As I always feel just lately, I'm looking forward to seeing Clara. It sounds as corny as hell, but she really does bring light to the darkness that seems to cast a shadow over my famous and tumultuous life.
"Hey!" She runs towards me in her golden heels, greeting me in the hallway, looking gorgeous and glamorous in a little black number she is wearing. As her arms swing themselves around my neck and she gives me the heartiest of hugs ever, Clara then sweetly asks. "How is Maci and your mum?"
And my British beauty doesn't yet know it, but she's got herself all gorgeous and glamorous for absolutely nothing. Instantly, I have yet another thing to feel really shit about. "Mom is okay. Maci, I'm not so sure." Is my grim confession.
Now needing to see my face, Clara's own sweet face becomes shrouded in obvious concern as she affectionately strokes my back. "What's wrong?" She quietly asks, trying to get me to open up right there and then.
I should have shared with her my feelings earlier on. I should have confided in my girl. But I didn't want to burden her then, and I don't really want to burden her with it all now. "I'm not sure, Clara. Today, she just seemed off to me. Mom thinks it's just the hormones. The doctor thinks it's a combination of her taking no drugs and her pregnancy. I just don't know, I think it's more than that."
Clara's brows thoughtfully draw in. "Why do you say that?"
Holding her close against me, I admit all of the unbrotherly things that now swarm my mind. "I'm worried she's going to run, Clara. She was on edge today. There was no humour or happiness coming from her this afternoon. Maci was preoccupied, something was going on inside her head...I could see it in her eyes." I'm admitting things to Clara, that I just couldn't to my mom. Instead, I stupidly made promises to her that I'm sure will never be kept.
How could I promise both Maci and my mom that everything was going to be okay, when in the hidden cavities of my heart, I doubted that it would?
How could I do that?
Clara clings against me even tighter. "Oh god, I hope you're wrong."
With the strongest embrace that my deflated stamina can give, I exhale a long sigh of regret as I rest my chin on the top of Clara's warm head. "So do I."
"Did you speak to your mum about it?"
Being truthful, I softly shake my head. "No, I didn't want to worry her but I've got extra security keeping an eye on things for me. They're going to discreetly sit outside my mom's place, should Maci try to slip out."
Clara pulls herself a little bit free from my greedy hugging of her, in order to look up at me. "Do you really think she will?" She truly looks worried, and I hate it that I've burdened her with that worry.
Feeling so conflicted and restless, my stare out at really nothing, guiltily bounces around the hallway. "I'm not taking any chances. If she tries to bolt, my guys will be waiting." The more I say, the more I just want to say no more. Clara doesn't deserve to be trudging around in my family's mess. She doesn't deserve to be emotionally off-loaded onto.
Then, my girl says something that only makes me love her even more crazily than I already do. "Why don't we cancel tonight?" In her teal and tender eyes, I see her unconditional love for me. I also see her unconditional patience to deal with all of my crap.
With a relief and pure admiration for my girl, I smile. "But you've got all dressed up?"
She lightheartedly shrugs, truly not bothered. "It doesn't matter. You look like you just need a chilled night in. Besides, this is all for you and you alone."
I adore this woman.
I adore everything about her.
Feeling like Clara is more than I deserve but grateful for the fact that fate figured I deserved her nevertheless, I sway with her still safely tucked in tightly against my body as my hands enjoy running themselves down the ravine of her sexy back. "I like that it's all for me." I lowly declare, swaying a little more with a slow and sensual motion as I seductively go on. "A chilled night in with my girl is just what I need." My fingers then start sliding up the smooth fabric of her evocative little black dress, wanting to find the bottom of its hem. When they do, my deft fingers then search out her beautifully dressed body. As they pleasurably roam, it is then that they excitedly loiter on her bare and exposed skin. "Are you not wearing any panties?"
Like a sassy huntress, Clara's devilish eyes stare back at me all narrowed and naughty. "Nope." She daringly announces.
Adoring her and all of the light she brings into my life, my admiring green eyes reveal my single-minded intentions. "Bedroom, now!" Being beside, around and inside of Clara, just puts me in a really good place. Emotionally and physically, she makes everything better.
I love this girl, I love her more than I ever thought possible.
As messed up as everything seems to be, I know that.
I know that Clara is the love of my life.
The love of my entire life.