TIM POV: "Hey Ma," I yell up the stairs, "I'm taking the truck."
"Be careful! Don't wreck." She yells back down. I've been driving for a year, I'll be fine.
It's finally eight o'clock on Friday. I've been waiting for this day since Monday when I asked Jana out. We're going to one of these bonfires my friend is hosting. I'm just praying they don't act like assholes and get everyone in trouble.
I pull up to Jana's house and try to breathe. I've had a thing for her since we were in elementary school. She was one of the very few kids who stood up for me... What if her Dad opens the door? My mind begins to ramble, thinking of everything that could go wrong. Everyone's parents aren't too enthralled with me, due to my families predicament. We are poor, blue collar, and full of alcoholics.... Not exactly who you want dating your daughter...
I knock on the door and hold my breath. Her house is huge. She says it's too basic and big for her. She likes the smaller houses with character more. As thought, her father opens the door. He stands so tall, I'm surprised his head doesn't touch the top of the door frame.
"Come on in son." He says with a deep, booming voice. He's a large guy... He could definitely kill me if he desired too. "So you're Sean, right?" he says.
"Um no, I'm Sam." I correct. He pours himself a glass of whiskey.
"Same thing." He says, releasing a big laughing. I smile to try to hide my fear. Luckily, Jana runs down the stairs before he can intimidate me further.
"Hey!" She says, stopping halfway down the stairs. "Do you think this looks alright?" She asks. I turn to look at her. She looks stunning. Her bright blue eyes flash through her long blonde hair. She must've straightened it tonight. She's wearing a yellow sundress that showcases her tan shoulders.
"You look beautiful." I say, a little flustered. Her dad tightly grips my shoulder.
"Okay Sean,"
"Sam..." I correct again.
"Make sure my little girl makes it home safe by midnight, okay?" He says. I look at him with a bit of surprise. Most Dad's around her want their daughter's back by sundown....
"Yessir." I say, opening and holding the door for her. She smiles up at me, giving me a numbing sensation. We walk out and get in the truck, where I can finally breathe.
"He intimidate you?" Jana asks, smiling her bright smile.
"Not nearly as much as I expected." I say. She laughs. Her laugh is music to my ears.
"So where is this thing?" She asks, curling up in the seat to face me.
"I think it's at Chris's farm." I say.
"Oh, fun." She says unenthusiastically.
"I know. After a while, we could head out and maybe get a bite to eat." I offer to compensate.
"That sounds like a plan to me." She smiles. God, I love this girl. We pull into Chris's long, trecherous driveway. After clearing it, we pull up behind the barn. Jana jumps out before I can open the door. She stops and waits for me to get out of the truck.
"I was going to open the door for you." I laugh.
"I can be independent." She teases, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards everybody.
"Alright."
It's about nine o'clock when Chris and the guys pull out a few kegs.
"Sam, you have to get in on this!" Chris yells back. Jana looks at me to see what I say.
"Nah, I'm fine." I reply, knowing I not only have to drive, but I'm also technically taking Jana on a date. I don't think getting drunk is exactly a great way to end a date.
"How 'bout you Jana?" Chris asks, acting sweeter. Chris is a great guy, but he's an absolute pig to girls. Jana looks back to me.
"Alright." She says unexpectedly. Of all the eleven years I've known her, I've never seen her drink.... ever. Chris hands her a solo cup full of beer.
"Drink up!" He says, as she starts to drink. I stand there for a second, in a bit of shock. If she's drinking, then one drink can't kill me.
"On second thought," I say, "hit me up." Chris laughs and fills up another cup full.
"Oh, look who's looking to party." Jana laughs. I smile and take a drink. Of course, this isn't my first beer.
It's almost two, and Jana is asleep on one of the hay bales in the barn.
"Jana," I say, giving her a light push. "Jana, come on, wake up. We gotta go." I say. My eyes are blurry from the alcohol. I have my father's tendency's...
"I don't wanna...." She mumbles. She's hammered.
"Come on." I say, trying to pick her up.
"No...."
"Your Dad's going to kill me." I say, rubbing my eyes. I finally manage to pick her up without dropping her. I stumble over to where the truck is, and manage to fall over myself, crashing down on her. I quickly roll off of her to make sure I didn't hurt her. I met with laughter as she begins to crack up.
"We are wasted." She laughs. I laugh a bit too.
"Just a bit." She rolls on top of me and gives me a kiss.
"I love you." She says, brushing back my hair.
"I love you too." I say.
"Together forever?" She says. We used to say that when we were younger. We both had broken homes; her parents argued daily until they finally got divorced, and my father beat the shit out of me. We were kind of all each other had.
"Together forever." I confirm. Her laughter seizes as she lays her head down on my chest.
"I don't want to go home." She says. "Lets just run away."
"We can't just run away." I laugh.
"Why?" She says seriously.
"Because," I think. "school, our parents, the fact that we have no money..."
"I can get a job at like a diner while you go the LSU on the scholarship." She says, seriously making a plan.
"We have to finish high school first." I say.
"Fine." she accepts. "The night of graduation, we'll run off together." she says, pushing her hair behind her ear.
"Alright." I agree.
"Really?" She says, lifting her head of my chest, suddenly full of energy.
"Yes really." I laugh at her excitement. "Will you get in the car?" I ask
"Fine..." She playfully frowns and gets in the car.
I hop in the drivers seat and try to stick the keys in the ignition, but I keep missing.
"You need a little help there?" She laughs.
"Nah, I got it." I say, finally finding the slot. I turn on the engine and peel out of the drive fast. She laughs. We put down the windows as we plow down the road, not really paying attention to the lanes. We blast the radio and sing along to Springsteen.
"Tim," she says over the radio.
"Yeah?"
"Do you want kids?" She yells. I look over to she her sweet smile and blue eyes staring at me. Her blonde hair is blowing around.
"Yeah, I guess." I say, not thinking much about it.
"Bullshit." She says. "Give me a real answer."
"Why?" I ask her.
"Because, with everything with your dad, I'm not sure that that's what you want." She says.
"Do you want kids?" I ask.
"Yeah, I do." She says quickly. She looks down at her hands. "I want to have your kids..." My chest begins to tighten at the thought of her and I having kids. She's right, maybe I don't want this.
"Jana," I say.
"Yeah?" She responds.
"You know I do love you, right?" I say. I look over to see her smile, just before we cross the center line...
Everything seems to move in slow motion...My head slams against the wheel as I watch hers crash into the dashboard. I throw my arm in front of her, as if to protect her, but it's not use. Before I know it, the car it tumbling over into the ditch. After a few rolls, we stop as we hit a tree. The other car that we must've hit still sits on the road, although nobody has came out of it.
"Jan-" I cry out. "Jana, baby.... wake up." I say. Tears fall from my eyes at the sight of her blood everywhere. She starts to whimper as I try to grab her hand. Her whimpers quickly fade as the smell of gasoline and smoke starts to assault my senses. I shut my eyes and try to breathe...
I wake up alone in a hospital room. The sound of steady beeps keeps me calm as I adjust to this foreign place. Suddenly, I see Ma through the window. She looks like she's been crying... A doctor walks in the room ahead of her, explaining my condition.
"He's had his spleen, appendix, gull bladder, and one kidney removed. His Lung has been patched, although another surgery will be needed to permanently fix the issue. His heart is surprisingly fine after the trauma it went through from the AED. He has a broken rib, that has been repaired, and a broken arm, which is casted, as you can see." He quickly runs down. I look up at mom, who's eyes are full with tears. Our eyes lock, and she begins to break down. "I'll give you two a moment alone..." The doctor says, leaving the room.
"Jana..." I start.
"Sam," Mom says, wiping her cheeks. "she's gone honey." My heart stops. She can't be... There's no way she's....
"No..."
"I'm so sorry baby... Everything's going to be alright, understand me?"
"I killed her......." I say. The words feel ripe on my lips. "She's gone because fo me."
"No she's not honey.... It wasn't your fault."
"I killed her!" I scream. "What do you mean its not my fault?"
"You didn't intend to hurt her..." Mom says. I can tell she feels differently.
"I was drunk, I drove the car, I crashed the car, I killed her.... It's my fault."