Rin decided later to go for a walk, maybe he'd be able to clear his head again. He had a lot to think about.
Like how he had just attempted suicide for the first time not even 20 minutes ago.
He took Yukio's gun.
He really was a demon.
Stealing from his own brother.
He had been walking for a couple hours now, exorcist classes were definitely over now for the day.
(Rin's P.O.V)
What's wrong with me?
I can't to anything right. I can't even kill myself right.
Why did I hesitate? I should've just killed myself, no one would care if I died, they'd be happy. Everyone would throw celebrations when they hear about my death. Everybody hates me...
"You're right, everybody hates you." I heard.
Who said that? I looked around, no one's there. I really must be insane, I'm hearing voices in my head. But the voice isn't wrong.
"Everybody here wants you dead."
Right again random voice in my head.
"Nobody here loves you. Nobody cares about you. Not Bon, not Shiemi, not Shima. Not even Yukio, your own brother!"
...I'm starting to hate this voice.
"Shut up..."
"It's true. They all want you dead. The Vatican wants to execute you in the next couple of months. Your so called 'friends' would throw parties to celebrate your death."
"Shut up."
"They despise you. You're a demon. You'll always be a demon. All they'll ever see you as is a demon!" The voice taunted me.
"I SAID SHUT UP!!" I screamed and punched the closest tree hard with my fist.
I breathed heavily. It was silent once again. My knuckles were now scraped and bleeding a bit, they quickly healed after a couple of seconds.
Everything that voice said was true, I know; but I didn't want to hear it. It was even more unbearable coming from someone else. Even if it was just a stupid voice in my head. The voice was deep, husky, and extremely dark and creepy sounding.
"Hahahahaha." It chuckled.
"Who the fuck are you?!" I breathed heavily.
"I'm someone who's a lot closer to you than you think."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Yes, I realize that I'm talking to myself right now.
"You know, young prince, you don't have to take any of this, right?"
What's it talking about?
"Out there, is a family who loves you and is waiting for you to come home. All you need to do is accept who you are. Who you were meant to be."
"What the hell are you going on about?"
"There are people who love and respect you for the king you are meant to be. All you need to do is give in! And don't put up a fight! Your future awaits my prince. When the time comes, let the darkness consume you."
I'm so confused.
"What do you mean by that? Accept who I am. I'm just some worthless demon... no one can trust me."
"What are you?" The voice asked with some whimsy in his tone.
"A demon."
"Precisely. You don't need to take their treatment. If you want all of this to be over, come back at 3 A.M. when the barrier between the two worlds is the thinnest, easier for making portals. See you then little brother~"
Little brother?
After that, I didn't hear any more voices in my head.
3 A.M.?
*~*~*~*
I had reached home about four hours after cram school ended. I spent a lot of time walking through the forest trying to clear my head. I still had Yukio's gun in my hand, I decided to keep it just in case I change my mind again. I really am a horrible brother. Stealing my younger brothers things. I came home to an empty dorm room, as usual. Well, Kuro was here, but other than that it was empty. If I didn't have Kuro and Ukobach, I'd be completely alone.
I see Yukio sometimes, but only when he yells at me to make him food or wash his dishes. Ukobach stopped making food for him a while ago after he found out how he was treating me.
Yukio hates he me; he tells me all the time so I know it's the truth. Everybody I once cared about, and still do, hates me. Ok, maybe Shura and Izumo don't hate me. Izumo never really cared about who I was. She even said that she's heard of plenty of half-demons who became exorcists. And Shura stopped caring a long time ago. I know it sounds selfish. But just those two people aren't enough to convince me that I'm not just a worthless demon when so many other proved otherwise.
There's nothing here for me.
I'm not sure if killing myself is the best thing to do, but I don't have much other choices. I mean, I'm going to get executed anyway, so it's not like it even matters. No one will care if I die, and I'll be much better off.
Unless, maybe that creepy voice in my head was right. But I can't just go to the middle of the forest. Especially at 3 o'clock in the morning all because voices in my head told me to do it. If I ask anyone else for advice, they'd think I've gone insane. I mean, I am a bit insane, but I don't need other people to know that!
I've got nothing else to lose. I guess I'll listen to the voice in my head in the hopes that it was right about there being a better place out there for me. Where I'm supposedly "loved" and "respected".
But, if the creepy voice in my head is right about there being a better place for me... I want to take Kuro with me. He's my familiar, and my only friend. I would take Ukobach too, but I think he has to stay here. He works for Mephisto. I'll miss him. But if the voice in my head is wrong, then I guess I won't have to miss Ukobach. I won't miss him if I'm still here, and I won't miss him if I'm dead either.
*~*~*~*~*
It was 2:30 A.M.
Kuro was fast asleep, but I was wide awake.
I hope it's right. If not I don't know what to think anymore. I don't deserve to live if not only am I the son of Satan, but if I'm insane as well. I'm already dangerous enough with my flames, imagine how much worse it would be if I were schizophrenic. I had Kuro and my sword on my back. I just kept on thinking how I hope I was right. I walked over to the exact same spot where the voice told me to meet him.
With the time it took for me to make it out of the large old boys dorm and to the middle of the forest outside of True Cross it was 3:00 A.M.
It was dark, it was cold, and I saw nothing but trees; even with my heightened senses. I still hear crickets, and see the wind blowing through the leaves above me. This was a bad idea.
I knew I should've listened to my instincts and common sense. They told me that it was stupid to listen to voices in your head like a crazy person.
Kuro was still fast asleep in my arms. I tried not to wake him. I know it was wrong of me not to wake him up and tell him we were leaving, instead I dragged him out here against his will. I really am horrible.
"So you decided to show up. Smart boy." The voice sounded cold and made me feel sick.
I looked around.
No one.
"Who are you? And why did you want me to come out here?" I asked to no one. To be honest, I was kind of scared. I haven't felt fear like this in a long time. Usually I'm a neutral person. Not too happy, not too sad. Just... meh.
"I already told you why."
Just then the winds started howling and I heard the sound of thunder. There was a bright light, it looked like a tear was starting to form in thin air. Almost like our dimension was being ripped open, similar to a fantasy novel.
"Step forward. Remember. Accept your fate and it won't be as painful."
Without stopping to think about what I was doing, I walked into the light. Immediately as I stepped through everything went white.