"How is the man of my dreams not a man of his words?
And how is the man for me just a man that makes me hurt?"
-Kehlani
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Jahseh
"This was a bad idea." I mumbled to myself as I looked at my Cruella hair, shaking my head. I honestly think it's not that bad, but the last thing I need is for everyone clowning me for my half blonde hair. I heard the front door close downstairs, then my mom's voice. I stopped playing with my hair to go downstairs to greet her, but when I got there, she had a distressed look on her face while Richard looked calm and collected.
"Ma, what's wrong? What happened?" I asked, getting their attention. When they looked at me, the both of them made a confused face. "Jahseh, what in the hell did you do to your damn head, child? You look like Cruella." She said as she reached and touched my hair.
"Okay, okay, I know. But seriously, what happened?" I grabbed her wrist to make her stop messing with my hair. Her face softened once I asked her that, and she looked into my eyes. "Kehlani is in the hospital." She softly said. I felt my heartbeat quicken as my jaw almost fell.
"Why? What happened to her? Is she okay?"
"She's fine, sweetheart, everything's okay. She had a panic attack, and the doctor said she just needs a lot of rest and new medication."
I nodded my head as I let out a deep breath. A part of me felt like this was my fault. I've been ignoring her just because I been in my feelings over her. I know we can't be what we want to be, but everyone was right. I still needed to check up on her and we still could've just been friends. I'm such a fucking asshole. That's my problem: I'm too damn stubborn.
"Well, you can go see her. Richard and I are going upstairs to rest." She gave me a kiss on my cheek before going upstairs with Richard behind her. I jogged upstairs to grab my sweater and my mom's car keys and I jogged back downstairs before leaving.
-
"Excuse me, ma'am." I said to the receptionist. She looked at me and smiled. "Yes, how may I help you?"
"I'm looking for my step-sister."
"Name?"
"Kehlani."
She typed into the computer. "She is in Room 424."
I thanked her before walking off to find Kehlani's room. I looked at each room number until I found hers; I quickly walked inside, where I found her sleeping in the hospital bed. She had oxygen tubes in her nose and something with wires connected to a machine on her index finger. I watched as her chest rose and fell slowly, while she had a frown on her face as she slept. I shook my head and quietly chuckled as I pulled up a chair beside her bed and sat down.
I hated hospitals so much. They were depressing as fuck, and so quiet. The only things you could hear were heart monitors, nurses talking, family members crying. Every time a new life begins, a life ends at the same time. That's the most fucked up part about hospitals: it's a place where life can begin or end. Just the thought of someone I really care about being in the hospital for serious reasons, or if they're dying, and just the fact that I couldn't do anything to prevent it really fucks my head up.
Kehlani groaned before opening her eyes and looking around the room. When she saw me, she furrowed her eyebrows. "What are y-you doing here?" Her raspy voice asked as she rubbed her eyes. "I came to see how you were holding up." I shrugged.
"What the hell happened to your hair?"
I chuckled. "I let Geneva dye it. Why, you don't like it?"
"I don't like anything or anybody right now, Jahseh. I honestly just wanna be alone." She looked at the ceiling.
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
She looked back at me from the ceiling. "This is literally the first time you've spoken to me in nearly 3 weeks. All the times I tried to talk to you, it was like I was invisible. Like I was dead to you. I understand you were mad at me, but that shit was not okay. But now that I'm laying up in a hospital, you all of a sudden feel sorry and try to come see me, thinking I'm gonna act like I'm okay. Well I'm not."
"I never said I felt sorry."
"Bull fucking shit, Jahseh. Why the fuck else would you be in here trying to talk to me like we never did what we did, or acted how we did? You know the way you did me was fucked up, that's why you're here. You've been so busy getting close to Geneva and ignoring me, I've literally been getting sick again, only this time feels worse because you weren't there to help me when I had the attack. If being with her means to not deal with me at all then fine. I'm not stopping you."
The truth is, I like what me and Geneva got going on. I already know I'm catching feelings for her, and I'm fine with it. I like spending time with her but I also don't want to lose Kehlani. Our bond that we grew was strong, but now that I realize it, we are drifting off a little bit, but that doesn't really mean it's my fault. If anything it's both of our faults.
"Look, you are the one who decided to end what we were doing. You can't be mad at me for trying to distract myself from you with her. We're not supposed to feel how we felt, remember?"
"That's not what I'm talking about. You not even listenin' to me! You know what? Just go. Leave me alone."
She turned her body over, facing the opposite side of the room. I sighed and shook my head at how childish she was being. I see where she's coming from, but if only she knew...
"Do you really want me to leave, Kehlani?" I asked. "Yes Jahseh. Get the fuck out of my room." She retorted. I felt myself get mad. I'm getting tired of this shit.
"You know what? I come here trying to make amends with you but you making this difficult. You wanna sit there and be mad at me for being with Geneva, then fine. It's not gonna do anything but just make me go to her more since you pushing me away because of someone else. Whatever y'all got against each other, I'm off the shit. Instead of trying to get know her or just ignoring her but still talking to me, you sitting here bitter as fuck. I'm off your bullshit. So just in case you try to make me look like a fuck ass nigga, just remember that I came here to see you because I care about you."
With that, I walked out of her room... Leaving the past behind.
-
Kehlani
I laid in my hospital bed as I stared at the ceiling in deep thought. This situation with Jahseh is taking a toll on me, but I feel like the most I could do is relax and let things go through. If anything, I need to figure out where my pills are. I've never done anything this clumsy or mindless before.
A soft knock came from the other side of the door, and the nurse walked in with a warm smile on her face. "Hello, Miss Parrish. How are you feeling?" She asked. "I feel alright, thank you." I replied to her.
"That's good. I have your new prescription, so I'll just leave that right here. Do you need anything at al?"
"Yes, may I please get some more juice and crackers?"
"Sure. I'll be back soon." She sent me a smile before leaving out of the room, allowing the door to close behind her. My phone began to ring, so I reached over and grabbed it to see who was calling me. Coolie's name flashed across the screen, so I answered as quickly as possible.
"Hello?" I answered. "So how does it work with you, Miss Kehlani?" His deep voice asked from the other end. I chuckled at the sound of his voice. I'm surprised he actually called me.
"What do you mean? How does what work with me?"
"I mean do you normally call a guy first, or are you the shy type?"
"What is the 'shy type'?"
"You know, them girls that think they should have to wait for a man to make the first move."
I chuckled. "Maybe I am that girl."
"Oh foreal?" He chuckled.
"Well kind of. I was going to call, but shit got pretty hectic for me and now I'm in the hospital."
"The hospital?! What happened? Are you good?"
"I'm fine. I just had a nervous breakdown, that's all." I slickly lied through my teeth.
"How much longer do you have to be in there?"
"I think I can go home tomorrow."
"Oh, well I want to come see you."
I smiled. He's so sweet. "You can come see me at home, if you want."
"What area you live in?"
"Kinda by the high school and the park, a little bit by the mall."
"Oh ok, I think I know where you talking about. Just send me the address when you get home tomorrow."
"Alright. Soo.." I tried to change the topic.
"Sooo...?"
"So, how old are you?"
"I'm 19. You?"
"I'm about to be 18 in April."
"So your birthday in a few months?"
"Yep. I'll finally be the big one eight.
"Well, 18 just so happens to be my favorite number." He chuckled. Ooh okay, I see he tryna be a lil freak.
"Oh really? I wonder why."
"I'm pretty sure you know why." We both laughed.
"I see you trying to make some moves."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"Not at all." I smiled.
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NOW BEFORE YALL CUSS ME OUT FOR MAKIN THE CHAPTER SO SHORT😬😭😭 !! I juss wanna say sumthin
Soo i have been inspired by my favorite author on here (soulsexual) and decided to use something called "numerology". Numerology has different uses to some people.
Normally, it is the study of numbers, as the figures designating the year of one's birth, to determine their supposed influence on one's life, future, etc.
Numerology is also any belief in the divine or mystical relationship between a number and one or more events. It is also the study of the numerical value of the letters in words, names and ideas. It is often associated with the paranormal, alongside astrology and similar divinatory arts.
So since this is the first chapter that has numerology intentions, I'm going to give y'all a freebie😒😂 Whenever i use numbers in upcoming chapters, pay close attention to what numbers they are because they pretty much predict the upcoming events.
Okay so Kehlani's room number, 424. Kehlani also mentions that she and Jahseh haven't talked in 3 weeks, and she will be 18, while Coolie is 19.
4 is the number of masculinity, reflecting strength and stability. His chief characteristics are dependability, productivity, punctuality and obedience. He is trustworthy, patient, conventional and a traditionalist. He is a bit boring and not much of a social person, preferring to toil in quiet obscurity. So since 4 is used twice in Kehlani's room number, it is intended for two men (*cough*Jahseh*cough*Coolie) 😂😂 get it?
The number 2 is the most feminine among all numbers, but it is also the most underestimated when it comes to power and strength. Kehlani is being underestimated by those around her, but she actually has the strength to face any challenge tries to come her way.
ALRIGHT! Last numbers: 18 and 19. The number 18 is based for humanitarianism, independence, and building something of lasting benefit. As Kehlani is growing up, she's becoming more mature and independent, which is of course the idea of some people who are 18 anyway lol
Since 19 is a prime number and just a natural number, try breaking it up into 1 & 9. The number 1 is mainly based on compatibility and destiny. The number 9 is the symbol of wisdom and initiation. Therefore, Coolie is a wise and initiated person, and he could be compatible for Kehlani, and they may be destined to be together.
Now before yall start crying, remember that Jahseh is 17. ☺
OKAY I'VE SAID ENOUGH!! One more thing...
I am too grateful for you guys and your love for this book😭 I love how much feedback and attention this book is getting, and I thank you guys for being apart of this💛💛💛
Honestly I had some doubts at first but now I know just CANNOT give up on this book!! 😭🙏
I love you guys💛
(ok now you can cuss me out😭😂)
More coming up
-Jay👑🍫