I find him sitting at the edge of Cliff Cotibus. Familiarity washes over me and I pick a stray twig out of my hair, fiddling with it. What do I do now?
Eyes fixated, I watch him in the darkness, the only light cascading through the gaps of the leaves and lighting an intricate web on his face. His eyes drift sideways and he lifts a hand to tug at the soft strands of his face before his body heaves. A strangled cry chokes his words and I gnaw on my lip, tasting sweet bitterness on them.
"Hey," I whisper, moving closer.
He turns. A lone tear perched on his cheekbones but he wipes at it quickly. "Alexis?"
I sit down next to him, draping my legs over the edge, feeling the rough stone cold against my legs. Silence shouts around us and I snap the twig feverishly, unsure.
"Are you okay?" I try.
Regardless of how rocky our relationship is, it would hurt to see anyone looking so lost like him. I'm sure.
He turns to me, letting out another sigh. "Honestly? No."
"Want to talk about it?"
"It's just, I was doing so well and now I feel I'm back at stage one all over again."
I don't know how to reply to that so I settle for doing what I know best; apologising. "I'm sorry."
"Why? It isn't your fault, if anything it's mine. I wasn't ready to come back and I fucked everything up." He rubs his brow before looking at me dead in the eye. "I wasn't totally oblivious to what my boys were doing but I wasn't thinking, I was reacting and I let them continue even though I shouldn't have."
"Oh."
"Dammit." He runs a hand through his hair. "I wish I could just think things through before running off on a tangent."
"Loads of people get lost in the heat of the moment, don't beat yourself up about it." I offer. Am I actually trying to comfort him?
"It's not the same though, others people don't practically kill others."
I extend my hand out slowly, curling it around his back and placing it on his shoulder. His body tenses, his spine become stiff for a second as I start to rub small circles onto his back. I guess I am.
Without knowing it, perhaps Colton and I were finally building a bridge? Our differences and difficulties, uniting us.
"We all have our demons Colton," I say, softly, "and I being too weak to stand up to you probably didn't help in giving you a gage on where to stop."
"That's the thing, if you'd stood up, I think things would've been worse."
"But they weren't."
He leaps up, clenching his fists. "I hurt people, Alexis, I really hurt people."
A ragged breath escapes, and he starts pacing around. "I mean look at what I did to you for fucksake, I completely destroyed you."
I leap to my feet, walking slowly towards him. "But you di—"
"Don't try to make me feel better, I know all about the anxiety and depression I gave you! The one damn thing that, trust me, no one should go through, and yet I handed it over to you like a present!"
"Yeah I know Colton, I went through it, so don't tell me about how hard it is and don't use it to help your self loathing! Just calm down." I shout.
He doesn't though, storming over to a tree near him and punching it over and over again, his grunts and the sound of his fist meeting the bark loud and clear. Louder than my request to stop... or maybe loud enough but not enough to make him stop.
Looking around, I try to make a quick decision, my head scanning the area fast. What the fuck do I do!
Blood drips from his hands and I know I have to get him away from that tree and calm. Rushing over, I loop my arms around his torso and yank him as hard as I can away from the tree.
He stumbles for a moment before understanding reveals in his eyes and he hits his forehead, frowning.
"Colton what the hell?"
Rubbing his knuckles that are now stained red, he locks eyes with me. "I never wanted to become this monster, you know? But I also never had the choice."
"You aren't a monster, you're human. We all fuck up and there's clearly stuff going on behind your closed doors, that no one will damn tell me about mind you, that accounts for all the stupid shit you've done. My anxiety, my depression? Not your blame to carry. My parents were absent for most of my childhood and even less now, my issues spiral from so many walks of life, too many. That night was years ago and I should've moved on ages ago, but really? I think I was too scared to move on, I'd held on to it for so long it was too hard to let go and that's on me not you." I breath out staring directly at him.
"But it wasn't just one night..."
"Colton, seriously, when are you going to stop blaming yourself? Because I don't anymore."
He cracks a tiny smile. "You've always been way too optimistic for your own good... always hoping one day I'd stop being a dick and we could be friends."
"Eh, what's life without a little sunlight?" I shrug.
"In your world? A dessert." I remove my hand from his shoulder and slap him over the head. "Ow!"
"It wasn't meant to be soft." I scoff.
"Your such a bull—" he stops himself short, rubbing his neck, but I pay no mind.
"You're just a wimp."
He smirks. "Only for you."
"That made no sense."
"You make no sense."
I laugh, rolling my eyes. "Whatever, let's just go back to the table... Friend."
"Whatever you say... Fr— okay, no, I'm not saying that, that's way to corny." He makes a face and I slap him again.
"What is up with all this abuse woman!" he asks, throwing his hands up in the air, a smile on his lips.
"I'm just trying to catch up with you." I wink before grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the forest with me.
I let go at the edge, about to head over to our friends when he grabs my arm tugging me back.
"You know you're not weak?"
I smile. "I know."
i'm back!! and so are the banners, which reminds me some day next week i'm going to add banners from chap 16-19 so if you see a lot of chapters updated that's what it will be!
i've also decided to do away with the long a/n as it takes too much time. instead only sometimes there will be a qotc if i'm in the mood lol and fan art will be published in one or more chapters at the end of the book! so continuing sending it to 123itsmeee.wattpad@gmail.com if you want to be featured! ((:
that's all chiccas and i promise i'll see you all very very soon!! and i'm also sorry for the mild swearing in this chapter for those who are not fond of it.
xox,
jessie.