*Author's Note*
NOT EDITED. NOT PROOFREAD.
-Smiles: )
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*Eun Sang's POV*
The sound of passing cars filled the silent balcony as I sat on the chair, holding a cup of hot tea.
I took a sip, feeling the warm liquid reach my stomach.
"If you're not happy with the man you love anymore, even if it hurts, you leave. Because it'll only hurt more to stay."
Her words echoed in my head.
Do I just do that? Leave? Break everything off as if those years I've spent with him meant nothing?
Yes. A silent voice said at the back of my mind.
I placed the mug on the table next to me, closing my eyes as I leaned back into the chair. "Enjoying the breeze?"
My eyes popped open, seeing Young Do standing right behind me.
"How did you get in?" No one could've opened the door for him unless it was Eomma but she is currently asleep. The time now being 1am in the morning.
He rolled his eyes, "Are you serious? No 'Oh welcome back!'? Just, 'how did you get in'? That's rude."
I shrugged in response, pulling the heated blanket I had brought out with me closer to my chest. Fall had came early this year.
Ignoring my question, he threw himself on the empty chair to my left, the table separating us both. "How's the room?" He nudged his head towards the opened glass door.
"It's nice."
"Really? The room that costs USD5, 840, is just nice?" He scoffed, "And you're staying here for free." He emphasised, causing me to laugh.
"Pretty much." I answered, a cheeky smile on my face, "You have nicer suites than this, so I'm comparing this to those." It was true, our suite was spacious with a kitchen for simple home dishes, a living room big enough for a party of ten, two bedrooms with attached bathrooms. But I knew he had better suites with a fitness room and Swimming pool. Though I am happy he didn't insist on those, I was sure he wanted to offer, even this suite I previously wanted to decline yet he insisted.
"Do you want to switch to those? I can make arrangements and kick out the current occupants which is the CEO of some huge company I work with..." he asked in a serious tone that it was hard to see if he was joking.
I sat up immediately, "Yah. Don't even think about it, you crazy bastard."
He laughed, "I'm joking, you should've seen your face!"
I rolled my eyes at him but the smile on my lips betrayed me. I stared out at the night view that I've been looking at the whole time, tall buildings lit up in different places and in different colours, causing the city to look as though a thousand stars have landed on them.
I bit my lip, "Do you know any good attorney?" I asked, not turning in his direction to see his reaction.
"A few," Young Do paused, "Finally made a decision?"
I shrugged once more, "I don't even know. Do I break it off and forget about the times we spent together? Do I stay and continue this game of Silent Marriage?" I picked up my Mug and sipped on it, the tea having cooled down from sitting out in the cold.
He didn't answer.
I shifted myself on the chair, feeling more comfortable when I found the footrest, placing my sore legs from standing the whole day.
"Do you want to continue this game?" He asked.
My eyes landed on the busy road where cars went past at high speeds. I chuckled lightly, almost bitter, "I'm tired, to be honest."
"Do you want to give him a second chance and see what happens?"
I stared up at the sky, not answering his question.
Do I?
"Do you miss him?" Young Do turned to me this time, watching my face for an answer that I might leak through my emotions.
I didn't face him, preferring to watch the sky, "I miss the old him."
A brief moment of silence went past before I spoke again, "It's as though he's someone else. I don't recognise him, the one who doesn't tell me the truth, the one who doesn't understand."
A sigh left his lips and I heard the chair creaked slightly when he leaned back harshly on the chair he sat on. "He called me, you know?"
I waited for him to continue, eyes focusing on the ripples in the mug of tea I held.
"I was angry and hung up on him but he called again, demanding that he know that you were at least fine now. He didn't ask to see you but said that when you were ready, he wants to meet and talk."
I scratched my nail on the smooth surface of the mug, making no sound at all as I continue to repeat the action. "Do you think I should go?"
He shrugged, "It's your decision, no matter what. I just want you to be happy even if I can't be the one to do that for you." I looked at him to see a sad smile hanging off his lips.
A wave of guilt flushed through me, here, a man who would do and give anything for me just like Kim Tan used to, yet I'm not able to give him the one thing he wants.
"Sorry," was all I could answer. If I was considering to end my marriage here, it doesn't mean I could tell him to wait for me. It doesn't work that way. I can't end something and try giving what I've given to another man. There are many girls out there who can give him what I can't, for what I feel for Young Do will never be more than a friend. It's unfair to him.
He laughed, "You should've apologised a long time ago when you captivated me with your charm, keeping me in your grasp without you knowing." He kept his eyes off me, looking out into the view like I was earlier.
I placed the mug down on the table and leaned back into the chair, bringing my knees close to my chest. "There are many other women out there, don't blame one fish for the whole ocean you missed." I said playfully, though guilt clear in my voice.
"Ah, the whole ocean." He shook his head before standing up, "Well, I should go, you should go back in soon, it's cold out here,"
I didn't miss the disappointed look on his face when he left.
--
"Aw, why is your shift always not with me, Doctor Cha?" So Hee, one of the nurses who was training under me at first when I returned, whined as she opened her locker which was behind me. Due to our conflicts in schedule, she had been assigned to another Doctor and Head Nurse instead.
I giggled and hung my scrubs back into the locker after putting on my coat and grabbed my handbag, "Well, maybe it is fate!" I winked, "I'm going now,"
"Go back safely!" She shouted when I got to the door.
I walked out to the hallways where several of the staffs bowed their heads to greet me while I returned the gesture, waving my hands at the nurses who had paused whatever they were doing to wave me goodbye.
I pulled out my phone from my bag when a notebook got stuck and fell out. I bent down to pick it up, placing it back into my bag as I walked towards the automated glass doors. Just when I raised my head to navigate where I was going, I froze in my tracks immediately.
Dark ring circles were under his bloodshot eyes that seemed so tired, his usually styled hair was all over the place. A dark shadow under his lips where I could make out the stubble that were starting to grow. He wore nothing but a black coat over a grey t-shirt and jeans.
"Hey," He said, looking at me from head to toes as though to affirm I was alright before his onyx orbs fell to the ground in front of him.
"Hi," I breathed out, not realising that I had held my breath unconsciously. Did Young Do tell him already? That I was ready to talk? He seemed to not have slept well, completely off-grid from the Kim Tan I knew.
He lifted his head and his eyes went anywhere but my eyes, "C-can we talk?"
I bit my lower lip, taking in a deep breath before nodding. I led him towards the small cafe down the street, the weather was still cold and wouldn't be suitable especially when I knew this talk of ours was not going to be short.
The warmth of the cup of hot chocolate in front of me warmed up my cold hands the moment I wrapped them around the porcelain material. I watched the steam rise while Kim Tan was waiting for his coffee to be done. Once he settled down, there was this tension between us that I did not know how to break.
We sat in silence for a good five minutes, neither saying anything as the other sipped on their drink while looking out the window from our booth.
"How are you?" he broke the silence.
I lifted my head and looked at him to see that he was already looking my way. I blinked at him and nodded, "I'm fine."
And a blanket of silence went over us once again.
He tried to find the right words and I could see him want to say the perhaps thousand words of apology which was something he used to do. "I know nothing I say now will make up for it, but I felt that we needed some kind of closure for everything."
I released my hands from the cup and instead clasped them together under the table on my lap, "Where do we begin?" I asked, my voice calm and clear. If it was the Eun Sang from a few weeks back, maybe she would've been crying. Heck, I don't think she would've asked a question like this.
"You didn't tell me."
I frowned in confusion. Was this about my Father again? He cleared his throat, "You were pregnant."
I half-expect myself to start tearing up but found myself remaining the same. Mourning over Byul had been done during that week of being confined in the hotel unless I had my Mother with me in public. Yes, I had smiled after that period of time, it didn't mean it didn't hurt to think about it. "I was."
"And you didn't tell me."
I pushed and sat myself upright, "You didn't give me a chance."
He held a shocked expression which soon disappeared and was replaced by a frown, "What do you mean? When I came back–," he said
"I found out the day you left."
A look of realisation dawned on his face, he thought for a moment, "I had to leave–,"
"I asked you to stay." I lifted my gaze from the table to him, "But you left."
"I-I had to–," he took in a shaky breath. "I'm sorry." He shook his head. "I saw the stuff you bought for the.. the baby."
I felt a pinch on my heart.
"When did it start?" It was my turn to ask, changing the topic.
It didn't take him long to realise what I was talking about.
"Last year." He said, his face full of regret and I bit my lower lip to prevent it from trembling. "It didn't mean anything. It was supposed to be a fling."
"So you cheated on me with her for over a year?" My tone harsh and cold all of a sudden.
"No, I mean yes, I just– it was a mistake, I made-,"
"Do you still love me?"
He didn't answer for a good few seconds, "I do."
"So why did you do that?"
"I just needed a break from everything. I got blinded by stress and alcohol, it was a mistake the first time it happened. She then blackmailed me with pictures of what we did and things happened."
I had unconsciously closed my fists tightly, my fingers digging into my palm. "So you decided the best decision was to continue the 'fling' with that woman from a nightclub?"
"I didn't have any better choice, you saw how much company was at its peak, I was busy. I couldn't have such scandals on my name!" He argued but sighed, "I know nothing I say will make up for it, I'm sorry, I–,"
"–just made wrong decisions?" I can't help but spit out at him. I was having mixed feelings, anger for what he did, guilt for not talking to him back then, sadness for what I'm about to say next. "Maybe we shouldn't be together anymore."
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