L.A, 2008
Years ago, may marked the time of my life. One thing leads to another, I lose my friend and there's no way I can forget that. But what I remember most, is one person that never really be a part of my open life. She was there, but no one even knew. I'm sure it's been a long time now, I didn't see her for years. All I can do to having her with me is inside my memories. Everytime I close my eyes, she's there. Waiting for me to pour my heart out.
Seattle, 1994
The smell of smoke on my tux doesn't even disappear just yet. They can't even tell for sure about what's going on. A part of me just won't believe it. I knows how messy Kurt's mind is, he talked bout death more than once. But never crossed my mind that he would actually did it this way. The worst one. Although we had argument the last time we spoke to each other, but I never really hate this one friend of mine.
After the last goodbye, I go home with a hope that I can get at least a rest. Though Jennifer is there with me, she can't really wash my pain away. I mean, It's quite a year where I got all emotional stuff together. Not to mention how I met Jennifer, it was beautiful. But not even that memories could cheering me a little bit. I lost in my mind once again, laying down on my back and eyes on the ceiling. What should I do now? Ended it all?
"Dave, please go to sleep. It's been hard for you, but you still need to let it go." I don't know if she just wakes up and see me or she really just doesn't sleep yet.
"Just give me more minutes Jen. Just more..."
"Dave. Come on." She looks at me with serious manner, I can't argue that and just listen to her. "Umm, Jen. Do you think it's a good idea to go to mountain? Soon?"
"I don't know Dave. Can we talk about it later? I'm out of energy Dave. Okay?"
"Right. Sorry." I don't know why I came up with this idea, I just think that maybe all I need is seeing a scene after all. Besides because I don't feel the will to play any music in a short period, I always love to bring myself closer to nature. It's relaxing. There's something odd about it, like when I'm in an open scene, times goes really slow and I can feel anything around me.
I'm planning to go there with her, at first. But soon as I'm thinking about it, I do feel the need to go alone. Think it's a good time to recall things and else. Also, seems like she doesn't like the idea of me go to mountain, it would be ridiculous to pursue her to go there with me. I'm biting my lip just to imagine how it would be beautiful to see some trees or rivers. Not to go to a full recreation site, just a simple scene.
The next morning, I wake up with a smell of rain outside my room. I don't know what's that for in this kind of day. Just, so weird. Like mother nature take a chance to say something to me. In a weird way possible. As I remember, last night I slept next to Jen and this early morning she's not here with me. "Jen?" I get up on my feet and find her in the middle of her routine, preparing her gears. She's a photographer. "Yes Dave? How's sleep?"
"Unexpectedly, pretty nice." I go to her and landed a kiss on her cheeks. "You got time today? About what I said last night..."
"I got a job, Dave." She looks at me, like she doesn't remember my words yesterday. "I was umm... Planning to go to mountain with you but, seems like you has no time."
"I'm sorry Dave, but I can't. Also, look outside now. It's raining." She's right, it's raining. Not a really good time to go hiking. I know how weird it sounds, but I really need to go like today. Not the other day. "But if I go alone, would you mind?" I can see how irritated her face is. She must be thinking I'm joking. "I don't know. Do whatever you want Dave. I can't stop you either."
So here I am, preparing my bag for my sudden trip. There's so much I can expect from Mount Si, and I can't wait to get there. And because it's so much rain outside, I bring more stuff that I probably need. Raincoat and others. Soon after I get things ready, I jump into my car and take a map with me. There's a possibility I will get lost in this rain. But yeah, maybe a little bit lost isn't bad after all.
Knowing Mount Si is hard-not-hard skill. I mean, it can be really confusing if you don't pay much attention to your surroundings. Especially in this rain. I leave my car and walk with bag on my back. Just like what I thought, scenes are sugar to my eyes and I don't regret my decision to get here. There's always a specific feelings when you're out of walls and feels like you're a part of this beautiful scenery. Although I'm alone walking through a freaking forest, there's no way I feel lonely here. Not even a rain can erase the calming sensation.
Knowing it's raining, I probably can't reach some spot that quite dangerous. Some paths are blocked. I can't really remember the track since I went here long time ago. And for that period of time, some things changed. Trees, and stuff. I can barely remember that. The only thing that still familiar is th main sign at the entrance. I might not allowed to enter this path, but I kinda curious about this one. As long as I can remember, I never go that way before. Seems harmless to me. My guess, it might be 50 meters long and I will go back to here after that.
As I go further, I know they didn't close this road for safety. It's because this area is a private property. I can see a cabin or something not so far. I probably will get into a trouble for this. I tried to get back but then I tripped on something. "Damn! Oh shit." My right leg stucked on a rock's gap and I twisted it somehow. "Fuck! How...argh. Now I'm in trouble. Good job Dave."
After I can move my leg and probably sit to see how's my leg doing right there, I feel something or someone behind me. "Excuse me. This is my property." I turned my head and see a woman standing there with an umbrella and...I don't know, she's really weird and creepy I guess. With that straight cold face and something just not like usual around her. I got a chill on my spine. "I'm...sorry, I didn't know the 'do not enter' sign made for that. I thought it's just some kind of danger kind of sign."
"Right, some visitors just want to feel the thrill." She smirks and there my impression changed. She's not as creepy as I thought she is. "Okay. I see your leg isn't doing good right there. Need a help?"
"Umm, yes. Of course." She take my hand and lift me up. I know it's raining there, but I swear her hand is cold as a sundae.
The way she arranged this place is oddly beautiful. What she did to the fireplace, chairs, and else. I can understand why she live here, far from everywhere. "You live alone?"
"Now? Yes." She applies some mixture and a bandage to my leg. It feels good. "How's your leg?"
"Feel better. Umm... You're okay live here? I mean...alone and in the middle of nowhere." I don't know what's so funny about my words but she does giggle. "It's not like this place is a pre history site. It's Mount Si after all." She makes a cup of tea while I getting myself comfortable on this chair.
"And you Mr. Grohl..."
"Oh, so you know me?" I almost think that she doesn't recognize me. I mean, not to be offensive, she looked like she lived without any touch of technology. I can't help but make a little giggles. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to.."
"Not a problem Mr..."
"Just call me Dave. It's weird to be called Mr."
"Oh. Okay. So Dave.." she walks to me and put the tea on the table in front of me. "Why you go here alone? And in this heavy rain?"
"Me? Honestly I...try to recover myself from a lost."
"Ah, yes. I heard that. I'm sorry about Kurt. I listened to your music some times ago before someone broke in here, took nearly everything I had. Including some records."
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that too. But.. seriously, living here is kinda dangerous, don't you think?"
"I know..I know that very well. But I got no place to go. Also, stay here feels like I can live forever. If you know what I mean." I have to say she has the sweetest smile that I've ever seen. She's really calm, like she doesn't scared to lose anything.
"Done. You can walk?" She takes my hand once again and I literally got chills. Just like what happened out there in the rain. But I didn't expect her hands will this cold even near fireplace. "I got this..." But nope, bad decision. I did twist my ankle badly. I almost lose my face in front of her. Guess you know, she laughs. Laughs so lightly, it nearly unheard. "Ah, yeah. Maybe not."
"Well, then. The couch is for you. You can leave tomorrow morning. It's dark outside."
"Right. Thank you so much." She's about to enter a room that I assume is hers but then I remember something. "Oh, hey. I'm sorry I didn't even ask your name."
"It's Fraughn."
"Fraughn?"
"Aubrey Fraughn. But Aubrey is fine."
"Okay, Aubrey... Good night."
"You too, Dave."
I can't even understand how she can live here alone with such a silence all night. I mean, I'm that type of person who loves to hear sounds and else. Imagine that, every night, nohing else but herself. I might not understand that, but whatever it is, something about her is very soft. That smile, that voice, and I swear it makes me can stand this place longer than I thought.
Out of the window, I still can smell the rain and the wet dirt. Something that most people love and so do I. "Dave?" She almost scared me to showed up suddenly like that. "Umm, yes Aubrey?"
"Can you play a song for me?" I can't hold my laughs. Not because I'm not used to hear that request, but it's just funny she showed up just to hear me play a song. "Actually... I'm a drummer and I think I'm not that good to..."
"How about Marigold?"
"What?"
"Marigold. The one that you wrote. You were singing it."
"Umm.. okay. You got a guitar?"
"I have one, but I don't know if it still works or not." She opens a big ass box and pulls a guitar from it. "Yours?"
"No... I found it on woods. Right behind my property." Although it's not something I usually play, I do play guitar. I learn some and found my voice when I still hang out with Kurt. You know, sometimes his sense of songwriting is intimidating me. Then all of sudden, she already sit in front of me, down on the floor. I look down to her. "Hey, it's cold on the floor."
"I know, but I want to hear the song better."
"Oh, okay. So umm...you want me to play Marigold?"
"Sure, or whatever you got." She's waiting for me to make any sound but I'm not sure if I want to play that song. "Hey, if I play something else, do you mind?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"It's umm...I wrote this like..I can't remember when, probably when I met kurt and Krist for the first time. It was my first impression of Kurt." I'm scared she won't listen to that one, considering how raw that song is. But turns out she smiles to me and get excited. "Just play it then!"
"How's that for you?"
"You must be missing your friend. I'm jealous." She smiles slightly, I can't be sure if she's sad or something. "Jealous? I mean...I just lost him. How can..."
"I know. But better to know how it feels than never, right? I don't have a friend for my whole life." She talks about it like it was nothing. Wether she's good of hiding her sadness or she really have no idea how it feels to lose a friend. "I...live here as long as I can remember. I don't remember having friends but my dad."
"Your dad? Where's he now?"
"He's in the backyard. Under the ground."
"What do...."
"Gone. He died 3 years ago."