Too much drink, too much tension, too much everything except for sleep. Violet tossed and turned, missing the gentle snoring sounds of the children, the silent house too surreal.
It must've been almost morning when she got to sleep, because she was woken by a pounding at the front door. Her alarm clock read 9.50am. Bleary eyed, her robe pulled over her pajamas, she pulled the door open, blinking against the bright early morning winter sunshine.
"Hi? Can I help you?" she looked up at a tall dark haired man.
"Not sure, I'm looking for Carol Parker."
Her mother.
She gulped, fresh pain and grief appearing from nowhere. It was so long since she'd heard her name mentioned. So long since she'd thought of her mother, other than as the role she was desperately trying to fill.
"I'm really sorry......she....erm.....she passed away I'm afraid, last February."
The man visibly paled, "Oh.....I had no idea, I'm sorry. That explains the letter I had. I wanted to talk to her, I haven't seen her for a few years, but I was hoping to see my children."
Violet felt like someone was literally pulling the rug from under her feet, fighting nausea, anger and a hundred other emotions, she turned to him, "you! You're Michael?"
He shrugged, "I am. Who are you?"
She shook her head in anger, "I am Violet, the woman who has been struggling to care for the children you abandoned when they were still in my mother's womb."
She slammed the door in his face, not able to deal with the thought of him.
He knocked a few times, but Violet was too scared to answer. Eventually he called through the letterbox, "we need to talk, discuss things. You can't lock me out forever."
In the kitchen she found her mobile, and searched through numbers desperately. Who could she call? Firstly she phoned Julie and asked her to keep hold of the children until she could get to her a little later. Matt she knew was not the best in a crisis, Sarah.....Jo.....but as she saw a name flash on the screen of her phone, and she knew he was the best option, the only option.
He answered on the second ring, "Violet?"
"Hendrick......he's here, Michael. I've locked him out, but he hasn't gone away and I'm scared. What do I do? Nathaniel said he had to contact him as part of the custody thing. But what do I do?"
She knew she was rambling, ranting.
"Violet! Calm down! Michael is the twin's father?" her grunt was confirmation. "Ok. I'm on my way. Just don't so anything stupid."
"I'm so scared Hendrick."
"I know sweetheart, I'll be there in a few minutes."
She paced the kitchen hands shaking, nibbling her nails down to the quick. Then she finally heard the deep, welcoming sounds of Hendrick's voice, pacifying, diplomatic, controlling the situation.
The next knock at the door was accompanied by a rather loud, "it's me V, open up!"
Hendrick didn't know what he expected to see, but a pale quaking version of Violet was a million miles from the woman he knew. Suddenly he wanted to protect her, take all this away.....but he knew that she had to deal with this crisis. The twins deserved it.
"Hey, it's ok!" with a tug of her wrist, he pulled her into his arms and held her as she really broke down, tears rolling down her face into his sweater, her hands gripping the soft wool as her body rocked.
He led them slowly into the lounge, then sat pulling her onto his knees. As she wrapped herself around his neck, he sighed, loving the feel of her in his arms again. But he had to help her out of this.
When she was ready to speak, he stroked the hair from her face.
"What did he say?" she finally asked.
"He's shocked; he didn't know about your mother, he wants to do the right thing by the twins. I told him there was a lot to take on board, we can meet him tomorrow, we'll speak to Hodgson, he'll know more about our rights."
"I'm all they know..." she looked up from teary eyes.
"I know, but he is their father, they have a right to know him, you can't be a father to them."
"They're almost eight! They've never seen him!"
He took both her hands in his, and smiled "I know that, you know that, and so does he, hell even the kids are fully aware that they must have a father even if they don't know him. He can't take them away, I'm sure of that. But you need to speak to him. Deal with it; you can't brush it under the carpet."
He handed her her phone, "call Mr Hodgson, meet him, find out your rights."
She looked up at him, her eyes red, "If I lose them, I've failed her Hendrick."
His heart bled for her, the strong independent woman was gone, and here he had a shell, a sad, forlorn and needy person. He ruffled her hair, "hey, you have not failed your mother, not for a second. Those kids are a testament to everything you've done for them. They love you, and you've been a dependable force for them."
"But he's their father."
He nodded, "wait until you speak to your lawyer, don't start panic about things you can't predict. Ok?"
She tried to smile, "I think I've just realized how much doing everything for them has helped me ignore what happened."
"And now the raw wounds are right back open?"
She nodded, "sorry I need to pull myself together. Sorry to land all this on you."
He was loving having her in his arms, but not stupid enough to think that this was him forgiven, he was just grateful that when things had got out of control, she'd called him.
"It's not a problem V, I promise, when are the kids back?"
"I said I'd pick them up later,
"Do you need a lift?"
She shook her head, "I'll be fine, thanks."
He stood, letting her down onto the sofa, but she rose to stand next to him, "I'm around for a week or so. If you need me."
She still couldn't smile, but she tried a watery grin, "I still...."
He held up a hand, "You've made me realize wait a bastard I've been Violet, I don't deserve your time, I'm just glad we may have some form of friendship, however fragile that may be. If you ever think you could forgive me, that what happened in South Africa meant enough to work things out, I'll be waiting."
She gulped, rather ungraciously, not expecting such frank honesty. But as she tried to formulate a response, he handed her a card with a neatly printed address.
"This is where I'm staying. You've got a lot on, and we need to talk when you have less to worry about. I can wait forever Violet, the kid's need this sorted now."
Violet nodded, and watched as he left the house, without as much as a look back.
****
Over the next two weeks she met with Nathaniel regularly trying to work out what was best for the children. It seemed that Michael Fogarty was full of remorse for the eight years he'd spent living and working overseas, now he was here and wanting to make amends for all that time.
After two weeks, she agreed that contact between him and the children was appropriate, but with that came child support. In the eyes of the law it was dodgy ground, but she was appointed legal guardian by their mother before she died, and that seemed to have some clout in the debate.
Emma and Ethan were still oblivious, sleeping, schooling whilst Violet was struggling to hold things together, dealing with the legal battle, as well as her real, all-encompassing grief for the first time. So every evening she dissolved into tears, sat looking at scrapbooks full of photos, letters and memories of her mother, and finally processing that she was gone.
The night before the first contact with the children she barely slept, she was in the kitchen on her fourth coffee when the twins ambled in sleepily.
"Hi guys!" she smiled as they each took a seat at the table. "Breakfast?"
They both nodded and she set about finding bowls, cereal and milk.
Once they were eating she turned to them, "you know how I mentioned your father? That may be he'd be coming to visit?"
Ethan nodded excitedly, Emma looked nervous.
"Well he's coming today to see you both. He's been living in Australia, working, and hasn't been able to come home until now. But the first thing he wants to do is meet you both."
"Cool!" Ethan smiled then buried his head in his breakfast. Emma was far more thoughtful.
"How come he's never met us? And why didn't he live with mummy like other dad's?
Violet had no real answer, so she said all she could, "sometimes people have other responsibilities, they have sick relatives or have to work away, and sometimes people love each other and can't live together because they fight...."
"Like you and Hendrick?" Emma asked her wide innocent eyes watching Violet intently.
How did kids ever got to be so bloody astute?
Violet nodded, "that's right Ems, sometimes people hurt each other, make life hard, so you have to be apart."
"But you can still love them?"
Violet thought of Hendrick. Could she live with his betrayal? Did he mean enough that she could forget the hurt? All she knew is that she had to hear his side of the story, she owed him that. Shaking her head, she turned to Emma, "I'm sure your dad thought about you every day. We'll see him today and you can ask him, ok?"
She nodded suddenly happy, but Violet was now in turmoil. She loved Hendrick, that was blatantly obvious; she barely spent a moment without thinking about him. So she had to have it out with him, hear his reasons for acting like he did, then decide if she could forgive him.
AS the bell ran at lunchtime, the twin's ran excitedly to the door, pulling it open to see Michael stood there a bag full of gifts, and a smile to match.
"Hey!" he offered nervously.
"Are you my Dad?" Ethan asked.
Michael nodded, "I am, and I'm sorry I've been away for so long."
Ethan shrugged, "wanna play Scalextric?"
Michael grinned, "Sounds great!"
Violet stepped back, moving into the kitchen. She could hear the children laughing, Emma was reserved, she could even tell that, but they were happy, both of them deserved that. She'd just have to deal with Michael as the days went by, her fears that he'd take them full-time eventually were making her nervous, apprehensive, but as yet he had no legal claims over them. So all she could do was wait.
Sipping at another coffee, she turned the card over in her hand, looking at the embossed details of Rough Diamond UK on one side, and the neatly printed address on the reverse. What to do?
Grabbing her phone, she dialed the number for his London flat. No answer. Typical. Mobile phone....answer phone.
Now what? She thought. Mbumba! No answer either. She had no idea where he was. Then she remembered the one person who'd know exactly where he was, Ruby, the office in Pretoria.
Searching using the browser on her phone, she finally found a phone number for the office she'd visited. Dialing she glanced at her watch. Midday there, hopefully someone would answer.
"Hello?" she almost screamed as she heard a voice answer. "Is that Ruby?"
"It is, can I help?"
Violet sighed, "Hi Ruby, this is Violet Parker, I met you...."
"Oh hi Violet!" She cut in pleasantly, "I trust you enjoyed the rest of your trip?"
"I did. It's just I'm trying to get hold of Hendrick and he's not answering his phone. I was wondering if you knew where he was?"
"Hang on....." the phone went quiet for a moment. "I knew it, it's the fourteenth, he's probably in St Moritz in Switzerland. I' haven't heard from him in a few days, he always goes skiing to forget his anniversary tomorrow."
Violet felt weak, nauseous, hardly able to hear Ruby over the throbbing in her head, "anniversary?"
"Yes," Ruby replied. "Thought we were all glad to see the back of that witch it still cuts him up to remember it. And such tragic circumstances really."
She needed to hear this from Hendrick, and realized that this was obviously a part of the story, the explanation he had for her.
"Can you get me an address for him?"
"Of course, hold on....."
She read out the name of the resort that Thomas, Hendrick's friend worked at.
"Thanks Ruby, and please, could you not tell him you've spoken to me? I want to surprise him."
"Sure sweetie."
With that they terminated the call, and Violet stood to check on the children, her world suddenly upside down again.