A/N: you don't have to read this if you don't want to!! It's just kind of a refresher of the important things that happened in book 1.
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"Why do you want to dig the grave yourself?" He asks, face contorted in disbelief, the tone of his voice mirroring his expression.
"Just 'cause," I say, not wanting to say why I really want to do this by myself. He sighs again.
"Well what am I supposed to do, sit around and do nothing?" He asks, like the idea is the craziest he's ever heard. I shake my head.
"No, not nothing," I say. "You're going to keep me company." I roll my eyes and walk towards the grave, leaving him no room for argument.
It's only a half an hour later, and Sam keeps mumbling about how crazy I am for wanting to dig the grave by myself. I am already working up a sweat and only three feet down, with so much more to go. My hands are starting to hurt a little, but I know I can handle a lot more before it becomes unbearable.
"I didn't want to meet you," I blurt out to Sam while shoveling the dirt.
"What?" He asks, sounding unsure if he heard me right.
"I used to go to Bobby's... a lot," I admit, keeping my eyes on the ground and away from Sam's. "He would tell me stories about you guys... all the time." I pause a moment, taking a breath and shoveling some more. Sam doesn't say anything, but I'm sure he wants to hear more. "I used to suck at hunting, you know? The things he would tell me, about you guys... about your dad..." I pause again. "I thought you guys were just the coolest."
I pause a moment, using the handle of the shovel to rest my wrists on. "Really?" Sam says, sounding intrigued.
"He wanted me to meet you guys, he said," I say, feeling a bead of sweat rolling down my left temple. Is it getting hotter out here? "But I kept saying no."
When I don't say anything for a while, Sam speaks up. He pulls a light out of his bag and holds it for me, giving that it is getting dark and I can't see well anymore. "Why?" He says after a while.
"I didn't think we'd work well together," I admit. Honestly, I still think this sometimes, I just never say anything about it. Hunters are supposed to be tough as nails, and I'm afraid I might not be. Sure, I attempt to be, on the outside, but I know I'm not really. I'm just good at hiding it. "You guys are a lot to live up to, y'know? I've heard the stories. I know you make mistakes, but I also know that you do a lot more good than bad."
I glance sideways at Sam, my hair sticking to my neck from the sweat, the callouses on my hands starting to ache. Sam is looking at me curiously, his eyes sad. I put my own eyes forward again. I don't want to be the reason he looks like that.
"There's a lot you guys don't know about me," I say. "I mean, I've done things. Things I can't forgive myself for. And I don't want to tell you guys, because I'm afraid you won't be able to forgive me either."
[]
"—it was a long time ago, and Hell kind of screwed with my head." Sam is grabbing something from between the front seats, but he pauses his movements and looks up at me when I say this.
"What?" I say, not liking the look on his face. He shakes his head, finding whatever he needed in the middle and taking the key from the ignition.
"Nothing," he says. "I mean, I still can hardly believe that you went to Hell." I shrug.
"Well, desperate times," I say, stepping out of the car.
[]
"Chuck... he's throwing in the towel," Dean says. "He thinks that he's gonna trade himself for everything. That if he— gives himself up, Amara will leave us alone."
"That's crazy," I say, scowling. But, that's pretty much what I expected.
"Yeah," Dean says. "But uh, Chuck said something else to me that really didn't make sense."
I shake my head a little. "What?"
He pauses. "He said that if worse comes to worse, after he's locked up, you'll have to be the one to kill Amara."
"Me?" I make a confused face.
"He said that, out of the three of us, you were the only one powerful enough to do it," Dean continues. "He didn't say me or Sam, or even Lucifer, but you."
[]
"I liked going to Arby's with you."
"Whatever, you don't even like Arby's," I mumble in reply. It's true, he said something about how bad that food is for you and how he doesn't want to eat it.
"Well, I like you," Sam says. My heart patters in my chest despite the sleepiness in every other part of my body. I smile but keep my eyes closed, I think I'm falling asleep. Maybe this is just a dream. "And I'd go to Arby's with you every day if you wanted me to."
I smile even wider. I would never ask him to go every day, but it's very nice of him to say that. "Why are being so mushy right now? Why only when I'm half asleep? Why couldn't you be like this earlier?"
He doesn't say anything. For a while I think he's fallen asleep, or I fell asleep, but then I feel his lips touching mine a little. Let's just say that you could have pumped me full of sugar instead, it would have the same effect. My heart goes crazy right away.
Our relationship is so weird. We don't even act like a couple, except when we're actually kissing. Any other time, it's just like we're friends, nothing more.
[]
"I'm not a demon," I say. When people's souls go to hell, they usually change after a while, into demons. I'm not a demon.
"No," Chuck says. "Hell made you stronger. It made your soul brighter, and much more powerful. More powerful than any other soul on the planet."
"Wh..." I can't even form words. This can't be true. I don't want power.
"There have been people with tinted souls, but that was centuries ago. It takes an immense amount of pain for a person's soul to change like that."
"Then why don't Sam and Dean have it?" I ask.
"It's not just a matter of pain, it's also who you're family is," Chuck tries to explain. "It's more than likely that your mother or your father were distant relatives of someone with a tinted soul."
"This is insane," I say, feeling my eyes tearing up. I'm not sad about it, it's just so much information to hear at once. I'm a little mad about it though. "Wait, so, just how powerful am I? What kind of stuff can I do?"
"Theoretically, anything," Chuck tells me, and my eyes go a little wide. "Tinted souls become more powerful over time. The most powerful one there ever was, was more powerful than Lucifer. In fact, she and Lucifer had feelings for each other. But then she helped us lock him away."
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"Dean... we always sweat this stuff, these choices," Sam says. "But for once, we have God on our side. I mean, for once, we can actually just do things his way."
"Even if his way is half-assed," I mutter.
"I remember you being much more able and submissive the last time we worked together," Lucifer says, looking at me weird. "Now look at you."
"Oh, fuck off," I say, losing patience with him. He looks amused at the fact that I dropped an F-bomb.
"The last time?" Dean says, now looking at me. I furrow my eyebrows a little, then realize what Lucifer just said. My face drops a little. Dean looks a little confused, but mostly like... well it's hard to explain. But he's gritting his teeth like he's holding back from yelling at me. Sam's also looking at me, but the look on his eyes is just disbelief and sadness. I've never felt worse in all my life than I do right here, being looked at like this.
[]
"Sam!" Dean calls again. His younger brother appears suddenly, coming from the hallway where his and Bailey's bedrooms are. "Finally. What the hell took you so long? Where's Bailey?" But Sam doesn't say anything. Dean glances up from his bag that he's packing to look at his brother in confusion. "What?"
"She's gone," Sam says quietly.
"What?" Dean says. "What do you mean 'she's gone'?"
"She's gone," Sam says more firmly. "All of her stuff is missing and she's not there. She's gone."
Dean stays quiet a moment. "Well, good riddance. Let's go." He pats Sam's shoulder and starts up the stairs of the bunker. Sam stands there a moment, frowning at the floor.
He can't believe she left. After she promised not to.