Why am I always the one to come over to you, why am I always the one to start our conversations
Just once I want to enter a room and have you come over and talk to me, I want you to be the one staring at me, I want you to be the one thinking about me every second of every hour, I don't want to be the only one that wants us to be friends... Or something
Why do I always have to put 110% in my 'relationships', I'm using that word loosely because I've never been in a relationship.
Whenever I see him I always have a good day,I always know it's going to be a good day. But, when I don't the day goes down rapidly, I try and act like you aren't the reason I go to church every week, but I can't pretend forever.
Your name sounds like a secret, coming from my lips. I always have to whisper it, I can't even think of your name it makes me so nervous. I want you to be my little secret.
I wonder if they opened my chest would your name be tattooed on my heart.
I hate that I can't talk to you, no matter how badly I want to. I can't. I really want to. But I can't. I wish I could walk up to you and say hi.
But how can I say hi, when I can't even look to you. I feel so nervous around you, I'm afraid I'll say something stupid, something that would make you not want to talk to me anymore.
And that would kill me, I love talking to you.
You are my sunshine, a day without you is like sitting alone in the rain. When I'm with you I feel like I'm on top of the world, I don't even need to talk to you. I just need to be around you and it changes my mood. I don't actually need to even see you, just thinking about you or hearing someone say your name puts me into the best mood.
Writing about you is so calming it makes me so happy, I feel like a giant weight is lifted off my shoulders. Like I can finally breath easy, you are like a security blanket.
My security blanket.
Did you know I named my teddy bear after you? And I sleep with him every night.
You take away all my fear, worries, all my concerns and my insecurities. I'm free from all negative feelings when your around, all I think about is how I can make you smile.
I love your smile and hearing you laugh.
I wish I could steal the Tardis and go back in time when we talked every week, I miss that. I wish I'd cherished them more, I wish I could go back and listen to you talk, listen to every little thing you have to say.
I wish we talked more, I wish I had more memories with you. I wish you would hold me, I wish I could hear your laugh again, I wish I could hear you say my name one more time.
I wish I could record everything you've ever said to me, and listen to it every day, every night, everywhere.
I wish I could fall asleep listening to your voice. Falling asleep to your voice would be my one wish, the only thing I'd ever wish for.
I miss you, I wish we talked more when I had my chance.
****
Thank you for reading.
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