word count: 3, 421
pages (paging mode): 23
warnings: mark lee has my heart.
***
Sunday, November 22nd
12:41 AM
location: NCT underground.
mae
I couldn't breathe.
Invisible hands were wrapped around my neck like a vice, choking all the air out of my lungs until there was nothing left.
I was seeing stars; the world was spinning, teetering on its axis, and my head was spiraling. I needed to inhale; I couldn't.
I couldn't even scream-
Yet that's exactly what I woke up doing.
Teardrops flowed heavily from my face onto the pillow. I was in a cold sweat, shivering though my body felt on fire. I had a nauseous feeling in my gut, but I tried to make it go away.
Mark.
I needed Mark.
Still shaken from the nightmare, I didn't think twice before climbing out of bed and leaving my dorm. The hallways were cold, and they blurred together, but I'd been underground long enough to know my way to his room, even in the dark.
His door was creaky when it opened. I cringed a little, willing him to not wake up, and froze in the doorway as he sighed in his sleep.
When the coast was clear, I painstakingly closed it behind me, going so slowly that it didn't make a sound. I tiptoed over to his bed; the moonlight was shining one single beam down on the striped covers, and it illuminated his face in silver shadows.
I wiped my tears and moved closer, watching him sleep. Under any other circumstances this would've been creepy, but I was too distraught from the dream to care. I carefully folded back the cover on the unoccupied side of his bed, sliding myself in.
It was so warm.
I tucked the covers in around me, feeling a little better by the minute. Something about his presence, even as he slept, was comforting, giving me a blissful little bit of peace. Heat radiated from his body; forgetting myself for a moment, I scooted closer, until our noses were almost touching. I wanted to be near him, as close as I could get.
I reached out.
Grabbing his arm gently, I lifted it up and got rid of the space between us, gingerly dropping it back down over me.
His warmth enveloped me like a cocoon, the feeling making my toes curl. I made a small noise of contentment, nestling my head into the spot between his neck and shoulder.
It felt so good, so beautifully right to be here in his arms; I wished I could stay like this forever, with my worries long gone, swept to the side for another time.
I was safe now; and so I let myself surrender to sleep, daring another nightmare to surface.
It didn't.
***
7:12 AM
location: mark lee's bed, underground.
"So you're just going to crawl into my bed with me in the middle of the night all the time now? You could've at least let me know beforehand."
I groaned at having to return to the world of wakefulness, burying my face into the pillow.
"Let me sleep." I mumbled, not caring if it was audible. I heard a faint laugh; I'd know that sound anywhere.
Mark ran his fingers through my hair, moving it away from my face.
"Wake up, sleepyhead," he crooned, "you're gonna miss breakfast."
I stayed put.
"I don't wannphumfgh."
"What was that?"
"I don't wanna wkkphhm."
Mark seemed to be mocking me. "Sorry, can you repeat that please?"
I huffed, turning my head to the side just enough to speak clearly. "I said I don't wanna wake up."
He laughed again. "Too bad, princess, you have to get up. We've got a meeting to attend in an hour."
I groaned dramatically, not caring that I sounded like a total crackhead.
Reluctantly sitting up, I saw how close I was to Mark's face, and instantly my cheeks flamed.
I had slept in his bed last night!
With him!
What the heck was I thinking?
"Oh my God, I'm sorry!" I apologized profusely, beyond embarrassed. "I had a nightmare last night, and when I woke up I thought I could... I just... I didn't mean to, I um... shit, I'm sorry," I was rambling at this point, feeling stupid.
Why did I think that I could just sleep with Mark Lee whenever the hell I felt like it?
Wait, that sounded bad...
"Mae, calm down, please!" Mark grabbed onto my flailing hands, stopping their movement and effectively silencing me.
Familiar sparks began trickling into my system from every place he touched me, like a soft, pleasant shockwave coursing beneath my skin. I forgot every word I was going to say- I was helpless to the smiling boy in front of me.
His brown eyes shone with amusement.
"Seriously, don't get worked up about it." He consoled me. "It's fine, I didn't mind at all. You didn't invade my privacy or anything, if that's what you're freaking out about."
The flush slowly left my face, and his hands stayed firmly holding mine. I nodded; what else could I do? I was putty around him.
It was actually beginning to be a little problematic.
"How about you go get dressed, and I'll come get you for breakfast in a few?" He asked, sadly removing his hold on me.
"Okay, sounds good to me." I agreed. I stood up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
I was almost out of the doorway when I heard him add, "By the way, princess, nice pajamas."
I rolled my eyes and straightened out my cupcake patterned PJ pants, not bothering to tuck the pink tee shirt back into them.
"Screw you."
~
True to his word, Mark was waiting outside my door and looking significantly more alert when I opened it. I'd changed into a plain white shirt and black jeans, hair pulled up and breath minty fresh; he offered me his hoodie, but I declined, knowing I'd get suggestive looks during the meeting.
"You look cute today." He said suddenly. I glanced sideways at him, slowing my pace down a little.
"Thank you." My voice was soft, and I was no doubt gaining some color in my cheeks.
I wasn't stupid.
I knew, or I at least thought I knew, what was going on.
I knew what the sparks and the racing pulse meant; I knew what the hand holding meant, the nicknames, the forehead kisses, and the butterflies.
I was just in denial.
Could it be love?
I reasoned that no, I didn't think it was love, but it could be very, very close.
I didn't want to admit how deep my feelings ran for Mark; I was too scared that acknowledging what was going on between us might mean a bad ending, like Doyoung and Yinhe.
I wanted to stay in my serene little bubble of ignorance for as long as possible.
But at the same time...
I couldn't possibly ignore that look he was currently giving me.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I wondered out loud.
I felt my nerves grow steadily; my heart was fluttering in my chest, and he only smiled more.
"Like what?" He questioned.
At this point we were stopped in the middle of the hallway, just standing there across from each other.
I gulped.
Gathering courage, I finally answered, "Like I'm everything you've ever wanted."
The atmosphere shifted instantly.
The tension was crackling, almost as if there was static electricity bouncing between us. I held my breath, both eager and anxious for his response.
What would he say?
Would he back away from me? Was I just mistaking his behavior for something else?
I didn't know; I hoped he would say something, anything. I was losing my courage, and with it came doubt, creeping into my mind and making me wish I hadn't said anything at all.
I had been so sure of myself. I never questioned the relationship we had, assuming it would stay out of conversation.
But here I was- I'd completely blown that idea.
And now I was still waiting to know what he felt, and I couldn't tell if I was right or wrong.
Eventually he gave me an answer.
"How could you not be?"
Mark stepped closer, into my personal space.
I didn't know what to say; but he wasn't done.
"I've been waiting for you to realize for a little while now, but I was dying to tell you." He continued.
"You're the sweetest girl I've ever met. I can't keep my eyes off of you, and quite frankly, I don't want to." He came closer still, and I made no move to stop him, curious to what he was thinking.
"You're always on my mind, Mae." Those brown eyes were hypnotizing, gazing headlong into mine; a smile began to form on my face as his hand came up to brush against my cheek.
"You're always on my mind, too." I told him quietly.
I never wanted him to stop looking at me like this, never wanted this feeling to fade away.
He was less than a foot away from me, close enough that I could sense the emotion coming from him; it was exactly what I was feeling, like a strong tidal wave of something was slowly washing over us, dizzyingly powerful.
I reveled in the blissful moment, saving the memory of it in my heart. His hand rested on my cheek, and his gaze was hovering between my eyes and my lips; I had never known anything like this before.
His thumb skimmed my cheekbone, the action sending tingles down my spine.
"Mae?" Mark's voice was as gentle as his touch.
"Yes?" I sounded equally breathless, and I had a notion of what he might be about to ask.
"Can I kiss you now?"
My heart was beating wildly.
"Please." I whispered.
Slowly, the hand cupping my cheek slid to the back of my neck, using it to pull me towards him. My eyes fluttered shut, and every second felt like a year until he finally kissed me.
He tasted sweet.
His lips were soft and velvety against mine; the kiss was gentle, as if we had all the time in the world.
It was the perfect first kiss.
His fingers found my ponytail and tugged the band out, sending my hair tumbling down to hang around my shoulders.
I felt every good feeling out there when he kissed me; it was like knowing something amazing was going to happen, and then when it happens, it's so wonderful you can hardly believe it's happening.
Mark kissed me like he was scared I was going to break, his pace light and delicate.
I lifted my arms to wrap around his neck, and I felt him smile against my mouth, making everything just that much more incredible.
I had thought about what it would be like to kiss him, but never had I dreamed it would be this perfect, nor did I imagine it would be so sweet.
And if I'm really honest with myself, I'd always imagined it being much, much more awkward.
When we eventually broke away, he was breathing a little heavier, and my lips were tingling like crazy.
I seemed to be in a daze, or maybe a daydream; Mark took my hand and led us the rest of the way through the hall.
I was still stuck in our kiss, already on replay in my head.
He kissed me.
He kissed me!
Finally, I thought with a smile.
I snapped out of it when we entered the main hall, shaking my head to get rid of the wonderstruck look I was sure I wore.
If I was going to attend the meeting, I needed to get myself together, and soon.
***
12:17 PM
location: planning room, underground.
"You want me to do what now?"
Taeyong raised an eyebrow at my outburst.
"You heard me. We need you to lure the security team out so that we can get in. Without a distraction, we'll never get past the entry." He repeated.
I stared him down.
"If you want a distraction, why don't you just have Cherry Bomb Squad set off some new creations around the perimeters? There's no fucking way anyone can ignore that." I suggested.
Taeyong immediately shook his head, "No, we can't let them know we're there. If we detonate anything around their area, they'll immediately start getting suspicious, and the last thing we want is interference while we're going in."
Groaning, I put my head in my hands; Johnny sat on my left, and I felt him pat my back gently, no doubt feeling sympathetic.
"You can do it Mae, we all witnessed your ability on your last mission."
He was trying to make light of the situation.
"Besides, I'll be there this time, so if things go south you'll at least have extra cover."
I heard a few soft chuckles, and since nobody knew how the other mission had affected me, I laughed too, hoping that eventually I could push away the memory of it entirely.
"Alright," I addressed Taeyong with a little less skepticism, "let's say I'm the distraction. How exactly will I be doing that?"
"Oh, you won't have to shoot or anything, if that's what you're asking. All you need to do is look pretty and act lost, and buy us as much time as you can." He assured.
"Act lost?"
"Yeah, you're going to act like you're a regular city girl who got lost trying to get to a friend's house. You'll need to be overly friendly of course, and talkative, to keep them busy. I actually have a little surprise for you later that should help you get ready for your role." Taeyong's tone made it clear that he expected me to agree to the plan.
I shouldn't have been surprised though, since as my leader, he had every right to expect this from me; I was going to have to go with it, whether I wanted to or not.
Seeing that protest was futile, I nodded, and he cracked a smile.
"Alright. Since that's settled, I think we've covered most of the bases for today, and we'll have another meeting when we're closer to launch. Is everyone good with what we have so far?" He asked. A series of mumbled yeps and mhms drew the session to a close, and rolling chairs squeaked as their owners got out of them to head back to whatever they'd been doing prior.
I caught Taeyong on the way out after telling Mark I'd catch up with him later.
"You said there was some sort of surprise for me?" I questioned.
He nodded and gestured towards the direction of the main hall, "Yeah, I figured it'd be good for you to meet Sani, Jaehyun's girlfriend. She's the one you get the clothes from, and she's been begging to come. We wouldn't let her until we felt it was safe, since we were potentially being targeted after the day you got shot, and we wanted to be sure we were under the radar." He explained.
That made sense.
"Cool. Is she nice?" I wondered.
He didn't even hesitate to reply, "About as kind as it gets. She might already be here, if you want to go ahead. I'm just going to stay back and finish some things up."
I gave him a thumbs up and left the room, excitement bubbling up in my heart. I'd gone so long without having another girl around; I couldn't wait to finally talk with one.
I found her waiting patiently in the main hall.
"Please tell me you're as badass as Jaehyun says you are."
I laughed, shaking my head. "You must be Sani! And no, sadly I don't think I'm quite that badass."
She smiled widely, brushing a lock of nicely dyed ombré hair out of her face.
"It's so nice to finally meet you, Mae!" She had a sweet tone to her voice, the kind of lilt that makes you a little happier by just hearing her talk. "Likewise! I've heard so much about you, so now I can put a face with the name." I said. Her smile was, genuinely, super pretty; Jaehyun was a lucky guy to find a girl this pretty both on the inside and on the outside.
"So tell me, what's it like to be part of the gang?" She asked. "Are you sick of being surrounded by boys yet?"
I rolled my eyes. "You have no idea. I've been dying to talk to another girl; boys just don't get it, you know?"
She nodded her head, "Oh, I know, trust me. You must be so tired of constantly explaining yourself!"
"Yeah, it got old pretty quick. But as far as being in the gang, it grew on me a while ago; It's way different than on tv or in the movies." I told her.
"In what ways?"
I thought about it for a moment.
"Well, for starters, I always thought people in gangs were cold-hearted and ruthless, using violence to get what they wanted. But here, it's so much different. We don't kill unless it's our only option, and everything we do is for the end goal of getting rid of the actual cold-hearted murderers."
Sani was staring at me in what looked like approval, a perfect smile spreading on her lips. "I'm no gangster, but that's what I love the most about these boys. Their drive for justice is nothing but golden."
I nodded in assent.
It was true; the very essence of NCT was justice and fair play. I was positive I wouldn't have joined if it had been anything else.
We were quiet for a minute, then she had an idea.
"Hey, I think I'm staying over for dinner, so what do you think of having a girl's night? Manicures, face masks, the works?" She asked. I clapped my hands together at the prospect of a night in with Sani, who I was rapidly warming up to. Her persona was sweet and genuine, and she had that femininity that I'd been missing about myself since joining.
"That sounds amazing!" I beamed.
"What sounds amazing?"
I felt two strong arms wrap themselves around my waist, a head nuzzling into the crook of my neck. Warm breath hit my skin there, and I almost shivered at the feeling, my heart starting to flutter.
"Hello, Mark." I said softly.
Sani gave me a sly grin, and I shook my head wildly, knowing what she was implying.
"Hello Mae."
He detached himself from me and stood up, waving at Sani, "Long time no see, San! How's the normal world?"
She shrugged. "Same as always, I guess. How's the gang been?"
"Same here too, except with a new member. Mae's really skilled, so she's been fitting right in."
He ruffled my hair a little with a proud smile shown my way. "So what sounded amazing?"
Sani and I looked at each other and giggled.
"Just a girl's night, nothing special." She told him.
Mark raised his eyebrows. "Ooh, can you paint my nails too? I'm thinking either red or hot pink." He teased in a high-pitched voice.
I laughed, and Sani shook her head, "Sorry, no can do- I'm already booked. You boys have had Mae here training so intensely that it looks like she hasn't slept in six weeks."
I laughed out loud. "This is scarily close to truth."
Without explanation, she suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me with her, briskly saying "See ya later!" to a puzzled Mark.
When she had marched us a few halls down, she released my hand and I shot her a quizzical look.
"What was that for?" I asked.
"You and Mark, huh?" She fired back, grinning.
I sighed. "We're not a thing, I swear!"
"I want details, all of them." Sani really was determined to hear all about it, so I gave up on convincing her otherwise.
"Don't leave anything out, either!"
Here we go, I thought to myself.
"Before you get any weird ideas, you should know that it all started because I got shot."
A/N:
hellooooo my beautiful readers! this chapter is two or three days overdue, but the editing went kind of slow, so my apologies. i hope you guys liked it!!! trust me, i was cheering too when they finally kissed :) next chapter coming soon!!
xoxo
ari™️