P h o t o #17 - Chest Pressure
~Cooper's POV~
I ran my fingers through my usually unruly mop of light brown hair, trying to calm the nerves that rocked like twenty foot waves in my stomach.
I leaned my head back against my bed, listening to the light rain tap on my windows. The sound that would normally calm me down only made me paranoid at this point.
My thoughts roared over any noise that sounded in the outside world, threatening to take over one another. Even with all of the conflict, I still managed to ask myself one same question, over and over. 'Why did those words come out of my mouth last night?!' I asked myself for at least the tenth time, thinking back to the events of the night before.
At the thought, my mood only seemed to diminish even more. I remembered Elliot's shocked face as he processed my question, his eyes mirroring the pitiful expression I didn't know I was wearing. The look in his eyes were stained into my memory. I didn't mean to make him express that face. I gulped down a lump at the thought.
I had realized at that exact time, after finally asking the question that had been lodged in my throat for so long, I found myself not even wanting to hear his reply. And it wasn't because I didn't care to hear it anymore, even after processing the situation we were both in, but because of fear.
I feared he would say yes.
And I didn't even get to hear his reply, even after all of the mental fighting in my head. As soon as we had all settled in at the top of the hill, ready to enjoy the night stars with each other, authorities of the park ran up and shooed us away, screaming about how they would contact our guardians if we didn't leave the premises immediately.
The car ride home was silent that night as Elliot drove. He didn't make eye contact with me since.
I now sat in my room on this Sunday afternoon, leaning against my bed frame as I sat on the dark, plush carpet of my room, and contemplated my odd actions from the night before. I still couldn't figure out what willed those words out of my mouth. Everything seemed to be a blur after the heavy slumber I fell into after getting home, my brain screaming about wanting to forget everything. All I did know was that when Parker and I exited the haunted house last night and spotted Emma and Elliot sitting closely on the bench a few yards away, my chest tightened up.
It was an uncomfortable feeling, making my whole mood drop sufficiently. I couldn't even force myself to be cheery, something i had mastered long ago. I unthinkingly looked down at my chest, which was covered in one of my usual, comfy sweatshirts, and put my right hand up to the area that stung. It hurt just thinking about it.
I sighed, shaking my head. My hair bounced around as I got up off of the ground and opened my bedroom door. I decided to do something about this unwanted pain. Looking around, I noticed how quiet the house was, always was when my friends weren't over. Kae must be asleep by now, taking her afternoon nap. I knew Connor was always quiet, probably sitting in the family room watching TV, zoning in and out of his imagination like he always did. .
My thoughts drifted to my parents. Going on business trip after business trip. My siblings and I loved them a lot, and they clearly loved their children, but it was a bit lonely sometimes without them. Sometimes I found myself selfishly wishing they would quiet they're jobs, but then how would we support our family and our property?
I let go of a long breath I didn't know I was holding, getting myself back on track to what I really had in mind. I always seemed to get lost in thought, my drifting mind taking over.
I shut my door behind me with a small thump, tip-toed down the winding hallway of my huge house and quietly past Kae's room, and finally found my way to Kayla's room. I almost winced at the blinding sight, her door adorned with sparkly decorations and an equally attention-grabbing name plaque stating that it was her room.
After the mind-numbing debate I had with myself, I seemed to only come to one conclusion. I needed her opinion on these feelings. Even if it did sound silly, I needed to figure out what was wrong with me.
I hoped I wasn't sick. I hated doctors, so Kayla was the next best thing (hopefully).
I knocked hastily on her door, watching as a few stary pink sparkles shimmer as they fall to the carpeting below. Not even after two knocks in, the door swung open.
"Hello, my cute little brother!" Kayla said happily while I scowled at the sentence that came out of her mouth. She didn't seem to notice. "What's up?"
I took in one last breath, then spoke up. "I need your help with something." With one sentence, I couldn't believe how awkward I was acting. I never acted like this, I always went with the flow of things.
There was definitely something wrong with me.
I quickly made my way past Kayla and walked towards her fluffed up, pink bed. 'This girl really loves pink.' I thought as I plopped down on her bed, relishing in it's softness.
Kayla closed her door and pulled aside a chair from her desk, as you guessed, it was pink. "Wow, it must be pretty important if you're willing to walk into my room without a second thought, because as you know, at any other time I would've smacked you silly for intruding on my domain." She said smartly as she pulled up the chair in front of where I sat, plopping down in her own seat. "Tell me what's up."
"It's about Emma."
"Ooh~" Kayla rubbed her hands together as her interest was caught, crossing her legs as she sat on the plush looking chair. "Spill it!"
I took a few deep breaths, searching for the right words to describe the turmoil I've been in for since last night. No, since the day at the coffee shop.
That's it. "Well. It all started back at the coffee shop a few miles away. When she had that small fight with Elliot." I thought some more, recalling the chilly day, "I remember comforting her, and when she became happy and smiled at me, I don't know, I suddenly felt my chest well up."
For some reason, my breath felt shallow as I confessed this. I didn't know what I was so nervous about, I was finally going to figure out why I've been acting weird. So why did I feel so anxious about the whole circumstance.
"After that, whenever I saw Emma, or even thought of her, I got excited and flustered. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted, no I still want to know everything about her and I want her to know everything about me. I even find my eyes drifting to her, I even look voluntarily sometimes."
Heat creeped up my neck, giving me even more confusion than what I already was under, but I went on, determined to finish what I came here for.
"And when I saw her talking to Elliot so contently yesterday, I got mad. I got mad at Elliot." I finally willed my eyes to peek up at my sister's, not being able to read her expression. I decided to add one last piece of truth. "My chest hurt. It still does."
By now my face was burning, but I managed to whisper one final word.
"Why?"
***
~Kayla's POV~
'Too pure,' I thought, my mind numbing, 'this isn't something you can find in a boy his age these days anymore. How he stayed at the mentality of a fifth grader while being surrounded by a bunch of girls all his life is just too beyond me.'
I sat there, unmoving on my pastel pink desk chair, legs crossed comfortably, blinking profusely at my red-faced brother who sat in front of me.
Dear God. He fell in love with Emma.
As soon as this thought ran through my brain, anxiety squeezed at my stomach. My heart immediately went out to the kid, knowing exactly how he felt at this very moment. I could pretty much see my past self in his eyes, burning with passion and confusion at these unasked for feelings.
I tried swallowing the lump down my throat, but it stayed stuck, beckoning my past to claw at me.
I watched as Cooper's eyes drifted to mine, a hopeful glint shining in his brown irises. It all clicked into place. He wanted me to give him an answer.
He wanted me to tell him why he was feeling what he felt.
A part of me was a bit shocked, though. How did he not know what he felt when he hung out with those three womanizing friends of his? Sure, he was the most naive of innocent of the group, but I thought that after four years of the tradition and hanging out with the girls who won (even though they did have horrible personalities), he would have picked up on at least something.
Well, I guess that's pretty much why the definition of Cooper is naive and innocent.
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, realizing how long I've been lost in thought and knowing I had to give Cooper an answer soon or he'll suspect something. He'll take notice of what I've been trying so hard to hide from everyone around me.
I didn't know what he was expecting to come out of all of this, but I know it would be something he had gotten his hopes up for, and I also knew it wouldn't have a great outcome for any of us.
So I needed to do what must be done, even if it will bring me pain down the road, but it's better for me to shoulder this pain other than my brother and his friends.
Love was a dastardly thing, and to keep the smile I loved so much on Cooper's face, he shouldn't have anything to do with it.
It took everything I had to muster up a smile, I even added a clap of my hands into the facade's concoction, hoping to seem like I found the answer after heavy thinking. "Sounds like a case of friend..." Scrambling for the right word, I could feel a cold sweat break out onto my forehead, 'Think, think!' I coaxed by self before uneasily blurting, "...l-lust?"
I could literally see the question mark pop up in his brain, obviously telling me he had never even taken time out of his day to even care about the word, let alone apply it to himself. 'There's no way he'll believe such a stupid lie. Lust?! Come on, Kayla Appollo, where's the girl that used to be able to snake her way past her parents questions after a day of shopping with a sweet grin and a quick batting of the eyelashes?!' I let out a nervous chuckle as I registered the calculating look on his face, wondering if our personal definitions of that big fat L-word I just uttered would clash. 'He's gotta be onto me-'
"Really?!" Cooper asked suddenly, making me flinch back due to how on edge I was, his usual endearing curiosity making me feel even worse, "What's that?"
I made myself clearer this time. "It's what happens when you become friends with someone, but slightly different. It's when you have an undying feeling of wanting to be close to that person, and become very close friends."
I unintentionally emphasized the last word, feeling it roll of my tongue like sticky slime.
I watched as Cooper's face went from confused to relieved. My heart stung at the sight. "Oh! That's it! You're right!" He scratched the back if his head like he was embarrassed for all of the over-thinking he put himself though, "I thought I was catching a cold or something. That totally makes sense now."
Cooper leaped of my bed with delight at my answer, startling me for a moment at the sudden movement. He walked confidently with long strides towards my door, like he had all of the answers in the world.
I didn't watch as my door knob clicked open, but his sudden words immediately made me my face turn to his direction.
"Thank you, Kayla. You really helped me in a pinch there."
Flinching as the door shut behind him, I shielded my ashamed face with my wispy brown hair, the hair I inherited from my loving mother.
I couldn't help but think about how disappointed she would be in me at the false help I so easily gave to my brother.
***
Ah, short chapter again. I'm sorry!
Conflicting sibling thoughts? This chapter's full of 'em!
Well, anyways, vote and comment your opinions as you please!