Joshua
I'm frozen in my bed. Around me, my room is dark, and above my head looms two glowing green orbs. The creature is sitting on top of me, skeletal claws pressing into my chest as a bony tail curls around behind it. A slow, clicking growl seeps from its maw as it leans its skull-like muzzle closer to my face. I can't breathe. I can't move. My heart is pounding in my chest and my palms are sweating against the bed sheets I have clutched in my hands. I squeeze my eyes shut as the monster swoops its head down, ready for it to swallow me whole.
And... Soft lips meet mine. My eyes snap open, and it isn't the monster anymore. It's Seth. He kisses me like it's all he's ever wanted to do, and I close my eyes again. I kiss him back. Suddenly I'm pushing up against him, sitting up so I can feel the weight of him in my lap, and it feels real. I want this, I want him. He's pushing back against me, leaning into our kiss. I feel his hands smoothing down my neck and my chest. When he pulls his mouth away from mine, I chase him, I cup his face in my hands and I pull him back into another kiss.
I can feel his warm breath shuddering against my mouth, his teeth on my lip, and I love it. We push and pull against each other, our hands roaming and and touching and grabbing at anything, everything, and I feel him leaning into me, his hands under my shirt, sliding up my abdomen. My breath hitches, then catches. I don't feel his hands against my skin. I feel the press of claws.
Immediately I know, when I open my eyes, it's the monster. It grins at me with that coyote mask, and all the dismay comes crashing down on me. It wasn't Seth. It wasn't Seth. It was Seth. It is Seth.
A rumbling coo leaves the throat of the beast, and I feel the claws dragging delicately down my skin. It's only a moment: then it's shoving its claws into me with a sickening sound. The pain in my gut is almost an afterthought; first I feel the betrayal, the sadness, and the hurt. I feel the wetness as the hole in my abdomen starts to leak around his bony hand. Then the pain rips through me, and I'm waking up with a scream.
The pain still courses through me, even when I know it was just a dream, another dream, and through my pounding heart and my cold sweat, it takes me too long to realise that it isn't the same pain. It takes me even longer to realise that I'm looking at my room upside down.
I'm mangled up in my bedsheets, and my elbow throbs under me—I must've fallen out of bed when I woke up. Of course. With this realisation, I groan, and I knock my head against the floor with frustration. Another dream.
This one was... different, though. My skin prickles with goosebumps as I recall, and my face grows instantly warm. Though... that might be because I'm still upside down. Goddamnit.
Kicking at my sheets, I tumble the rest of the way out of bed with a grunt, and then proceed to lay sprawled out on the floor. I can't believe I... I... Ugh. Groaning, I scrub my hands over my face and try to erase the feel of dream-Seth's hands against my skin, his lips against mine. I actually just had a wet dream about him, and I... actually enjoyed it.
Or, at least until he murdered me. Again. You'd think after having dreams like these for years, you'd get used to dying in them, but you really don't. Especially not when the death comes after...
"Ugh!" I kick my legs again and try to make myself forget, but I can't. Do I really want to kiss Seth that badly? It was actually kind of... nice. My heart is still racing a bit in my chest, and I press my arm over my eyes as though I can calm myself down by not thinking about it. I try gathering my thoughts.
With memories of Seth, also comes memories of the monster. I hate it, I still do. It always has to ruin everything, doesn't it. That's just what it does. It's like a giant bad-luck black cat that—because it's also Seth—just won't leave me alone, even in my sleep. Unbelievable.
I'm positive I'm having these dreams again now because of my confrontation with Seth, with the monster, at the rainout the other day. I have a fresh image of the creature in my head now, and I do mean fresh, up close and personal—and I just can't get it out. And, regardless of if it actually wants to murder me, I can't stop fearing that it will, dreaming that it will, and this premonition just keeps staying with me. I'm still wired to the bone to be terrified of that monster. And I know something bad is going to happen soon because of that creature, I can just feel it. We've—he's—been hiding that creature for so long, and I literally just called it out. What the heck is it going to do?
It's like that monster is the storm. It feels like we've been running away from it for so long now, because... You know, maybe that's the problem. Not necessarily Seth per-sey, but his monster. His monster is the problem. Of course. And now that I've stopped shoving one of them away, the other will come and that goddamn storm is really going to hit. I don't know when, I don't know how, but it is, and I know it's Seth's fault and it's my fault, and it's just... one big mess that I know is finally going to hit the fan in some giant way, and it scares me. I don't know what to do.
It's undeniable now, my feelings for Seth. And for some reason, in this moment, it makes me angry. Of everything I've tried to do, of how hard I tried to keep him away and possibly keep both of us safe, of how hard I tried to hate him because he's a goddamn extraterrestrial being, it still didn't work. What is it called when you're attracted to aliens? Xeno.... Xeno something, I don't know. Ugh. Thinking about it makes me feel weird. The point is moot anyway. It doesn't matter how you call it, I still have a thing for Seth.
Hell, I might even love him. Stupid, reasonless love, and it makes me so awfully angry. I want to scream. I want to punch his stupid alien face and then I want to kiss him because goddamnit, I think I do love him. Shit.
"Ugh, this is not... fucking good." I groan to myself, pressing my hands into my face.
My phone buzzes. From my nightstand, my phone buzzes, and I jolt right up with the heart attack of a lifetime. On my feet in an instant, I take up the phone with unsteady hand. It's a text from Ethan.
> Are we going to talk about it?
His text asks, staring me in the face, right through my cracked screen. Goddamnit. God damn it. That's right. Ethan saw Seth and I the other day, when Seth was... transformed. Shifted. Ethan is the one who scared the beast away, and he definitely saw it.
I squeeze my phone tight in my hand. I can only imagine all the explaining I have to do now. Am I going to tell the truth? Do I have to lie through my teeth? What am I supposed to do now?!
"Fuck!" I grit out, and in a momentary fit of rage, I toss the phone across the room. It hits the wall with a crack, then thumps against the floor behind my desk. A moment later, I get a second buzz in response. I groan again.
As it turns out, the message isn't from Ethan. When I finally get to retrieving it, the message that stares back at me is from Ying.
> are you able to talk now?
I stare at it for a long while. My phone falls asleep and I stare at the blank screen. I can't deal with this right now. I just... can't. Too many people. Too many problems. My lips are pursed tightly as I shove my phone into my sweat pants pocket, and I trudge out of my room, down the stairs without responding to either of them. It's too early for any of this, I just. I just need some coffee.
I hear pans clinking in the kitchen and the faucet running with a undulating shh shhh. Dad must be awake. I don't hear the sound of the other person's voice until I'm already stepping into the small kitchenette that is our kitchen. In the entryway, I stop, blinking in the bright light. There, leaning against the counter and chatting happily with my dad, is a woman.
Both she and my dad look over at me as I enter—or rather, as I stand there dumbly, staring. The woman smiles.
"Hello! You must be Joshua." She says, shifting her coffee mug to one hand so she can offer the other to shake. A multitude of bracelets clink together on her wrist as she does so. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."
"Nice to uh, meet you too, I guess." I reply awkwardly, stepping up to shake her hand. For a solid moment I can't figure out who she is or why she's here, but then, just as my dad explains, I figure it out.
"Joshua, this is Ms. Abaza. She's my..." Dad pauses in a familiar way, locking up with a nervous look to the woman.
"Girlfriend." She finishes for him pleasantly, smiling at him. My dad visibly relaxes, and I look between them as though they're a puzzle. I don't understand them just yet. To me, she says, "But you can call me Shari, Josh. Oh — Wait, is that something you do? Go by Josh?"
I blink at her. I've never had an adult tell me to call them by their first name. "Uh... okay." I say. "And, uh, no. I don't. I just... I go by Joshua."
"Oh, okay." Shari chirps, taking a sip from her mug. "Well, it's still a pleasure, Joshua. Your father has told me so much about you already!" Her dark eyes glitter with excitement, and I can't help the frazzled smile I give her.
Everything about her is dark, but in a nice way. Her skin is several shades darker than mine, and her hair is very dark and very curly. She has it pulled up in a clip in the back, in a way that shows off her impressive silver hoop earrings. I had heard a lot of her from my dad so far—she's a higher up from work, nice, kind of chatty—but I didn't realize they've started dating now. I can't tell if I like the idea so far, but she seems nice, and I know Dad has needed a partner for awhile now.
"Would you like some coffee, Joshua?" My dad asks, eager to move on from pleasantries. They make him antsy for some reason. "We just made a pot, so it should be warm."
"Sure," I reply, grateful for the distraction as well. I move to take a cup from the cabinet across from Shari, and I pass it to my dad. I lean against the counter after, and watch as he pours me a cup, sugar and milk and all. I try not to stare at Shari, but I can feel her watching me.
"Okay," she says finally, breaking the almost stifling silence, "I don't know if this is a sensitive topic for you, Joshua, but I have to ask: do you remember the incident with my car?"
I immediately stiffen, though I try not to show it. "Of course. I mean— Yes, I remember," I respond as casually as I can, and I try keep my gaze from darting away from her, but also from staring unblinkingly at her. It's a hard balance. She seems so relaxed though, not like she's trying to accuse me of anything. "I'm sorry for running out in the street," I say anyway, because I feel I should.
"Oh, no, don't worry about it, honey." Shari waves me off sincerely, good-naturedly. "It was my fault, I'm really sorry for almost hitting you." She smiles sheepishly at me, and somehow I actually feel a little better.
Dad hands me my coffee, and Shari is smiling energetically again. "I know your dad is probably so tired of hearing this by now, but I just have to ask you: did you ever catch that guy? You know, the one who stopped my car?" She sounds so oddly eager, it makes me uneasy all over again. I don't know what to tell her about Seth. Certainly not the truth.
I feel like I'm hiding behind my steaming mug as I take a sip. "I don't know," I answer vaguely, my voice sounding too tight to my own ears. "I never did catch him. He was pretty fast."
I glance to my dad, but his eyes are trained on the ground. He leans against the counter by the sink as if it's the only thing holding him up. Shari is still looking at me with something bright and intrigued in her gaze. I know she means nothing bad by it, but I wish she would be interested in anything else. Sports. The weather. Anything.
"That's crazy," she breathes, "he stopped my car and then he ran! I didn't get a good look at him, did you recognise him? Why did you run after him?"
"I... Instinct I guess? No, I didn't recognise him. But... Can I... Can I ask why you're so interested in it?" I try not to sound frustrated, but I don't know how successful I am. I feel my dad dart a quick glance my way, but I ignore it.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Joshua," she apologizes immediately, "I don't mean to bother you with this—am I bothering you? I just, a friend of mine, she was immediately interested in the incident, and she asked me a bunch of questions about it. She wants to write an article about it, actually." Shari gestures her free hand about as she speaks, and I notice the multiple rings on her middle and ring fingers. For a moment, she reminds me of a gypsie.
A friend wants to write an article about it, she says. About Seth? This immediately interests me, and not in a good way. My stomach starts to tighten into knots, and I can't help but wonder: is this what Dad meant when he said she couldn't stop worrying about the incident for their entire date?
"Oh." I say, and then when I should say something else, I take another sip of my coffee. It's silent for a moment, and then I look up and say, "Didn't the newspaper already write an article on it, though? It was a couple weeks ago. They said it was a "Miracle Save". They even interviewed me on it." I almost added: and I hated it. But I catch myself.
"Oh, yes, of course." Shari answers immediately. "They talked to me too. My friend, the one I just mentioned, she's a blogger, and she wants to write about more than just the incident. You may have seen her blog, SomethingStrange.US, where she writes about all her theories. She's... a little bit of a fanatic and a conspiracy theorist, you might say, but some of it is kind of cool." She laughs a bit at herself, embarrassed, but I can tell she's proud of her friend. I haven't seen the blog, but the more she talks about it, the more nervous I get.
"It's quite fascinating really," continues Shari earnestly, "her most recent theory is tracking a series of strange events that have been occurring right here in Colorado. It started a couple years ago, with a meteor in Windsor."
My blood goes cold. I practically choke on my drink. No, I do choke on my drink.
"Are you alright?" Shari asks with concern.
"Fine," I cough. I glance to my dad, and we share a look. Does she know we used to live there? Did he tell her?
"How old are you, Joshua?" She asks, and I look back to her.
"Seventeen." My dad answers for me, and Shari nods.
"Okay, well then you'd probably have been eight-ish at the time, sweetums." She says with a smile. "It's crazy: there was a meteor that crashed in the Windsor desert, and a couple days later a woman dies mysteriously from some attack. The press says it was a bear attack, but my friend is skeptical. A couple weeks later, there are reports of a strange creature roaming the houses of the same neighborhood. And there's more—little events that have happened over the years across the state—and now this."
I search out my dad's gaze, but he won't look at me again. He's staring at the tile floor, drinking his coffee and fidgeting with the key ring on his belt loop. He looks entirely uncomfortable, almost as perturbed as I feel. I want to wonder why he's staying with her if she has interests like this, interests that clearly bring up bad memories for him, that pull crazy theories about his late wife's death out of the air—but I know why. He needs this, he needs someone, and now he finally has her. He'll probably put up with anything for her sake now and I'm going to have to have a conversation with him later.
It's clear he hasn't even told her we used to live in Windsor. He must have heard all of this before, and now he's just standing there as she explains it all to me. Maybe she just has to get it out of her system. It's the first time we've talked after all.
But her friend is on to something. Damn it, Seth. What has he been up to over these years?
"So what does she think it is?" I ask Shari tensely, and I realize only now how tightly I'm gripping my mug. I try to loosen my grip.
As if she's been waiting for this question all along, Shari answers eagerly but quietly, like it's a secret: "Aliens."
I knew it was coming, but I still wasn't prepared. It's like the floor is pulled out from under me and I'm suddenly falling. I struggle to keep my composure. This isn't good, this isn't good at all... Seth...
"Joshua," my father finally interjects. To Shari, then to me, "I'm sorry, Shari, but don't you have school to get to, Joshua?"
I look to him, feeling a disproportionate swell of relief. Shari wasn't imposing herself at all, but still I felt like I was suffocating. "No, Dad." I answer, "Today's Saturday, remember?"
His expression falls immediately. "Oh." He says pathetically, and looks down to stare into his mug, as if rethinking everything he has to do today. He looks kind of disappointed in himself, and Shari notices. She's ready to say something to him, something that seems encouraging, but I get in something first.
"I do have Ethan's make-up game to get to, so thanks for reminding me. I should probably get going for that."
Dad looks back up to me, and he seems partly relieved. "Okay," he says. "Let me know if you need me to pick you up."
"Sure thing."
I place my half empty mug on the counter and make to head up stairs to change, but then I pause in the entryway. To Shari, I say: "It was nice meeting you."
Her smile lights up again. "You too, kiddo! Hope to see you again sometime soon."
"Mhmm." I hum without commitment, and turn to leave again.
"Oh, and, Joshua," I hear my dad say, stopping me. "I'm glad you and Ethan are on good terms again."
I give him a smile. "On good terms" is a bit of a stretch, especially with what Ethan just saw yesterday, but I don't have the heart to tell Dad otherwise. "Yeah." I say, and turn to finally get out of there.
When I get up stairs, I want to kick something. Seth! Fucking Seth! I don't even know if I want to know what he's been up to. People are tracking his whereabouts! Conspiracy theorists! Of course they are, nothing gets past freaking conspiracy theorists.
I want to kill him. I swear to fucking God. If conspiracy bloggers are on to Seth, then who else is? The government? Oh my God. If they know, then they know, and they could be anywhere. Everywhere. We're so royally screwed. I've seen Escape to Witch Mountain and E.T. and The Iron Giant. I know how this stuff works, I know what the government's like with this shit. It doesn't end well. Not for us, because this is real life. Not some movie with some kid's clever solution. I'm not some clever kid. I don't know how to jip the fucking US government. How do we get out of this?
Seth is no help, he's the reason for this mess! I swear... I swear. I don't know what to do. Everything is falling apart and I can only watch as it happens. I have... I have to do something. But what? What? Think, Joshua.
My phone buzzes, and it's another message from Ethan. He's asking about the game. Am I coming? Fuck! This is all too much, too much to deal with, too much to do. Everything is just piling on! Wonderful!
At least I know now. At least I have a clue that I'm not the only one who knows about Seth. I have a heads up. This is good, this is good. I can handle this. I may not be the only one who knows, of course I'm not, but I'm the only one who knows the truth. I can do something, because I know who and what Seth is, and I think I know how to handle him. He listens to me. I know how to find him. That's more than the government or Shari's blogger friend knows.
And he's not dangerous anymore... I think. I don't know. He's probably still dangerous. Ugh! Who am I kidding, he's definitely dangerous, he just doesn't have malintent. He's just... young. Dumb. Infatuated. Fuck. He's something. I don't know. But I can handle this, I can protect others from him. I can protect him. Because I have to.
I have to. I will.
.
.
.
I promise I haven't forgotten this story, I just — update really slowly.
I'm eager to get to the next chapter though, everything changes...!
The song at the top is Dangerous by David Guetta. :-)
If you've messaged me and I haven't responded, I'm really sorry! I'm so so bad with keeping up with things...
That being said, thank you so much to every single one of you reading this! It means a lot to me!! And if you have the chance, please leave a vote or a comment if you liked the chapter! I love those :D
Hope you all have a wonderful day/night!