My heart squeezed in my chest and I felt like I was reliving Damien's death all over again. I felt a hot tear roll down my cheek as I watched Julian standing in front of me. "D-Damien's corpse?"
He growled. "He's taking what I said out of context."
He didn't deny saying it. And that he'd say something so cruel about someone so important in my life ... I could feel my heart rip again - I felt the familiar twist. "Why would you say he was alive this entire time?"
"I never said he was."
I looked at him in disbelief. "Then why would you lead me to believe we could save him?"
He swallowed. "Damien would want us to save the kingdom first before him. We'd save his legacy-"
I stood forcefully looking up at him with incredible fury. "That is bullshit!"
"Emylin," he said carefully. He reached for me but I stepped back away from his reach. "Sweetheart-"
"No," I almost screamed. "Don't call me that, don't you ever call me that!" The room was spinning, I was forgetting how to breathe. "Damien isn't dead. I was just talking to him!"
Julian was careful with his tone. "You were dreaming. He's not a Dreamwalker, he can't get into your dreams. He's not alive."
I shook my head, walking around the large armchair placing it between us. I gripped it as hard as I could lest I lose my balance. I was still disoriented from the dream, my senses were reeling from what I'd learn.
I couldn't even look at him. My head was reeling. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"It was the only way I could get you to help me, the only way we could -"
"If you say 'save Damien' I swear on the Styx I will hurt you!"
Julian didn't move.
I felt the air had been literally taken from me. "Why would you lie to me? Have you all been laughing at me behind my back? Did Naida know too?"
"No," he said sharply. "No, she had no idea. She thinks he is alive as well. We are the only ones that know. Including Asmodeus."
I shook my head. I found myself doing this more and more as if it would make all of it go away. "Damien is alive. After everything at Robyn's house, he took me to my parents, he stayed with me for days - that was Damien, not Robyn!"
I'd never seen Julian look as devastated as in that moment. "Robyn killed him in the days after. In order to take over completely, he had to have truly killed him."
I shook my head again. "No. I refuse to believe this."
"Actually," Asmodeus spoke up. "Robyn has adjusted just fine." I looked at his dark figure near the fireplace. He hadn't moved since he had last spoken. He only watched us with interest at our exchange in front of him. He looked at his hand again as if bored. "At least he looked just fine yesterday when I saw him."
I swallowed. He was with him?
"It's the reason he's taking a Royal Tour," he explained with a snake-like smile. "He is exerting his power, reminding the dark fae who their king is. Robyn loves this newfound power of his and the pretend powerful queen sitting next to him." He gave a smile. "The glamoured girl pretending to be you. He is much too vain to not show it and her off."
I looked at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears from spilling. "This isn't happening."
Asmodeus scoffed. "Denial will get us nowhere. The sooner you face the truth, the sooner we can be rid of this leech once and for all."
He began to approach me and only stopped when he was mere feet from me. "Now, Emylin, I am giving you a one time opportunity to be queen."
I rolled my eyes, scoffing. I wiped my tears with the sleeve of the shirt I was wearing. "Oh, gods, not this again."
Julian seemed to growl as Asmo stepped closer to us almost between us. I could see the protective stance. "Tread very carefully, Asmo."
"The Underworld will need stability after all of this is said and done or we might as well hand it over to the other kingdoms."
"You mean after I kill Damien?" I choked out.
"Think about it. Where are you going to go after all of this? Your place is on the throne. Not in the human realm, not in this hovel in Skryen. Keep whatever men or women you want. I'll keep mine. We barely will need to see each other while married. We only need to produce powerful heirs."
I placed my head in my hands. Everything was spinning around me. "Just stop, just stop talking."
Julian placed a firm hand on his shoulder. "That's enough."
Asmodeus's voice was dark. "You have no allegiance to Damien anymore, he's nothing but a cold, rotting corpse -"
I reacted with the pure unbridled anger I felt. I let it consume me and take over. At the last word, I suddenly pushed him back to the doors with my power so forcefully he skidded across the marble floors. I followed him out, using as much power as I could to open the door and continue to push him out into the hall of the house.
He finally stood and began to push his own power to me until I stopped him.
Cold.
Something new came over me. Comforting, warm and right. Like it had always been there. I could feel the power course all over. I could feel the dark energy within him like a dense polluted fog. Raising a hand, I imagined the energy around my fingers like a string that I could hold solid in my hand. As soon as I felt it, I tugged and Asmodeus fell to his knees in front of me.
"You need to leave," I whispered. "I don't want to see you ever again."
"He can't leave, Emylin. We need him."
I turned to Julian who stood at the doors of the study we were just in. "I honestly do not give a flying f-"
"He will get us close to Robyn," Julian interrupted. "He will get us as close as we need. To finally finish Robyn off."
I almost choked on my words. "You mean to finish killing Damien?"
"Let him go, Emylin." He shook his head. "This is not you."
Despite what I'd just learned. Julian was right. The feeling was foreign, I could feel his life waning in my hands.
I released him and as soon as I did, Asmodeus coughed air back into his lungs. Julian slowly went to him, lifting him by the arm. He mumbled something to him softly and Asmodeus went back inside the room, the doors slamming shut behind him.
As soon as I could no longer see him, I let out a long breath. Not from exhaustion from using my power but from sheer relief. The act of having his life in my hands felt ... wrong.
So wrong. It was as if I was choking the very life from him.
Even if he did deserve it.
I closed my eyes taking a deep breath as I did so. I felt the magic settle in me filling every crevice in my body. I shrugged my shoulders, moved my head from side to side.
I slowly turned to go back up the stairs of the house and before I reached the second step, Julian put his hand on mine on the banister, stopping me.
I was mad at him, furious. I wanted to yell at him, to throw things, to let him know how much he hurt me. I took my hand back.
"He shouldn't have said those things about Damien." I stopped myself, I could feel the sob that would in moments leave me.
He paused as he looked at me. I could feel something different in him as he watched me - the soft silence that I had come to associate with him in the last couple of days was cracking. And through those cracks, I could sense sorrow and remorse.
I couldn't stop my words. "Are you sorry that I found out about this before the plan was carried out? Were you planning on telling me at any point?"
"I've been dying to tell you, Emylin," he whispered. I could see the remorse in his grey eyes. "I hated deceiving you."
I shook my head. "Then why would you?" I felt a small sting in my heart as I uttered the next words. "I trusted you."
"I know." I could hear the pain in his own words, felt it as if it were my own. "When we first met, when you first came here, I was perfectly fine with deceiving you." He took a deep breath. "Whatever it took to get the job done. I owed it to Warren to help his legacy - to help Damien's." I watched him give a small smile, a sudden tenderness took over his gaze. "But as I got to know you, the real you and as I -" He stopped himself.
I swallowed too as he watched me, my heart beat heavily in my chest. Every beat felt like a new pain.
He took a breath. "As I got to know you," he repeated. "I hated deceiving you. I've been wanting to tell you for days, I wanted to tell you the truth-"
"But you didn't," I whispered. "Not once did you try." I let out a long breath. "Damien is alive. I didn't dream him up, I didn't imagine him. He came to me. He said good-bye." I shook my head. "I don't think I can do this."
I didn't look back as I made my way up the stairs and slammed the door behind me.
I spent the rest of the night crying, hugging myself against the cold I felt in my very core. I tried to dream of Damien again but couldn't. Instead, I dreamt of seeing the faded countryside, seeing new faces with fake enthusiasm. I was in rooms with strangers with tables overfilling with food and drinks and dancing.
So much dancing.
I felt myself getting weaker still something was pushing me down ...
Someone was shaking me so hard I woke.
As my eyes sprung open, I recognized Naida.
And something was terribly wrong.
She was dressed in heavy fur, her black hair that had seemed to have been up in a delicate bun was disheveled. Her blue eyes were full of tears. She was manic. In a complete breakdown of sobs as she realized I was finally waking up.
"Thank the gods," she finally sobbed. "You have to go stop him."
I sat up in a panic. "What's going on?" I grabbed Naida's gloved hand. She looked like she had just come from the Frozen City.
"It's Julian," she finally said. "He left."
I shook my head. "Did he go to the market?"
"No," she sobbed. She handed me a piece of paper. "He's left to fight Robyn."
My heart plummeted. "What?"
Naida gripped the sheets of the bed I lay on with her gloved hands. "We have to go help him. We can't just let him do this, this is suicide!"
I grabbed the letter from her hands and scanned it quickly. I gasped, placing a hand to my lips. "Oh, my God."
Naida ran to my closet. "It says he's going to stop Robyn. Asmodeus - whoever that guy is - he told him where he will be this morning. He asked me to protect you in the Frozen City if he doesn't come back." I heard her growl. "He left you a lot of money."
I flung myself off the bed and into her path as she moved around the room grabbing clothes.
"He is so stupid. So stupid." She tossed me a heavy fabric. "We have to go stop him."
I shook my head. "How are we going to find him? When did he leave?"
She spectered some shoes in front of my feet. "I don't know but the coffee pot downstairs is still warm. It couldn't have been too long ago." She sobbed as she turned to me. "You have to find him."
I shook my head, frantic. "I don't even know how."
Naida took a breath. "You two have a bond. A magic bond. He is the only one out there with the same magic as you. Call to it, feel it."
I tried to steady my breathing. "I don't know if I can."
Naida smiled. "I want to tell you to believe in yourself and everything will work out but I don't have time for that right now. Find him."
I let out a long breath, nodding. "Fine."
"Close your eyes, concentrate."
I closed my eyes and slowly willed my magic out. I pictured Julian in my mind, the flirty smile, the contagious laugh but nothing. I concentrated harder reaching for him, reaching out to the point of passing out. I searched for that gentle stillness that in the short amount of days I'd gotten so used to. "I can't find him. I think he's blocking me out."
I heard a sob from Naida.
I continued again, I pushed and pushed and pushed.
And finally, a glimmer. A small ghostly glimmer. Not Julian.
But me.
No, like me.
My magic, not his.
Faint but there. And then it finally clicked, there was only one other person that could possibly have my magic.
My exact magic.
I smiled. "Kymra." Wherever she was, Robyn had to be and where Robyn was ...
I opened my eyes. "I know where he is."