¨I must learn to accept the things I cannot change...like people.¨
-Kehlani
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Kehlani
"Yeah, I'm okay. I just woke up." I said to Coolie over the phone. When he found out that I was in the hospital, he freaked out and called me immediately. I find it very sweet that he cares about me a lot, despite Jahseh trying to fight him the last time I saw him. "Oh alright, well good. I'll see you in about 5 minutes. I'm trying to find a spot out here. What's the room number again?" He asked.
"It's room 316."
"Got you. See you in a bit."
I smiled. "Okay, later." I hung up the phone. I adjusted my bed to get comfortable, just as my phone started ringing. I looked to see who it was and it was Sky. "Hey girl." I answered. "Hey honey. How ya' feelin'?" She asked.
"I feel alright. I get to go home in a couple days, thank God."
She nodded her head. "Okay, well guess what?"
"What happen?"
"My mom is letting me come out there on Friday." It was weird, but I could hear her forming a smile by her tone.
I let out a shocked gasp. "Are you serious?! Wait, why?"
"Our spring break is next week, but it starts on Friday, so I'm gonna miss school and drive out there. When is your spring break?"
"I don't know, but I can convince my parents to let me miss a week. I have to recover anyway."
"Alright. Oh my God, I cannot wait, biiih!"
"I know, bitch! Me either!"
"We finna get lit as fuck hoe, on God!"
I laughed as I heard a knock on my door. "Sky, I'll call you later. Someone's here to see me. I love you."
"I love you too, boo. Bye."
"Bye," I hung up before saying, "come in!"
The door opened and Coolie walked in with roses and get-well balloons in his hands. I smiled wide as I let out an "aw". He's so sweet for this. "Aww, are those for me?"
He playfully rolled his eyes. "No they're for the lady next door."
I nudged his arm and he laughed as he handed me my gifts. "Very funny. How are you?"
"I should be asking you that," he said as he sat down beside me on the hospital bed. "How you holdin' up, shorty?"
I sighed as I set the roses and balloons beside me before adjusting myself to sit up. "I could be better, but I'll make it."
He nodded his head understandingly. "You're strong. I like that."
I shrugged my shoulders. All my life, I had no choice but to be strong. Nobody else was going to be strong for me, because they all couldn't understand what I've been through. But I can't help but to think about how much I trusted Jahseh, and how I still do. He and I may not be on the best of terms right now but I still feel like he's the only person I feel like I can talk to about my life. Honestly, my biggest wish in life right now is for us to just sit down and talk; to have a heart to heart moment with our deep conversation. I live for those types of conversations and moments because they make me feel like someone understands me, or just that someone cares and they're listening. I just love the feeling of being heard.
"Well, who else can be strong for me?" I said.
"I can." He smirked, and I chuckled.
"Cute."
"I try." He smiled.
I shook my head as I felt a smile form on my face. "So, what have you been up to?"
"Nothing much, just trying to focus on my photography and music."
I arched my eyebrow. "You make music?"
He nodded. "A little. Something new I'm trying."
"I try to make music too. I've been writing songs almost all my life; ever since I was in 8th grade."
"I know. You sang to me, remember? Then your step-brother came in and tried to beat my ass."
I blushed. "Yeah, about that, I'm really sorry. He just gets really over-protective."
"Yeah, I get that, but I feel like he's a little too over-protective of you." He said skeptically.
I felt myself getting kind of nervous. I couldn't help but to start to feel some kind of way about Coolie; as if he was trying to get onto something. "W-well, I don't know. Maybe he just was looking out for me, and I don't blame him. A lot of shit has been happening lately, in case you didn't notice."
He just nodded his head and dropped the subject. His phone began to buzz, and when he checked it, he let out an annoyed sigh. "Well, this was random. My producer wants to see me at the studio right now. He said it's some kind of urgency."
I nodded my head. After that whole tense moment, I was kind of glad he was leaving because I began to feel this intense vibe. "I understand."
He stood up before he walked over to me and gave me and deep, slow kiss. "So I'll see you later on tonight?"
"Yeah." I slightly smiled and he returned the gesture before giving me one last peck and leaving the hospital room. I let out a sigh, as if it felt like I was holding my breath. The tension in the room was almost so thick, I couldn't help but to feel fear. If word got out that Jahseh and I have been fucking around, that would make us both look very, very bad: especially Jahseh because he's been at the school way longer than I have, so for people to know that he fucked his step-sister? We'll be lucky if it blows over quickly.
There was a knock on my door, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Come in!" I said. A head of half blonde and half black dreads peeked it's way in, causing me to slightly smile. "Hey Cruella."
He flipped me the middle finger as he came in and sat down beside me on the bed. "She was a savage anyway."
I shook my head as I chuckled. "Whatever."
He grabbed my hand. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm OK." I lied through my teeth. I know I'm not okay, but that's the lie I have to feed everyone, even Jahseh.
He sighed as he ran his fingers through his dreads. "How can you just handle this so calmly? Aren't you angry? I'm not trying to start somethin', but you're just handling this too well."
Because I've been through it before.
"There's a lot you don't know, Jahseh." I quietly said.
His eyes softened as he looked into mine. His grip on my hand grew more secure, which made me feel safer for some reason. "Can I know? Please?" He sounded like a little kid.
"There's things about you that I don't know, Jahseh. I feel like we're both hiding things from each other, but I really need to know you more before you know me."
He let go of my hand before sighing and standing up. He looked at me with this determined look as I stared back at him, waiting to see what he was about to do. "What do you want to know, Kehlani?"
I stayed silent for a moment before answering: "Everything."
He sighed before nodding his head. "When I was in elementary school, my mother sent me to live with my grandmother because of financial problems. When I was in middle school, I kept getting in trouble because of breaking rules, or fighting. My grandmother got tired of my bullshit, so she sent me to go live with my aunt Janice."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "I thought Janice was your mom."
He shook his head. "She's my aunt, but she's been more of my mother figure for a long time since I haven't spoken to my real mother in years. She treats me as if I'm her own son, so she introduces me to people as her son." He took off his shirt, revealing his few tattoos, but he pointed to the one across his chest. "Cleopatra is my mother's name. Although I haven't spoke to her in a long time, I still give her credit for having me, and doing her best to provide for me the best she could until she couldn't. But then I found out about him," he pointed to the tattoo on his arm that read "Aiden". "She had my little brother while I was gone, and she never gave him to anyone else. That made me feel alone, because she never bothered to tell me, and I had to find out from Janice."
He then pointed to the large elephant tattoo on his throat. "This stands for how I feel like the elephant in the room sometimes. I feel awkward about myself and the things I say sometimes, believe it or not. Also, elephants are intelligent, passive, yet dangerous creatures." He pointed to the "17" on his forehead. "I recently got this. Actually about a month before you came. I wanted to be dead by the time I'm 18, so me being 17 right now should've been my last year alive... but then I met you, and I'm about to be 18."
I felt warm tears slide down my cheeks. I could see the anger and pain in his eyes, and I knew it was from him talking about his past and his feelings. "Jahseh, it's okay. Stop."
He ignored my suggestion. "I felt alone, Kehlani. No matter how many bitches I fucked, how many blunts I smoked, how many times I laughed and joked around, I still felt alone because it felt like I had nobody. I wanted to die, and I wanted to feel numb all the time." He gestured to his "numb" tattoo by his eye.
"Jahseh, stop." I begged, but he wouldn't listen.
"You wanted to know everything, so I'm telling you everything."
I tried my best to stand up before making my way to him and embracing him. I ignored the pain I was in, because he needed to be loved. "No, it's okay. Everything is alright now, just calm down." I felt his tears drop onto my shoulder, but I didn't mind. He needed me, just like I needed him. I felt like now was the time for him to know my secrets than I've been trying to hide from the world.
After a long silence between the two of us, I finally grew the strength to tell him everything. "When I was 11, my life started to fall apart. My real father died before I was born, and my mother married Richard when I was 7. But two days after my 11th birthday, my mom died in a car accident. Richard became my legal guardian, so he insisted that I call him 'Dad', and I eventually did. It wasn't long before his brother Felix moved in, and he was just released from jail for sexual assault. He would touch me while I'd be asleep, and whenever I would try to bring up the situation to my dad, he would either pretend he didn't hear me or he would just disregard it. One night, Felix came into my room, and he looked very upset. He had...this look in his eyes that made me feel scared and it really bothered me. He came up to me and he held me down as he started to kiss me. I didn't know what to do, but I knew it was wrong so I tried to tell him to get off of me and to leave me alone." I paused as I felt my eyes fill up with tears before they fell. Jahseh's hold on me grew tight, which I could tell he was concerned. He walked me to the hospital bed before he sat us down, never breaking our embracement.
"He raped me, and my dad knew about it all along, but did nothing. He let his brother rape me up until I was 15. I called the police on him one day and they took him away, so I never saw him again after that. Then Dad starting beating me because I got his brother sent to prison, and he abused me until after my 17th birthday. He hasn't hit me in months, and I'm glad we moved in with you and Janice. I was tired of dealing with him alone, but I didn't find out about Janice until the night before we moved. But I'm glad I have you here. I feel like you can protect me from him, or anyone else. I always feel so safe when I'm with you, Jahseh."
"As long as I live, Kehlani, I promise I will do anything to protect you at any cost."
I chuckled as we looked at each other. "You're like my Romeo."
He laughed. "Well, then I guess you're my Juliet." He pulled me in for a kiss, and I gladly followed suit.
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Hello my lovesss!! Thank you guys so much for loving this book and also getting me to over 5k reads!
I swear not only do I do this for me, but I do it for yall too!
But anyways, how do you guys feel about Jahseh and Kehlani's moment?
They finally revealed their secrets (some of them)
More coming up!
I love you all!
-Jay👑♉