasn't sure if that hurt more than the stake to the gut or not.
"She wanted to come over," she said, smoothing wrinkles out in my blanket. "But I was afraid Dad might do something if they were both here."
"Bullshit. You would jump at the chance to see those two together."
She grimaced, lacing her fingers together and refusing to meet my eyes. "Look, maybe you both need some time apart to think..."
"We've had time apart. Why do you think I'm here?" Reflex and outrage had me sitting up, but pain had me sinking back down just as quick.
"No, you need time apart without being able to feel each other or anything. It's better this way." She didn't sound like she believed the words coming out of her own mouth and I had a feeling Dad was the one who had put them there.
"How is this better exactly? The further I am away from her the worse I'll get and the more time I spend away the harder it'll be for me to heal. Explain to me in what damn universe that makes sense, unless you are all actively trying to murder me in the slowest fucking way possible."
She flinched.
I crooked a finger at her. She hesitated before scooting forward on her chair. I motioned again and she kept coming until she was right by the bed. I reached a hand up and caught her throat. Her eyes bugged out. Weak as I was, the audacity of being kept from Kiana and all this sneaking around behind my back had fueled some of my energy.
"I'm not in the mood to deal with whatever you're hiding so you better get talking or I swear you'll be the one who will need an IV," I hissed, squeezing my hand around her throat when she made no move to answer. I could barely sit up for the pain, but I'd suffer through it if it meant getting an answer out of her.
"Okay, okay!" she croaked and I let her go. She fell back into her chair with a huff, rubbing her throat. "Dad wants to separate you."
"Separate us how?"
"I don't know. He was thinking of a way to do it, but never decided, or at least he didn't tell me what he had come up with. All I know is he wants me to stay here and keep you and Kiana apart.
"Why would you even go along with him? You never listen to anyone but this time you decide to be a model daughter? Are you fucking kidding me? Why?"
"For the same reason you always do as he tells you," she said helplessly, tugging on her hair. "I love Kiana. I really do and I think you're perfect for each other, but what do you want me to do? If I refused then he'd just get someone else to do it. At least I can keep an eye on you."
"I can take care of myself, Lexi. Kiana can't. Who's going to watch her?" I grit my teeth, pushing myself up with my hands as breathing through the pain that ripped through my abdomen. I had to get home now, screw all this shit. Kiana could hate me all she wanted, but I was not going to leave her alone to be attacked or for my dad to be out there doing something to her.
"I don't know." She pressed her fingers to her temples, closing her eyes. "I'm just trying to figure this all out."
"How's that coming along?" I asked bitterly, reaching for the IV. Lexi slapped my hands away before I could rip it out.
"Stop that, you actually need it," she scolded me. "You can't just take off when you're healing from a stake wound and lack of blood."
"I've been here for hours. I'm fine." The time I'd been unconscious and fed through an IV had definitely helped clear my head, but the gaping wound in my stomach was dampening it significantly. Still, I managed to rip the stupid IV out and swing my legs over the side, even if standing proved harder than expected. My body was not going to betray me now, there was far too much at risk for me to stay here like an invalid.
"If you're so fine how come you still have a hole in your gut?" she asked, making no move to help.
"I'll be fine," I repeated slowly. "I need to get home before Dad does something I'll make him regret."
"Come on, he's just trying to look out for you."
"He's doing a crap job of it," I muttered, holding the rail of the bed with one hand to steady myself. My legs were weak but for now, I was upright, even if I was hunched over and had to press a hand to my wound to take some of the pain off. "I've been taking care of myself for all these years and he's never once stepped up to help. His kind of help isn't what I need anyway."
"But—"
"I don't want to hear it. I'm going home and you're going to take me there or so help me, I will never fucking forgive you for this."
She sighed, relenting more easily than I expected. "Fine, but we better leave now before Dad catches us and puts me in the hospital for disobeying."
"Just what I was thinking."
She helped me to the door, and though Raoul saw us, he didn't say a word as we snuck out. Lexi drove while I slouched in the passenger seat, worrying about Kiana and wishing I was home already, counting the miles until I was close enough to feel her presence.
"You know more than you're saying," I said after several minutes of quiet on the road.
"Dad told me what happened."
"What do you mean?" I asked, not liking the sound of that one bit.
"He...he had a conduit." She peeked at me before turning back to the road. "And she....well...they killed her."
"Who are they? Why?" Him having a conduit wasn't too much of a surprise, I had been toying with the idea already, but that grizzly ending had come as a surprise. More that it had happened to him, than the concept itself. It wouldn't be the first time someone killed a conduit, as they were unfortunately pretty desirable targets for a variety of reasons.
"The council. Dad and the girl were together, but they weren't allowed to be so they tried to separate them, but the girl just...broke down. Went crazy. So they killed her." Her hands tightened on the steering wheel. "I just...I don't want that to happen to you guys. And if this keeps up both of you are going to die."
"Don't tell me you agree with him. Did you not hear what you just said? They separated them and that's why she had to be killed. If they were left alone, they would have been fine."
"But you and Kiana are separated in a way. When was the last time you had a decent conversation with her?"
I grit my teeth against her slightly valid point, even though I felt that warmth prickle along my arm that told me Kiana was near, that I was almost home. It was a relief to feel her after a whole day without. "This is different. People fight all the time. Look at you and Alek." I waved a hand at her. "You're fine now. Sometimes it just takes time, but if you guys keep us separated then obviously one of us or both will die. We won't be able to fix this if we stay apart."
"We didn't mean physical separation. Alek asked Aros about it and he said he knows someone who could get rid of your bond—"
"No!" I shouted, startling her so bad the car swerved and we nearly went off the road. She got us back on track quickly, but the jolt shot pain through my body when I jerked against the door. "You can't do that! Even if we weren't bonded I'd still be hurting and having a bond removed against your will is risky, people die from that."
"There's a slim chance of that happening, Blade. And after you were free they'd make sure you wouldn't remember her...that's the last thing Dad was talking about that I've heard of," she said, glancing my way again. "I'm sorry. I think it's stupid, but I don't want to lose you either so I don't know. If you guys can fix this, I'm all for it so you better do something quick, because I don't think you guys have much time left to think of a way out before Dad takes it into his own hands."
Who the hell did he think he was? King of the world? Since when was he allowed to make decisions for me? My life was none of his business since he had no desire to actually take any real interest in it or what I actually wanted.
"Don't be mad at him, Blade. He just doesn't want to lose you. None of us do," Lexi pleaded as we turned up my driveway. "You've saved me so many times and I want to return the favour but..."
"Don't, Lexi. Just don't. The only thing I need you to do is keep Dad away from us until he gets it through his thick skull that I can take care of myself."
"Blade if anything goes wrong or if you feel worse call me, okay?" Lexi said as I stumbled my way out of the car and up the drive. It felt like my front door was miles away from how slow I was slouching along, but feeling Kiana had given me a boost to move a little faster.
I waved Lexi off and let myself in. It was eerily quiet and dark inside, no signs of life, but I made my way steadily through the house and up the stairs.
Mona's car hadn't been in the driveway so she was probably out having fun, but with all the delays to get home and my snail-like speed, it was nearly ten o'clock so I wasn't surprised that the place seemed deserted.
At least I knew Kiana was here, could feel her stronger with every step I took to her room. After the day I'd had, I just needed to see her and make sure she was alright and still here. As long as she was still here, we would be okay. I had to believe that.
I knocked on her door, lightly enough not to disturb her if she was sleeping but loud enough to get her attention if she wasn't.
"Kiana?" I called.
No answer. It was possible she'd ignore me, but I couldn't even hear or feel a hint of movement behind her door. "Kiana? Can I come in a second?"
Still no answer.
The thought of complete silence, and what I just learned about my dad's little plan for us, had me more anxious than I'd been in a long time. I opened the door slowly, peeking my head in, needing just one look to convince myself she was still here, still okay, still Kiana. Hadn't forgotten me or moved on.
Her bed was empty and the split second of terror of seeing her rumpled but empty bed was something I wouldn't soon forget, until I saw her curled up on the floor, in the same clothes she'd worn to school today, phone in her hand like she'd been too tired and had simply fallen asleep as soon as she gotten home. There was sweat on her skin and her scarred face was creased with pain, but she was breathing.
This should have been enough, seeing her alive and resting was plenty to convince me that Dad hadn't laid a finger on her yet--that no one else had either--but seeing her lying on the floor, so uncomfortable and miserable hurt.
With great effort, I crouched down to her level and touched her forehead, feeling the heat exuding from her skin, the roughness of the scars she hadn't wanted me to heal. She groaned, shaking her head. Her cheeks were pink and she was definitely feverish, and this couldn't go on any longer. I didn't want to lose her, couldn't imagine my life without her in it, but above everything else I needed her to live. She was too good and deserved to live a long beautiful life, with or without me. She deserved it.
"I'm sorry," I said softly, trailing a path from her temple to her jaw. She needed her rest, so I wouldn't wake her for this. We could talk tomorrow. I hauled myself to my feet, propping the balcony door open to let some fresh air in since clearly she was overheated with fever too, but I didn't trust leaving the door open so I settled on the balcony as comfortably as I could manage, watching her through the open door.
She wouldn't know I was here, I'd leave when she woke up, but I could offer her this feeble attempt at comfort and protection at least.
For the first time since I woke up, I pulled up the hem of my shirt. My torso was wrapped with bandages, black blood seeping through them. I couldn't see how bad the wound was, but judging by how it felt, it wasn't good. On a good day it would take at least twenty four hours to heal minimum, but with the way I was feeling and lack of blood, I wasn't so sure it would heal quickly or at all. At least, not fast enough for it matter if my bond killed me first.
We had to think of something soon. I couldn't last much longer, and neither would she. Hours later, as the sun started to come up I made my decision and threw away all those cowardly excuses I'd been clinging to. Seeing her sleep on the floor, broken and hurting and suffering more than any person ought to simply because of me, was the final straw.
Whether it ended with us together or us not even being able to remember each other's names. It was going to be over. She was going to live a long and happy life, because she damn well deserved it, and no one was going to stand in her way.
Not even me.
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Alright thats it for tonight. I'm hecka tired and my head is starting to hurt. Past my bedtime yo. Hope you enjoyed the mass uploading this evening!
Much love and good vibes,
xxLaura