Survive: Collected Poems

To An Ex-Friend - iii

I didn't say I'd die without you.
I learned a long time ago
Not to do that.
I didn't say it.
Didn't want to sound "manipulative."
But I thought it.
And now,
4 months and 4 days without you,
It still feels like I was right.
I'm dead without you.
You gave me life I didn't know
I was missing.
Without you in my life
I don't have the heart
To take care of myself.
Everything is mechanical.
You wanted me to love you
With only part of me.
I can only love with all of me.
You called that toxic.
How is it toxic to love
Entirely and passionately?
It's the same as I loved you before.
Nothing was wrong with it then.