-DAKOTA'S P.O.V-.
The last time I was there.. a month doesn't seem like that long but it is when you're waiting for tragic news. I don't want to go back to the one place that could ruin my life forever.
I don't want to lose my babies. Or even one. I don't. It with crush me.
I'm not ready for that. Not at all. Or ever.
"Hey, sis. Spacing out on me?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry, Finn. I know you wanted me to dance more.. But my head is out of it."
"I wanted you to dance because I wanted your head out of that. Not for you to be in there and out of it out here."
"That's confusing."
"You know what I mean."
"I'm sorry, bro. I think it's time I turn in though."
"I know I won't see you before you go.. But I want you to know that I love you. And I love my niece and nephew."
"I'm sure they'll love you to death."
He kisses my cheek and lightly hugs me. "Try to actually sleep."
"I'll try."
Zack pulls him away from me. Charley takes my hand. We leave before anyone else gives up the party.
Laying in bed has never ever felt so amazing. I should have hovered.. my feet..
"Would you like a foot massage? Or back? Or anywhere? You probably shouldn't have gone in heals."
"They were flats."
"Yet you are in pain. So. Yes or no."
"You hate feet."
"But I love you. And I worry. And if it helps anything, I will."
"You'd face your fears for me?"
"I already did. Long ago. The fear that there was something beyond what the earth already knew. That was scary. Now I just think it's fucking epic."
I find myself in laughter. "You did say 'so cool'."
"And I meant it. Just I was an idiot then. And I'm still an idiot now. Just a very much in love and would do anything for my wife."
"Feet.. would thank you."
"If they could."
"Mhm."
I instantly relax to the healing touch she adds to her hands as she massages the pain away from my feet. Feeling hundreds of times better now than I did a few minutes ago. I love my wife.
"I know tomorrow is going to be stressful. I wish there was more I could do."
I sigh. "I already am stressed. I'm scared. 5 months ago I didn't think I could be pregnant. Okay. Now I am almost on second trimester and I'm growing fast with rare twins. It's crazy. And I'm so scared. I don't want to lose either."
She goes off to the bathroom and comes back after a minute. I watch her strip before she helps me up. Her hands gentle as she helps me get undressed for bed.
I think maybe she's growing more gentle because of her own fears. That she'd hurt me. Or.. something would upset me.
Her arms wraps around me as we climb into bed. I'm pulled against her chest.
"I love you. Whatever is to happen."
"I know. I love you too."
Her hands rest on my stomach. It's adorable how they know it's her. They kick. However light the kicks are now, they probably will be deadly later on.
The day getting to me has me on edge of falling asleep. Along with her warmth. It's perfect.
"Will you still love me if I messed up our children?"
"Wait. Charley. What?"
"I was human, D. I was human. You don't think this has anything to do with me?"
"It literally has everything to do with you. I wouldn't be pregnant without you. But I don't believe anything you have done has messed up our children."
"I drank like a lot of mountain dew. That stuff infertilezezez your junk."
I laugh at her wording. Even though she's beyond serious right now. I'm laughing because I love her.
"D.."
"You were human. And we talked about this. You have no human left in you other than your eyes and your humanity. The rest if you is angel. So. It's impossible."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I'm sorry to tell you this babe.. But humans can't impregnate a supernatural being. A supernatural being can impregnate a human but not the other way around."
"Oh. Why?"
"Our bodies kill off certain things a lot faster than a humans kill off. So. You wouldn't be able to get me pregnant no matter how hard you tried while you were human."
"My dick.. is offended."
I can't help but laugh. She did ask. She did. And her reaction is funny. I only wish I saw her face.
"I guess I'm just trying to make you feel better. In any way I can. Even if it means taking the blame that you have for yourself and putting it on me."
Her words make me sad. Make me see. She's right. She's... She's right.
"I know, you know? That you blame yourself. Still wonder if it's because you had drank. Or if it's just because you aren't good enough. I know your feelings. The hatred you have on yourself."
The five seconds of good laughter turn into a heavy wave of tears. And all I have in me to say..
"I'm sorry."
"Hey, hey.. No." She moves herself carefully to the point where she's on the other side of me and facing me. "Listen to me, Dakota."
I nod for her to continue. Maybe she will make sense to my madness. Maybe she will show me why I am the fuck up.
"I hate this."
Her words freeze my heart. "W..What?"
"I've always hated when you were sad or upset. And you get to a point where your mind warps things so far out of proportion. Like how you just thought I meant I hate you being pregnant."
"I..I.." she stops me with her finger over my lips.
"Neither of us predicted this. Neither of us knew this would happen. And neither of us know what is going to happen. I try to steal the blame from you and you say it's not my fault. Well it's not yours either. You're perfect. You haven't harmed them in any way. So don't blame yourself if I can't blame myself."
"Bu.."
"I love you. I love our little prince and princess. We will all make it through this."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I can't. But I believe in something higher than just numbers."
"That being?"
"The one thing I can always see on your eyes."
"Riddler."
"No. Love. Love. I believe in love. I believe in our love."
"I do too.."
"But not as much as I do. And that's okay. I'll believe for both of us."
Her hand rests on my cheek. I take a deep breath and sigh. Crying didn't help me. I'm tired again.
"Let's rest. Tomorrow we have a little bit of a walk."
"I really don't want to walk. Like ever again. Or dance."
She pulls me as close to her as she can. I hide myself in her arms. The warmth sending me to sleep and all I'm able to say is "I love you.."
Being in this place again. My heart is racing all the ways a heart should never race in. To the point where chest pains are beginning.
I don't want to be here. But here I am. About to lay on a table. In the middle of the room with my parents and the love of my life and a doctor who is going to tell me my life is over..
What could go wrong? A lot. A lot. A fucking lot.
Charley helps me up onto the table and assists me getting comfortable.
"Morning, Dakota. How have we been this month?" The doctor speaks as she begins reading over her chart.
"I've been stressed."
"Hopefully not too much."
"...reasonably."
Charley rolls her eyes. "She's been really worried. Had morning sickness for a few mornings of the month."
"Really? Well. Nothing is certain with this pregnancy. Not yet anyway."
Her hands uncomfortably cold as she begins the sonogram. Instantly hearing the heartbeats that I often already listen to. Strong.
"Your daughter looks to be about 11 inches. And your son is the same." She pauses for a long time.
My heart.. is going.. to explode. Charley squeezes my hand as the silence rings. I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop.
Please just get it over with. Kill me inside already. Make me chose. Make me hate myself more. End some of my suffering only to begin a new.
"Do they kick? Have they kicked already?"
"A few times. It's really early on for kicking though, right?"
"In a sense. But it's good for them at this point."
HER WORDS AREN'T HELPING. Drop the fucking shoe. Crush my heart already..
"Why do you say it like that?" Charley speaks for me.
"Because they are in the same places as last time. It could mean they are stuck in place but if they're kicking, they're just fine."
"What about the other risk? The outgrow?"
"I'm very glad to say that the risk is very low. Next to zero. They're growing in perfect harmony. My only concern is how the birthing will go and whether you want them to be doing sports or not."
I cover my face with my hands... crying.. Crying uncontrollably.
Charley lifts me into her arms and I hide myself. Crying and trembling in her arms... they're okay... they'll be okay...
"I would like to see you in midway through your 8th. We need to have a game plan set up for this because we're not sure how this miracle will play out."
"Understood. We will be here." Charley speaks.
It takes a long few minutes before I realize that we're home. I pull from Charley after a long deep breath.
"Hey, beautiful."
"I just cried ugly. I probably look like shit."
"You look beautiful."
"I was so scared.."
"I was too."
"I.. I wanted her to just get it over.. to just kill me already.."
"But it didn't. I told you. I told you we would be okay."
...they will. ..me on the other hand.. I might really die..
"Don't. Don't. Don't say it."
"CC.."
"No. I'm not losing you. I'm not losing them. Everything went good today, Dakota. It went good."
Her words hit me. Along with the realization...
"I'm 25 weeks. I'M ALREADY A WHALE. I'M GOING TO BE SOOOOO FAT."
"You're perfect."
"You're making me fat."
"But you're perfect."
"You is making me a faattty."
"Babe. You're perfect."
"Oh my fucking shit Charley. You're making me fat."
"Yeah.. I take blame on that. But it will be worth it."
I hide myself in her arms again. Just letting her hold me. Restoring my melt down back to solid ground.
A knock on the door confuses me but I think I know who it is. Either Finnley or moms.
"Come in." I say and pull from Charley.
"I just wanted to check on you because of.." mom says and sits on the bed.
"I'm fine." I interrupt her from speaking. "It's fine. It's just that I thought she was going to tell me all the things I didn't want to hear. And that I would have had to choose. I got really scared.. And then it faded all too fast. I broke down.. a lottle bit."
"Lottle?"
"Huh? What? I didn't break down a lot. Maybe a little. I did... a lottle."
"Okay, babygirl. Whatever floats your boat. I felt the 'little' chest pains from your 'little' break down. You lottle pain in my ass."
"This is cute." Finnley says and flops on the bed.
"She's making fun of me."
"I'm messing with you, yes. But at least you're smiling." Mom says and kisses my forehead.
"Yeah. Thanks."
Finnley pokes my cheek. "Heard you got good news."
"And had a mental break after?"
"Yeah I got that too."
"It was really sudden. The relief just sent me into tears."
"I'm glad for the good news. What's next in this adventure?"
I don't answer. Mainly because if I do.. I think Charley will be upset.
By the end of this. I do not think I will be alive. And if I do live, mom dies because she's going to be stupid to sacrifice herself for me.
If that doesn't happen though, I am pretty sure I will die. And I don't think mom's deal with death will be able to prevent this. I'm fine with dying. Just as long as our children are safe and healthy.
I'm not afraid to die. I'm just afraid to lose my kids. And afraid to lose my wife.
I wonder... where would I even go? Is there a place for me in heaven or something? Is there a resting place for supernatural beings that I don't know about?
Would I be able to watch over my children? Watch them grow though they can't see me? Watch Charley be the mother I know she can be?
Would I be able to see all the events I missed physically? Would I be able to try and protect them? Or would I be just trapped in empty?
I know I'm going to die. The possibility of me dying is far too great. I'm not afraid of it but I just wonder what will happen to me after I do die.
Everyone does their visits and leaves, only to see how I am after I flipped shit. And it ends with me about to fall asleep in her arms.
"I can't lose you.."
Her voice is so soft.. almost like she didn't intend on me hearing. It's heavy with sadness.
"I don't plan on leaving. But maybe we should be prepared for that."
"I'm not losing you, Dakota. I won't. I won't."
"You might not have a choice."
"I won't lose you.." She says softer. I can tell she's gone into deep thought. Just as I start falling asleep again.
"I love you.. nn.. Charley.."
"I love you too, baby. I love you too."
I fall asleep. Good news making my heart feel better. The odds of my children are better. But mine still remain so low.
Unsure of how the next adventure will play out. I fall asleep anyway.