You do not know how relieved I am to read your letter after all of this time. I have since relocated to a planet that I cannot disclose to you. However, I can verify that the address that I previously gave to you will continue to function as my own address.
Before I address your letter there's something I desperately need to talk to you about. You did, after all, tell me to write to you when I had troubling thoughts. Well, here it i. I... I don't fit in here very well. My uncle looks at me as if he expects both a greatness and a great evil from me. I had believed that when I dedicated myself to the Light side that I would erase all thoughts that I might be drawn to the Dark side. But it seems that I misjudged my family. I thought that they would see my dedication, that they would understand how hard I am working to do the right thing and that they would defend me.
The disappointment and the feeling of failure is overwhelming. For this, I feel that I work twice, no, four times harder than the other Jedi students. I am at the very top of my class and even my uncle admits that I show promise to be one of the greatest Jedi yet. But it doesn't change the look in his eyes when he watches me. It feels as if he is simply waiting for me to make a mistake, ready to smite me at any moment in time should I suddenly decided that I dislike the Light side.
Oh, but the frustration I feel is too great to even put to words! Do you ever feel this way; that everyone in the universe is holding their breath for you to make a mistake so that they can then crucify you? I should hope not, but if you felt this way, I would certainly want to let you know how I would still care for you, regardless of the mistakes you have made. How happy I was to read that you are not intimidated by me. That brings the grand total to one.
But please, do not be brought down to my own pitiful level. Although you may be the one of the only that is your age on the ship, I hope that you will have ample opportunity to show how mature and intelligent you truly are.
Please write back to me soon, I fear that without your letters, the pressure may collapse upon me and I shall make a grave mistake that even you could not forgive. Continue to practice your lessons and further yourself, I enjoy hearing about such things and it distracts me from the doom that surrounds my existence. I will find a way to come see you when I can and finally express my feelings to you properly. Until then, could you say just one more time that believe we were meant to be together?
Selfishly,
Ben Solo