Last Sunday's event was a blast! Thank you sa lahat ng mga dumalo at sa mga nasa bahay na sumuporta! It was really nice to meet you guys, and I hope mame-meet ko pa kayo lahat! Thank you for supporting the book version of Stay Awake Agatha! Be in the lookout when it hits bookstores nationwide! <3 Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Braylee
I woke up on the floor, lying in the middle of Riley and Piper, both asleep. I propped myself with my elbows and saw Warren & Lucho sleeping on Riley's side. I took advantage of the opportunity and grabbed my phone, and took a photo of us.
I stared at our photo for awhile—in it was me, smiling like a fool as I hovered above the four of them as they slept like babies. After I was diagnosed with ALS, I promised myself that I would cherish every moment I have with the ones I love, and that's what i'll keep on doing.
Since it's still 5 in the morning, I decided to prepare breakfast for them. Three years later and I'm good at cooking now. Not as best as Piper's cooking but better than the old Braylee could.
Unfortunately, there's nothing to cook inside Piper's kitchen so I decided to just leave and buy from our favorite café. But as I got out of Piper's house, I noticed a familiar car parked just across the street.
I sighed. He didn't leave.
The sky is still dark but I could see the crack of light starting to prevail. It's cold this morning so I slipped my hands on my jackets' pockets and hugged myself.
I began to walk towards his car but before I could get to him, the car door opened. Denver came out, his hair disheveled, and eyes red and swollen like he didn't get some sleep. A small smile crept up his face as our eyes met. The kind of smile that always made my heart flutter.
He started walking towards me so I stopped at my tracks and waited.
I smiled as we stood right in front of each other. "How do you do that?" I asked.
"Do what?" he asked.
"Looking so stressed but handsome at the same time? I mean look at me, I literally look like Yoda from all the crying," I laughed while pointing at my swollen eyes, but Denver just stood there, looking at me with such forlorn and worry in his eyes. I sighed. He didn't even smile at my joke.
"When I told you that we'll talk in the morning, I didn't mean that you have to stay up all night inside your car. Ano ka security guard?" I joked again but I still didn't get a reaction from him. How I wish I could send him memes.
"I'm scared that you'd suddenly leave," Denver spoke up, he sounded lifeless.
And then I remembered our last conversation three years ago. How he promised we'd talk in the morning... but then he left without even saying goodbye.
"Don't worry," I smiled again, biting my lower lip. "I know how bad it hurts to be left hanging with a broken promise so I will never do it to anyone," I said, trying hard not to sound bitter.
Denver suddenly grabbed my hands and pulled me into a hug—his left hand around my waist, while his right was around my shoulder. He buried his face on my shoulder as his hug became tighter, like he never wants to let go.
I stared at the sky as I felt comfort in his arms again. I raised my hand and began to pat his back. "Let's talk... but not here."
***
"Thank you!" I giggled as I grabbed the cup of hot choco right in front of me. As I drank, I noticed how Denver just sat right in front of me. He literally just sat there and stared at me with a worried expression.
I placed the cup on the table and gave him a piercing look. "You're starting to creep me out, Denver."
Denver didn't say anything; instead, he grabbed some tissues from the table and wiped my face like I'm some little kid.
I avoided his hands and instead grabbed the tissues away from him, wiping my own face. "Ba't di ka nag-order ng hot choco or coffee man lang?" I asked but he just shrugged.
"Are you feeling okay?" Denver finally asked. Pakiramdam ko kasi kanina niya pa ito gustong itanong sa akin.
I took a deep breath and jokingly stared at the ceiling as if I'm thinking. "Yup!" I giggled, returning my gaze at him.
"It's me, you don't have to lie to me," Denver said, grabbing a hold of my hand as he leaned closer to the table.
"I know," I nodded my head and held his hand back. "Despite of everything that happened, you are still Denver Glenn Hawthorn—the boy who always made me feel comfort, the boy I can't lie to because I know I can always confide in you."
"Does that mean you're taking me back?" he asked, a glint of hope in his eyes.
Ayoko siyang paasahin kaya naman agad akong bumitaw sa kamay niya at umayos ng upo. Pilit akong ngumiti para 'wag siyang masaktan. Paano ko ba sasabihin 'to nang maayos.
"You don't have to push me away just because you have ALS," Denver insisted, grabbing a hold of my hands again while looking at me intently. "I love you Braylee and there's nothing in this world that's ever going to change that! Fuck ALS! We'll get you treated, we'll find the best doctors, we'll get you healed, you will—"
"Denver! Denver! You have to listen to me," I stood up and held his cheeks but that didn't stop him from talking fast and loud. He was on a panic, like he was desperate for his voice to be heard.
"You won't die! I won't let you die!" Denver yelled, grabbing everyone's attention in the café.
Finally, he stopped talking. He was chasing his breath. I let go of his cheeks and sat again, still looking at each other's eyes.
"I love you, Braylee," Tears began to form in Denver's eyes. "And I won't let anything keep us apart, not even ALS. Nothing's ever going to change," he said.
"B-but this changed, Denver," My voice cracked as I admitted, pointing my heart. I don't want to hurt Denver but I can't lie to him either. He has to know even if it means he'll get hurt. It's way better than lying.
"W-what are you talking about?" Denver asked with his eyebrows furrowed. He looked so sad and confused that it's tearing me apart.
"Three years... andaming nagbago sa three years, Denver," I said, as gentle as I could. "I loved you, Denver. I loved you so much that I forgot to spare some love for myself. When you left, I blamed myself for it. I mean oo nagalit ako sa'yo kasi bigla kang hindi nagparamdam ng napakatagal pero mas nagalit ako nun sa sarili ko. I hated myself more than ever. I thought that maybe the real reason why you left was because you thought I was too weak to handle your situation—"
"That's not true, you weren't weak, it was never your fault!" Denver insisted so I nodded and smiled.
"When I was diagnosed with ALS, I realized how little I loved myself. You were right all along, Denver—I was too focused on making others happy that I forgot to prioritize my own happiness. Sure, I was happy when I made my friends happy....but still, it wasn't enough...." I took a deep breath, wiping the tears that started to drip from my eyes. "It was like an epiphany so I promised myself that it's going to be Braylee first before anyone else. I focused on my studies, Cherished every moment with my friends and family, I took on new adventures, and I accepted the fact that you and I will never be together again... And one day, I was finally okay. I was able to say your name without crying. I was able to talk about you without sadness. And my heart no longer fluttered for you. I don't know it happened but it just did. My feelings for you changed."
"N-no you're wrong..." Denver shook his head and held my hands tighter. "You're only saying that because you have ALS. You're just scared. You're confused. It's the ALS talking and not you... You're just trying to spare me from pain that's why you're pushing me away."
"I'm sorry," that was all I could say as I watched the tears escaped from his eyes. "But this is the truth Denver. I don't love you the way I used to," I admitted once more, pouring out the truth in my heart.
And with that I stood up. With all my might, I began walking straight to the door without looking back at him. I didn't want to hurt Denver but that was the truth. That was how I felt towards him.
As I went out of the door, someone suddenly grabbed a hold of my hand, stopping me at my tracks. I looked back and saw Denver, still with disheveled look and desperation in his eyes; he stared directly into my eyes as he spoke. "Can I still stay by your side? Can I still try to win you back?"
I was taken aback by what he said. I was at loss of words. Luckily, I was quick to pull myself together with a smile. "I have Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, Denver. It doesn't have a cure. Are you a masochist?" I joked.
"Wait, you're not in love with someone else right?" Denver asked with a glint of frustration.
"Huh?" I chuckled. "Okay, to be honest with you, I went out on dates. My heart kinda fluttered with some of my dates, yung kilig-kilig?" I said in all honesty.
"Your heart kinda fluttered?" Denver repeated my sentence with bitterness and sarcasm in his voice.
"You don't have to mock my feelings," I gave him a piercing look.
"Fuck, I'll deal with them later," I heard him say under his breath. "So is it a yes then?" he asked.
And being the strong and independent cutie that I am.
I could not say no to Denver Glenn Hawthorn.
****
Piper:
Where are youuuu?
You:
Wanted to buy breakfast but ran into denver huhu sorry
will be back after some errands
Piper:
Oh my gossshhh! Nagkabalikan na kayo?!!!? omg im so happy for you B!!!
You:
Noooooo
I mean he wants to stay by my side and who am I to say no
He's still Denver after all
Piper:
Mananalo ako sa pustahan! Yeyyy!
You:
Pustahan again???
Piper:
Yupp, I kinda made a bet with someone na magkakabalikan kayo ni Denver hihihi.
You:
Huyyy, baka matalo ka!
Piper:
Come on that's Denver... we all know how much you loved him.
Babalik pa yang feelings mo just give him another chance
Give him another chance braylee
You:
I kinda did...
I allowed him to stay by my side.... A chance to win me back.
Is it a bad thing?
Piper:
YASSSSS!!!
NOOOOOO
I mean yey denver + you!
You:
Kahit may ALS ako?
Piper:
Do u really have to bring that up?
You:
ALS is part of me now :) It's part of the braylee package.
Piper:
I hate you
You:
If you hate me, will you still cry if I die??
Piper:
Gaga iyak na ng iyak dito si Piper!!!! Pati ako!!! Humanda ka talaga samin!!! --- R
You:
I love you Riley.
Ipagpapalit ko si Denver sayo sabihin mo lang hahahahahaha
Piper:
Tangina mo talaga Emanuel
You:
Is that your way of saying you love me too?
"Ma-lowbat ka sana nang ma-solo ko ang atensyon mo."
Nag-angat ako ng tingin mula sa cellphone ko at nakita kong naka-igting na ang panga ni Denver habang nagmamaneho.
"That's mean," I jokingly said.
"You're meaner," he said, not a glint of joke in his voice.
"Why? What did I do?" I asked.
"Why won't you tell me who you dated while I was away?" He asked, making me chuckle.
"Just drive," I jokingly rolled my eyes. "Wait, we can stop here," I said as I realized we were near the place I wanted to be.
***
"You gotta be kidding me," Denver's expression darkened as he looked around the warehouse filled with different kinds and sizes of coffins.
"You wanted to stay by my side right?" I asked with a smile. "Then help me prepare for my death, starting with choosing my coffin." I added but Denver didn't say anothing. He just stood there, speechless with a dark expression on his face.
I took a deep breath as I forced him to look at me in the eyes. "Look, Denver. My life span won't be as long as yours. Death is just around the corner for me. If you can't handle that, you can always leave."
As an answer, Denver held my hand tight.
END OF CHAPTER 62
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