BIRDIE WAS JUST TRYING TO CONTINUE LIVING HER LIFE. She couldn't avoid the inevitable, what with her whole family, Jayne included, walking on eggshells around her, but she could only hope for the best and continue to do what she always did; of course, things could never fully go back to the way they were, but things should be better now, and she could only hope that would reach her sooner rather than later.
"Hey, Elizabeth, how's the it coming along?" Captain Stacy asked, poking his head into her office, knocking as he spoke, which defeated the point of knocking, but he tried.
"It's coming along," she replied, and he gave her a short laugh for her troubles. She motioned towards her notes, sighing. "I just talked to her, told her about what she should expect during a cross, how to be prepared, not to get too emotional, but to remind herself that she was the victim and it isn't her fault, the stuff you told me."
He nodded. "Did you talk to SVU, because they're also a part of this investigation, we're just covering the murder connected to this. You know?"
She nodded. "Yes, I do know, and, yes, I am in contact with them and have been talking to them frequently. Let's just hope for the best, I'm doing all that I can. Believe me."
"I don't doubt it," the man said kindly, and she took a deep breath, trying to smile, which only made him frown, "What's wrong?"
She bit her lip, shaking her head. "I just—I think I should probably take it up with SVU, don't worry about."
That only made him more concerned. "Elizabeth, what happened—"
"Please, just drop it," she said, shaking her head, "I don't want to talk about it now, maybe I'll talk about it later, but it's just been all around me, and I just need to stop thinking about it for two seconds, please, I'm sorry for bringing it up."
"Don't apologize," was all he said, because he trusted that she would tell him when she was ready, "But call if you need anything."
She gave him a small smile, nodding, her arms crossed. With that, the conversation was finished and he saw himself out, wishing her a good rest of her day, and her wishing the same to him.
Once he closed the door, she sighed, stretching herself across her desk and sighing heavily. She wanted to stop thinking about it, but it was all she could think about, and all she wanted to do was sleep. But she had work to do, and she wasn't about to shirk her responsibilities because she felt awful.
That probably wasn't the best course of action or mindset, but that wasn't on the forefront of her mind at the moment.
She just threw herself into her work, even though she could barely focus on it, forcing herself to remember that if she didn't make sure this was perfect, a guilty man could walk, and that wasn't an option for her.
She continued to work until she physically couldn't take it, and she needed to take a break if she wanted her headache to leave before her day in court, and actually finish up her planning and do it well.
Groaning, she moved to the small couch she had in the corner, pushing off all the files and books onto the floor and flopping on top of it, rubbing her temples and sighing, already starting to fall asleep. She didn't want to get caught sleeping while she should be working, but considering the circumstances, she deserved some sort of break.
Of course, her nap lasted until the sun was starting to set, which was a true testament to how drained she truly was, though she was panicking far too much to actually think about that at the moment.
"You'll be okay, you have time."
She lifted her head and turned to see Jayne standing in her doorway, looking at her with clear concern, but the kind of generalized concern she always had when looking at Birdie, though Birdie knew that she was thinking of all the things that had happened to her, which didn't make it any better.
"Hop Kee?" Birdie offered weakly, trying to smile.
Jayne gave her a small one in return. "Hop Kee."
º º º
"I'm sorry I never told you," Birdie started, though it was a little belated considering the time passed since telling her truth, but Jayne shushed her loudly, pointing her fork menacingly at her.
"Don't you dare apologize for that," Jayne said, dead serious, "I don't ever want you to apologize for that, you didn't owe me anything."
Birdie took a steadying breath, shaking her head. "You're my best friend, you've supported me through everything—"
"So what?" Jayne cried, "You don't owe me anything except general respect of my person and not being a terrible person to me every two seconds, and I think you've managed that quite well over the years."
Birdie shook her head. "You deserved to know the truth."
"You deserved to feel safe and okay with your decisions, and while I wish you had gotten help early in life, I would never be angry at you for being too afraid to tell me anything, because that's no one's fault but the world that forced you into your silence, because sometimes people don't actually have a choice, even though that awful SVU detective seems to think otherwise because she hates prostitutes," Jayne declared, quickly falling into yet another complaint about the standoffish blonde who had made a snarky comment about the older woman's outfit one day when she came in to help with a case.
"Even the Sergeant hates her, don't worry," Birdie drawled, glad that they could just fall back into routine, but she did pay attention to the first part of Jayne's little spiel, "And thank you."
"No need to thank me," Jayne hummed, going back to eating, "Are you going to visit Janice?"
Birdie smiled the same way she always did when Jayne referred to her mother by her first name. "I think I should, because I heard Dad isn't taking the news too well, and I'm afraid that he might do something drastic."
Jayne's smile dropped. "That won't be good."
Birdie bit her lip and nodded. "I think I'm going to go to SVU, tell them about what happened. But I need to make sure my parents are all on board, and Wilma. I don't want to have to put her through the guilt again."
Jayne nodded, glancing at their food. "Yeah. Let's just take this to go and we'll head over now. Better late than never, right?"
Birdie breathed a laugh. "Yeah. Something like that."
º º º
"I'm gonna kill him," her father ranted, pacing around his living room.
"Dad, calm down," Birdie shouted, trying to get him to listen to her, looking towards her mother and Wilma for help.
"Don't tell me to calm down," the man shouted back, whirling around to glare at her, "Do you have any idea what—"
"Do you have any idea what I went through?" she screamed, cutting him off and rising to her feet, "You have no say in this, it's my decision because it's my pain. Whatever pain you're feeling is nothing to what I've felt my entire life, so sit down and listen!"
Birdie took a deep breath, sitting back down and dropping her head into her hands, Wilma moving to sit next to her, placing a comforting hand on her back. "I just wanted this to be over."
"It's gonna take some time," Wilma said softly, "You've held this in for so long, and now you've told people, it's going to take some readjusting. You've told us your story, it can only get better from here."
Birdie scoffed, sniffing. "I'm a defense attorney, I've seen what these people say about these women. I can't do this, I'll never be taken seriously as an attorney again."
Jayne made a sound of shock and disgust. "Are you honestly putting your job before your justice, that man needs to be put away! Birdie, think for a minute, you said you wanted to go through with this, make sure you parents didn't kill him before you had your day in court."
"I don't even know if—" she tried, but Jayne cut her off.
"It's your decision, but there's no harm in at least trying," she whispered, "Better late than never, right?"
"Sometimes it's better to never show up at all," Birdie argued, "So, no, sometimes I'd rather skip altogether than get yelled at for showing up too late, for speaking up too late."
Jayne shook her head. "I know what these people do, and that mindset needs to change. If you stay silent, that tells all the other people just like you that their job and their reputation matters than their own self-worth and rights."
Birdie clenched her jaw. "I'm not the spokesperson of rape victims, I'm the spokesperson of myself."
"You're an attorney," Jayne cried, her voice still a whisper, "You're a spokesperson for your clients, and you work yourself to death to be a voice for them. Do the same for yourself. You respect other people, where's your own self-respect?"
Birdie scoffed bitterly. "Since when did I have any?"
"You can win it back, but only you can do that," Wilma said, butting in, "You've been trying to get all this control, and you said it yourself, no one can fix you but yourself. So start now. Better late than never, right?"
Birdie took a deep breath, staring at her hands. Better late than never. Better safe than happy. But better strong than stepped on.
It would only get better from here.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
So, I had wanted this chapter to be a lot longer and full of healing, but the truth is that this is going to take a lot of time, not only in terms of her getting legal justice, but also finding full peace with what had happened to her, so this is just the start of that.
This was short, but I wanted it to mean something, so I hope it did.
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!