The following day, I got to work a little earlier than usual. I didn't know why. I just woke up at 6:00 am and I hadn't been able to fall back to sleep after that. I was filling the coffee machine with water, when i heard a familiar voice from behind:
"Hey Pete! Pete the Treat! How's it going?"
Brendon Boyd Urie, an old school acquaintance of mine, stood in the middle of the shop and I surely hadn't seen him in a while. I didn't think of that as a particularly bad thing.
"Hey Bren" I greeted him and forced a smile.
Brendon used to work in the same shop but he quit a year ago, leaving town to study abroad. "This town slowly murders you as time goes by." he had told me on the old bridge back then before he left. Just recently he had quit the entire plan. According to his own words he had "found the right people." I didn't question it any further. Brendon belonged to the type of people who were certain that the world was made to revolve around their story. He was still one of the more bearable ones and he was happy with it.
"Wow , This place has really gone to shits" he noticed, his hands on his hips, observing the small empty café in all it's invisible glory. I would've disagreed with him if he weren't right.
"It'll be a coffee for me." he let me know after he was done with his examination of his surroundings. He put on that smile that he seemed to carry with him at all times.That's the kind of smile everyone falls for.
"Sure, as long as you pay for it buddy." He handed me the money and i turned on the coffee machine. " How is life?" I asked while the hot, dark liquid poured out of the roaring machine into the cup
"Oh it's great. I met a guy in Berlin a few weeks ago. We got wasted at a summer party, we talked all night and he offered me to join his band."
I handed him his cup and he smiled thankfully. The strong smell of coffee latched onto his leather jacket.
"How romantic." I remarked purely as a joke and he did laugh, but in the way he looked away and by the sweetness of his laughter, I could tell that there was something he didn't tell me.
"What's his name ?"
"Ryan. Why is that important?" Brendon replied and quickly took a sip from his coffee.
"But all jokes aside. He's a lyrical genius. I'm sure we'll get really far with our band." he added and I decided to believe him. He was always uptight in some way and I could be reading into things too deeply.
"Lucky. I'll just be stuck here until I either get struck by an idea or a meteor." I said dreamily while playing with a coin in my hand. Suddenly the little bell above the door rang, introducing another costumer. The coin dropped on the floor and rolled somewhere under the counter where it stayed.
The dark blonde guy from yesterday just walked into the shop. I would've preferred the meteor, to be perfectly honest. I wondered if he had noticed me going after him yesterday.
"Are you okay?" Brendon asked, completely unaware of what was going on. His voice was so far away and I couldn't move, but I still managed to gesture him to shut the fuck up. I didn't want to get lost again.
"I'd take a cappuccino."the dark blonde ordered when he reached the counter. I noticed that he simply wore a black jacket instead of the denim one. He also wore a fedora and his hair was less messy with tiny snowflakes gracing them and his shoulders He must've been out of town. Did he live around here? "Uhm... sure. To go?"
He shook his head. " I'll drink it here." He spoke perfectly as if he'd practiced it in front of the mirror.
"Alright, take a seat I'll bring it when it's done." That was my every day line for every single costumer, but this time my voice was shaky, I could imagine the snowflakes on his shoulders breaking into tiny pieces. The guy nooded and made his way to one of the tables. I think he didn't remember me.
I didn't notice how I kept staring after him until Brendon snapped his fingers in front of my face. " Hey dude are you still with us? How about you start finishing his order?" I didn't like the slightly amused tone lacing his words. My hands started to work with the coffee machine just on their own. In the corner of my eye, I could tell Brendon was about to start a conversation, which would tie knots around my wrists and pull me into places, I wouldn't be able to get out of.
He leaned over the counter and lowered his voice. "Do you know that guy?" he asked, pointing to the guy by a quick tilt of his head in that direction. "You look uncomfortable."
"No." I answered toneless, my eyes still focused on the coffee rising to the top end of the cup.
Brendon took another glimpse at the guy who was luckily sitting too far away from us to hear. He turned back at me, eyes wide. "Another ex-fling, I'm guessing?"
Something fell onto the floor and bled out and for a second I was sure, it just had to be me and I felt good about it, but it turned out to be the coffee cup. It had fallen out of my hand and the floor tiles were covered in steaming coffee, which had lucky refused to pour all over my jeans and instead I only had some on my shoes. For a second I couldn't even remember what had occurred, but then it hit me. "Jesus Christ, Brendon!" I hissed under my breath and reached for a dish cloth to clean up the mess.
"Oh damn." he let out, watching me crawl around the floor, scrubbing the tiles. "Guess I hit a nerve."
"How dare you even assume such a thing?" I couldn't hide the slight increase of blood rushing trough my cheeks. Brendon let out a sarcastic laugh. "It's not like you hadn't done it before."
"Done what?"
"You know...meeting guys and doing the nasty-"
"Where did you get that from?" I started to get a bit too hysterical.
"Everyone at school knew. Come on Petey, it's nothing to be ashamed of."
I grabbed another cup from the stack after I had thrown the other one into the trash bin. Luckily they were paper cups, so I didn't have to deal with shards. It's not like my sanity was already in shambles. "I want you to leave."
"So you two didn't do it?" Brendon continued unfazed. He could play deaf if he felt like he had to.
"Just take another goddamn look and you'd notice that he's completely out of my league."
"But you'd like to be in his league?" he probed. "We could arrange that..."
"Brendon..."
"Listen Petey, just write your name and your phone number on a cup and give it to him. If he cares, he'll respond." Brendon just didn't let go. He whispered like it was all a secret plan I didn't remember agreeing to. I pointed to my forehead. " My number? On a cup? Are you dense?"
"That's flirting 101." Brendon claimed.
"Between 12 year olds maybe."
"And that doesn't matter? Maybe he's into stuff like that."
"Have you done this with Ryan too?" I countered. Brendon crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared back at me like a teacher, planning his next approach to get trough to the difficult student.
"What are you scared of?"
"What I'm scared of?? Oh, I don't know. Public humiliation maybe? He'll think I'm a crazy stalker, yeah that's what I'm afraid of. You talk stupid shit sometimes."
"Dude listen, if you always go on and on about how wrong things could possibly go if you approach them, you will end up in a continuous loop of what if's and never arrive where you want to be." Brendon let me know. "Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in this shithole of a town, knowing that you never tried anything to improve it?"
"I'm going to spend the rest of my life in this shithole of a town, knowing that I didn't do that stupid thing that one time and live in peace with myself." I made clear. Brendon sighed as if he was once again reminded of what a hopeless case I am. "Maybe, but you'll always know that things hypothetically could've gone very well and provided you with at least a tiny experience of happiness. Things don't have to stay a lifetime to be good, Pete. It's the moments and memories that matter."
He didn't understand this. He didn't understand the risk I would be taking. But thinking about it: What exactly would I lose? The uncertainty of how things could go? If it went wrong, would that mean that it could've always turned out this way, no matter which approach I'd decided to take? Maybe there was truth to Brendon's words. I never thought I'd ever say anything like that.
I reached for the steaming coffee cup.
"You really make me question myself sometimes, Bren." I said more to myself than to whom I was talking to.
Brendon didn't respond, he just handed me a pen with a reassuring smile on his face. I took it with hesitation.
I wrote my number on the cup, ignoring the voices in my head, reaming at me at how I should let things go and rather make up scenarios in my head late at night about how things could've gone, instead of throwing myself into the mess with full force. I didn't listen. For once.
" Happy now??!!" I asked while almost pressing the cup into Brendons face. "Great, no give it to him." he encouraged me further. I looked at the cup. What the hell do I get myself into all the time? We'll there's no backing of. I have to do this or Brendon will tease me about this for eternity. And that's certainly not something I'd want to live with. I hesitantly made my way to the table, the guy was sitting at.
He was deeply invested in scribbling something into a small notebook in front of him. With one hand he silently knocked on the table with a pen, creating a rhythm I somehow recognised.
I placed the cup on his table, making sure the side with my writing on it would face the other direction. He thanked me without looking up from his writing. I took a quick glimpse at it, but couldn't tell what it was exactly. "Doing homework?" I asked jokingly.
He put on a slight smile and looked up at me and then back at his notebook.
"Technically. I'm giving piano lessons downtown." he explained.
I had never seen this guy around here before. Maybe he had moved in recently.
"Interesting. I'm sure there's a high demand."
He chuckled slightly. "Depends on the perceiver."
I felt intrigued to start a conversation with him. I was somehow convinced that we could talk for hours, it was just meant to be, but then I remembered the number on his cup and decided to not take it any further. So I just smiled back at him and made my way back to the register. Although, things have gone well so far, Brendon's stupid grin was very punchable at that moment.
"I'm sure he likes you."
"Fuck you, he's only being polite."
I replied and grabbed some cups from the stack. Brendon shrugged. "I'm still sure that this was worth it in any type of way."
Fortunately, Joe entered the shop at just that moment. I let him deal with oncoming customers and left Brendon at the register. He would find his way out.
When I returned from the kitchen. The guy was already gone. He took the cup with him.
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