I DO NOT OWN NARUTO
"Naruto."
"Hm? "
"Kill Kurama for me."
"Gladly."
Naruto and Sasuke were. . . sulking for a lack of better terminology as they faced their family in the Hokage's Office. Both were subjected to a narrowed eyes from Tsunade, an amused stare from Jiraiya, an intense stare from Mikoto, a lazy gaze from Fugaku and a twitching eye from the all-knowing Itachi.
"They're probably going to start with why you had the Bijuu, Sage of Six Paths and Kurama Mode," Sakura soothed in their minds as she sat in the training ground with the rest of the Leaf Legion, awaiting the Uchiha brothers' return.
"So," Jiraiya started, "what did the fox mean by "I'm the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox"?"
Naruto and Sasuke immediately fell backwards.
"Whyyyyyyyyyyyy? Why you do this to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?" Naruto whined, anime-crying.
Everyone in the room except Sasuke sweatdropped.
"WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO, WORLD? HAVE I EVER DONE ANYTHING TO YOU?" Naruto cried dramatically.
"You're a freaking idiot and annoyed everyone in the world with your over-excessive hyperactive and knucklehead-like thinking and acting. That's what," Sasuke deadpanned.
"WHY DO YOU MOCK ME SO SASUKE?" Naruto wailed, latching onto his brother and soaking him with his tears. "WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO YOU?"
"Well let's see," Sasuke started sarcastically but then saw the big pools of blue that he could never resist. Sasuke sighed and patted the blonde spikes.
'Puppy-Eyes no jutsu. . . this will be the death of me.'
"Maybe you should ask something else first," Sasuke suggested after being subjected to some "answer me now" looks.
Tsunade sighed. "Fine. Why was there a giant chakra Kyuubi?"
Naruto suddenly stopped crying as he stood up and walked mechanically over to the window and opened it.
Sasuke groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Now you've done it."
"Done what?" Tsunade asked, confused as she watched the blonde move robotically.
"Broken him."
All eyes widened in the room as Naruto climbed out with a blank face and free-fell from the window.
"Naruto!" Tsunade shouted, as the occupants of the room, minus Sasuke, rushed to the window.
Sasuke sighed. "And in 3. . . 2. . . 1."
"I'M ONLY HUMAN! AND I BLEED WHEN I FALL DOWN! I'M ONLY HUMAN!" Naruto screamed as he shot up into the sky.
Sasuke's eye twitched. "KAMI DAMMIT NARUTO! NEXT TIME DON'T SCREAM YOUR MISERY OUT FOR THE ENTIRE F---ING WORLD TO HEAR!"
"AND I CRASH AND I BREAK DOWN, YOUR WORDS IN MY HEAD, KNIVES IN MY HEART! YOU BUILD ME UP AND THEN I FALL APART YEAH I'M ONLY HUMAN!"
Sasuke facepalmed. "I officially give up. Never again will I try to explain, understand, or get Naruto to do something. He is now on his own."
"Oi, teme, don't abandon me like that," Naruto snapped as he hovered in front of the window.
"Then stop acting like a bloody idiot!"
"Excuse me, but you're the one who's been acting like an idiot lately," Naruto said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Roasted," Ino grinned mentally.
"Shut up."
"Imma take a page outta Naruto's book and say, shut does not go -"
"But your bottom lip does."
"I'd be very careful about what you say to my girl if I were you, Sasuke," Sai warned with a smile on his face that looked very creepy.
"Duly noted, Sai, duly noted," Sasuke replied with a roll of his eyes.
"Aw ,my hubby cares! " Ino giggled as she latched onto Sai's arm and kissed his cheek.
"Eww, Ino! " Kiba whined.
"Shut up dog-boy, you and Hinata-chan always make out in front of us," Ino snapped.
"WE DO NOT! " Hinata squeaked, colouring up in 0.1 seconds as Kiba looked away bashfully.
"Hey Naruto, I think Lady Hokage is calling. . ." Sasuke said thoughtfully.
"Huh? OH KAMI NO I REFUSE TO ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS! "
"I thought you were the mature one this time around. . ."
"EVEN MATURE PEOPLE HAVE THEIR LIMITS AND YOU CAN TELL THEM THAT I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO TALK TO THEM! " Naruto growled and flew off.
"How the heck is he flying?" Fugaku wondered aloud.
"Wind Style: Levitation," Sasuke answered in a bored voice. When he saw the looks thrown his way, he added, "It's the jutsu Naruto is using to fly. He mastered Wind Manipulation a few years ago."
Jiraiya choked. "A few years ago? You're only six!"
"Yeah, so around the age of four," Sasuke stated with a perfectly straight face.
Itachi slapped him upside the head, making Sasuke whine.
"Quit trying to give us heart attacks," Itachi ordered as his little brother clutched his head, whining in protest.
"I'm not trying to!" Sasuke snapped. "And giving people heart attacks is Saki's forte!"
Fugaku and Mikoto visibly grimaced at that.
"I agree with you, son. Your friend has a knack for sadistic notes. . ."
"And poisons," Sasuke added.
"What?"
"Saki has a knack for poisons. I think the latest one she developed induces a slow and painful death, and prevents the victim from using their vocal chords and causes excruciating pain. . . what?"
"Sasuke," Tsunade said slowly, "exactly how did Sakura form this poison, and why?"
"Why not?" Sasuke shrugged. "Saki finds this type of thing fun. She is, after all, a sadist as Mom and Dad have already found out."
Tsunade paled slightly and then asked him, "And where did Naruto fly off to?"
"Away from you," was the blunt answer.
Mikoto's eye twitched. "Why?"
"'Coz he doesn't want to answer your questions."
"Please get him back here."
"Unless you plan on bribing him with a skateboard, I highly doubt he'll be coming back any time soon. Apparently, he refuses to speak to you," Sasuke informed them.
"Why a skateboard. . .?"
"Lately Naruto has been infatuated with skateboard tricks. . . I don't know why but I have a feeling it's got to do with Wind Manipulation," Sasuke shrugged.
Fugaku sighed. "Luckily for him, I snagged a skateboard on my latest mission."
"What why?" Mikoto looked severely confused.
Fugaku shrugged. "I don't know, I just thought Naruto would like it. Plus he kind of seems like the boy who is an adrenaline junkie. Actually, both our younger boys are."
Itachi raised an eyebrow.
"Don't look at me like that, son, you know you'd rather do stealth than anything else."
Itachi said nothing.
"I'll take your silence as agreement. And that reminds me, Sasuke I have a skateboard for you too."
"Thanks Dad," Sasuke grinned as Fugaku pulled out a scroll and with a poof, a luminescent blue skateboard popped up.
Sasuke's eyes bulged out of his skull. "Dad! It's. . . it's. . ."
Fugaku smiled. "Well you do have the affinity for lightning, and apparently you'll look like you're riding a streak of lightning."
Sasuke's eyes turned into stars as he picked it up, cradling it gently. "I love it already."
"Now why don't you get your brother here so I can give him -"
"Already here Dad."
Everyone blinked at the blonde boy who was leaning against the wall, his spikes ruffled slightly from the speed in which he had travelled back into the room.
"Ah, so you decided on the Golden Flame?" Sasuke said knowingly.
Naruto pushed himself off the wall. "Yeah, I thought why not? If my dad is the Yellow Flash, then I can be the Flaming Flash."
"Your affinities are Wind and Water."
"And fire."
"Fire opposes Water. . ."
"Having that tenant inside of me influenced my affinities, apparently."
"Ah."
Jiraiya's eyes bulged out of his skull as Tsunade suddenly choked, having just opened a scroll. She slammed said scroll onto the table, standing up.
"Naruto! I've just received word from the Cloud. Apparently, a few rogue shinobi of theirs, ranked SS-Class, have been slaughtered before their retrieval group could catch up to them. The minute they did arrive at the scene, all they saw was a flash of golden flame. Now all the Hidden Villages are calling it the "Golden Flaming Flash". Care to tell me why?"
Naruto's eye twitched before he turned to his brother. "Tell me this, Sasuke, tell me this. Why is it that every time you start something, I'm the one that ends up in trouble?"
Sasuke chuckled. "Well, probably 'coz I hide after I do something and you're the one who looks out to see the aftermath."
Naruto scowled.
Fugaku, unlike the occupants of the room, did not gawk at the boys' conversation, but rather he simply unsealed another skateboard from his storage scroll.
"Naruto, here."
Naruto's eyes lit up as he took the luminescent orange-red skateboard.
"It'll look like a streak of fire like Sasuke's looks like a streak of lightning, right?"
Fugaku nodded. "That's what it's supposed to make it look like, anyway. I have one for Sakura too, but I'll give her that later."
"Did you just buy skateboards for the whole of Team 7. . .?"
"Well yeah. . ."
"Arigato, Dad!"
"It's okay, now can you please answer our questions."
"Fine."
"Good. Now about your "pet fox"."
Naruto sighed as he dropped the skateboard onto the floor and put a foot onto it, sliding it back and forth as he tested it.
"Kurama is my tenant, or as you know him, the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox, the Kyuubi that attacked six years ago. As you know, I'm a jinchuuriki. I have communicated with Kurama and befriended him - no, don't freak out he's actually like a big fox plushie no matter how many times he denies it - and so I've been working with him and he kinda. . . let me summon him?"
"What are you saying?! "
"How did this happen?!"
"Why did you befriend him?!"
"When did this happen?!"
"Are you out of your mind?! "
"Are you okay?!"
"Why didn't you tell us?!"
"Are you mentally ill?"
Naruto's eye twitched at his father's deadpan question and was about to snap back when Itachi pinched the bridge of his nose and ordered, "No interrupting people, let the boy talk!"
"Thank you Itachi!" Sasuke cried.
"At least someone knows how to act reasonable. . ." Naruto muttered under his breath. "And I am not mentally ill! If anyone is mentally ill it should be Sasuke!"
"Thank you Naruto!" Sasuke cried before the meaning dawned on him. "Wait WHAT?!"
"I rest my case," Naruto sighed.
"Naruto, Yagura sends his greetings," a monotone voice spoke from the window.
Naruto turned around and blinked as he saw a brown-haired man sitting calmly on a bubble. "Oh, Utakata. . . why are you here?"
"To be honest, I was bored. Yagura's been very quiet lately after a surprise meeting with somebody. I was hoping you could help me. . . set them up." Utakata's lips quirked up slightly as a rarely-seen sparkle of mischief lit his eyes.
Naruto smirked. "Count me in, Utakata."
"Hold up, hold up," Jiraiya interrupted. "Naruto, who is this? And when he said "Yagura", is he talking about the Fourth Mizukage? How do you know him?"
Naruto's eye had a very severe twitching fit by this time.
"Can't a boy have fun and mess around with his friend's love life without being questioned?" he grumbled to himself.
"If your "friend" equals the Fourth Mizukage, probably not," Sasuke inserted helpfully.
Naruto shot him a glare. "If you don't shut up right now Sasuke I swear I will use my new technique on you."
Sasuke paled immediately and started backing away, palms up in surrender. "I give, I give I swear I'll stop talking just don't use it on me, it's scary!"
Itachi sweatdropped. "Sasuke what could possibly be so scary about Naruto's "new technique"? And since when did you learn a new technique, Naruto?"
Naruto smirked darkly. "Who said I learnt it?"
Understanding dawned on Itachi's face. "You didn't."
"If I could create the RasenShuriken, I don't see why not." Naruto's smirk grew even wider and darker.
"RasenShuriken. . .?" Jiraiya looked confused.
Itachi and Naruto ignored the perverted old Toad Sage.
"What is it called." At this point, it was more of a demand than a question.
Naruto whistled innocently. "Guess you'll have to figure it out for yourself when you see it in action, hmm?"
Itachi gritted his teeth. "Just tell me."
"Let me think. . . no."
"Okay, to be blunt, it looks like a normal Rasengan with orange-yellow insides and looks a bit more purple than blue and has wind swirling on the outside which makes it looks like Saturn," Sasuke said bluntly from where he was half-hiding behind Fugaku.
"How does this kid know the Rasengan. . .?" Jiraiya questioned, looking more confused than ever.
Naruto's eye twitched. "Sa-su-ke. . ."
Sasuke paled to an unearthly shade of white as he realized what just did.
"Crap."
"GET THE F--K BACK HERE UCHIHA!" Naruto roared, lunging in golden flames after his brother who had escaped out the window.
"NO! LEAVE MEH ALONE!" Sasuke screamed.
"I'M GOING TO DESTROY YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Naruto thundered, letting Kurama's voice seep into his own.
Sasuke gave a shriek of horror and tore away at an even faster pace, however he was clearly no match for the "Golden Flaming Flash". Pity, because if he was thinking he could've used his lightning to let him at least stay a mile or two in front of said flash.
"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP! WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN TO ORDERS EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE?!" Naruto screamed in fury, a jutsu forming in his hand.
"NO NOT THAT JUTSU! IT WILL DESTROY ME!" Sasuke screamed in absolute terror, his voice going an octave higher than normal and reaching a pitch where it could be considered "girly".
"DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A CRAP?"
"YES!"
"NO I DON'T! I WAS PLANNING ON DESTROYING YOU ANYWAY!"
Naruto's jutsu grew bigger, and he reared back his hand and launched it forward, throwing the jutsu.
"What the hell. . .?" Tsunade blinked as the differently-coloured Rasengan disappeared.
However, instead of mocking Naruto for the jutsu that seemingly failed, Sasuke gave another high-pitched scream of horror and sped up.
"HOW COULD YOU?! I THOUGHT WE WERE BROTHERS!"
"STOP CRYING DRAMATICALLY, YOU'RE GOING TO FLOOD THE FREAKING VILLAGE!"
"I CAN CRY AND I WILL CRY, BECAUSE MY OWN BROTHER BETRAYED ME! MY OWN BROTHER! "
Itachi facepalmed at how dramatic his little brother was being. Honestly, who knew Sasuke was such a drama queen? He didn't, that's for sure. He wondered if it had anything to do with Naruto and all the "threats" he apparently made.
"ITACHI HELP ME!" Sasuke screamed as something invisible tore through a tree, missing Sasuke by a hair.
"The f--k. . .?" Itachi muttered, dodging his mother's swipe before raising his voice. "Why me? I sure as hell know I don't want to get caught up in that. Naruto can be scary at times, I'll admit that."
"THAT'S PRECISELY WHY I AM ASKING YOU FOR HELP, DINGUS!"
"Calling me "dingus" is not going to help me help you improve your situation," Itachi stated with a sweatdrop.
"BOYS BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP AND STOP FIGHTING AND START ACTING LIKE GOOD BOYS OR KAMI HELP ME I WILL PUNCH YOU TO THE GROUND AND NO I DON'T CARE WHAT EITHER ONE OF YOU HAS DONE TO THE OTHER, STOP DISTURBING THE F---ING VILLAGE!" a demonic voice thundered as the two Uchiha brothers came to a screeching halt, stopping Sasuke just in time before he crashed into a tree and Naruto just before he exploded the training field that was in front of them.
"YES MA'AM!" they yelled and Naruto flashed them both back to the Hokage's Office.
"I swear Sakura would make a terrifying mother," Sasuke panted, sweating bullets. Naruto wasn't as scared, but he did swallow thickly once or twice.
"So that jutsu. . .?" Itachi trailed off at the skeptical looks thrown his way. What? It wasn't his fault he was curious about the disappearing jutsu!
"It's called. . . the Vanishing Rasengan. See, it's basically a Rasengan that has Wind Release added to it before you throw it. As it goes, the nature transformation kicks in and results in the technique disappearing from sight, adding the element of surprise. The opponent will then predictably lower their guard, assuming the technique has dispersed, only to find themselves struck by the invisible attack," Naruto explained.
"And you can't even see it with the Sharingan!" Sasuke cried. "Or the Mangekyō Sharingan! I don't know how he did it with only the Wind Style and nature transformation but the Number One Unpredictable Ninja did it!"
"Now I understand why Sasuke said it was scary," the Uchiha family said in unison.
"Number One Unpredictable Ninja. . .?" Jiraiya echoed.
"See? See? SEE? I told you Naruto, I told you Sakura, I told you Neji, I told you Kiba, I told you Itachi, that jutsu is SCARY!" Sasuke cried triumphantly. "And Pervy Sage, that is just what people call him 'cause he pulls out strategies and jutsu that make his battle patterns literally impossible to figure out."
"Pervy Sage?!"
Naruto shrugged. "I just do whatever feels right."
"Quit ignoring me!"
"I rest my case."
"Stealing pages out of my book now are we?"
"You know it."
"Okay both of you, explanation! We're getting off track!" Tsunade snapped, annoyed.
"Sorry Granny," Naruto muttered. "So I can summon Kurama, the big fox plushie, and we are very good friends and Kurama knows the whole of the Leaf Legion and they know him. Don't explode because there haven't been any more Kyuubi Attacks, have there?"
The office was silent as they mulled over the blonde's shocking news.
"And Sasuke, please explain why your Susanoo was completely formed and battling against Naruto," Tsunade said at last.
"Well, hehe. . . it's a funny story really," Sasuke began, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
Naruto sighed and crossed his arms, tapping his finger on his arm impatiently. When Sasuke failed to say anything more, the blonde decided to take it into his own hands, muttering, "What a drag."
"So basically we were having a little bickering event and somehow things escalated and Sasuke began spouting stuff about duelling me to "defend his hairstyle's honour" after I said it looked like a duckbutt -"
"It does not look like a duckbutt!" Sasuke retorted indignantly.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, duckbutt," Kiba snickered in his mind.
"- and then we took it to Training Ground 7," Naruto continued, ignoring him. "Where Sakura was refereeing, and then Sasuke said my haircut looked like a buzzcut after I said his hairstyle looked better as an emo fringe, and so the Battle of the Hairstyles began."
"Emo fringe. . . buzzcut. . . Battle of the Hairstyles?" Mikoto echoed. "Since when did you," she pointed to Sasuke, "have an emo fringe and you," she pointed to Naruto, "have a buzzcut? And was that really all about the "honour" of your hairstyles?"
"Well yeah," the boys answered as if it was the most obvious thing on earth.
Tsunade pinched the bridge of her nose. "I cannot believe you two idiots started a giant fight that made everyone think the world was about to end just because you had a disagreement on hairstyles! "
"It was not just a disagreement about hairstyles, it was a war of who had the better hairstyle!" Sasuke and Naruto shouted in perfect sync.
Jiraiya collapsed into fits of laughter, nearly falling out the window as he did so.
"How the hell do you not practice that?" Fugaku muttered.
"We're not doing anything! Oh you stop it now! No, you! I'm not doing anything, I swear! Now stop it, this is getting creepy!"
Sasuke and Naruto stared at each other before backing away and hiding behind Itachi and Fugaku, respectively.
"Brats, back to the damn explanation!" Tsunade exploded. She wasn't getting anywhere and they really needed answers on why the hell there was a giant, fully formed Susanoo and a giant golden chakra Kyuubi! And the two of them having a disagreement on hairstyles and escalating it into a full-blown battle was not the answer she was looking for!
"What explanation, we just told you," Naruto said blankly.
"That is not the answer I'm looking for - you know what I give up I'll interrogate you brat later, now go and mess around with the Mizukage's love life and report back to me, ya hear?" Tsunade ordered with a smirk on her lips.
Utakata smirked faintly as he hovered by the window, waiting for Naruto to hop on.
The same smirk quirked Naruto's lips as he saluted his grandmother. "Yes ma'am."
"Lord help that boy," Itachi moaned.