||- Play song When this appears -> 🎧🎼🎧-||
—Kid's POV—
I wake up hearing the voices loudly in my head. I try to cover my ears with my pillow to muffle them out but they just grow louder. There loud but yet sound like there whispering. It's getting loud and annoying. "Ugh...." I sit up and walk to my desk and take out the dagger I received when I played Human and Elves with the guys. Walking to my mirror I press the blade to my wrist and hear the voices slowly grow quite. Moving the knife away the voices start to grow louder again.
This happens almost every morning. Putting the dagger back to my wrist I slowly pull it to me, not looking away from my reflection. The voice in my head scream in agony as I continue to cut but the face I make isn't of pain or fear, it's a look of monotone. It doesn't change. After awhile the screams stop and the voices disappear again into what ever part of my head they came from.
Looking down I see a puddle of blood on the floor and ten new cuts in both my arms. 'So That why I'm wet.' Sighing I look at my self in the mirror again. I'm a bit paler and my bed head still there. Honestly I don't get what the girls see in me. I'm not special.
I bet it's because I don't talk. Girls always seemed to like the mysterious types.
Taking a breath I realize everything's getting fuzzy. Quickly I grab the stash of bandages I have and wrap my arms in them. When there lightly wrapped I make sure there not to thick and not to thin. After that I grab a change of clothes and go to the bathroom to wash to blood off of me. Yes I was taking a bath with bandages on, they sting like a bitch when I get them wet with nothing covering the cuts.
I turn the water on and look at the time and see it's only 4:30 in the morning. New record for the voices to wake me up. Normally they wake me up about twenty to thirty minutes before my alarm. Heading the sound of the water deepen I turn the fousit off and see that the tub is a little over half way full.
Stripping I enter the tub and see the water turn a light crimson color from the blood that was starting to dry on my legs and hands. The water was warm and nice.... like Kenny. Blushing I shake my head and try to think of something else. 'Oh crap. I'm confessing today.'
•—Time Skip—•
I walk to school with my guitar on hand and my cyan backpack on my back. I already sent Kenny the message to meet me behind the school where the goth kids meet on Saturdays. He said he'd be there but I worry when exactly he'll be there.
I look at my hoody and gloves to make sure that none of the blood is leaking. No stains. Good.
After a while of walking I finally reach the place. Kids weren't there because they are going to class. Now normally I don't skip but I had a feeling that I might do it. Sitting on the steps I take out my guitar and decided to play a little to get rid of my nerves.
🎧🎼🎧
Humming along as I play I wait patently for Kenny. He was my best of friend and also my crush. If I ask him out more then likely he would have say no and then stop being friends with me. Stabs to the heart are felt at that thought but I needed to get this out of me. If I don't then slowly every bitch I see him with will eventually drive me crazy. So at least if I do this then I don't have to deal with those feelings anymore.
Humming along a smile creeps into my face. I always loved music. It in a way expresses the feelings I can't show on my face. I actually got this guitar as a birthday gift from my cousin who lives in another state. They always knew how much I loved music even before I came I South Park. So when I got this in the fifth grade I was very happy.
Slowly I start to get engrossed into the music and everything around me seems to fade away. The thoughts leave my head and my hands naturally move to play the right notes. I'm so out of it I don't even notice that Kenny comes. He doesn't say anything as I play my music and just smiles and taps his foot to the beat. I open my eyes a little and notice Kenny's there but don't stop playing till I finish the song.
(Wait till song finishes please!)
Placing my guitar back into its case I listen to what Kenny had to say. "Man! You have improved a lot since you first got it! Maybe you should go become a celebrity!" I huff a little with a smile on my face. "Yeah. And then become a complete douche bag like them too." (No offense to celebrity's) Kenny snickers too.
Turning around I see him and I start to feel the nerves return. "So what did you wanna tell me?" Instantly my heart starts to beat faster. I look into Kenny's light ocean blue eyes and feel my throat hitch. The words I want to say don't come out and I just stand there gritting my teeth a bit.
'He's going to hate you.'
Crap not now. Taking a breath I regain my voice. "Kenny. I like you. I know you might not like me but I wanted to tell you." Kenny's eyes widen and are full of surprise.
We just stand there for a while. Maybe two minutes but it felt like years. He scratches his blond hair and looks me in the eyes. "Kid. I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way about you. Man I like girls. I always have and always will."
I knew it. I knew that was going to be his response but it still hurt.
For the first time since I've met Kenny I've been aware of the temperature around me. Being with him kinda raises my temperature since my blush kinda doesn't show. Before everything was warm and fuzzy, even when he was with a slut, but now... everything was cold, dark, and seems to sway in a way that made me want to vomit.
'Don't look at me!'
His eyes have a look of confusion and a hint of sadness to them. "But hey. We can still be friends." My heart tightens. I can't breath.
I force a smile on my face. I don't know how realistic it was but I think he bought it. "Thanks."
Kenny smiles and we hear the bell ring. "Oh crap! We're gonna be late! You should head to class fast Kid! I'll see ya sometime soon!" He waves to me and runs off to class. Leaving me alone and feeling the burn of the snow on my cheeks. Everything changes.
The color seems to dull and my heart tightens more and more. Slowly I raise my hand place it over my heart and feel it beating like normal. Why does it hurt if nothings wrong?
My face tarts to burn from something warm going down them. Rubbing my face I notice there tears. I choke up on my emotions. Slowly I start to break down.
I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I don't want people to see how broken I am. Please god don't let anyone find me. But god wasn't on my side. "K-Kid?"
Turning around I see Tweek. One of my real friends who knew I liked Kenny. He and Craig were the only ones who knew about my love. They also where the ones who knew the most about my current family situation. I could rely on them.
'They only help because they pity you.'
Before I realize anything Tweek is hugging me. We both where around the same hight and his messy bold hair was still a horrible mess.
"W-w-wanna skip today?" The memory of the day I fell in love with Kenny McCormick plays in my mind. The day he came to make sure you were ok after one of Cartman's insults. One that hurt to much to be alone with. The memory of when he asked you to skip with him.
I gently break the hug with Tweek and shake my head. "G... *sniff*.. Go to class... your parents will get mad other wise..." I turn away from Tweek and pick up my guitar case and leave the school grounds. Tweek didn't follow me and I was glad he didn't. I didn't want him around me when I'm like this. I'm at my worst and I would preview no one saw me.
Slowly I stare blankly at the ground not pay attention to anything around me. Everything seems to blur and darken as I head home.
'Hey. Maybe you need to drink something?'
'No. I've seen what that does to mom. I doubt drink my problems away.'
'Then smoke! That should help and won't change you!'
My pace slows and I realize I had walked into the store in town. I don't even know how u got here. Quickly I pull my hood up and walk to the cashier. "Hey. Can I have *random brand* cigarets please?" The person stares at me for a while before giving me the box. "That will be five dollars sir."
I hand him a five dollar bill and leave with the box. Everything blues again and when it in blues I'm at Stark's Pond. I sit in the mini broken down dock they have on it and take the box of cigs out. Looking down on them I slowly read the brand name over and over.
Mr.Macky would say that smoking is bad for people and I agree with him, but I really needed something to take my mind off of Kenny. I pick up a random lighter I find on the dick that someone must have dropped and test to see if it still worked.
A small flame jumps from the sudden burst and I stare at it for a little. It's orange like Kenny's parka. Quickly I shake my head to rid myself of the thought and take a cigaret from its box. I place it in my mouth and light it. Turning the lighter off I take a drag and try not to choke on it. Slowly I take the cigaret from my mouth and let out a slow sigh. As the breath leaves my mouth I see smoke leave with it.
It does give me a numb feeling but it's not enough. The tears still fall from my eyes as I continue to watch the smoke I breath flout into the air. From now on I can't love Kenny. I can't act any different then the way I did before I confessed. I need go move on.