ZARA'S POV
Class X, 13 July 2016
After the Biology test I left school with a heavy heart. And crazy thing is the pang wasn't even because I had a real bad test. And I rarely had bad tests. Nada.
It was something else that was eating me. Nagged and Afraid. That's how I felt when I saw Abhi and Afreen talking to eachother. But why, why would I feel something like that in the first place?
Apparently, I spent rest of the day lying on my bed doing exactly nothing. Yes, being a highschool student I should be drowning in some kind of never ending nectar of knowledge. I mean focus on studying. But I did nothing.
The still fan hanging from the ceiling of my room didn't help at all. If anything, it made me more anxious.
My train of thoughts kept going one direction, his.
He is a perfect independent human. I know we are good friends but not good enough for me to question who he sees or doesn't.
On cue at this very moment, the havoc in my brain is stopped by blaring ringtone on my phone. I let it ring but soon it started blaring for the second time around.
I gave in this time.
Tanay - said the caller ID.
I knew this call was coming. He must have easily read my blackout reaction earlier from the day. I didn't pick up to answer. I wasn't simply in the right mind to answer his queries. I simply wasn't ready.
I silenced my phone. I did feel guilty for a moment because I was doing something vile to someone who cared for me. But I was helpless.
Slowly, the tiredness took my body and soon after I felt sleep engulfing me.
___
Class XI, 18 May 2016
I was soon brought back from my haze. Five months have passed away. I thought I was over feeling these weird things for him. However, I still remember my initial reaction to the reason why I felt the need to stay away from.
I still remember the day crystal clear.
Now, it was about time time that I admit. Abhi to me was like addiction. You just don't know how much of it you consumed it that now you crave for it. Knowing very well it's wrong. He was wrong choice.
But I still managed to make that crazy choice last time. However fear of relapsing was just in the corner. Hiding, setting up a trap waiting for me to loose. Just like I am doing right now.
Standing here. Waiting, waiting hopelessly that he will finally say something. But what did he do? I thought he cared, he cared that I was aloof, then gone.
Soon i realised that no. I wasn't the imbecile, childish Zara I was around Arsh anymore. I wasn't going to let another one of these boys come into my life only to make me feel unnoticed.
I decided I am going to beat him at his own game.
If he has found a way to be okay about avoiding or not noticing me, fine. I'll do it before him and much better than him. If what I did earlier made him go, Cold shoulder (which I did in very not purposefully way only to save myself) this will break him. If only he cares.
But it doesn't matter. I know he doesn't.
My defense mechanism was full proof. I am not going through crying my eyes out all over again over this second guy now.
I sighed in content.
I shoved all the emotions I set out few minutes ago. I was able to move from where I stood. Brushing all the uneasy feeling. I made my way down to Afreen and company without giving glance towards you know, who shouldn't be named.
Great start, Zara!