Jessica's POV
After seeing Brian arrive at my door, I felt so many emotions at once. Initially, I was shocked to see him show up at my door, considering I was so harshly pushed away only a few days earlier. But I was glad that I finally got to see him again.
He looked different. He looked...good. Really good, actually. Way too good for someone who I thought was still going through a major illness. Maybe I just pictured the worst. But I expected him to look.... Well, sick. Instead, he looked healthy, and like he had lost a bit of weight. That might sound like a good thing, but it threw me off a little bit. It made me wonder if Brian was never really that sick; and if he was, it certainly seemed like he was dragging it out.
I wanted to be angry when I saw Brian. I thought I would've immediately gone off on him after he ignored me completely and pushed me away for no reason. But when I saw him standing at my door, I caved. I had been trying for so long to see him, so when he finally arrived, I couldn't be mad. I was so desperate to have any interaction with him because I just wanted to see him. I missed my best friend. When he wrapped his arms around me, he made me believe that everything was going to be okay.
I wasn't totally convinced about Brian's excuse for ignoring me. To be honest, it sounded like some bullshit, made up excuse. But I didn't want to confront him too much or push too hard about it. I just had him come back into my life, and I worried that upsetting him too much might cause him to go away again. I just accepted the excuse he gave me and went along with it. I didn't know the real reason he pushed me away, but I suspected that it had something to do with the new woman in his life...
Brian had tried to convince me that I didn't see the real Lexi. He claimed that she was a nice person, but she was simply thrown off by me. He insisted that I got the wrong impression, so he begged me to give her another try. He said that if I met her again, I would feel better about her.
I wasn't too thrilled about the idea of having to see Lexi again. I immediately got a bad vibe from her. Based on my gut feeling, and everything Sal told me, I doubted my opinion on her would change much.
I offered to have this little meeting at my house, over dinner. To be honest, I wanted to be as in control of the situation as possible. I also suggested that we invite Sal too. I figured he would make things less awkward because I would feel like less of a third wheel. He would also be there as a mediator just in case things got out of hand. This was starting to feel like a Real Housewives sit down. Actually, considering this is Staten Island, it might be more like the Mob Wives. Maybe I was just being paranoid.
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Sal arrived first. We chatted a bit about the show, and how busy they've been getting since their show and tour has been blowing up. It was nice to talk to Sal for a little Brian and Lexi arrived. A bit of calm before the storm.
"How do you think this is going to go?"
"Honestly? Not well. I don't think I'm going to like her. But I'm willing to put up with it for Brian," I told him.
"I feel the same way," Sal admitted.
"Do you think now is a good time to start taking up drinking?" I joked with him.
He laughed and said, "That's not your worst idea."
"Maybe we should give her another chance. If we just start fresh, maybe she won't seem so bad?" I said, trying to convince myself more than Sal.
"Maybe," I said, but neither of us seemed too confident that our opinion of Lexi would change.
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Not long after, Brian and Lexi arrived together.
Lexi shot me this fake, cheesy grin. As if smiling would suddenly make me like her. It was difficult, but I was really trying not to hate her.
"Look, I just wanted to apologize for how I spoke to you last week. I was out of line, and I shouldn't have brought up your mother. I'm sorry," she said, trying to sound sincere. I didn't really believe her, but I wanted to be civil for Brian's sake.
"Let's just forget it, okay? Clean slate?" I offered her. She nodded in agreement.
Brian put one arm around each of us, pulling us in for a hug. "Look at my two girls getting along."
I wouldn't go that far. I did my best to hide my discomfort, but Brian wasn't exactly making it any easier.
We all sat down around the table and started by making small talk. As a whole, the dinner was... awkward. None of us knew how to act around each other. I felt like I couldn't have that same comradery with Brian while Lexi was around. But it seemed like there was never silence because Lexi wouldn't stop talking about herself. She had this high pitched, valley girl voice. I'm not sure if I ever got a word in. Not that I was dying to talk to her anyway.
Eventually, I started cleaning up, taking everyone's plates. Brian offered to help. He followed me into the kitchen, where the two of us could be alone for a few minutes.
"Hey, can I talk to you?" Brian asked, pulling me aside.
"Sure, Brian. What's on your mind?" I asked him.
Brian didn't seem like himself the whole night. I sensed some tension between him and Lexi, but I didn't know if it was just because it was awkward for all of us to be around each other. But I appreciated that Brian was coming to me to talk, it kind of felt like old times.
"Lexi wants to move in with me," he revealed.
"Wow," I said, genuinely surprised.
I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell him, no. Don't do it. This girl isn't right for you. But how could I tell him how I really felt? I feared he would just push me away again.
"What do you think?" he said, asking for my advice.
"Well, it doesn't really matter what I think. She's your girlfriend. What do you think? Do you think you two are ready for that?" I asked him, while truly knowing the answer.
"I don't think it's the right time. We've only been dating for a few months. She says that it would help us spend more time together since I'm so busy with touring. But I just don't feel like we're ready for that yet," he explained.
"Well if you don't think it's the right, then don't do it," I told him. No matter how I felt about Lexi, Brian had to do what he felt was right.
"But how do I tell her that without crushing her?" he asked.
"Does she know about..." I started to ask before Brian finished the thought. Even if we weren't as close as we once were, we still had that connection, where we sometimes knew what the other person was thinking.
"Mallory? No. I haven't told her much about my history."
"So just tell her that you've been hurt in the past, and you want to take things slow. If you're not ready, you have to tell her that."
"I know, you're right. Thanks, Jess," he said, smiling at me.
After our little talk, Brian and Lexi thanked me for dinner, and finally left. Sal stayed behind for a little bit. He claimed it was so that he could "help out" but I think we both wanted to gossip about Lexi.
"So she's.... ummm....," I started to tell Sal, struggling for the words to say.
"Isn't she the worst?" Sal said, taking the words right out of my mouth.
He knew exactly what I was thinking. But I didn't want to say it first. We both agreed to give her another chance. I was open to the possibility that maybe Lexi wasn't as bad as we thought.
"Do you know she wants to move in with him?" I asked.
"I'm not surprised. She's just using him. I can't believe he doesn't see it. What does he even see in her?" Sal asked.
"She must be good in bed for him to put up with that," I said, which made Sal laugh.
After chatting a little more about Lexi, Sal left. He tried to help clean up, but I insisted that I could handle it. He left, and I felt good about the friendship I had with Sal. But even though we were beginning to bond, it would never be like the friendship I had with Brian.
I don't know if I would call this dinner successful. On one hand, it didn't make me like Lexi. If anything, I hated her even more, because I had more evidence that she was taking advantage of Brian. But on the other hand, I did enjoy my little chat with Brian, and him asking for my advice. It felt like old times again. But I didn't know how long that would last.
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At around 2 in the morning, I was startled by my phone ringing. Not surprisingly, it was Brian.
"Jeesssss..." he slurred, slightly intoxicated.
"Where are you?" I asked him.
I got out of bed and grabbed my car keys to head out the door. I already knew the drill, since we've been through this so many times before. I didn't need to ask why he was calling. I knew he just needed me to pick him up. And he knew I couldn't say no.
After he told me where he was, I headed out to get him. Rain was pouring down heavily, which made the drive slightly longer. But I arrived at one of his favorite bars, where he was waiting patiently for me. He was standing up and didn't need my help walking, so that was a good sign.
"Thanks for coming," he said, as he slumped into my car. He wasn't completely hammered, but just enough that it wouldn't be safe to drive. But I've definitely seen him in a worse state.
"Sure, Brian. Just get in the car," I told him. I always told him I would pick him up no matter what, but that didn't mean I had to be thrilled about it.
"So how come you didn't call your girlfriend to come pick you up?" I asked him. After taking care of him while he was sick, I figured she would replace me as his driver too.
"We had a fight. I told her I didn't want to move in with her, she accused me of not caring about her. It was a whole big thing," he told me.
"Well, you have to do what's right for you Brian," I told him.
"You still don't like her," he suddenly blurted out.
"No. I don't," I admitted.
Even though he kind of already knew that answer, it still made him upset to hear me admit it out loud. So, he decided to stumble out of the car and try to walk away, in the pouring rain. I swear, this man is going to be the death of me.
"Brian, what the hell are you doing?" I yelled at him, frustrated, as I started chasing after him.
"Don't worry about me. I'll just walk home. I don't want to be a burden to you anymore," he said.
"Seriously Brian? Don't be ridiculous, just get in the car. I'm still taking you home," I insisted.
Did he really think I was just going to leave him out there, to walk home in the rain, while he was drunk? What kind of friend did he think I was?
"You could've at least TRIED to like her," he said.
"I could've tried? YOUR girlfriend should've put the effort in. She's the one who was rude to me, but I still invited you guys over and cooked you dinner. What more did you want from me?"
"I wanted you to give her a chance, like I did with Katie."
"Oh please, Katie was a delight compared to Lexi," I told him.
Are we really comparing ex-girlfriends right now? When I first met Lexi, I couldn't understand why Brian would put up with a girl like that. In my mind, he deserved way better. But him bringing up Katie made me think that maybe this was some kind of revenge. He hated that I was with someone else that was coming in between our friendship, and he wanted me to feel what it was like to be on the other end of that.
"Speaking of Katie, what's your deal anyway? Are you full on gay? Or somewhere in between? And why do you never talk about it?"
"You know what Brian? I would be willing to have this discussion with you if you weren't being a drunk idiot right now."
We've never really talked about my sexuality, because it's not something I ever felt the need to define. I would be willing to explain this to Brian if he was actually coherent, and not being a dick. Standing out in the rain while he's drunk is not the best time to be discussing my sexuality.
"Fine, don't talk to me about it. But I don't see much of a difference between how Katie treated you," he told me.
You know what the difference is Brian? When I saw that Katie was being too controlling, and coming between our friendship, I broke up with her. You were my best friend, and I CHOSE YOU," I shouted.
That last line stunned him into silence. He didn't know what to say next, so he just stared at me with his sad eyes.
I broke up with her. I CHOOSE YOU."
That last line stunned him into silence. He didn't know what to say next, so he just stared at me with his sad eyes.
"Please, just get back in the car Brian," I begged him.
"Fine," he finally agreed.
We spent the rest of the ride in silence. Even though we both got some of our feelings out, it felt like we had so much more to say. Clearly, there was still some hurt feelings there, on both sides.
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The next day, I received a bunch of calls and texts from Brian, but this time I didn't answer. I was getting a little tired of being his punching bag, and I just wanted a little time to myself. But eventually, I couldn't ignore him any longer, because he showed up at my house, banging on my door.
"What happened to you? You didn't answer my calls and texts," he said.
Sure, Brian. Feels like shit when someone you care about doesn't respond, right? But I couldn't tell him that. I was too tired to argue with him
"I was tired," I told him, truthfully. I was physically and emotionally exhausted from worrying about Brian for the past few months.
"I broke up with Lexi," he told me, as if that was supposed to solve everything. Don't get me wrong, I was glad that she would be out of his life, but that doesn't make everything okay.
"Sorry to hear that," I said, trying to sound sympathetic.
"You don't have to pretend to be sorry for me. I know you hated her," he said, which was the truth.
"Okay, fine. Maybe I didn't like her," I admitted, "But that doesn't mean that I want you to be upset."
"I'm sorry, Jess. I just want my best friend back. I'm choosing you," he said, looking down at me with his pleading, puppy dog eyes.
After he apologized, he hugged me, as if everything was going to be okay. It wasn't okay. Things were different now. But I gave in anyway. I couldn't help it. I didn't have the energy to argue with him again. I realized that I was so desperate for his friendship, I would do anything for him. Even let him walk all over me. But I was beginning to feel like he was taking advantage of my kindness and friendship. I know I said that I would always be there for him. But there's only so much I could take before I reach my breaking point. And I was beginning to break down. No amount of hugs or apologies could help right now. I just needed some space. All I know is, after Brian's illness, I never looked at him the same way again.
A/N: Sorry for the delay on this chapter, I've been busy with work and school. With finals coming up, there might be a bit of a delay with the next chapter too. I really want the next chapter to be really good, and I don't want to rush it. Hopefully you guys understand. But once school is done in two weeks I should be on a regular schedule! Thanks to everyone who's supported this story so far. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Also, shout out to my friend @MadisonAvenue21/@Hashtaggfy, for always giving me honest feedback. We keep each other in check. If anyone ever wants feedback on their writing, feel free to message me! I'm always willing to read new things!