A/N; welcome! I added the picture of Hobi~~ I adore Run!era, so that's what it's going to be (also he got four because I am weak and completely smitten)! I hope you enjoy the chapter, get ready for some --throwback-- time
When Yoongi had turned 20, he had felt lonelier than ever. He had thought that maybe, because it was his birthday after all, he wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night. He had thought that maybe his demons were going to let him off, just for that day. Yoongi didn't mind if they returned the day after, he wouldn't expect less.
But he had hoped to not shoot up straight out of his sleep at two in the morning, drenched in sweat and with new marks on his arms.
As he huffed in frustration, eyes on the clock and furious hands rubbing at the red stripes, Yoongi felt like he must have done something very bad to deserve all this torture.
Yoongi wasn't an insomniac, per se. But he wasn't a regular sleeper. When he slept, it was light. His body couldn't seem to stay still as he closed his eyes. His heart was always beating loudly in his ears, his breathing always seemed too heavy. No matter how light the blankets were, no matter if he slept naked on his tiled bathroom floor, he would always be too hot. As if his body had an allergic reaction to sleep and immediately started to run a fever every time.
On top of that, when Yoongi's eyes would finally get too heavy and he would fall asleep, nightmares started to plague his mind. He never had a dreamless sleep, and he never had a night without a memory creeping up on him, or voices chasing him.
It was like he had never had collected a good memory in his life.
Although, when Yoongi was awake, he could remember. His older brother's jokes, his mother's soft hands, his father's proud smile. Jungkook, his best friend. The old brown piano his family had at home. His keyboard. His computer. His dream of making music.
But when he was asleep, it was like Yoongi couldn't remember anything but his brother's sneering words, his mother's sharp nails, his father's disappointed eyes. Jungkook, the friend he had to leave behind. The old brown piano that had been gone one day when he came home from school. The smashed keys of his keyboard. His confiscated computer. The dream he would never fulfil.
Yoongi was a law student. And there wasn't a thing he hated more in the world than the fact that he was too poor to leave his family's wishes behind.
***
It was raining when Yoongi met him. He had been racing from one building on the large campus to another, his hood up and his face down, when he got called.
Or, at least, someone got called and since no one would've been desperate enough to have a pointless attendance during this weather, Yoongi assumed it was him who had gotten called.
A young man, not tall but with a seemingly lanky posture, was waving at him enthusiastically from under the porch of the building Yoongi was running towards. Yoongi sighed deeply. He just wanted to go to class, even got a bit excited about the fact that almost no one seemed to be present, but now he had this stranger waving him down.
Any other day, Yoongi might have ignored him, but since it was very obvious it was him who got asked, that was a no-go. He faltered slightly in his speed-walking, but then pulled his shoulder bag higher and kept going.
Once he was safe under the porch, he let his hood slide down and shook out his hair, which had still gotten wet at the tips. He tried to go for a semi-friendly smile that also showed that he didn't have that much time. "Can I help you?"
The boy was a bit less lanky from up close. His black fringe hung over almond eyes (were those... blue contacts?), placed in a long face. Rather than lanky, his limbs were just long, but lined with muscle under the skin.
When he smiled, he revealed white teeth that heavenly contrasted his fabulously bronze skin. Yoongi was sure his own smile faltered when that happened.
The other's smile was actually heart-shaped, and Yoongi felt offended that he never seemed to have run into this gorgeous boy before.
"Hi! Yes, I'm actually not enrolled here, but I have a friend who is..." The guy was waving his hands around as he talked, but Yoongi was too focused on the other's cheeks to notice.
How? How? How did this guy have dimples as he talked?
"... and I'm supposed to meet him after his class? I know it's in this building," the other's long thumb was pushed against the door Yoongi suddenly didn't feel compelled to enter through anymore, "but I have no idea what room. Do you mind showing me?"
Yoongi was offering his hand before the other even finished. "Of course, d-do you have a number?" He cringes slightly at his own hesitation and rakes a hand through his hair to distract himself.
"Yes, oh my God, thanks so much," Yoongi got slid a piece of paper and he tried to focus on the number instead of how warm the other's hand had been. "I'm Hoseok by the way! I'm at KNUA, dance major," again with the thumb, as if he could point out the famous school in the middle of the city.
Yoongi's eyes widened slightly at the mention of the university. "Cool. That's where I wanted to go, actually," he said, surprising himself, "and I'm Yoongi."
Hoseok looked delighted by this information. "Really? Then why are you studying here, Yoongi-ssi? Did it not fulfil your expectations?"
Yoongi shrugged his shoulders, as if that was a good enough answer. "It just... didn't happen, I guess."
Hoseok looked confused for a moment, without a doubt noticing the longing in Yoongi's eyes, but then smiled again. "What is your major, Yoongi-ssi? Are you still into art?" Yoongi knew he must've been talking about if he was doing something like architecture, which could still have been considered art.
But Yoongi was bitter. "Law," he said, bit, more so, and was keeping himself from tugging his hood back on.
Hoseok's smile and shoulders fell. If he hadn't been a dancer, he should have been in psychology or something. He had only just met Yoongi, but it already felt like Hoseok had him completely figured out.
"Oh, okay." The worry seemed quickly forgotten, "Hey, then do you know Junhong? He's in law too!"
Junhong? The young kid in his class that had somehow managed to skip years? Yeah, Yoongi knew Junhong. He nodded to say as much. It made Hoseok brighten up considerably.
"He's the one I'm here for," he smiled, and it made Yoongi smile a bit, too. Thanks to this comment, he seemed to remember his task and waved the piece of paper around.
"Well then, I don't need this. Junhong and I have this class together. Come on."
He entered the building, Hoseok's radiant smile trailing behind him.
***
It didn't take long, after that. The two of them got close, and although they seemed like polar opposites, their contrasting traits seemed to complement nicely. Hoseok's energy cooled down, although always present. And Yoongi smiled more. He even managed to fall back into his old habit of showing his gums as he smiled or laughed.
He still had a lot of night terrors.
But the making of a new friendship really made his insomnia worth it. Seeing Hoseok's tender smile in the morning, or being handed a coffee, just as he liked it, quickly made Yoongi value him a lot.
Not even a week after they had first met, the two had become something close to inseparable. As much as that was possible with their clashing schedules and different schools. Yoongi was extremely happy with his new friend. He had never been the best at making them, friends. All the friends he had had come up to him. But, an important detail, as soon as Yoongi had a friend, he was dead serious about being the best friend you could find.
But Yoongi wasn't stupid. He knew that the way he felt around Hoseok was nothing like how he felt around Jungkook. Jungkook was his best friend, his angel-in-brat-disguise, his little brother.
Hoseok... he was Yoongi's kind of friend, his angel-in-sun-disguise, his crush.
Yoongi wasn't dumb. He knew for sure he had fallen for Hoseok.
***
It took even less longer after that. One day, Hoseok was at Yoongi's campus to pick him up after an especially excruciating day. And the next, they left Yoongi's dorm together, and Hoseok had walked him to his first class, their fingers locked together.
It had felt amazing. Yoongi had truly fallen into his place. In Hoseok's embrace, he had more of a chance against his demons. Although he still had trouble sleeping, there were days where he would close his eyes, and open them again the next morning. No tears, no yells, no scratch marks and no sweaty everything.
It was like heaven for Yoongi, who now truly felt that he had been broken for a long time.
He could talk with Hoseok, too. Yoongi felt able to open up to his lover. About his degree, about how he didn't like it all that much. About his dreams of when he was younger. And about how his parents had made that one dream impossible for him to reach.
One night, Hoseok had entered his dorm, papers in hand. He had cupped Yoongi's face, had kissed him and had given him the stack. "Yoongi dear," he had said, "no dream is impossible to reach."
And that night, Yoongi had applied for jobs so he would be able to pay for his degree in musical engineering. He had snatched a scholarship, thanks to Hoseok, who had put together a portfolio of his work.
***
Once Yoongi had officially dropped out of his law degree, his shoulders had truly lifted. It was as if his parents had both been sitting up there ever since he had started the damn courses, and now they had been thrown off by his signature at the bottom of that page.
He had yet to call them, tell them about his choice, but he wasn't sure if he was going to. He was sure they would get some kind of letter in the mail with more details, since he technically still was living at their house. Yoongi could already hear his father yelling, his mother crying, his brother scoffing.
But for no horrifying sound in the world was Yoongi giving up this time. His angel had gifted him a second chance, and he would grab it and keep a hold of it.
He would never let go, in the same way he would never let go of Hoseok.
***
But as much as that had been a wish of him, Yoongi wasn't able to hold on to his Hoseok. And Hoseok wasn't able to hold on to his Yoongi.
Yoongi can't exactly remember how it happened. It is bad enough that it happened. Yoongi imagines that his fragile mind just closed itself off at that moment, that it had chosen to forget. Chosen to forget how cruel the deed or the words would have to have been to break up a couple like them. Because all that Yoongi knows, is that it stopped. And they lost each other.
The most clear memory linked to that time, is that that's the time when he started drawing on his skin. The time he began to use music and drawings to express himself. The time around which the first sunflower appeared. And Yoongi was never seen without one anymore.
But how stupid of his brain to think that it would be able to wipe out Hoseok, the man that brought Yoongi's life back on track.
Aside from the details of their parting, Yoongi still knows every single thing he has ever known about the dancer. He's pretty sure he would even be able to pick out his cologne.
That's why, when Yoongi's love of his life, his Jimin, dances for him, he sees, he knows, and he remembers.
That's Hoseok's doing.
A/N; hello everyone! I hope you're having a great day, and maybe sneakily I hope that I've just made it even better by updating...
Thanks, as always, to my lovely editor deadlyjoshler for your great work!
She also found the easter egg of this chapter completely without my help (to be fair, I even forgot I put it in here)! Did you find it? Let me know what you think I'm talking about, I'll reveal the answer next chapter..
So yeah, this chapter is clearly to give some more context, since I introduced Hoseok last time. Of course, you all kinda realised he and Yoongi had thing, so here I am with the details (or no details, sinceI'm leaving their break-up completely out... or am I? *foreboding orgal music*).
Okay! so! I don't know if y'all even care, but I'm going to update you on my personal life.
I am a last year in secondary school (I recently had my 'last 100 days' celebration and that shit got me f*cked up), so around this time they're beginning to reALLY push us to decide what we want to do in university. Little known fact, I've actually known for a while. I've been wanting to study languages for ages, since I had a broad upbringing (my uncle has lived literally everywhere in the world and my parents adore Great Britain so English has been my second language since I was nine). So everyone always just kind of went with the fact that I'd probably study English-Dutch (my mother tongue ow yeaaaaaa).
But.... I found out last year that I could study Japanese and I got sO EXCITED I STILL AM I HAVE BEEN EXCITED ABOUT GOING TO UNI SINCE LAST YEAR DO YOU FEEL MY PAIN
SO,, long story short, I'll be starting my Japanese Language and Culture studies in September and I couldn't be happier.
alSO, my phone died on me in the most dumb way ever (dumb of the phone, not of me), so now I'm feeling betrayed by Apple. I ordered a new one and I'm excited to announce that this girl is leaving the iPhone life behind.
Last but not least, the winners of The Crystal Snow Awards are being released bit by bit.. I'm really excited~ the winners up to now are amazing books!
Okay,, I think I'm done talking now (who am I kidding, I never really am)... is there any BTS news that I wanted to talk about? I actually can't really remember, so it must be that I already shared my most important opinions.
Unless any of you have questions? Actually, why not? Let's make this line a short Q&A! I'll be answering them so fast you'll think I have no life (do I need to add spoiler alert, or do y'all know what I would add to that). So, if any of you want to ask me something, WHATEVER WHAT ABOUT IDC I JUST WANT TO TALK, leave an inline comment HERE!!
Okay, I'm actually done now. Thanks for everything guys! See you next chapter~~