A late cold February evening somehow made me feel anxious. А full silver moon was rising in the inky sky and there was no sign of distant and indifferent stars. But I wasn't interested.
In a noisy and dimly lit bar, it was impossible to care about moon and stars. There was a smoky and relaxed atmosphere accompanied by melodic sounds of saxophone which I was, as usual, a part of.
Like any other evening for the past few months, I was sitting at the bar drinking some random liquid which was shimmering through the glass in the dim lights. I didn't know what it was. To be honest, I didn't care. I just wanted to rest a little.
It wasn't like something bad happened or I was exhausted as hell. No, it was just one of the times when you don't really want to care about the inky sky and the absence of stars. With no reason and explanation, you feel extremely bored with yourself.
As a writer, I didn't feel like that often. With all the life plans to write a masterpiece, I was usually too busy to be bored. I've been sending my manuscripts to numerous publishings and getting them back with comment "Good, but not enough" for a year. I felt myself like Jack London's Martin Eden repeating the same routine every day. The road from my typewriter to the post office was almost native.
But lately, something completely changed. I haven't written a word for two months and I had no idea why. I just didn't feel like that and it made me feel strange. Was it a creative crisis? I didn't know and this evening wasn't the one to find out.
'One more glass, Lil?' suddenly asked barmen making me jump on my spot. His voice scattered my thoughts and I didn't like it much.
'Yes, please, Jack' I answered dispassionately. God, what a typical name for a barman, I thought. I was looking at his almost perfect features while he was making me a cocktail and suddenly felt an annoying ache in my head. J-a-c-k. I spelt his name in my thoughts and found every letter of it tasteless. Oh, just like he was.
'So, what about a new book? What is it about?' Jack gave me a full of interest look which I hated. There is just one simple rule in this world: don't tell too much about your life some random barman if you like the bar. There is a huge possibility that you'll come back and he will ask you a lot of questions.
'There will be no book' I said feeling tired. 'As my old friend likes to say, it's time to forget about it'
'But why?' he asked with confusion on his almost perfect face. That made me laugh somehow. It's always funny to see good-looking people being confused.
'I just don't want to write anymore, isn't it obvious?' I answered with annoyance and Jack's emerald shiny eyes went out. I didn't want to sound so rude and I heard an echo of guilt in my ears almost immediately. But this time I had no urge to feel sorry about it.
He was about to say something but I just didn't feel like it. I took a glass in my hand and made my way to the nearest empty table. I wanted to feel something else than itchy boredom which was following me.
Suddenly someone stumbled on me and a cocktail in my hand fell on the floor turning into a pile of broken glass. What a pity it would be if I cared about it.
But it was a social habit to start drama and I was just like everyone else that evening. I got ready to face a culprit of an incident with that annoying look of disgust but when I looked at his guilty eyes I couldn't say a word.
A tall and quite handsome guy was standing in front of me. A big word "sorry" was painted on his face 'cause he was a man who is usually called "a good guy". The one who is always funny enough and kind. The one who is a good adviser and friend. He was a typical minor character who is usually better than main ones and always underestimated. I saw it in his grey milky eyes and understood that it was a beginning of something. I didn't know was it good or bad, I just felt it.
'I'm really sorry for it' he said softly, almost whispered with a small smile on his face. His casual clothes and inviting features made a good effect on me and I couldn't explain it.
'Oh, it's OK. I was inattentive' I was surprised by the way I said it. Awkwardness coloured my tone and I felt myself strangely. It was impossible to be mad at him.
'No, no, it was my fault. Let me apologise by buying another cocktail for you' he uttered imploringly.
'Okeyyy' I smiled stretching the word. I wasn't in a good mood but the stranger was and it was enough.
The situation was typical, like in cliché movies but I couldn't help it. Something was different that night so I decided to see what can happen. 'I'm Matt, by the way' he spoke again. This time a huge smile painted his face.
'Lili' I answered friendly. I didn't know why I wanted to be friendly with him. Maybe it was just an instinct.
'Nice to meet you, Lili. Would you mind joining me and my friend at our table? He can be really annoying sometimes so I thought maybe you can help me to spend this evening in a good company?' it was too direct and fast offer for people who met a few minutes ago but there was something about Matt that made me agree. 'Oh, and I'll buy you a cocktail, I promise' he winked and I laughed.
'Only if you promise' I said casually and felt how an annoying headache left my head. Thank God. Matt was attractive and I couldn't deny it.
The dimly light of the bar was hiding a slim figure at the table near the window. Matt has mentioned that it was his old and good friend which was quite typical for the situation. Just like I said, I always knew how those scenarios were arranged. Simple and predictable.
The man was looking at the inky sky through the misted glass of the window and I wondered if he was looking for missing stars. Nowadays, nobody really cares about stars but what if he did? Moments passed but almost a million thoughts about the stars and the stranger appeared in my head. I pulled a hem of my flared black dress to get rid of it, but it didn't help much.
'Alex, look who I've found accidentally. It's Lili. Finally, there is someone who can save me from your annoyance' smiled Matt teasing his friend. I turned my head to face the stranger and froze on my spot. On the floor, near the table, what felt like an entire universe.
He was a guy from vintage cards I often dreamt of in a vinyl record store listening to Frank Sinatra. His Elvis-like haircut was a thing to talk about for hours while the white vintage T-shirt and dark denim jeans were just an addition to his smugly smirk and handsome features. His anthracite eyes were dangerous and inviting. They didn't know what the word "shame" meant and it felt like it wasn't necessary. He wasn't burdened with any clichés and it was the best about him.
Alex was good, even more than that and I was weak. I was weak because he was observing me with interest and I felt myself looking for his glance. He hasn't even said anything yet but I already knew one thing: one word of his and everything would change.
'Lili' Alex broke an almost eternal silence with his deep melodic voice like it was a thin glass between us. It made my name taste like a strawberry marmalade on his deceiving lips. Soft and sweet, covering my back with ticklish goosebumps. 'Interesting' he licked his lower lip saying it, stretching all the letters like a mint gum.
I wanted to compare Alex's words to millions of things but it was impossible to think properly. His unusual essence was spreading all over the bar and there was no place to hide.
'Nice to meet you' I said briefly. My eyes finally found his dark ones and it was just a beginning of duel of our glances.
'Yeah, me too' answered Alex with some sarcasm which I didn't expect to hear in his voice. 'We won't shake hands, right?' the question was a jeer. 'You see, every time I do it with pretty girls, it ends very bad' his eyes flashed and I felt it running through my milky skin.
'So what's different this time?' I asked him loudly and defiantly like I wanted to show Alex that I am brave enough to resist him. His eyes were laughing at me, though.
'This time I'm not interested' a mocking smile painted his lips. It felt like this phrase slapped me in the face. "Not interested". It's not like I wanted to be one of those "pretty girls" but... I couldn't explain why it offended me. I've been standing near the table for few minutes but he's already made me feel good and bad at the same time.
'Alex, stop it' said Matt and I caught myself forgetting about his presence. 'Lili, sit down, please. This guy likes being like this but he is not bad'
'Who said it to you?' laughed Alex as I sat down on a chair next to the small round table. 'I am bad as hell' his eyes misted looking at me and I felt extremely uncomfortable.
'Oh, yeah' Matt rolled his eyes with annoyance. 'Anyway, Lili, what do you do for a living?'
'I am a writer, kind of' I answered with a small and unconfident smile. I pulled the hem of my dress again and it wasn't left unnoticed by Alex. He smirked looking on my bare legs. It was too cold for a dress today but I didn't care.
'Really?' Matt smiled. It was pleasing to see him smiling. Alex wasn't smiling, he was smirking and it wasn't pleasing. No, it was just extremely attracting. 'Alex is also a writer' I snorted with a surprise. No way.
'I am a songwriter. It's different' Alex stated pretending to be offended. 'I've seen a lot of writers. And none of them was good' he said looking in my honey eyes.
'You think, I am bad at writing?' I raised my eyebrow. That was a provocative question but I wanted him to react. I wanted to feel his emotions, I wanted him to be interested.
'Oh, definitely' Alex licked his lips refusing to break our eye contact.
There was no Matt, no chairs and no table, no bar. Just two of us and duel of our words and glances. His voice was teasing but soft like marshmallow and I swear, I was almost addicted.
'You don't know me' I stated.
'I don't have to' he answered. 'I see it in your eyes'
'What about them?' it felt like a tasty fight. With all of sweetness and bitterness.
'They are too honey and sweet. It's boring' he snorted mockingly. 'I am tired of sweet glances'
'Oh, I am sure, I'll get over it somehow' sarcasm painted my voice and I was pleased with that.
'Oh, no, dear. We both know, you won't' Alex smirked smugly and I almost hated that handsome features of his. Why was he right?
'Guys, guys, easy' laughed Matt kindly. I didn't even look at him. Damn Alex and his vintage appearance. 'Let's just have a drink'
'It could be lovely but it's not' answered Alex with a fake bored smile standing up from his spot. 'I have something more interesting today' he said carelessly.
'Oh, as usual,' muttered Matt.
'So, good luck' almost indulgently said Alex looking at me. His look fell on the hem of my black flared dress which I was trying to cover my bare legs with and his smugly smirk imprinted on my skin. 'Lili' added he tasting every letter with his inviting tongue. I was speechless.
And he didn't need my answer. He nodded slightly in Matt's direction and putting on his black leather jacket disappeared somewhere in a drunk crowd of a dimly lit bar. A moment later only a trace of Alex's cologne was left as a reminder of his presence.
'Is he always like this?' I asked Matt as a moment passed trying to hide emotions Alex evoked in me.
'Oh, Lili. I never know what he is like' sighed Matt and it was the last time when we mentioned Alex in our conversation that day. What cannot be said about my thoughts.
I didn't know If I'll meet him ever again but something inside me wanted it more than anything. There was no way that such an interesting beginning of a plot was the end at the same time.
Alex was an unknown planet and I wanted to be an astronaut to explore him. He was a book and I wanted to know every word of his. He was a dangerous temptation, no doubts, but, recollecting the way he was saying my name that evening, I felt a burning desire to succumb to it.
Naturally, all of that required another chapter.
Yay, first chapter, guys! I was so scared to post it so please, let me know what you think. It'll help me to post next chapter faster. Thanks a lot for reading! Love you😊💙