Hi there before we begin I have a few things:
Firstly there is a trigger warning on this. This chapter deals with suicide, death, and drug and alcohol abuse. If you that these things are a sensitive matter for you please SKIP THIS CHAPTER. I don't want anyone reporting me because this chapter stirred up some unwanted emotions. You won't be missing much and every other chapter that deals with these topics will also be restricted to followers only and come with a trigger warning.
Secondly, if you are dealing with anything of these issues here are some numbers to call to get help
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): 1-800-662-435
National Hopeline Network: 1-800-784-2433
National Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-448-4663
Last but not least, this is a story. This is all fictional. Please don't come at me asking "Why didn't she do this?" "Why did he do that?" "That's unrealistic." Although this is realistic fiction not everything in the book is going to 100% reality. Also, I have never gone through a situation like this so I'm writing this based on what the characters would do in this situation. If my depiction of this scene offends anyone please feel free to message me and we can discuss it. (We all know that Scarlett makes shitty decisions so don't be too shocked by her.)
Thank you so much for staying onboard this long and without further introduction, I present to you...Chapter 41
*TRIGGER WARNING*
Scarlett
I don't know why I'm nervous to go on a date with my boyfriend. You would think that after so many not date dates between us I'd be used to the idea, but nope. I'm literally shaking in my heels. The tapping of my fingers on the steering wheel is almost louder than the smooth jazz playing in the background.
I'm nervous because this is our real first date. Instead of "Hey do you want to hang out on Saturday?" it's "Let's go a date this Saturday." Instead of cheap fast food, Lucas made reservations at a swanky restaurant downtown, that one google search showed that reservations need to be made months in advance, because of how popular it is. Somehow my amazing boyfriend was able to secure a spot in just 3 days. I have an inkling that it has something to do with the last name and the fact that money talks. My google search further showed that the restaurant has an extensive vegetarian and vegan menu, so I know that Lucas' hand-picked this place especially for me.
I even put some real effort in my outfit tonight. Instead of just wearing jeans and a nice top, I went out and bought a new dress specifically for tonight just like I told him I would. The white dress I picked out is form fitting stopping right above my knees and shows off just enough cleavage to add an element of sexiness. I added some heels to give me some much-needed height because it can get difficult trying to kiss my boyfriend when he's a whole foot above me. I actually spent more than 5 minutes on my hair and did some loose waves. I mixed it up tonight and wore a dark brown lipstick instead of my signature dark red. All in all, I think I look pretty good for a girl who doesn't usually try.
I glance over at the clock and see that it's 7:30. I have more than enough time to get to the restaurant on time. This date is exactly what we need to get our relationship back on track since my negligence is the reason why we're in this situation. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the best when it comes to making decisions. I try my best to make sure that no one gets hurt but in the end usually, everyone gets hurt. This time I tried my best to make sure that didn't happen but it turns out while I was trying to heal Asher I was hurting Lucas. This relationship with Lucas is new and I don't want to ruin it. He makes me feel normal. He makes me feel as though my past no longer has a hold on me and I need that. I just want to feel whole again.
The sound of my phone ringing brings me out of my thoughts. It's an unknown number and I'm tempted to just let my voicemail answer it, but at the very last second, I answer it.
"Hello?"
"Scarlett?" An unrecognizable female voice flows out of the speakers.
"Um yes. This is her?" I don't know who this woman is but I hope that it's not someone Barry had to contact me. My sponsor has this thing for just giving my number out to people that he thinks can help me, but what he fails to get is that the only person who can help me is me.
"I'm sorry this is Cheryl...Asher's mom. I hope you don't mind me calling you. I know it's late and out of the blue."
"Oh, it's no problem, Cheryl." Cheryl? Why would Asher's mom be calling me? I hope she knows that I'm not with him tonight.
"As much as I would like to make small talk with you, I need you to do me a big favor. I'm out at an overnight retreat for my job and Asher's at home alone. I've tried calling him for the past hour but he hasn't picked up. I'm really worried, Scarlett. Something's telling me that there's something wrong, but I know that he's probably fine. I just would like for you to go check on him if you're not busy. I know that that's a lot to ask but you're the only one he has."
Once again I find myself in a tight spot, it's a little past 7:30. If I go now and drive fast, I should make it to the restaurant exactly at 8, meaning that I won't technically be late for my date.
Busting an illegal U-turn, I give Cheryl my answer, knowing deep down that it's probably not my best decision. "I'm on my way now."
~*~
"Asher? You here?" I call out into the darkness. I made it to Asher's in record time thanks to some illegal driving. I used to joke around with my friends that watching the Fast and Furious movies so many times growing up made me into an expert driver and tonight I just proved myself right.
"I let myself with the key under the mat. I hope you don't mind." Asher's house is completely dark and for a second I think that he may not even be home, but as quickly as that thought appears it's gone. Asher said so himself he had no other friends beside me and Cheryl, so I don't know who I thought he would be with. I'd would never admit this to Asher's face, but I feel bad for him. After the accident, all his so-called friends completely turned on and left him to grieve the loss of the love of his life all on his own during the only time he actually needed them. Even his own father left him. Asher doesn't know that I know this but Cheryl told me that almost immediately after the accident Asher's dad went off on him. Only a few minutes after Asher found out that Lainey had died, Asher's dad went into his room and basically called Asher a worthless piece of shit. Needless to say, this is why his parents are separated.
" Asher?" I call out into the house once again. I look in the family room and then the kitchen. Asher isn't in either place. I figure I'll look in his room and if he isn't up there I'll just leave. My date starts in a little more than 15 minutes and I'm at a minimum of 10 minutes away if I blow all the red lights.
Taking two steps at a time I run up the stairs as fast as my heels allow me to and I take a left down the hall that Asher's room is in. I knock quickly before opening the door.
All the air in my lungs is completely knocked out as I take in the scene in front of me. There sitting on his bed facing what was once the home of his girlfriend, is Asher. A black handgun is placed firmly against his temple with is finger firmly on the trigger. The strong scent of alcohol wakes me from my trance and I realize that he's drunk.
"Asher?" His name comes out in a squeaky voice that I barely recognize as my own. Carefully I dislodge myself from his doorframe and tiptoe my way to him, ensuring that I don't trip over the haphazardly strewn beer bottles.
"Asher?" I say again. I'm behind him but he still doesn't turn around. I move in front of him and for the first time, I notice that he's crying. His face is almost as red as his eyes and I briefly wonder if they're red from the crying or from the weed I smell lingering in his room. "Asher? C-can you hear me? Ash?"
I grew up in a military family, so I've seen guns before. I just never seen one pressed up against my best friend's temple before. I'm absolutely terrified. I can't tell if the safety is on or not but his finger is on the trigger. Ready to end it all. I know I need to do something to stop him but I'm scared. I'm so scared that I can barely breathe.
With a trembling voice, I finally get my shit together."Asher you- you don't have to do this. Put the gun down and we can talk about it. Please."
Asher's eyes meet mine as if noticing my presence for the time. Although the room is dark, the moonlight streaming in is enough for me to see the pain in his eyes. They're completely empty, void of any light and it's at this point I know that he's at his lowest.
"Scarlett." The way he says my name sends chills down my spine. "I-I can't do this anymore. I can't live knowing that because of me, Lainey will never have the life I- we dreamed of together." His grip on the gun visibly tightens as he says her name.
"You have to listen to me. What happened to Lainey was not your fault-"
"It was!" I jump at his voice, my heart beating faster than before. "You keep fucking say that it's not my fault but damn it, Scarlett, it is! It fucking is! I killed her. If I didn't drink that night she'd still be here! We'd be happy but I had to go and fuck everything up. I ruined it. I ruined her Scarlett. It's my fucking fault and I'd wish you'd stop lying to me about it." Tears stream down his face as he crumbles even further. "I wish everyone would stop lying about it."
I swallow back my own tears. I need to be strong for the both of us, because if I'm not I'm not, I might not have my friend in the morning.
" You don't need to do this Asher. Put the gun down and let's talk about it."
"I'm sick of talking. I'm sick of people pretending to really care about how I feel. No one cares and no can really feel how I'm feeling."
" I know what you're going through. Ash. You know that."
"You didn't kill them. You weren't responsible for their deaths. You weren't behind the wheel. When they died you weren't left for the wolves. You were a victim. You were allowed to grieve. You'll never know what it's like to look into the eyes of your own mother and see her disappointment. I took a life, Scarlett. I'm a murderer. I don't deserve a happy ending. I wish I had died that night and not her."
"Ash you deserve happiness like everyone else. There's a reason why you made it."
"I'll be happy when I'm dead. At least then we'll be together and this pain will be gone. Is this pain and emptiness the reason why I'm alive? I'm only alive to suffer and I just can't do it anymore Scarlett. I just can't."
I hear the click of the safety being turned off and I know I'm losing this battle.
"This is hell. This pain, this this emptiness? Anything is better than this."
His voice cracks and my own dam finally bursts "Please Asher please." I beg, sobbing. "Please don't leave me. Please don't do this. You can't leave me here alone. I don't want to be alone again. I can't do it, Ash. You know how I feel about being alone." I cry as the same sensation of realizing that I'm truly alone washes over me. I know it's an entirely selfish reason but I'm tired of people leaving. I'm terrified of being alone again.
"Please Asher if not for anyone else, for me." I get down on my knees in front of him begging him not to take his own life. "Oh god Asher please please please please don't do this to me. I don't think I can handle losing another friend." Everything I say to him is true. I don't think I could handle if I lost another person that I love too young and too tragically. This would only confirm my fear.
That I attract death.
"Please don't do this to me, Asher. Don't do this in front of me. Don't scar me like this. You'll break me."
I watch as Asher gazes at me on my knees in front of him with mascara streaming down my face as I continue sobbing and incoherently pleading with and a god that I thought I didn't believe in, but at this moment I need any kind of help I can get. For the first time since I've seen him tonight, he lowers the gun from his temple and sets it down on his bed, next to him with a simple"Okay."
Quickly I scramble up and take the gun from his side before he can change his mind on the decision. I breathe heavily as relief begins washing over me. My heart rate starts returning to a normal rate. I wish I had those anti-anxiety pills stashed in my car right now.
"Okay, this is good. This is good." Sniffing back tears, I take a deep breath. We need to figure out what we're going to do. Obviously, I can't leave Asher alone after this.
"Okay, I'm going to um put t-this away and then we can go from there okay?" I really don't know what to do. I have never been on the talking down part of a suicide attempt before, just the attempting part.
"Okay. I'm just going to use the bathroom while you do that." Asher walks over to his ensuite bathroom and closes the door behind himself. The muted sound of water running starts.
I basically sprint out of his room, heels long forgotten, holding the gun at a arm's length, down the hall to Cheryl's room. I slide the piece Of metal under the bed. It's not the best hiding spot but I hope the saying out of sight out of mind applies here.
I need to call Cheryl. Asher probably doesn't want his mom knowing what just happened, but I need to tell her. Asher needs more help than I or Cheryl can offer him. He needs someone that isn't going to tiptoe around the subject. I feel around myself, searching for my phone. I sigh as I remember that I dropped it when I first found Asher. I walk back down the hall passing family portraits all with Asher as the centerpiece.
I bet Cheryl never saw this coming when she first held her baby boy in her arms or when she was watching him grow up. No one on ever thinks that their kid can be so fucked up in the head that they try to take their own life but it happens. It happens a lot more frequently than people want to let on. It happens to the best of us.
I grab my phone out of my purse and call Cheryl. She answers on the first ring. I wonder if she's been waiting for this call.
"Scarlett? Is everything okay? How's Asher?" Cheryl frantically throws questions at me and I wonder again if she had a feeling he was going to do something like this.
"Cheryl Asher's okay for now, but you need to come home right away." I walk closer to the bathroom door. Asher's been in there for awhile and the water is still running.
"Why did something happen?" The sound of a car door slamming can be heard from Cheryl's line.
"There was a...situation but I de-escalated it enough. So he's fine right now. I'm going to stay with him until you get here. He shouldn't be left alone."
I knock on the door but get no reply so I knock again a little more forcibly, just in case he can't hear me over the water. Still nothing. Water is still running. I turn the knob and push the door open, but it barely budges. I try again as panic sets in. "Asher open the fucking door. This isn't funny." I ram my shoulder repeatedly into the door, each time it budging open a bit more all while Cheryl keeps calling my name over the phone. Ignoring the slight sound a crack, and aching pain in my right shoulder, I keep going until the door is opened enough for me to slide through.
For the second time tonight I'm frozen in place and for the first time tonight my heart has stopped beating completely. The sight in front of me feels more like I'm in a nightmare than my own reality. The sink is overflowing, water mixing the ever-growing pool of blood, staining the tiles. Asher's unconscious body is slumped up between the door and the tub.
The scream that pierces the air doesn't actually sound like my own. Cheryl screams out my name from the now shattered iPhone laying in blood, but her screaming doesn't register over my own screams. "Call an ambulance!! Call an ambulance" I scream to the screaming women through the phone. I slip and slide through my best friend's blood to get to him, completely oblivious to the blood staining the white dress. He's bleeding profusely, deep gashes in both his wrist. A blood stain blade rests near him.
"Damn it, Asher, you fucking..fuck!" I scream at him although he can't hear. "You fucking liar you lied to me you bitch." I continue to yell obscenities at him as I grab a dirty t-shirt off the ground and wrap it tightly around his left wrist, to slow down the flow of the blood. I do the same for the right one and switch up applying pressure to both his wrist. Asher's bleeding so much that I'm afraid he'll bleed out before help can come "You better not die. You're going to pull through this Ash you have to. You better not leave me. You better not leave me." I hysterically repeat over and over again, until the paramedics arrive.
~*~
"Scarlett?"
"Scarlett?"
"Scarlett?"
I finally look up at Cheryl when she slides into the uncomfortable plastic chair next to me and places her hand on my unbandaged shoulder. "How's your shoulder honey?"
"The doctor said that it's just a hairline fracture. It should heal in about 6 weeks." I respond but I could really care less about my shoulder, what I really care about is Asher. "How's Asher doing?"
"They say that he's stable, he's still unconscious, however. They said it could have been a lot worse if you hadn't controlled the bleeding as soon as you did." She sniffs and wipes a stray tear from her face. "I don't know how I can ever thank you, Scarlett. You saved my baby's life."
I just nod, unable to say anything.
"I owe you something for this."
"I don't want anything Cheryl. You already gave me new clothes." I gesture to the sweatpants and hoodie of Asher's that Cheryl let me wear after we arrived to the hospital. My white dress was soaked in his blood and neither Cheryl or me could handle the sight of it.
"You deserve something."
"Focus on Asher right now, not me."
"Asher is truly blessed to have you in his life, Scarlett." Cheryl pulls me into a side hug. "You must be tired." She says once she pulls away. She's right. I'm exhausted. It's a little past one in the morning.
"I am," I admit. "My car is still back at your house though."
"I'll call you an uber and then you can come pick it up in the morning."
I want to protest. I want to insist that I need to stay here with Asher to make sure he pulls through the night, but I don't. Instead, I just say, "Thank you."
Halfway to my dorm, I realize that my keys are in my purse which is on Asher's floor and my phone is still laying in his blood, so I give the driver the address of the only other person I know in Boston.
~*~
Lucas
I'm pissed.
I can't believe Scarlett stood me up after everything we've been through these past few weeks. Even after our talk about trust the other day she pulls this shit on me
"Are you still mad?" Jeremiah stops rolling his blunt to look up at me.
"No, I'm not mad that my girlfriend who's been lying to me our entire relationship stood me up."
"You still sound mad," Alex says taking a hit of the bong in his lap.
"No shit. I'm fucking pissed."
"I told you not to date these hoes man."
"I'm sure Scarlett had a reason for not coming. Did you try calling her?" Jeremiah lights up his blunt before taking a deep drag. I watch with a hint of envy. I wish smoking a blunt could just cure all my problems.
"No, I just waited for two hours not thinking to call her." How stupid does Jeremiah think I am?
"Maybe she got in an accident or something," Liam suggests.
"Do you think that's any better?"
"It's a reason isn't it?"
The doorbell rings before I can take my frustrations out on Liam's face. Jeremiah shoots up "I'll get it."
"Who the fuck is ringing the fucking doorbell at 2 in the morning," Liam asks, unaware of how close he was to getting punched. "Who has a booty call tonight and didn't tell the rest of us?"
"It's not me, but shit if someone is coming over giving ass I will gladly accept." Alex nods.
"Ayo Lucas it's for you," Jeremiah calls from upstairs.
"You're the one with the booty call? And you didn't want to tell anyone?"
I roll my eyes and ignore Alex's comment as I make my way upstairs. Sex is the furthest thing on my mind at the moment. I'm just pissed, so whatever leftover hoe who didn't get the memo that I'm no longer on the market is going to have to walk her ass back home.
"Now Lucas you have to promise not to lose your shit okay bro?" Jeremiah says immediately when he sees me.
"Why would I lose my sh-" The sentence dies on my tongue as Scarlett steps from behind Jeremiah. The barely suppressed fire in me reignites as I see the reason for me being so pissed.
"Scarlett." I basically spit her name out
"Hi, Lucas. Can we talk? Please?"
"Upstairs," I say through gritted teeth.
My plan is to hear her explanation before I tell her how I really feel but once I see that she's wearing guys clothes from a school that I know she didn't go to, my anger bubbles up to the surface. "Do you have anything you want to say, Scarlett?" I should have taken a hit before I came up to this.
"Not right now I don't I'm just really tired tonight. We can talk in the morning."
"Are you fucking serious right now?!" I don't mean to raise my voice but I do. I see as she visibly flinches at my tone. "You've been lying to me all week, maybe even since we meet. You ask me to give you real and I give you real but your ass can't even do the same? I waited two two fucking hours for you to show."
"I'm sorry-"
"I don't want to hear that "I'm sorry" shit right now Scarlett. I'm pissed. Do you know how stupid I looked sitting at that dumbass restaurant with a dozen roses for a girl that didn't even have the decency to call me and tell me that she was going to blow me off yet again? To do what? What the fuck could possibly be so important that you can't even answer my calls. Huh? Where the fuck did you go? You know I was worried about you? I thought something had happened to you, but here you are. Perfectly fine."
"Lu-"
"Don't talk. I'm not finished just yet." I pace around the room, anger building up in me. "I was willing to completely change for you. I was changing for you. You know how many girls hit me up, basically begging me to fuck them, but I always say no because I have a girlfriend that I happen to like and who I thought liked me too, but it's obvious she's just fucking around with me"
"I'm exhausted so what do you want from me from not?" She says too calmy, a sharp contrast to the way I feel.
I stop in front of her, hoving over of her. "What do I want? What the fuck do I want? I want the fucking truth, Scarlett. I'm sick of you playing with me. I want to know where you always go on Mondays. I want to know where you been going that you had to lie about being sick. I want to know why you blew me off tonight and why you're wearing clothes that aren't yours because I know damn well you didn't go to Windsor High. I just want to know you. I'm so tired of you keeping me on the outside of everything. Just tell me the truth." I yell at her.
"First of all who the fuck are you yelling at like that? I know you're pissed at me, but if you would just let me explain instead of screaming at me, you'd understand."
"Understand what? That you're a liar?"
"I'm not a liar!"
"Liar." I know it's childish but in the heat of the moment, I can't help it.
Scarlett gets up in my face, as close as she can considering that I'm a foot taller than her."You want to know me? You want the truth." She yells back at me.
"Yes fuck Scarlett. Just stop lying to me for once!"
"You know what? Fuck you, Lucas, I'm not dealing with this tonight. I'm leaving!"Scarlett starts walking to the door, but I pull her back towards me.
"You're not leaving until I get the truth. Or are you afraid of telling the truth since the only thing you seem to know how to do is lie? Stop being a weak, cowardly bitch, Scarlett and just fucking tell me!"
Scarlett whips around so fast that I don't realize she slapped me until I'm holding my cheek. Scarlett's angrily standing in front of me, the coat she had on is now laying on the ground and I finally notice that her other arm is in a sling. "You're fucking lucky my other arm is in a sling or else I would beat your ass."
"I'm-"
"Shut the fuck up Lucas. I'm not going to let you talk to me anyway you want. You're not going to sit here and call me a bitch. A weak bitch at that, because i'm anything but. I may be a bitch but I'm not weak you entitled piece of shit." Scarlett stabs her finger into my chest. "I survived a car crash that killed both siblings and left me in a coma with two broken legs." Stab." I survived a suicide attempt you fucker." Stab. "I'm beating my depression and anxiety." Stab. "My best friend overdosed on drugs that I gave her." Stab. "Most importantly I beat alcoholism and a drug addiction and still managed to not only graduate on time, but get accepted into your bougie ass school too." Her little finger stabbing me in the chest is starting to hurt.
"And you want to know why I blew off our date Lucas. I went to check on my best friend, because he's been depressed lately but I ended up walking in on him with a gun pressed against his temple and after getting on my knees and begging for him to not end it all, he agreed to it, but only to lock himself into his bathroom so he can slit his wrists so fucking deep that he went into shock and needed not only one but two blood transfusions tonight. I fractured my fucking shoulder breaking into his damn bathroom just so I could save him before he bled out completely, but not before I literally had to crawl through his blood in the new dress that I had bought for the date we had tonight. I was fucking excited for tonight with you Lucas!" She screams at me and my heart sinks into my stomach.
"My dress was covered in his blood so his mom gave me his clothes and that why I'm wearing some guys clothes from a school that you know damn well I didn't go to. I spent the past few weeks trying to prevent this from happening. That's why I was lying, but it wasn't even worth because I didn't try hard enough and he still did it. And you wanna know where I go on Mondays? Substance Abuse Anonymous and Grief Counseling because it's apart of the agreement I have with my sponsor to even let me go here, instead of some school in Connecticut with a psych ward for the emotionally unstable. So don't you ever fucking call me a weak bitch again Lucas. Because you don't know shit about me."
The room is silent as her revelations weigh heavily on us. I don't know what I was expecting when I demanded she tell me the truth but that wasn't it. The previous fire in her eyes dies down quickly once she realizes that everything is out in the open.
I don't what to say to her. My brain can't wrap itself around what she said, but before I can muster up something, her stone cold exterior crumbles and she bursts out in a sob. I go for her before she can crumple down onto the ground and hold her, while she cries out.
-----------------------------
And there you have it. Chapter 41.
I would just like to mention that I included music by Lil Peep in these chapters because like Scarlett and Asher he dealt with depression, substance abuse, and suicide before his untimely death. Let Lil Peep's death be a reminder to check up on your friends. If you see them spiraling please get them help. That is all until next time