who cares when someone's time runs out?
if a moment is all we are
we're quicker, quicker
who cares if one more light goes out?
well I do
-linkin park
one more light
luke woke up terrified. he was scared michael would find out that he's not eating, luke knew michael would be mad he didnt come to him because michael struggled with bulimia when they were in high school. but luke was also scared ashton would find out and think he was a freak and not want to be his friend or maybe more. luke liked ashton, a lot and he was terrified that ashton won't like him back if he saw luke for what he truly was, fat and ugly. he also felt like he was going to throw up again but this had become a new normal for him. he thinks it's his body adjusting to slowly getting skinnier because he can see very small improvements when in reality he looks like a walking skeleton underneath the hoody and sweatpants he was always seen in.
ashton was sitting on his bathroom floor with a blade in his hand and his arms bleeding. he couldn't shake the feeling that penguinlover69 was luke, his luke but he kept pushing that thought to the back of his head. he sighed and picked up his phone, needing someone.
luke's phone was suddenly vibrating like crazy and he warily picked it up seeing he had multiple missed messages from his nameless friend.
idontknow69: luke i need help
idontknow69: i want to die so bad
idontknow69: were getting so close to telling our friends but i want this so end
idontknow69: i'm sorry you don't need to hear this
luke didn't think he had ever typed faster than he did in that moment
pengiunlover69: don't do anything stupid
idontknow69: i kinda already did
pengiunlover69: where are you, what'd you do
idontknow69: i'm in my bathroom , i cut. it won't stop bleeding. i don't know what to do
pengiunlover69: can you tell a friend or a family member
idontknow69: i don't wanna tell my friends
pengiunlover69: do you want to die
idontknow69: kinda. i don't know
pengiunlover69: you need to tell someone love
pengiunlover69: like now
luke's phone started ringing and he sighed. not in the mood to talk to someone but his attitude quickly changed when he saw that it was ashton.
"l-luke" ashton said, obviously crying
"yeah ash?" luke said getting worried with ashton's tone
"i did something really fucking stupid and i need your help" ashton said taking a very long time to tell luke the simple sentence.
luke's stomach dropped. it couldn't be.
"what'd you do ash?" luke asked nervously
"i-i cut. it won't stop bleeding" ashton hiccuped, luke quickly got up from where he was sitting and started walking to ashton's room. trying to stay as calm as possible luke replied to ashton "okay ash are you in your room?"
"y-yea" ashton said
luke ran into ashton's and michael's hotel room and made a b line to the bathroom. he took a sharp inhale when he saw ashton.
"fuck ash, keep your eyes open for me" luke said and grabbed a towel off the hanger and wrapped it around a ashton's wrist where there were two long deep vertical cuts. he grabbing his phone out of his back picked and put 911 on speaker, after giving them all the needed information luke tried to talk to ashton
"ash hey love. i need you to keep your eyes open for me okay? can you please do that? just for luke please?" luke said
ashton slowly blinked at him "it was you, i knew it was you"
"what was me?" luke mumbled and ashton's eyes fluttered closed as the ambulance staff arrived and carried ashton off in a stretcher telling luke to meet them at the nearest hospital.
luke called a uber and cried the whole way to the hospital because
a) ashton and luke had been talking on this app for awhile now and if only he caught on they wouldn't be in this situation now. and ashton noticed now.
b) ashton likes michael or calum
and
c) ashton might die
after 30 minutes of sitting in the hospital alone, michael and calum ran into the waiting room questioning luke to no end
"guys they haven't told me anything yet" luke said wiping the tears from his face
michael grabbed lukes hand and squeezed it, "he's gonna be okay luke"
but that wasn't all of why luke was crying. ashton knew luke wasn't eating and there was no not saying it now. hours went by and eventually a doctor told the boys ashton was very close to dying but they pulled him through and the boys could see him now. luke practically jumped out of his seat, he needed to see ashton. he had to tell him what was happening, luke walked into ashton's room
"ash" luke sighed seeing he was awake
"luke" ashton said with tears in his eyes "it was you on the app right?"
luke sighed and nodded. "i'm sorry i didn't pick it up before i was so consumed in myself i didn't even think about you"
ashton shook his head and let the tears drop from his eyes, luke sped walked over to his bed and sat on the edge, holding ashton's hand. "no i'm sorry. i had a feeling it was you when you told me your name. fuck luke"
luke shook his head and rubbed his thumb on the top of ashton's hand while ashton bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at his hand "i'm sorry luke. i'm so fucking sorry, i don't even know what to say"
luke gave him a soft smile "you're gonna be okay ash"
ashton shook his head "you have to tell them what's up with you. they need to know, i don't know how to help you luke"
luke sighed and stayed quiet for awhile "who do you like"
ashton furrowed his brows "what do you mean?"
"you told me you were in love with your best friend. michael or calum?"
now it was ashton's turn to stay quiet and mull around his thoughts. "neither. it's you" he said quietly and luke whipped his head around to face him
"what?"
"it's you, i have a crush on you and i get that you don't and it's super embarrassing but now you know"
luke smiled a little "i like you too"
ashton's eyes widened and he grabbed luke's other hand. they stayed like that for awhile, sitting hand in hand silently before luke laid down next to ashton until michael and calum got antsy and wanted to come in.
the boys chatted, all 4 of them until visiting hours were over and then luke, michael and calum were left to themselves. before leaving ashton pulled luke in to whisper "tell them" to which luke nodded and he intended on actually doing it.
when they got back to the hotel all three of them went to luke and calum room, not wanting to deal with the mess that was michael and ashton's room.
"can i talk to you guys?" luke asked when the boys were settled in. they each nodded and sat down on one of the queen beds while luke sat on the other. they were all facing each other.
"um okay, i don't really know how to say this so it might be a little tough but here goes nothing. a few months ago i started getting really self conscious so i went on a diet. then i started restricting myself even more than the diet already was restricting me. i um, i stopped eating recently and i don't know. i downloaded some therapy app recently and i got paired with someone i just found out was ashton and we talked about everything so ashton knows. and now you guys know too"
michael bit his lip, trying to calm himself down while calum was in shock. michael thought through how he wanted his family to react when they found out he had bulimia, the opposite of how they reacted before speaking.
"i'm upset you didn't talk to me about it, but we're here for you luke. i know you know i went through something similar and so i know it's scary to tell people and im really proud of you for doing it. but also i'm gonna be on your ass until you're a healthy weight and if you resist me i won't hesitate to have you put in a inpatient facility okay?" michael said and calum nodded
"i'm proud of you luke. thank you for telling us" calum said and luke nodded, sitting down between the two boys who wrapped their arms around him and gave him a side hug.