Harry POV
The Great Hall is full of chatter as it normally is during the Welcoming Feast, all the returning students waiting patiently for the first years to be brought in for sorting. I seem to be the only one not looking forward to the coming year, hoping it doesn't go as it had last time. I'm sitting at the Slytherin table beside Draco as usual, listening to him talk about the anonymous letters he keeps getting. 'It seems they haven't approached him in person yet. Though I highly doubt that will last for much longer. Maybe they will ask him to the ball.'
"Harry who do you think is sending me this stuff?" Draco turned to me, his grey eyes curious.
"I know exactly who it is, but it would take all the fun and mystery out of it if I told, Draco." I grinned at him, stifling a chuckle when he forces back a pout.
"Can we know who it is?" Pansy asked, Blaise nodding to her question.
Shaking my head, I place my head on my palm before replying, "of course not. The chances of you telling Draco after I tell you are very high. We all know how well you keep things like crushes as secret."
"I promise I won't tell anyone!"
"Sorry, besides it's not really my secret to tell anyways. You will just have to wait and find out when everyone else does. Besides I doubt you will be waiting a whole lot longer."
Our conversation is cut off when Dumbledore begins speaking and the first years file in.
'Okay, so did the other schools arrive before or after or during the feast? I don't remember. I assume they arrive during the feast, after the sorting is done and Dumbledore explains the Championship and shows off the flame. Should I leave Jr. alone and ignore him or help him? Really I am not even entirely sure why Voldie insisted on having him here since he won't need to resurrect himself. I think I should just ignore him for now, unless Voldie specifically asks me to do something.'
Not too much longer and Dumbledore begins talking about the Triwizard Championship, the entire hall erupting into disappointment at the age restriction.
"That sucks. I would have liked to enter my name." Draco hummed out with a small sigh.
"Why? It's an extremely dangerous tournament that could get you badly injured or killed. It's not worth it." I shake my head, ignoring the raising of Draco's eyebrow. His attention was diverted to the opening of the doors, and the loud banging of staffs to the floor. Sparks coming off the bottoms, Draco automatically drawing his eyes to the form of Viktor Krum. I covered my mouth to hide a snort, not surprised Draco would have a sort of crush on him. 'I will have to warn the twins that Draco's attention is being diverted to someone else.'
The feast ends about an hour later and we head to our common rooms, since classes don't start until the following day. I spend the rest of the day in the room I still share with Draco, going through the books for that year.
Shortly before lunch I find the twins in the library, heads bent together over a rather large book.
"Hey guys." I grin, their smiles greeting me.
"Hiya Harry!"
"What brings you-
"To the library-
"On this fine day?"
I take a seat across from them, letting my smile drop slightly.
"There's a person that needs to be pranked. Draco seems to be diverting his attention from you to him. I know very well that this guy is Bi, though he will be more interested in a lion."
"Oh? Tell us more, Harry." Fred leaned in, a gleam in his eyes, a matching gleam in George's.
"Viktor Krum, from durmstrang. He's got it all. Since dear Draco hasn't realized who you are or how serious you are, he won't be as inclined to ignore Krum. Therefore until you're ready to reveal yourselves, you should show Dray Krums true colors. Krum is also very interested in a certain Hermione Granger."
I watched their thoughtful expressions, waiting patiently as they silently communicated.
"Granger is currently dating our idiot brother.-
"So the chances of Krum getting with her are pretty much nonexistent."
"Right. We can't risk him thinking of digging into our Draco."
"You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Definitely" I nearly shuddered at the evil grins the twins shared, but held it back. 'This is going to be interesting.'
"Expect a package around dinner time." They spoke as one, before closing their large book and standing. I absently noticed their hands brushing, as though wanting to clasp together but holding back just barely, and internally smiled. 'I wonder if the twins have always been together? I always thought they were extremely close but brushed it off as a twin thing. But maybe it wasn't just that after all.'
"Glad to do business with you." I waved, strolling out of the library satisfied.
I did get a small package at dinner a few hours later, and luckily Krum had decided to sit with us. I pulled the box, barely the size of my palm, into my lap and opened it. Inside is a few chocolate frogs, along with a slip of paper with a spell written on one side. I move the paper out of the box without anyone seeing it.
On one side are the words "ut omnis enim color cutis mico"
The other side says "have fun ; )"
Pointing a finger towards Krum, I burn the paper and take out the chocolate frogs. Placing them on the table I turn to Draco, saying the spell in my head at the same time. Before I can ask Draco if he wants a frog, Krum is suddenly flashing a different color every few seconds and students are looking at him in shock, before most burst out laughing. My face is blank as I look over a steadily panicking Krum, internally smirking. Draco is slightly pale, picking up a chocolate frog from my pile absently. I can't help but wonder how long it will take for the charm to wear off, and what will happen when someone tries to remove it. Deciding I'll find out eventually, I stand from the table and head back to the common room ignoring the angry gurgle of my empty stomach. I will eat something small in the morning, so I don't pass out from not eating. That would not be good.
The room I am in is vaguely familiar, but I am panicking too much to try and figure it out. In the back of my mind I know this is a nightmare, one I haven't had yet. This causes me to start panicking some more, my heart hammering away against my chest. Unable to help but wonder what sort of hell my mind has come up with this time. I'm kneeling on the cold floor, walls a deep
green and a high ceiling, sparse furniture comprised of two chairs with a small table between them. Malfoy Manor, one of the many sitting rooms. This is the one where I watch the torture of a muggle, Bellatrix cackling madly in the process. However, I don't see anyone else in the room yet. It's only a matter of time.
As though summoned by my thoughts, a little girl no older than ten walks in. She has short brown hair, big blue eyes, and wearing a bunny covered dress. Her tiny hands are clutching a teddy bear to her chest like it's her lifeline. She stops a few feet from me, tears silently tracing down her face, eyebrows scrunched together in pain.
"Why? Why didn't you save my mommy? It's your fault she's dead! Why didn't you save her, you could have saved her!" By now she's openly bawling, before suddenly the salt water tears turn into blood as they continue their path. I am startled when she opens her eyes, and they are bright red, her mouth twisting up in a horrid grin. Suddenly I am no longer looking at a child, instead it's Tom Riddle. The blood is still coming from his eyes, and he starts laughing hysterically.
"You?! You think you can kill me? You're just a pathetic child playing wizard. So many people have died because you aren't good enough."
I watch as Tom starts losing his hair, nose falling off in another gush of blood. It doesn't take long before Voldemort takes Tom's place, manic laughter falling from his lipless mouth before suddenly it stops.
I find myself frozen as Hermione and Ron step into the room, standing next to Voldemort with matching grins.
All three of them pull out their wands, about to cast a spell - which one I'm not sure - before they freeze, and all I can feel is calm and distant rubbing coming through my link with Voldie. A bright light envelopes the nightmare, and all I feel is peace.
I jerk into a sitting position, gasping in an effort to force air into my lungs like a starved man. It takes a few moments before I bring my heart back down to a dull thudding and I'm only breathing a little faster than normal. That's when I take in my surroundings, distantly glad I put up a silencing spell. I'm covered in sweat, sighing as I wrestle off the bed covers. 'I never did explain the link to Voldie. I should probably do that so he can start controlling it better. I really hope he isn't seeing my nightmares.'
Grabbing the journal from my bag along with shower stuff, I trudge to the bathroom. A quick tempus tells me it is 4 in the morning, and I let out a sigh. I'm not going to be sleeping again tonight. I take a quick shower, lingering under the hot water for only a few extra moments. Using a drying charm, I slip on blue jeans and a plain black t-shirt and leave the room.
Not pausing in the common room, I silently walk out into the hall and make my way to the Room of Requirement. Surprised to not run into anyone one the way, I shrug and enter the now visible doors. The room is simple, pale green walls with a fireplace set into the far wall and a chair in front of it. There's a table next to the chair with a plate of food and my stomach grumbles at the sight. I sit down, placing the journal in my lap and slowly eat the tomato soup and bread roll. The dishes disappear and a cup of pumpkin juice takes its place. Turning to the journal, I remember I forgot to grab something to write with.
"Can I have a quill?" The request is quickly answered, a bottle of ink next to my drink, a quill next to it, "thank you."
Hello Voldie, are you awake? It takes a few minutes, and I almost shut the journal before a reply slowly appears.
Yes, but you shouldn't be. Why are you awake, Harry? I sigh, a small smile gracing my features. I can feel the tension in my shoulders almost bleed away at the reply.
Nightmare. Though there's something else I should probably tell you about.
Why don't you just tell me about your nightmare first. I sigh, it wouldn't hurt to give some of the details, right? Maybe... I scrub at my face. 'It would be a bad idea. But it's not like I have anyone else to talk to about this. No one knows the truth.' I'm brought out of my thoughts by the journal heating slightly.
Harry? You don't have to if you do not want to. Please do not feel pressured to tell me anything.
Sorry, I was just thinking. I want to tell you about it. I really really do. But I don't think it would be a very good idea.
Why not? You can tell me anything. I won't think any less of you.
I know. It's just that it would bring up questions I just can't explain to you right now.
Okay, Harry. You will eventually tell me though, right?
Yes, I promise I will. I'm going to go, you should get some more sleep Voldie.
Very well. You can always talk to Draco about anything as well.
I know. Goodnight
Goodnight.
I close the journal, and the room around me changes into a training room. It doesn't take very long to get lost in the motions of practicing muggle martial arts. I don't pay attention to the passing of time.
Voldie POV
It's almost 4 in the morning when I am startled awake. Confused, I look around my darkened room before realizing I am alone. Even listening, I don't hear any sounds so that wasn't it either.
Now more confused, I don't expect the sudden wave of panic that goes through me. 'That was not my panic. Seeing as I am clearly not panicking.' Frowning, I search out that spot in the back of my mind and quickly realize that the panic is coming from that. Pushing waves of calm through it, I rub it lightly until I can feel it - Harry- calming back down. 'What is causing Harry to panic like that? Since it was his nightmare I seen last time, maybe he is having another one? Though I didn't actually see this one. At least I am pretty sure that spot is a link to Harry. It's the most logical explanation.
'But if that's the case then... that would mean he is more than likely a Horcrux. But that's impossible. Or I thought it was impossible to turn a human into a Horcrux. Though it worked with Nagini so it would only make sense if it would work on a human as well. I really hope he isn't a Horcrux. The only time I could have done that was the night I killed his parents.' I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose, only looking up when my pillow warmed suddenly. Taking the journal out from under the pillow, I open it and see Harry's message.
When he confirms that he did have a nightmare, I wanted to cry in frustration. 'Figures. That would be just my luck. No matter, I just have to take extra care to protect him. Also figure out how the hell I am going to explain this one. Hopefully he won't hate me afterwards. Wait, what would it matter if he hates me? I can just lock him in a room if he refuses to let me take extra precautions to protect him. Merlin I can't do that.' I get up, pouring myself a glass of rum. Muggle alcohol is surprisingly not bad, not that I tell anyone I drink it. They don't need to know. I quickly down the glass and pour a second one before turning back to the journal.
Harry is still refusing to tell me about his nightmare. 'I will have to let him tell me in his own time. Did he dream of that disturbing version of me? Which I still don't know where he got that image from. I feel like I am thinking in circles and getting way off topic. Right then, Harry is a Horcrux. Harry has a piece of my soul in him.'
The thought causes my heart to jerk uncomfortably and my stomach churn, 'Did I drink too much? Unlikely. So... he has my soul in him -' I stop as my heart and stomach do the weird flipping thing again, 'You have got to be fucking kidding me. He's fourteen!! At least he looks fourteen, sometimes I can't help but wonder if that's true. Anyways, regardless of his age I can not have any sort of romantic feelings for him. Merlin this is not good.'
I frown as I recommend he talk to Draco, feeling jealousy pull at me, before shutting the journal not long after saying goodnight. I let myself fall back onto my bed face first with a low groan. I am going to have to talk to Lucius. Or even Severus, though Lucius will more likely be free. If neither of them then I will go to Narcissa.
Harry POV
I sit at the Slytherin table, back as straight as possible and shoulders tensed up. I don't bother trying to join in the excited conversation around me, too anxious to get this whole thing over with. 'I really hope that my name wasn't put in since Voldie will have no reason to get me in it. I have no desire to participate again.' I felt the worried glances my friends tossed my direction every so often. It's not like I can say I'm worried someone rigged the cup to spit my name out. Finally Dumbledore steps forward and begins talking, and the cup spits out the three expected names.
Fleur Delacour
Victor Krum
Cedric Diggory
I wait, hardly letting myself breath as though that would bring the cups attention to me. Even though that would be impossible, I don't risk it. Only when Dumbledore continues talking and nothing else happens do I let myself breath again, shoulders relaxing as I slump over slightly. 'Thank Merlin.' I felt Draco's confused eyes bore into the side of my head and I ignore it, finishing off my single piece of toast before getting up to go to class. I quickly take it upon myself to completely ignore the whole Championship, not surprised to see the dragons. Krum wins the first task easily, and a week later McGonagle is talking to us about the Yule Ball and dance lessons that is optional for everyone and required for the Champions and their dates.
Pansy grins, before turning to Blaise, "will you be my date to the Ball, Blaise?"
Blaise smiles at her, "of course." I smile slightly at them, ignoring the tug of jealousy in my stomach.
"Are you going to go Harry?" Blaise asks, curious. I turn to him and shake my head.
"No, I dont mix well with any sort of party."
"Really? We haven't had a Ball here in ages though, you should go." His head was tilted slightly but shrugged when I shook my head again.
"Why don't you mix well with parties?" Draco questioned.
"It's a long story, and we have to get to our next class." I stand up, bag in hand. The trio quickly follows, knowing it would be bad to be late to potions. Pansy talks to Blaise, already planning what dress she should wear and matching colors and other Ball related stuff. Draco is next to me, quiet. Which is a little odd, but I shrug it off. 'Maybe he is thinking of who to go with. Hopefully the twins ask him soon. Speaking of the twins.' I smirk as Fred and George spot us and quickly jog over, stopping directly in front of us.
"Hey there!" Fred grins, before locking arms with George and they both kneel.
"Draco we humbly request-
"That you accompany us-
"To the Yule Ball-
"As our date!"
Draco gapes at them, blinking, face turning a bright red, "Y-you guys?!"
"Yup!" George answers, grinning up at the blonde, "Did you enjoy our little letters?"
"I- um- yes, I did." I wanted to laugh as Draco stumbled along his words, Pansy chuckling behind us. I can imagine Blaise is smirking, amusement in his eyes.
"Good! So-
"What do you say?"
"Will you be our date?" They stood up, arms still linked together as they smiled at the still blushing blonde.
"Yes, yes, I will go with you." The twins let out a loud cheer, both bending down to kiss Draco on his cheeks before dashing away laughing.
"That- that was... class. We are going to be late for class." Draco mumbled, walking forward almost stiffly. I smile at him fondly, before following along.
The time following up to the Ball goes by in a blur of excited activity and nervousness, and before I know it, the Yule Ball is the following day. I plan to just spend it in the Room of Requirement, but then during breakfast a brown owl swoops in drops a package onto my empty plate. Confused, I pick up the letter first, quickly reading through it.
Harry,
I know I could have just used the Journal but I wasn't sure if you would read the message in time. I heard from Draco that you do not plan to attend to Yule Ball and have taken it upon myself to send you a portkey. I want you to come over tonight during the Ball, using the attached button. If I do not see you here by 6 pm I will come and get you myself. Severus has already agreed to help retrieve you if it comes to that.
Please come.
V
I glared over at Draco, who didn't look very apologetic, "I can't believe you told him."
"I'm not sorry. You need to have fun for once, Harry." Draco shrugged, going back to his food. I sigh, placing the letter and located button into my robe's pocket. We don't have classes today so that everyone can spend the day getting ready, and I take the opportunity to relax in the common room until I have to leave. I don't want to have Voldie coming to get me. I haven't seen Pansy all day, and that's probably because she's been busy getting ready. Blaise has been sitting in the common room with me, reading. I doubt he will start getting ready until two hours before it's time to go.
I am not sure what I expected to find when I activated the portkey, but the sound of soft classical music and an empty room had not been it. The room itself was nice, medium sized with a nice cream color on the walls and a high ceiling, lit up by a chandelier that appeared to be made out of glittering diamonds.
"I'm glad you came, I wasn't sure if you would or not." I looked to the right, seeing a second door that Voldie has just walked through. My breath caught slightly, taking in his messy dark hair, shimmering ruby eyes and smirking lips. He is dressed in a very well fitting black and silver suit, complimented by the emerald tie. The outfit hugging his lean figure left little to the imagination and suddenly my mouth is extremely dry. Forcing myself to swallow a few times, I blinked over at him.
"Er, yes. I didn't want you to drag me here. The easiest option was to come willingly." 'I really really hope he hasn't noticed my staring. He shouldn't look so good like that.'
"Of course." I watch as he walks closer to me and holds out a hand, the song changing to another classical piece, "may I have this dance, Harry?"
I nod numbly, allowing him to take my hand and bring us to the center of the room. He tugs my hand into position before lightly settling his other hand onto my hip, and I tense.
"Is this okay? If not then please say so and I will let go." His eyes shone with concern, and I felt myself nod.
"It's fine, just that I've never danced before." 'With a guy being the lead,' I added in my head, 'a very sexy guy that I really shouldn't be thinking about like that.' I force myself to relax slightly, and Voldemort begins to sway. I let him guide my own movements, hoping I don't end up tripping or something equally horrifying.
We dance like that for a few hours, neither of us speaking. At some point we end up pressed closer together, my head resting against his chest. It's the best night I have had in a very long time, until Voldemort speaks up and breaks the moment completely.
"Harry, will you call me Tom instead of Voldemort?"
I feel myself freeze in shock, neither of us moving as I jerk away from him as though burned. 'Why does he want me to call him Tom? He hates that name! Right? He's always hated that name more than anything else.'
"I - um - well - I." I stumble in my attempt to dislodge his hands and nearly toppling us both to the floor. Voldemort catches us in time and I quickly movie back away, "I dont... why?"
"Is there something wrong with calling me Tom? It is my name. Both Lucius and Severus call me that." I could feel his confusion at my shock and my heart refuses to stop racing.
"You hate your name! And even saying hate is an understatement." I force the words out, looking at him in shock. Voldemort's eyes widen slightly, as though unable to understand what I said.
"I've never hated my name that much, Harry. What could have possibly given you that idea?"
"Oh - oh. I just - you - I don't - fuck." I felt my face turning bright red. Weather in embarrassment, shock, or anger, I have no idea. I don't stand there long enough to find out or let Volde- Tom - say anything back before I turn around and flee the room, swiftly leaving to an apparition point that I shouldn't know about in this time.
Draco POV
It doesn't take long for me to figure out that something went wrong. Harry has become even more distant, almost like he was during our first year. I also noticed he hasn't picked up his journal in weeks, even when he sees it glowing slightly with a new message. Which has happened over a dozen time before eventually stopping to one message every few days. A month of this is all it takes before I am demanding Severus to take me to see Voldemort and demand an explanation. Thankfully, Sev quickly agrees to let me use his floo.
I step out into the greeting room of Malfoy Manor, a house elf popping into view a second later.
"Please bring me Voldemort." I ask, moving to a nearby seat to wait once the elf has popped away. Five minutes later the door opens and I see a very rumpled and sleep deprived Dark Lord. I watch as he slowly walks over and plops into the chair across from me.
"I assume you are here about Harry, then? Is he okay?" His red eyes are worried as they look over my face, as though trying to find his answers in my expression. I only let out a heavy sigh.
"He's still breathing, at least. What happened?" I watch as his shoulders slump.
"I only asked him to call me Tom. I don't understand why he freaked out over it. He thought I hated my name and I asked what gave him that idea and he fled."
"That's it?" I raised an eyebrow, shocked. Voldemort simply nodded, "okay, well I have no idea why he would freak out over that. But he has been more distant than I have seen him in years. I will see if Harry will explain this all to me. I will let you know how it goes." I stand up, seeing slight relief in his eyes before he nods and leaves the room. I let out another heavy sigh, before leaving back through the floo.
It doesn't take long to find Harry, since he is already in our room. I'm not too surprised to see him blankly looking at the ceiling. I quickly cast a locking spell and silencing charm on the room. The last thing I want is him running away from this. Again.
"Harry?" I ask quietly, watching as he blinks over at me.
"Draco? When did you get in here?"
"Just now. We need to talk Harry. I've already spoken to Voldemort and we are both extremely confused." Harry's eyes widen slightly, hurt shining in them.
"You went behind my back and talked about me? Why? This has nothing to do with you." He's sitting up now, glaring at me. 'This isn't going to be a fun conversation.'
"Because, Harry, I am tired of seeing you upset like this. I want to help you."
"Help me? Talking about me to him without me knowing is not helping me, Draco. You have no idea what is really going on here. That was stupid move."
"I would know if you would just talk to me. Voldemort is extremely concerned and quite frankly he looks like shit. He thinks he did something horribly wrong by asking you to call him Tom." Harry froze slightly, before shaking his head slowly.
"I don't... he's..." Harry is breathing a little too quickly now, staring down at his hands like they aren't really his and a few seconds later he's silently crying, before sobs break though and his whole body is shaking from them. I stand in shock for a few moments before swiftly moving to sit next to him on the bed, bringing him into my arms so he can cry into my shirt. 'What the hell just happened?'
"Harry, it's okay. Everything will be okay." I try to sooth him, but for some reason it only makes him cry harder so I stop and sit silently holding him instead. It's takes almost an hour before he stops completely, just laying bonelessly against me. I continue holding him though, and he sniffles occasionally.
"I'm sorry." I look down at him, not understanding why he is sorry.
"It's okay."
"No, it's not."
"Can you explain what's wrong Harry?" I ask gently, not wanting to risk scaring him. I feel him take a deep shuddering breath as though getting himself ready to rip off a bandaid. For all I know, he might be.
"Everything, everything is wrong. It's been wrong every since I was born and Voldemort killed my parents." I frowned slightly.
"What do you mean Harry?"
"Peter Pettigrew gave away my parents location and Voldemort killed my parents, and then Peter got Sirius thrown in Azkaban without a trial for killing a bunch of muggles. And Dumbledore knew, he fucking knew that Sirius was innocent and let him be put in prison anyways. Dumbledore dropped me off on the doorstep of my mother's sister's house. They hated magic, denied it even existed. They abused me every chance they got. Then my letter came and they tried to leave to keep me from that. Tried to beat the magic out of me. Then Hagrid found us and he told me the truth. He took me to Diagon Alley. I met the Weasleys on my first day, trying to find the train on my own because Hagrid left without showing me or explaining how to get there. I became best friends with Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.
"I met Draco Malfoy who insulted my first friend and that encouraged me to beg the hat to put me into Gryffindor. I fought a troll and won. I fought Quirrell and burned him so that Voldemort could no longer possess him. Dumbledore destroyed the stone. Voldemort found a way to come back a few years later though and he was hardly even human anymore. I found out my friends weren't my friends and they were disgusted that I'm gay. I was brought to the past by Hogwarts so I could do it all over again. I hid the first letter I got from Hogwarts this time and snuck out when I had to get stuff for class and I met Aeron and Loki.
"I tricked the Minister into changing my magical guardian from Dumbledore, the manipulative bastard, to someone else. I trained and read and got ready for the first year here. I let the hat place me where I belong. I met you and Blaise and Pansy. I helped Voldemort get the stone. I joined his side. But I still remember the past, my past, and it haunts me. Tom isn't Voldemort anymore and it's hard to remember that sometimes.
"And when he asked me to call him Tom I freaked out, I thought he still hated that name as much as he had in my time, but it turns out he doesn't. I freaked out Draco. I freaked out and I don't know what to do. I love him, Merlin I love him but he only sees me as a 14 year old child and it's never going to work even though I'm really over 18 years old. Though sometimes it doesn't even feel like it. I messed up Dray. I messed up and I am so sorry."
I stare at him, shocked, for a full minute after he finishes talking. At first I was really confused about what he was even saying. I thought he had lost his mind. Then he mentioned time travel and suddenly it all made sense. Settling on a decision, I gave him a small smile.
"It's okay Harry. I understand. I am not going to tell anyone what you just told me. Just promise me you will talk to him okay? We can talk more on what you just told me at a later time when you and Voldemort aren't completely miserable."
Harry smiled back, and moved away, "I will, but only after I eat something and sleep. We can go to the Chambers later and talk. Thanks for not telling anyone. That could be bad. And sorry I didn't tell you before now. I kind of couldn't but I know you deserved to know. Also can we not mention that I just blurted out my feelings for Vol- Tom?"
I snorted slightly, smirking, "Sure, Harry. It's fine, now eat and go to sleep. Talk later, fair?"
"Fair." Harry smirked back, before getting up and heading towards the connected bathroom. I also stood up, heading to the common room. I have a shit ton of thinking to do.