hello!! before u read pls listen to the song 'if i tremble' by front porch step bc it has something to do with this chapter thanks love u bye!!!!
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"I'm so happy." Luke sighed.
"Why the sigh?" I asked.
"Happiness doesn't last forever." He retorted.
I took a deep breath because I knew he was right. It's a fact of life. We were both on my bed laying on our backs, looking at the ceiling of my bedroom. There was no conception of time, though it'd obviously been a while. The sunshine behind my blinds had dimmed.
"Then savor now." I said back, reaching for his hand and clutching it in mine.
I heard him chuckle and then, he sat up.
"Alright, I'll do that. Let's go out." He said, a small, confident smile on his face.
The ends of my lips curved up. "Where?"
His hand lifted up and he looked down at his wrist where his watch was. I saw the scars again- they looked pretty healed up. I think I've only talked to him once about his harming, and it made me sad to know that they were deep enough to be permanent. I hadn't thought about it much, but I haven't seen Luke wear short sleeves often. I couldn't help think that was why. Before I could react to myself, I felt my hand slowly reach up to softly grab his wrist. I brought it to my lips and kissed exactly where the scars were. I don't know where it came from, but I felt the need to do what I did.
"I love you." I mumbled on his wrist.
He smiled widely while taking his wrist away and leaned over, and kissed me on the cheek. "I love you too, let's go to the beach."
-
My mom would never let Luke and I go out alone to the beach this late, so we just told her he was taking me to get some Chinese food. The story was going to be, we'd gone to the restaurant, got the food, and then on the way back, the car broke down. Luke and I planned it out. We chose the car-breaking-down story so that we could take my mom's worn out van; Luke said I'll 'see why later'. I just shrugged it off.
I didn't notice it when we were laying down in my room, but Luke had gotten at least a foot taller than the last time I saw him. Also, his hair was styled different again. When I saw him in my room, his hair was done in a high quiff. We'd been cuddling so now it looked like how it always had when he used to be the boy who just stared at me; a blonde, small fringe down the side of his perfect face.
I stopped daydreaming and looked out the windows into the dim light of the sky; dusk was soon. We were headed to the closest beach, and Luke was driving. There was no music playing, which was a bit strange for Luke. Music was almost always playing when I was with him.
"No music?" I smiled.
He let out a small chuckle. "I knew you were going to say that.."
He kept one hand on the wheel and reached in his back pocket. I was taken aback by what he pulled out, and then giggled.
"I can't believe- you planned this, didn't you?"
He held a small, black mixtape in his hands. It was just like how you'd imagine it to look, with the blank white area where Luke had written something. He must've planned this, my mom's car was the only one I knew of with a cassette player. He was handing it to me so I took it, and smiled at the name of the mixtape.
"Luke, 2014, 'For My Girl'." I read, and I couldn't stop smiling. His handwriting was so nice, it looked rushed, and his words were smushed together, but it was so cute.
He told me to put it in and press play, and I did just that. The first song that played was A Party Song by All Time Low. The volume was loud, but not too loud because I still wanted to be able to hear what Luke was saying.
"This was the first song we heard together." He said.
I thought about it and he was right, when I first visited him in the mental institution, that was the song he chose right off the bat from my phone. I involuntarily let out a small "aww" and couldn't stop smiling the rest of the way there. The rest of the songs that played were a mix of what I listened to with him before, and songs that say things that he can't word as well as the song does.
"The last one's important to me, not many people listen to Front Porch Step, and I'm not sure if you do.. but this song says everything I need to say." He said, his voice soft.
I looked over to him, nervously biting his lip like usual. I waited for the song to start.
"I see the fear in your eyes. I feel the pain in your heart.
How can something so well put together be so torn apart?
You are the beauty I want. You are the angel I need.
I find the proof of god in every single word that you speak.
You smell like girly shampoo. I love when I smell like you.
Reminds me why I wake up."
I watched Luke contently mumbling the song along, he knew every word. The lyrics to this song made my heart flutter when they left his lips.
"And if I tremble at the sight of you, it's not because I'm cold.
It's because I'm staring at the girl I want to love me when I'm old.
I swear with all my heart; every word I write for you is true,
And I won't hesitate to give my all for you."
He glanced at me quickly when he whispered "I'm staring at the girl I want to love me when I'm old". I wanted to hug him, and kiss him, and thank him for this, and thank him for being him; but I didn't want to interrupt this song.
He'd taken me to a beach not too far from our town; you were allowed to drive your car onto the sand, and that's probably why he chose this beach. Slowly, he drove the car into the sand. The beach was deserted for once and it made the whole trip seem extra special. Luke parked the car so that the trunk was facing the sea.
"C'mon," he said, unlocking and stepping out of the car.
I took off my shoes because I didn't want sand in them, and stepped onto the warm sand. I walked over to Luke who'd popped open the trunk and was laying down blankets in the back of the van. After he was content with everything, he took a few steps towards me and held my waist as he guided me to the car. I climbed in, him following. He backed up all the way into the back of the seat and motioned for me to sit next to him.
"You're perfect." I stated, sitting close to him and letting my head fall onto his shoulders.
He intertwined his hand with mine. "I'm glad someone thinks so."
We cuddled there in silence, the only audible sounds were our breathing and the waves crashing. At some point Luke turned to me and connected his lips with mine, softly biting my bottom lip. My hand found its way to Luke's bed hair, teasing and tugging at it's rough texture.
Out of nowhere, Luke pulled away slightly. Our foreheads were leaning on each other's and I could hear his steady breathing. I was looking down at our hands when he quietly said my name.
"Yeah?"
He swallowed hard and I could tell he was nervous by the way he was fiddling with my fingers.
"I know I say that I love you, and I do. But I've been thinking.."
My head started to spin. Was he ending us?
"Are you b-breaking up with me?" I stammered.
His eyes got wide. "No, no of course not, babe." Our lips pressed together for a moment.
"I think that I'm in love with you. Completely, head over heels, in love. With you."
I let out a sigh of relief when I heard him say that, and I reached up and placed my hand softly on his cheek.
"I'm in love with you, too. 'Completely, head over heels'." I said with a smile.
He kissed me again after that, one hand pressed firmly on my waist, the other on my cheek.
This was romantic; probably one of the best nights with Luke I've ever had. We talked, listened to the waves, kissed, and listened to music for a good amount of time. It got dark after a few hours, though, and we both decided it was time to pack up and head home. As we were putting everything back in the trunk, a thought occurred to me. A thought that I hadn't wanted to think about.
"Luke," I started, biting my lip as we both got into the car.
He shut his door, put the key in the ignition, and started the car. "Yeah, babe?"
"I need to talk to you.. about something that happened a little bit ago. Between me.. and Michael."
//
i hope u listened to the song bc..,
anyway i hope u enjoyed (-: those of u who are still actually reading haha.
gdbye i need to go to school i can't wait for next chapter love u!!!
- riss