word count: 4, 766 wow
pages (paging mode): 31 also wow
warnings: casual language, some romance (ooh la la)
***
January 8, 3:15 pm
location: industrial security center, territory x.
mae
At least I didn't have to wear a dress.
I stuck my hands into the pockets of my jeans to stop the trembling, swallowing the fear that this might go terribly, horribly wrong.
"Is everyone in place?" I heard Ten's voice in my ear.
My hair had been straightened thanks to Sani- who had spent the morning helping me prep for the mission- and it now hung down halfway to my waist, perfectly concealing the earpiece I wore.
I adjusted the hallyu band tee out of nervous habit, listening as everyone gave their locations through the mics.
This mission would be especially dangerous for me; Not only would I be talking to the enemy personally, but I was actually going without a mic, so if something happened to me I wouldn't be able to let them know.
I was scared.
But I had to get past it if I wanted this to work, so I breathed in deep through my nose and exhaled, imagining that the panic was leaving me with the air I breathed out.
Mark's hand found my shaking ones and held tight, lacing our fingers together.
"Mae, calm down. You're going to be just fine." He said softly. Without warning, he pulled me to him and wrapped me up in a hug, his hand rubbing circles onto my back. I let myself get lost in his embrace, feeling like this was the only place I was ever meant to belong in.
"I know," I mumbled into his shoulder, "I just feel like something bad is gonna happen."
He hugged me tighter. "I won't let it. I promise you, I'll protect you." He reassured, and I slowly pulled back so I could see him.
My earpiece crackled and Ten cut through into moment with the code word.
"Go."
Mark quickly kissed my cheek and ran off, leaving me alone behind the bushes. I bit down hard on my lower lip, willing the fear that rose up inside of me to go away.
I had a mission to do.
I slipped a piece of bubblegum into my mouth and chewed, blowing a bubble and popping it as I stepped onto the walkway.
The main building was slowly coming into view as I walked, all glass windows and shiny industry and a couple stories high.
"Mae, I'm cutting off your signal until further notice, so it'll be silent on your end for a while. Good luck, and don't die." Ten informed me. I nodded even though he couldn't see, and with a short beep, my earpiece cut off, and I was left in silence, the only sound audible being my heart beating double time and my feet crunching the dead leaves beneath them.
I zipped my jacket up and crossed my arms tightly, fending off the January chill. It was weird; the last time I'd been on a mission, it was November, but it still felt as if it had been last week.
I still had the nightmares, too.
The images from my solo mission continued to haunt my dreams at night, and it wasn't uncommon for Mark to wake up and find me curled up underneath his covers. But we had an unspoken agreement that I was allowed to stay with him when I couldn't sleep; and besides, he didn't seem to mind too much.
Popping another bubble, I approached two figures standing guard at the entrance. They immediately took notice of the lost girl coming their way.
"Who are you?" One of them shouted.
I prayed my acting skills would work.
"Uh, who are you? Why are you shouting at me?" I whined. I sauntered up to the tallest guy, chewing my gum. They looked at each other from behind their sunglasses.
"I'm no one important." He said eventually, gruff voice sounding a little calmer. "Miss, why are you wandering all alone out here? This is a government facility, and it is no place for a young girl."
I crossed my arms.
"I didn't know I was trespassing, I'm sorry. I'm just really lost, and I'm scared that I can't find my way to where I need to go." I said.
The two looked at each other again, and then the second guy replied, "Well, we're sorry, but we can't do anything. All we can do is ask you to please leave the facility." He sounded apologetic.
Remembering Sani's coaching, I pouted and sighed heavily. "You mean you guys won't even help? I know that if I were in your place, looking at a girl who didn't know where she was, I would at least try to be nice."
They said nothing, and I was visibly growing impatient.
One of them opened their mouth to answer me, but was interrupted by the big glass doors sliding open with a whir.
"What's going on, boys?" A feminine voice called.
I heard the click of heels on linoleum, and a girl with a stylish raven-colored bob and crimson lipstick rounded the corner, a puzzled expression on her pale face.
"Oh, do we have a visitor?"
I smiled at her.
"Hello, I'm Jung Hyeon." I immediately introduced my fake self, waving. The girl smiled back kindly, tucking a stray hair behind her ear with well-manicured hands. She was ridiculously pretty.
"Hello Hyeon, I'm Han Yeri, nice to meet you. Is there a problem?" She asked, glancing at the two men I'd been talking to.
They shifted uncomfortably.
I shook my head, "No, no problem at all. I was just trying to get directions somewhere, and these guys were helping me." The men in question nodded, and Yeri raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow.
"If that's the case, would you like me to get you directions to wherever you're headed?" She offered. "I could bring you to the office and help you find your way, perhaps?"
I felt sudden apprehension flood me, but I didn't know why; maybe it was the way she'd phrased her offer. I figured that I'd bought more than enough time, so I agreed, ignoring the strange feeling in my gut.
She beckoned for me to follow her. The men from earlier stayed at the entryway as I let Yeri lead me into the building, going into a hallway with signs reading To: Lobby, Main Office, Management.
The inside looked just as fancy as the outside, with elaborate wall decor and pretty monochrome furniture.
Her heels click-clacked the entire way, and it made up for the awkward silence that hung between us. I was all for small talk, but I didn't know how much more I could say without raising suspicion, and I didn't trust my voice to be strong enough to hide my nerves.
We took a sharp right turn and followed singular plaques pointing us towards the office, and the twisting path was starting to confuse me. My determination grew more unsteady as I realized I might not be able to escape if I needed to.
"So where did you say you were going?" Yeri asked.
"Well, I made a friend at my school the other day and she invited me over for lunch at her flat, but I don't know where. I think I got the wrong directions, so now I'm just lost and I need to find a way there."
That was my story, and I was sticking to it. She nodded and grew silent again, allowing every turn to mess with my head even more.
Finally we entered a spacious room filled with desks, telephones, computers, and shelves. The sign by the door clearly stated "Office".
Yeri headed straight for the mahogany desk, sliding into the chair and proceeding to type at the speed of light. Pulling up a browser, she clicked a few times and a map started to fill the screen, and she spun back around to face me.
"What's the street address?" She questioned.
I gulped. "75B in the Furlow apartment complex on Gondong Street." I managed to tell her without hesitation, hoping to hell that I'd said the right numbers.
She typed the address in on the map, and an image of some apartments popped up, zooming in to the one closest to the parking deck. I almost sighed in relief that it was, thankfully, a real place.
As Yeri kept fiddling with the browser, I took a moment to really study her.
She was conventionally beautiful; kind brown eyes, flawless fair skin, elegant features, and all the poise in the world. Her clothes and haircut screamed money, but she wore it well- there was not a thing about her that wasn't classy and sleek.
I was never the jealous type, but she was the sort of girl who made others question themselves; I found myself doing just that.
Was I even noticeable in comparison to Yeri?
I didn't think so; my weird heterochromian eyes, the simple hair, and plain face became easily forgettable next to her. I was suddenly glad that Mark was not in the room with us, because if he was, I was sure I'd have thousands of doubts about his current tastes in women.
Damn you, Mae, are you going crazy? My mind scolded me. You're on a mission for God's sake, you aren't here to philosophize about the standards of modern beauty!
Well, fuck. Maybe I really was going crazy.
"The browser says that this apartment is about 7.4 kilometers from here, if you make a left on East Yeeko and go straight for a while." Yeri said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I popped another bubble before bowing slightly in gratitude.
"Thanks for your help, Yeri." I replied.
She waved it off nonchalantly. "Oh, it's no problem. We girls have to look out for each other these days, right?" She joked. I laughed nervously, wanting nothing more than to bolt out of and away from this maze of an office.
She rose from the desk and logged out of the browser before closing down the computer. Heels clicking in time, she stood over the copy machine and grabbed a paper, which I hadn't heard get printed out.
She handed it to me. "These are the directions to the flat, so you don't get lost again. Once you head out of the building, make a left, and then you'll follow these directions from there."
I chewed on my gum, itching to make my escape. Something about this place set my nerves on edge.
"Thank you so much, Yeri." I thanked her again. "Do you mind showing me out of the building? I think you know by know that I'm not very good at finding my way," I said sheepishly. She nodded.
"Of course, follow me."
Her heels filled the silence once more as she led me out of the room and into the maze, and every inch of me was annoyed at how slow her pace was. I wanted to run until I was safely out, but I couldn't.
We kept twisting and turning for what seemed to me like years; until finally, I saw the main lobby come into view, and I was never so happy to see sliding glass doors.
Yeri's steps slowed even more as we approached the exit, and it took all of my willpower not to breeze right on past her. We stopped a few meters from the doors, and she turned to me with a kind smile.
"Good luck, Hyeon, and be safe!" She bid me goodbye, and my replying smile was genuine- but only because I was so close to leaving.
"Thank you, I will be." I said simply.
I forced myself to walk through the doors slowly, so as not to rouse suspicion; I counted down the steps until I was safe.
Twelve, eleven ten...
I was so anxious. Did they believe my act?
Nine, eight, seven, six, five...
I was almost there. I bit my lip out of habit, unknowingly crinkling the paper in my hands.
Four, three, two...
So close. I clenched my fists, straining to hear if footsteps followed behind me. There were none.
One, zero... negative one, negative two, negative three...
I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding.
I was safe.
No one was following me.
Or so I thought.
**
7:45 pm
location: underground, dining hall.
mae
"What did the girl look like?" Chenle asked intently.
The whole Dream unit sat in a semicircle around me at the dinner table, plates already emptied in their excitement to hear about my mission; but Mark was nowhere to be found.
"She was so pretty it hurt, to be honest." I told him, shaking my head.
"I've never seen her before, but she looked like she couldn't have been that much older than me, and she wore some killer high heels."
Jisung whistled lowly. "A girl in heels just hits different." He stated.
There was a second of silence where we comprehended what he just said, until we all laughed out loud.
"What about heels makes it so different, Park?" I asked, still amused at what he was saying.
Jisung smirked before answering, "I mean, don't get me wrong, all girls are naturally beautiful in their own ways. But where a girl in jeans and sneakers is more practical and plain, a girl in heels is a girl who knows she looks good. And that level of confidence is just really fucking attractive, you know?" He shrugged.
The rest of us laughed, although it was all in good humor. His cheeks slowly flushed pink, as well as the tips of his ears once he realized why we were still laughing.
"Aww guys, c'mon, you're making him blush!" Renjun cooed teasingly. Jisung nudged him in the ribs with his elbow, shooting him a glare.
"Okay, that's enough you dum dums, give him a break." Mark's voice came from the doorway behind me.
The boys instantly quieted down, but Jaemin snickered into his palm and looked pointedly at Jisung. I smiled as two hands rested on my shoulders affectionately, tilting my head up to greet Mark.
"I was just telling them about my mission today." I said. He grinned back, which looked pretty funny from my angle; I found myself wishing I had my phone to take the unflattering picture.
The third week after my decision to join NCT, Ten and Taeyong had gone out to my house to gather my things; clothes, shoes, the necessities, and they even brought my sunflower bedding. But the one thing they couldn't bring me was my cell phone.
It's not like I was addicted to it or anything; in reality, all I really used it for was for pictures and keeping in touch with people. Still, I was pretty upset to hear that I couldn't keep it.
I wanted to call my parents to tell them everything that was happening.
Taeil told me that he had already contacted them and made up a story to explain why they wouldn't be hearing from me, which was nice, but I wished I could hear them just one more time over the phone.
Maybe I can someday soon.
"It sounds like it all went smoothly, then." Mark's words brought me back to the present.
He was still smiling down at me, his left hand curling a strand of my hair around his fingers playfully.
"Yeah, I don't even know why I was so nervous. It was almost too easy." I admitted. "How about you?"
He smiled wider in response. "Easy as pie."
The Dreamies talked quietly with one another as Mark and I stayed like that, with his hand messing with my hair.
Being with him was easy; whenever we ran out of things to say, nothing was ever uncomfortable.
Eventually the other units started trailing in to the dining hall, and we were pulled into the conversations from today's missions.
While I had bought them the time they needed, Unit U had planted several microchips with audio mics in them around the target location, and 127 had done the same to the Ryejin Square flat. Nobody had suspected a thing while they did this; and I felt that weird feeling in my gut again, but I just couldn't determine what it was, or why I felt it. I pushed it away, deciding I'd talk to Mark about it later.
After a couple of hours talking and eating, members left one by one until only Mark, Taeyong, Ten and I remained. We debated our next move until our watches read 11:30 PM, and Ten stood up on cue.
"Well, we'll just have to get another planning meeting together in the afternoon tomorrow," He concluded, "but I'm going to head up now because I can barely keep my eyes open anymore. Goodnight guys."
We waved him off as he left, and then the three of us sat staring at each other across the table.
The tension became palpable; Taeyong's eyes darted between Mark and me so much that I wondered if it was possible for eyes to get whiplash.
The room was buzzing when he finally broke the silence.
"You two have been awfully close lately." He started.
Here we go again.
Mark's hand found mine beneath the table, and he squeezed twice. "What's that supposed to mean, Yong?" He shot back.
Taeyong merely shrugged.
"I'm just making observations." He offered. "And my observation is that you and Mae are spending almost every hour with each other. I'm right, aren't I?" He leaned back in his chair and raised an eyebrow.
I held his gaze steadily, not hesitating. "As his shadow, I think it would be obvious that Mark and I are close. He is my mentor after all, and I'm learning a lot thanks to him." I retorted smartly.
I didn't know what was happening with us, but I did know that Taeyong was far too curious about it, and I needed to diffuse that a little bit.
"Oh, so that's all this is? A mentor-shadow relationship?" He quipped and pointed a finger between us. I nodded.
"And we're friends, too, since she's one of us and all." Mark helped me out. I squeezed his hand back.
Taeyong still doubted us, his expression visibly wary, but for the time being it seemed that we'd appeased him.
"Whatever, I'm going to bed." He said abruptly.
He pushed his chair in before he left, adding a "g'night" while he made his way out of the room.
Before I could comment on that strange conversation, Mark had stood up and was offering a hand to me, which I took. "I think we should head up too, it's getting late." He said.
I nodded.
"Yeah, I'm pretty tired. Let's go."
Still holding my hand, he walked next to me out of the dining hall and down the hallways. I liked the way his hand felt holding mine; it was comfortable, familiar even. We'd fallen into this pattern a while ago.
When we reached my door, Mark let go to open it for me, and he gave me that sweet smile again. "Goodnight Mae, sleep well." He said gently.
I felt my heart beat faster at the way he looked at me, and I stood on my toes to press a kiss against his cheek...
...But he moved his head without notice, and it ended up much closer to his mouth than I'd thought; dangerously close.
I froze in alarm.
Mark kept smiling, meeting my nervous gaze.
"Oops, you missed." He teased in a whisper.
I felt the tips of my ears burn scarlet, and I couldn't think of what to say back. I blinked twice.
"Umm," I giggled unsurely, "yeah, goodnight?" It came out as more of a question than anything.
He just laughed, brushing the hair out of his eyes.
"You're so cute when you blush like that." He stated.
I momentarily forgot how to breathe. Why did I always lose my ability to think when he said things like this? It wasn't fair!
"Do I make you nervous, Mae?" He continued in a whisper, his words tickling my ear.
I shook my head vigorously, even though we both knew the answer was definitely a yes.
"Not at all," I lied through my teeth. He rolled his eyes, still grinning at me, and moved away from me, allowing me to finally breathe for a second.
"Goodnight, princess."
I smiled back at him, my uncertainty fading.
"Goodnight, Mark. Sweet dreams," I told him.
He winked. "They definitely will be."
And there it went again- how do I breathe?
Mark was already retreating away from my door when I remembered how oxygen works. I hummed to myself as I shut my door, pressing my hands to my flaming cheeks in an attempt to cool them off.
Damn you, Mark Lee.
I smiled softly.
***
January 9, 1:09 AM
location: underground.
mae
Red.
It was everywhere; all I could see was the color red.
I heard shouting, but it was muffled, and it felt like someone was wrapping their hand around my neck.
A gunshot pierced the air, and then another; and I slowly was able to see the bodies of two men fall limply to the ground, the images still detailed in a hazy red hue. The shouting continued, but one voice rang out loud enough to discern.
"Murderer!"
The hand around my throat squeezed tighter and tighter until I was seeing red stars. I choked and struggled to keep breathing; I was falling, spiraling out until-
I woke up with a start.
My covers were twisted around my chest and neck; I was trembling, and dried tears stained my cheeks.
The nightmares were becoming ridiculous.
Snapping out of it, I untangled myself from my bed and padded over to the sink, splashing my face with cold water.
It was just a dream.
I shook out my messy braid and retied it, trying to calm myself down.
I should have just gone back to my own bed then, but I couldn't help slipping out of my room and making a beeline for Mark's. It was what I always did on nights like these, anyways.
I no longer cringed when his door creaked, or when his floorboards groaned; he was almost always deeply asleep when I came in. I shut the door behind me and crawled beneath his covers, seeking solace in his warmth.
His back was normally to this side of the bed, but tonight he was flipped around, so that when I snuggled up to him I was able to tuck my head into that space between his neck and shoulder.
He was so amazingly warm.
I smiled contentedly, nightmare long gone, and was almost asleep when I heard his raspy voice.
"Bad dream?"
I nodded against his chest. "Yeah, the usual." I whispered. He shifted around and held up one arm.
"C'mere."
I obliged, wiggling until we were about as close as we could get. My head was no longer nestled where it had been, but that was okay, because now Mark and I were nose to nose against his pillow.
He wrapped his arm around me and gave me a crooked smile. "Better?"
"Much," I said simply. We were quiet for a moment, just happy to be where we were.
Mark cleared his throat. "Good. Hey, um, listen Mae, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier." He said, voice still low and sleepy. It sent shivers down my spine, but the good kind.
"What are you talking about?" I mumbled.
He sighed, and I was suddenly hyperaware of just how close his mouth was to mine. His breath was still warm when it reached me.
"I mean tonight. You know, with Taeyong, and when I said goodnight to you..." He trailed off awkwardly.
Under normal circumstances, I would have gotten shy and nervous, and probably change the subject. But right now, when the world was asleep and it was dark in his room, I felt bold enough to do anything.
"Mark, don't be so oblivious. If I ever had a problem with the things you say to me, you would know." I reassured him.
Still feeling confident, I rolled until I was practically on top of him, my legs tangled with his. My arms rested on his chest, and if I wasn't mistaken, I could feel his heart beating wildly.
I heard him suck in a deep breath.
"You're sure?" He asked. I reached up to mess with the hair that fell in his eyes, gently sweeping it back so I could see them better.
"Promise."
The mood tangibly changed just then.
Mark's hand grabbed the one that was in his hair and he brought it to his lips, placing a swift kiss there on the back. I felt my heart melting into a little puddle at his sudden confidence- I didn't know where it was coming from, but I was loving this side of him.
"You missed." I whispered teasingly, copying his words from earlier.
He must have felt bold like I did; he guided my hand to hook around his neck and used his arms around me to keep me pressed against him where I was.
"Did I?" He whispered back, eyes glinting in the dark.
"Yeah."
My fingers buried themselves in the hair at the back of his head, and he smirked.
"Then I guess I better try again."
He lifted his head off of his pillow, his mouth drawing impossibly closer, just far enough apart that I began to crave it, to feel his kiss.
I nearly whined in anticipation.
"Maybe you shouldn't miss this time." I prompted.
There was hardly a centimeter between us; I knew beyond a single doubt that I wanted nothing more than to close that distance, and I was almost certain that he was feeling the same way.
My hand gripped his hair harder as my eyes fluttered shut, his own hand tracing up my spine until it held my head to him.
"Good idea."
His words drifted across my lips, sending me diving headfirst into a pool of absolute delirium.
After an eternity and a half, I felt his mouth slowly descend onto mine, and the effect was immediate.
Everyone says that it feels like fireworks; but right now, with the blanket wrapped around us and not an inch of space between us, it felt less explosive, and more sensitive.
It was like a puzzle piece sliding perfectly into place; we kissed slowly, surely, and it was more than anything I'd imagined it to be.
Yes, he had kissed me once, but it was too short and too sudden to really appreciate. This kiss was different- it was sweet, but wild; it was slow and passionate, and it felt like a good kind of fire was consuming us, but we took our time, and yet we couldn't get enough.
I felt Mark grin against my lips.
I smiled, too; I backed away by barely a millimeter to catch my breath.
"You drive me crazy." He said, the movement of his words brushing against my mouth light as a feather.
"You drive me crazy, too." I told him.
I have no idea how long we stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, but I know it was a while; and trust me when I say that there is no place in this world that I would rather be than right there, kissing him and letting all the walls between us crumble to nothing.
Tomorrow could wait a little longer.
A/N:
So.
I'm going to start out with an apology for being virtually dead.
I'm so sorry guys; I had no motivation or inspiration or anything, and my life has been absolutely fucking insane for the past year or so.
I don't know if this update means that I will be continuing "beautiful deception", but all I know is it was two in the morning and I felt like writing, so here you go.
Unedited and all that, but I hope you guys like it.
Stay safe, wash your hands, and don't catch the coronavirus!
Much love,
-ari
p.s: if you have questions or comments relating to the whole "Mae's recurring bad dreams" situation, read through the italicized note at the bottom of chapter 13 for a better explanation of why her first solo mission affected her in such a significant way. love you all :)