𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒓𝒆, 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒆'𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒔. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒆'𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒘𝒆'𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒔. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒓𝒖𝒊𝒏 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒓𝒉𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒎𝒔.
Harry's POV
11 months later
I run my hands through my hair with my head down, staring at my lap. With everything that has happened, I haven't been myself lately. I'm just hoping after tonight, I'll feel better. It feels like I haven't been happy in a while. Not truly happy, at least.
The only time I felt actual happiness was when I was working on the album with the boys and when I was on stage for tour. Now the album has been released and tour is over, and well, One Direction is over. At least for a little while.
flashback: march
"What?" That was the first word that came out of my mouth after hearing what had just came out of Zayn's. Everyone just kind of went silent and I didn't know what to say. I guess we all knew Zayn wasn't always having fun with our music but I would never guessed this would happen. I never thought he would leave the band.
Niall and Liam looked as shocked and sad as I did, but Louis looks almost mad? Anger mixed with sadness and shock, something I guess all of us are feeling but Louis is really wearing those emotions on his face.
"I just want you guys to know it has nothing to do with you," he tells us. "I just want to do something with me and write songs that I would enjoy and-"
"Wait, so you didn't enjoy our songs? You didn't enjoy the songs we wrote as One Direction? What, so all those years in the studio writing songs together and recording them was just an act?" Louis snapped at Zayn. Liam taps his leg to try to calm him down but it didn't work. "No, I'm fucking pissed, Zayn. That shouldn't come as a shock to you. You're like my brother. Just please, don't do this, Mate."
"No—it's not like that," Zayn sighs. "I'm just not feeling it as much, I guess. I haven't been for a while but like I said, it has nothing to do with you guys or our fans or-"
"I just don't understand," I finally speak. "I mean, what happened to make you not enjoy being in this band anymore? I'm just not getting it."
He looked away from me and sighed again, the room getting silent with tension. Louis was looking at the ground with his jaw clenched and Niall and Liam were just looking around at all of us, kind of speechless. I didn't want to get angry but how am I supposed to feel? This is Zayn leaving the band that we're talking about here. This isn't some fake rumor that was going viral on social media, this is real life.
I bitterly chuckle, "This is fucking bullshit."
"Harry," Niall narrows his eyes at me.
"No, Niall." I raise my voice. "You know this is bullshit, we all know this is bullshit. I'm not going sit here and act like I'm okay with one of my best mates leaving the band. I'm just-I'm not." I storm out of their room at the hotel we were staying at, since we were in the middle of our fucking tour.
I had to leave because I knew if I had stayed there longer and argued, I would have said something that I shouldn't have and will regret just because I was hurt. Through all the shit we go through as being the famous boyband One Direction, I would have never thought that this would happen. It just seems like 'always sticking together' wasn't a promise.
I walk into my hotel room and slam the door shut, locking it. I'm frustrated and I don't know what to do...so I do probably the most idiotic thing I could do, but I couldn't help it. I needed it. I needed to hear her voice.
I sat on the edge of my bed and clicked 'call' as I waited for her to pick up. I close my eyes and mentally beg for her to answer. My eyes open as soon as I hear her voice.
"Hey! This is Selena. I'm probably busy right now so please leave a message and I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible." Beep. I breathlessly chuckle, closing my eyes again.
"Hey, um," I weakly speak. "I-I know we aren't supposed to be talking right now and I know we haven't spoken in months but..." I opened my eyes and felt the tears brim them, looking up as if it was going to help the tears not to fall. I start to feel a lump form in my throat. "Please," I whispered into the phone. "I just need to talk to you, Selena. I really need to hear your voice. I-I miss you. And I know what we agreed and I know I shouldn't, but I just...I miss you." A single tear rolled down my cheek. I stand up and wipe it. "I'm sorry. I just...bye."
I press 'end' and fall back onto my bed.
I rest my arm over my eyes, and hoped that I'd
wake up and this all would be some nightmare.
present day
"Harry," I hear Liam's voice. I look up at him and snap back to reality.
I look at myself in the mirror and brush off my floral suit. When I lean closer to the mirror, I notice the bags under my eyes. I hadn't slept well last night, considering the big day today. Liam comes up behind me and puts his hand on my shoulder, giving me a half smile. It has been hard for all of us lately, but he knows I've lost two important people in my life.
"You ready?" He asks. I turn to him with a smile, nodding. It's crazy to think that tonight is going to be the last night I perform with the boys—for a long time. I'm going to miss them and everything that came along with One Direction, but I am really excited for my journey as a solo artist. There's things I've always wanted to do and types of song I've always wanted to sing that I never did with One Direction. I mean after all, it was my idea for this hiatus.
I guess I shouldn't have been so hard as I was on Zayn when he left.
I'm grateful for our fans, for supporting us with this decision. They've shown their sadness but they've also shown us their support. That's why I'll always come back to them, because they truly are the best people in the world.
Me and Liam walk out of the dressing rooms and go backstage where Louis and Niall are, doing vocal warm ups. I start to do the same, feeling my knees shake a bit. I take deep breaths and adjust my ear piece.
Our last performance is on X Factor, which is where it all began. All our friends and family came to support us, as well as our fans. Can you believe that my sixteen year old self was once on this stage, auditioning as a solo artist? It's crazy how much times have changed and all that has happened. I'm forever grateful, honestly.
When we walk on stage, we all look at each other as the clapping in the song begins.
"You gotta help me, I'm losing my mind. Keep getting this feeling you wanna leave this all behind, thought we were going strong. I thought we were holding on. Aren't we?" I sing into my the microphone, feeling a huge amount butterflies in my stomach.
"No, they don't teach you this in school. Now my heart's breaking and I don't know what to do, thought we were going strong. Thought we were holding on. Aren't we?" We all look at each other before continuing.
"You and me got a whole lot of History. We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen. You and me got a whole lot of history, so don't let it go, we can make some more, we can live forever." We all sing, hearing the crowd sing along with us.
While Louis sings his verse, I look into the crowd to find my mum and others. I send them a smile. But my eyes catch familiar brown eyes, my lips parting in shock. There she was, standing there in the crowd in a dark green dress with her hair shorter than it was the last time I saw her. She was standing next to Lottie and Lou, watching us perform.
flashback (February)
I open the door, feeling a pit in my stomach form. Even though we talked over the phone that she was coming over and why she was coming over. Her nose is red and her eyes are puffy, confirming that she was already crying before she came here. I wasn't shocked, I could hear it in her voice in the phone call.
I don't say much, I just take her hand and pull her inside my flat. We walk over to the living room to sit down. I know neither of us are ready for this conversation, but we both know that it just has to be done. When five minutes passes by, Selena adjusts her position, finally looking at me.
"The whole ride here, all I did was rehearse in my head what I was going to say to you," She tells me. Her chin starts to tremble. "But now I don't know what to say. All I know is that I don't want to do this–" Her voice shakes, shaking her head.
I grab her hand, "I know. Fuck, I know. I really wish we didn't have to." Anger builds up in me when I remember the words from that day when Modest! told us their new plan. I don't want to give in, I don't want to give them the fucking satisfaction. "Maybe we don't have to."
She looks up at me, "What?"
"Our plan was to be with each other in secret, right? We can still do that," I tell her. "All we have to do is try. I mean, it's going to be hard but—"
"It shouldn't be this hard," She croaks, shaking her head. "We were never going to have a happy ending. We just never let ourselves admit that."
Tears brim my eyes at her words, the knot in my throat only growing. I clench my jaw and nod, feeling a single tear roll down my face. I close my eyes and tilt my face slightly away from her. She intertwines our fingers and gently squeezes my hand, seeming to keep herself together more than I am right now.
She takes a breath and wipes the tears from her face, "We can't call or text each other. It's only going to make it harder for me to stay away from you." Her lips quiver, practically reading off the list of rules management gave us. She looks down at our hands, playing with my fingers, "And I know this goodbye was supposed to be short and simple but...I just want you to know that I love you." My heart drops at her words, taking me fully by surprise.
She looks me in the eyes again, hers full with tears, "You gave me the best gift I could ever ask for in a time when I needed it the most. Happiness. Your Love scared me yet excited me and for a while, I tried to fight myself from falling in love with you because I was scared of it, but I just hadn't realized was that I had already fallen in love with you. That's because you taught me how to love myself first." A weak smile forms on both of our faces, "And maybe you didn't intentionally do it, but you did it. I love you."
Another tear escapes from my eyes, coming from a mixture of sadness and happiness. I take my hands and cup her cheeks, "I love you too. So fucking much." I whisper. I close the small gap between us and press our lips together, giving it all I got since I knew it would be the last time I could even feel her lips.
Part of me is joyful that she told me she loves me. I mean, why wouldn't I be? She loves me. But another part of me is upset because the first time she ever told me she loves me, she's saying goodbye to me. It gutted me.
She pulls away and smiles, wiping the tears from the corner of my eyes with her thumb. My chin trembles when her eyes sunk into mine, knowing exactly what she was going to say next. "Bye."
I place my hand on her wrist before she could pull her hands away from my face, shaking my head, "No, Selena..." I softly sob, but she only shakes her head, pulling her hands away.
Then she walks out the door, walking out of my life.
present day
Our eyes immediately meet and I watch as her expression forms into a mix of sadness and happiness. I didn't think Selena would show up tonight, especially since Simon is here and he is one of the people who wants us to be apart.
I continue to sing and glance back at her every few minutes, feeling a wave of emotions. God knows I'm happy to see her face, to meet with those brown eyes again. But part of me wonders why she never called me back when I needed her.
"So don't let me go, so don't let me go. We can live forever. Baby, don't you know? Baby, don't you know? We can live forever."
After we all sang the last verse, the crowd goes crazy. All of us look into the crowd, letting out shaky breaths. This is it. We look at each other and run to give each other a big hug. We squeeze each other tight and exchange I love you's. It was all emotional.
We all wave and blow kisses to our fans then walk offstage, big smiles on our faces. It's an emotional day for all of us but it's also kind of exciting for us all. We all needed this.
When we greet our family backstage, all of them are looking us with proud smiles. I feel nervous and sad, yet a giddy smile is on my face. It's on all of our faces. The butterflies in my stomach from the performance are still going wild. The feeling almost reminds me of the first time I auditioned for X Factor or the first time the boys and I performed as a group.
My eyes shift to a figure standing a small distance away from all of us. I see Selena with her arms crossed and a small smile on her face. I pull away from the hug from Gemma and slowly walk over to her, my heart beating fast. From the look on her face, her heart is beating fast as well.
"Hey," She practically whispers. I don't say anything so she continues. "I-I know that I shouldn't have come. I got your messages and I wanted to answer, Harry, I did. I wanted to. But I was scared of what would happen if I did. I'm sorry, I really am—" I cut her off by embracing her, wrapping my arms around her torso. The familiar scent of her coconut shampoo fills my nose and I smile.
"I don't care," I whisper in her hair. "I just care that you're here. Thank you."
"I wanted to be there for you. I really did,
I just-"
"I know." I nuzzle my face into her hair, understanding the fear she had with management. They have our jobs in their hands and could easily take it all away if they wanted to. That's why we have to oblige to whatever they tell us to do, even if we disagree to it.
—
"I'm really proud of you, you know." She tells me as we sit in the dressing room. I smile shyly at her. "I'm sorry about Zayn."
My smile drops and I let out an uncomfortable laugh, playing with her fingers. "It's alright."
I didn't like speaking on the subject, it brought uncomfortable tension. Luckily, no one else was listening to me and Selena talk so the tension wasn't as strong as it would be in interviews but it's still there.
"So, what's your favorite song on Made in the AM?" I smirk at her, and she lets out a laugh, throwing her head back. The sound made me smile, longing the sound of her laugh.
She hums, "I don't know. Let me think. Probably Infinity or Drag Me Down." She tells me and I nod, Infinity being my favorite too. I remember thinking about her as I wrote it, my heart aching for her presence. It was a difficult time for me so I just wrote what I felt, which was how I missed her and how I felt like I was going to miss her forever.
I intertwine our hands and rub her thumb with mine, "I missed you a lot."
She smiles softly, "I–"
The door opens and Simon walks in, causing Selena to flinch and scoot away from me. I frown and stand up from the couch we were sitting on. From the look on his face, he didn't seem to know anything about Selena being here. I guess it hasn't reached the media yet, or he hasn't heard anything.
I walk up next to the boys to advert his attention away from the area from where Selena is sitting, crossing my arms behind my back. He looks at us with a proud smile, the same smile he gave us when he told us he was pairing all of us in a group. The same smile he gave us when he realized we were now the biggest boyband in the world.
"You boys," He breathes out. "You all have been a pain in my bum but words will never be able to explain how proud I am of you four. I will forever be proud of your success and accomplishments through all the years of One Direction. I don't regret for one minute, putting you all together." He tells us, pulling all of us into a hug. We all look at each other, letting Simon's words soak in.
"Thank you," We say to him.
He pulls away from the embrace with the same smile, then his eyes move to Selena sitting on the couch behind me. His smile immediately drops. I fold my lips, pretending not see what he's looking at. Here it comes.
He gives both of us a short look of disappointment but doesn't say a word. Instead he turns around to walk out of the room. The boys look at me and raise their eyebrows, and I turn to Selena. We both shrug our shoulders. That was odd. I was expecting a huge lecture and for him to force me and Selena to leave separately.
"That's a good sign?" She giggles.
"Let's not get excited, he might not have the energy to yell at us tonight." I joke.
She laughs and stands up, "I missed your cute goofiness."
I smile and mock gasp, "But not me?"
She rolls her eyes and playfully pushes me, which only resulted in me grabbing her hands and pulling her closer to me. Her cheeks heats up as a shy smile grew on her face. I smirk at the sight. "Alright, take your PDA else where, loves," Louis says in sing-song tone.
She giggles and pulls away from me, walking over to the boys and greeting them with a hug, "Hey guys! I missed you."
"We missed you around here too, Gomez," Niall smiles.
"Aren't you guys a little worried about what Simon is going to do?" Liam questions us.
"I am, but I had to be here," She nods. The tension starts to rise in the air, but Selena changes the subject before it could rise any higher, "Congratulations on everything. I'm really proud of you guys."
"Thank you, and thank you for coming," Louis tells her as he gave her a quick hug. "Glad you're here, love."
"Of course." She turns to the other boys to hug them once more as they thanked her for coming as well.
I thought today was going to be depressing and all that shit, and it's still very sad, but it also feels really good. I'm surrounded by all the people I wanted to be around, and I couldn't ask for a better ending.
—
After another hour of all of us hanging out in the back room one last time, we say our goodbyes and go home. We're all not going home home tonight, I still have another night to spend at the Hotel and so do the boys. Tomorrow night is the time we all go to our homes and spend time with our families.
As me and Selena make our way out of the X Factor building, we stop right before we go out the door and make out our plan. We decide to take the same car back to my hotel to have some more time to catch up with ourselves, but we decide to go to the car separately in attempt to decrease the crazy commotion with all the fans and paparazzi.
Selena goes first, I asked Niall and security to make sure she gets to the car safely of course. The screams get louder when they both walk outside. After a few minutes, the security comes back for me and escorts me to the car. The flashes blind me to the point that I can't see where I'm going, so the security has to do that for me. Finally I see the car and get in and shut the door quickly.
I take a second for my eyes to adjust and then turn to Selena, "You okay?"
"Yeah," She breathes out. "Are you?"
"Yeah," I nod and buckle myself in. Luckily the Hotel isn't far from here so the ride won't be too long.
After a few minutes, Selena's head falls on my shoulder, which makes me grin. I take my hand and rest it on her knee, and she immediately places her hand on top of mine. I missed feeling close to her. I missed the feeling of being close to her. The familiar warmth sparks when our skin touch and I love it.
The car comes to a halt and I look out the tinted window to see us parked in front of the entrance of the Hotel. There are so many fans and paparazzi out there as well, so security gets out of the car with us.
—
"Nice room," She says as she looks around, setting her bag on the little table that I eat my breakfast at. "I don't think I ever stayed at the Park Inn before..."
"Yeah, I just can't wait to be able to stay at my own home," I tell her, referring to the one back in Holmes Chapel.
She smiles and takes her coat off, hanging it on the coat-rack that stood near the window.
"You look beautiful, love," I almost whisper to her and her face flushes as a shy smile plastered on her features. The silk green
dress looks lovely on her. It makes me think that she must look good in every color. I was always a fan of her longer hair, but her short hair looks just as lovely.
"And you look handsome," She tells me, resting her hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes with a smirk. "I never thought that orange would look so good on you."
I snicker and scrunch up my nose, engulfing her in a hug as I nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck.
The soft moment starts to heat up as soon as I start to feel her wet lips leave a lingering kiss under my ear, causing my eyes to flutter close at the pleasure. When she starts to suck at the skin just beneath my jawline, I groan softly and squeeze her hips. She pulls away with her hands still rested on my shoulders, looking at me so innocently, "Harry..."
"Hm?" I hum in response, tracing her lips with my thumb.
"I want you," She whispers. I stop and look at her eyes, trying to find any humor in her eyes. But there wasn't, all I saw was pure seriousness. When I don't respond, she stands on her tippy-toes to reach her lips to my ears and whispered again, "Now."
"Are you sure?" I ask, already getting turned on just by hearing the words come out of her mouth.
She nods, "Yes. Do you want to?"
I cup her face with one hand and used the other on her hip, smirking, "Of course." She smirks back, and I immediately smash my lips into hers, pressing my body up against her. She walks backwards without disconnecting our lips and falls onto the bed, spreading her legs for me to lay between them.
I move my lips to her neck and suck harshly on her collarbone, causing moans to escape her. She stops me momentarily and takes off my shirt, her eyes gazing down at my inked skin. She then tugs at the end of her dress and pulls it over her head, exposing her body in a black lace set. Her breasts cupped perfectly in the laced bra, her smooth skin going perfect with the black material.
My lips parts at the sight of her beautiful body, "Holy shit. You're beautiful." I whisper and she grins, pulling my head down and connecting our lips again.
She flips our bodies around so that she was on top of me, the feeling of her heated core pressed again my bulge in such thin clothing driving me mad. The look she gives me as she looks down at me is almost enough to make me come right here.
She takes my hands and places them behind her where the clip on her bra is, I raise my eyebrows. She nods, "Do it for me."
I smirk and slowly unclipped it, mentally praising myself for not struggling at it. She moves her arms out of the straps and lets the thing fall off her chest, completely exposing herself to me. I was breathless at the sight. She takes my hand again and places it on one, and I let my finger run over her nipple. Her eyes flutter close as she grinds herself on me. I can feel her getting wet for me.
My hands roam to her panties and let my fingers slip underneath the fabric, looking up at her for permission. She nods and let her hands roam to my trousers, pulling my trousers and boxers off as I pull her panties off. I quickly unwrap the package that I grabbed from my pocket and slip it onto me. Now that we are fully exposed, all that there is left is the anticipation. The feeling of our warm skin touching is more extreme this time.
I flip our bodies so that I'm laying on top of her again, letting one hand prop my body up and one resting on her waist. Our eyes melt into each other's once more and she nods again, as if she is telling me to enter.
I push myself into her and her mouth immediately falls open, her eyes fluttering close. I moan at how tight she felt, "Fuck."
I start to thrust slowly in and out of her, leaning down and leaving kisses all over her. From her collar bones to her cheeks to her forehead to her nose and to her lips. I start to thrust faster and harder, and her hands latch onto my back as she pulls my body closer to her. I swallow her loud moans.
"Oh my god," She moans as she threw her head back into the pillow, digging her fingers into my back. I dig my face into her neck as groans left my lips, thrusting faster and faster the louder her moans get.
"You feel so good," I breathlessly say into her ear and she moans in response, wrapping her legs tighter around me.
I begin to leave more kisses on her breasts, the kisses becoming sloppier and sloppier in each second. Her hands moved from my back and ran through my hair, squeezing my curls. When I thrust harder, she lets out a louder moan and I look up to see her eyes rolling back. I know I found her spot.
I thrust faster repeatedly to reach that spot. She start to tug at my hair, causing a loud moan to leave my lips. "Keep doing that."
She tugs more and I thrust more, the sound of skin pushing together and our moans mixing in the air. I reach her lips again and kiss them, slipping in my tongue. I reach one hand down to her and start to rub, and she gasps, biting my lip.
"Harry–" She screams my name repeatedly as I moaned hers, both of us seeming to come undone at the same time. My thrust gets slower, we try to catch our breath.
My head falls to chest and I can hear her heart beating fast.
"I love you," I whisper.
"I love you too," She whispers back, stroking my damp curls with her fingers.
—
A/N:
just in case the story made it seem like I tried to make zayn look like the bad guy for leaving: I love him and I absolutely don't think he's a bad guy for leaving. I respected his decision when he left and I still respect it now <3 I don't blame him at all and I understand he just wanted to do his own thing. which I love because his music is amazing ;)
xx harlenaspassion 💌