Cries....
I'm hearing cries...
I whisper these words to myself while I try to cover my ears with my soft but calloused hands. The room was dark, not a single light was lit. The door was slightly open yet i can't see anything inside from the outside. It fills me with fear as I hear the cries echoing from the walls of the room. I was crying, I know that something is happening beyond that door.
I walked into the room as soon as the cries stopped. I carelessly walked into while wiping away my tears with my arms, I saw my father stuffing his things into a rather big bag. I was curious as to why he was doing that. He puts his things in his bag one by one in a hurry. The clothes weren't even neatly arranged, they were just stuffed in there. I then rushed to my mothers side. I saw marks of tears from her eyes, it filled me with sadness. It's like I saw my reflection on her face, but she experienced more pain than I did. My mother kept a still smile on her face and looked at me.
Not being able to understand the situation i ask my mother "Mom, what's going on?" The trace of crying could be heard from my voice as well. My mother gave me a very innocent reply. She smiled and closed her eyes and said "Be independent, from now on it's going to be just the two of us okay?" without a single trace of sadness.
Tears fell down from my eyes once more. I began to cry. My mother tried to console me by hugging me very tightly. She grasped my back like i was going to disappear if she didn't hug me tight enough. She ran her fingers through my natural brown hair while saying "Everything's going to be alright dear, I promise I'll take care of you." While she kisses my forehead.
My father had left without saying anything. No goodbyes or take cares were heard from him. His drawer of clothes were not put back neatly. Some of his clothes were even left scattered on the ground. My mother has then convinced me that my father is never going to come back.
"From this day forth, I will never hurt the ones I love... I wont be the same as him..." I swore to myself.
For the last few years, my mother and i lived by ourselves. She didn't take care of me, we took care of each other. The sense of peace i had within those years still echoes in my mind.
Until one day...
My mother got admitted to a hospital.
.....
"I'm sorry but there's nothing we can do to save your mother."
.....
"Nothing we can do to save my mother.
....my ass" those words ringed inside my head, those words were glued to me. I was filled with hate and anger. I was beside my mother's hospital bed trying to keep calm.
.....
"Why do my loved ones get hurt?" I ask myself.
.....
I've had enough. I stood up and began screaming words of repent and agony. My mother was asleep, but if she was awake, I'm sure I would've shortened her life with the words I spat out. With my fists clenched and my head down I cursed, swore and said anything I wanted to say. I was filled with rage. But not because my mother is dying....
....
"Why can't i save her?"
.....
"Was i a good son to her?"
....
"I want to stay by her side....till the very end....."
....
My mother then woke up. She held my hands as if I was in danger. She calmed me down. I sat down on the small round hospital chair and spoke to my mother one last time.
"What would I do without you?" I asked my mother while tears began to fall from my eyes. My whole body was trembling. Not with anger, but with sadness.
"You'll be fine on your own. I've taught you everything you need to know now."
Replied my mother with a smile on her face.
I then held her hand tightly and ask "How come you can still smile mother?"
She placed my hands on her lap and said "Because the best thing you can give a sad person is a smile. Cheer up my Anon. I'll always be with you." and she laid back down.
I went to hold my mother's hand to thank her. But I didn't feel her hand moving towards me. I couldn't feel her pulse anymore. I started panicking, my mother she....... Died. Right in front of me.
I rushed out of the room to call for a doctor. I screamed with all my heart. They arrived a few moments later.
The doctor then placed his hand on my shoulder and said "she's gone..."
And my days of living with a caring and lovable mother ended.
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Fast forward a couple of months.
.
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I just now moved to my new apartment. I had finished moving in all the boxes i have and was about to start packing out. My feet feels so light, and my body feels so heavy...
I fell to the floor. I was cold, and i couldn't stand up. "Am i tired?" I asked myself. But i figured this isn't just energy deficiency. I took a photo frame out of one of the boxes that i opened up. I saw a family portrait. My father wasn't there but.... My mother..... was smiling.
"Ichinose High School huh...."
I whispered to myself as i slowly fell asleep.
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And here on forth begins a life of living all by myself. I wonder what might become of me?