Natasha frowned, then smiled.
N: I love you too, Steve, but...
S: Do you want to marry me??
Steve interrupted Natasha abruptly.
Steve could hear Natasha's breath as she sighed. Her silence on the phone was unbearable.
What did I do? I should have waited until tomorrow, until the ring arrives here and propose the right way... It was not meant to be like that. Damn it, Rogers! Steve thought, during Natasha's four seconds of silence, that it sounded to Steve like four hours.
N: Do you want to marry me again? Steve, that doesn't make any sense. I...
Natasha sighed again, before answering.
S: Yes or no?
N: Yes...
Natasha frowned with her answer but again she was smiling like a silly teenager in love.
S: I'm sorry, it was a horrible idea to do this over the phone, I don't know what hit me, you're right to refuse the proposal, so...
N: Steve! I said yes!
S: Huh?
N: I said yes... I want to marry you.
Natasha couldn't see, but she could tell that Steve was smiling, and he was letting out a brief laugh, she imagined him celebrating the news all by himself and that made her smile too.
S: My God, I love you so much, Natasha, so much! I'm happy, are you happy?
N: No. Not completely because of Lily.
S: I understand, but we're getting married.
N: I will not wear any stupid dresses.
S: I don't care. I just want you, the kids, the babies... and Sarah's cat.
Steve sighed, trying to calm down, he was very exalted with the proposal.
S: How... how are Sarah and James?
N: When I arrived, they were already asleep. Laura's been great for us.
S: I know. Tell them I'm missing them both and also Nick.
N: Okay, soldier, I see you tomorrow.
S: Right. Natasha?
N: What???
S: I love you.
Natasha sighed and Steve could imagine her rolling her eyes now, but he didn't mind, he wanted to repeat that a thousand times and scream through the hallways of the hospital.
N: I'm not deaf, you've said that enough, and that will not make me say back to you.
S: I know, it doesn't matter.
N: Good night, Rogers.
S: Good night.
Steve hung up and smiled, he entered the room and approached Lindsay's crib, still smiling.
Steve slept in the chair, just like John, so Anne could rest better by sleeping on the couch. Early in the morning, Steve was getting a call from Natasha.
S: Hey ...
N: How did she stay at night?
S: Well. Aren't you coming here?
N: I'm ready, but the children's school called, reporting a problem with the water and they released the children earlier. I can't contact Laura.
S: I have to go pick them.
N: No, stay there. Hill just got here now and we'll get the kids.
S: Good, so bring them here.
N: To the hospital??
S: Yes, it's important.
N: Why is it important?
S: You'll know it here.
N: Steve?
S: Just come over here.
N: Okay.
Natasha hung up and handed Nick over to Maria.
H: Why do I have to hold the baby?
N: Because my arm is sore and I miss driving. Let's go.
Natasha got in the car and Hill put Nick at the car seat and then she sat next to Natasha. Natasha stopped in front of the school and honked.
James recognized Hill's car and ran to the car.
J: Hi Mom, hi Maria.
N: James, give me your backpack and go get Sarah, please.
J: Okay.
James handed his backpack to Natasha, then he went to Sarah's teacher, who asked where his parents were. James pointed at Natasha, who waved at the teacher.
- Sarah, your mother is here!
Sarah was with her friend Thia, they were holding hands and she and Sarah went with James to the car.
James got in thecar, but Sarah was outside with her friend, staring at Natasha.
Sarah: Mommy, can Thia go to our house to play with me?
N: Sarah, we're not going home now.
Sarah: But I want to play!
N: Another day.
- THIA! Your mom arrived!
The teacher called Thia and she ran back to the entrance.
N: Come on, guys, get in the car.
James and Sarah got in the car and smiled when they saw Maria Hill.
Sarah: Mariaaa!
H: Hey.
Sarah: When are we going to Uncle Henry's house to play again?
Natasha started the car and Hill looked at the car window, ignoring Sarah's question. Natasha observed her.
N: Yeah, you didn't about him anymore, after all of that mess you mad.
H: There's nothing to say.
N: But you were like sad.
H: Yeah, but now I'm not.
Sarah: I miss Lily.
N: Is Henry's daughter named Lily too?
Sarah: Yes, and her father looks like the superman, he's gorgeous.
Hill sighed.
H: He is indeed. That face... those arms, and those chest and that big...
N: HILL!
Hill looked at Natasha who was looking at her reproachfully. Natasha nodded at the children.
H: Sorry.
N: You should talk to him, I bet you never tried to apologize.
H: What? Me? Apologize? You know I would never...
N: I know. Me too, but I had to swallow my pride to get back the man I love.
H: Ugh. "The man I love". That sounds stupid. Spare me, plase.
N: True, I know how it sounds, but it is like that.
H: Forget it, it will never happen.
Natasha drove for almost forty minutes, until Hill noted that they were off the route to the hospital.
H: Natasha... wh-what... where are we?
Hill recognized the streets as they passed by.
H: You didn't do that. I will kill you!!!
Hill was angry now that she recognized where they were.
Natasha stopped the car in front of Henry's house.
H: I already said that I will not apologize
N: So, don't, just talk to him!
H: NO! Are you crazy? I can't talk to him.
N: Yes, you can.
H: No, I can not! Let's go before he shows up here.
N: Get out of the car.
H: No!
N: Get out of the fucking car!
H: I said no!
N: Get out, get out not.
H: Make me.
Natasha and Hill looked at each other with frowning brows. Natasha hates to be challenged and Hill knows how much Natasha takes seriously, certain challenges. Natasha opened the glove compartment and picked up Hill's gun, she aimed the gun at Hill.
J: MOM!
James was horrified, Sarah's eyes widened, and then she smiled at the scene.
H: You wouldn't do that.
J: Mom! What are you doing? Mom!
N: I've done this before.
J: Mom! Did you shoot Aunt Hill??
N: Only twice... I guess.
J: Twice? Why???
N: She said I wouldn't dare to shoot, so...
Natasha shrugged.
H: Your mother is a psychopath, James! And Natasha, you're not going to shoot me in front of your kids.
Sarah: Shoot, Mom, shoot!
N: Sarah!
Natasha looked at Sarah in shock and Sarah was facing it as a joke, she thought it was a toy gun.
Sarah looked out the window and saw Henry coming out with his daughter.
Sarah: Look at Uncle Henry!!!
Hill glanced out the window and crouched on the bench, afraid to be seen.
H: My God!
Natasha unlocked all the doors of the car, she opened Hill's door and literally kicked Hill out of the car, who fell on the sidewalk, and now was trying to kick Natasha in return.
H: Son of a fucking bitch. You're so dead!!!
Hill felt a shadow cover her body, she looked up and came face to face with Henry.
Henry: Are you okay?
H: Yes...
Hill was embarassad.
H: It's just... I got unbalanced. How are you?
Henry: Good.
He answered dryly. Henry helped Hill to her feet and she looked at Henry's daughter.
H: Hey Lily, you seem to have grown up.
Henry: We're just leaving.
Sarah: Hi Lily!
- Hi Sarah. Can you play?
Sarah: No, I have to leave.
H: Maybe I can bring Sarah over the weekend to play with her...
Hill said, hoping she could spend more time with Henry.
Henry: No, Lily and I are going on a trip.
H: Oh... maybe when you get back, then...
Henry: I've been very busy, I find it difficult to happen.
H: I see... o-okay, it's fine, I mean... I'm busy too, I'm... I'm a busy person, so...
Hill was stammering and blinking nonstop, she felt really silly.
Henry: Yeah... we're leaving now. Bye...
Hill nodded.
H: Bye... It was nice to see you both.
Henry walked away with his daughter and Hill stood for a few seconds watching them leave leave. Hill got ready to get in the car.
N: Go after him, Hill.
H: What?! I just talked to him, I tried to have a conversation and he just left me, I've never felt so humiliated in my life and it's your fault.
N: Hill, I'm sorry about that.
H: What?
Natasha closed and locked the doors of the car.
H: Natasha! Natasha, my cell phone is inside the car! Natasha open the door! Don't you dare! I'll kill you, Natasha!!!
N: Ask Henry to use his phone. Bye, Bye.
Natasha started the car and left, leaving Hill to resolve things with Henry.
Natasha drove to the hospital and ahen she arrived, she picked Nick up and entered the hospital with him, Sarah and James, who followed her to the floor of Lindsay's room.
Opening a door to the room, Sarah and James was pushing one another to get in first.
N: Calm down, you guys are too rushed, watch out for Nick!
Sarah: Daddy?
J: Dad?
N: Sorry, I took so long, I had to stop to give Hill a ride and...
Natasha was paying attention to Nick as she walked in the room, then she looked over to Steve and he was sitting in the armchair, his eyes red and swollen.
Natasha stopped talking as soon as she looked at Steve's mood, she changed her expression right away and her smile broke, he didn't say anything, she didn't know what happened but she knew it was something bad and she felt like she couldn't breathe, her heart started to beat fast like it was going to come out through her mouth.
Natasha closed her eyes and a few tears had already rolled down her face.
Sarah: Why are you crying, Daddy?
J: What's happening?
James stared at his mom too and he is not used to see her crying, so he got scared and also Sarah.
S: They tried...
Steve finally pronounced.
N: No...
Natasha whispered and more tears rolled down her face.
S: It was very fast.
N: No. No...
Natasha kept repeating and she was raising her voice, she felt like someone was choking her.
S: She...
N: NO!!! DON'T! Don't say it. No...
Sarah: Mommy?
Natasha had to lean one hand on the wall to keep herself up.
Sam Wilson who as in the hospital room along with Steve because he brought the ring for him, tried to help them.
Sam: Hey, Sarah and James... Why don't you come with me to have an ice cream?
J: No, what's happening?
Sarah walked over to Steve and hugged him, but Steve was still staring at Natasha who was staring at Lindsay's empty crib.
S: Go with him, Sarah.
Sarah: You're crying. Are you in pain? Daddy?
S: A little.
Sarah: Where it hurts, daddy?
S: In my heart.
Sarah feels bad every time she sees her father sad, her eyes also got filled with tears.
Steve looked at Sam.
S: Take them, please.
Sam: Come on, children.
Sarah: No, I want to be with my daddy.
S: Sarah, not now. I need you to go with Sam, please.
Sarah: No!
S: I can1t now, Sarah. Go. Be a good girl, please.
J: Come on, Sarah.
James took Sarah's hand and looked at Steve. Steve knows James already understood what happened.
Sam tried to get Nick from Natasha's lap, but she hugged him tightly.
N: No.
Sam: Okay... I'll be around, outside with the kids.
Sarah: Mommy.
Sarah was even more nervous to see Natasha leaning against the doorframe and seeming to be powerless.
Sam: It's okay, Sarah. Come here.
Sam took the kids out of the room.
Natasha didn't have the strength to try to keep Nick close to her, she didn't have the strength to disguise the pain she was feeling too, the pain was too big and too strong, so she cried out loud and cursed in Russian.
Sarah and James stopped in the hallway and looked at their mother in a state they had never seen before, they couldn't walk anymore.
Sam returned to get Nick because Natasha wasn't in condition to stay with him, he got Nick, then he went back to the hallway.
Sam: Guys, c'mon.
Sam took the children out of that floor.
...
Steve also couldn't move, he couldn't comfort Natasha, since the pain he was feeling was the same, or perhaps worse. He wanted the babies the most, he wanted Lindsay, he believed she would recover.
Any torture Natasha has faced throughout her life, nothing is comparable to the torture of having lost a child, she hated herself immensely for having children, she hated herself for letting the pregnancy go on, she should never have allowed this to happen. She didn't know how much she would love them, but if she had not had children, she wouldn't love them, so she wouldn't be afraid to lose them, she wouldn't know the pain of losing one of them. Damn day she got pregnant!
After one hour, Steve and Natasha remained in the same places. Steve in the armchair, desolate, Natasha was sitting on the floor, desolate.
Sam returned with Nick on his lap.
Sam: I'm sorry, guys. He's crying a lot, and it's not the diaper, I think he wants to nurse.
Sam tried to give Nick back to Natasha, but she looked sideways and shook her head. Sam looked at her and then looked at Steve who didn't respond either.
Sam: Natasha, he needs to nurse.
Natasha closed her eyes tight, causing more tears to fall. Natasha covered her ears.
N: Get him out of here, please.
Sam: Steve?
Steve wanted to be able to do something, but he didn't have the strength. He can't deal with Natasha acting like this with his son, he knows what she's like when she's depressed, she'll probably run away anyway.
Anne and John were returning to the room with their daughter, they were out with her because she was doing some exams in another floor of the hospital, but they were with Steve when Lindsay started to get sick, she practically died in Steve's arms, when the doctors came, she was already unconscious. It was a horrible and traumatic experience.
Anne: You should ask the nurse to feed him with some bottle.
Anne directed Sam.
John: We know what you're feeling right now. There is no word in the world that will comfort you now.
Anne: If I say that one day the pain will be over, it's a lie, it diminishes with time, but you never get used to it.
John: We are really sorry for you.
Anne: Natasha...
Natasha looked at Anne, though her eyes were blurred with tears.
A: I blame myself every day over my son's death, I can't help it, I think you're just like me.
N: I'm nothing like you.
A: Maybe... But now you know what I felt. I'm still alive, I don't know how. I blamed John, and you probably are blaming your husband too... Or ex husband...
Natasha looked away, because it was true. Natasha was hating Steve hatred, he got her pregnant, it's all his fault.
A: I made him feel guilty every day for all these years.
Anne was emotional too, but now she was talking to John.
A: I never thought you were guilty. I blamed you to pretend it was not my fault.
John: Anne...
John ran to his wife and hugged her. Anne hugged him, then stepped back to look at John as she stroked his face.
A: I made a hell of your life. I love you, John, but I'm tired of ruining your life. We owe nothing to each other.
John: Anne...
A: I want you to live your life without me, I want you to be happy, I want you to have healthy children with someone who doesn't make you feel guilty, like I did. I really want this.
Anne hugged John again. The two still love each other, but even though they are honest with each other, their story as a couple was long over, what remained was a great deal of gratitude for what each did for the other throughout life.
Anne looked at Natasha again.
A: You still have three wonderful children. They are so beautiful. You must live for them.
N: They're better off without me.
S: Don't you dare, Natasha! Don't you dare to disappear from us! You're so selfish.
Natasha looked at Steve.
S: I saw her die! I was on the side of James and Sarah, every time they had a flu, or a nightmare, or when they grated their knees and cried just needing a little attention. You're gone for one year, and I've been here for them, always! You have no right to run away. I'll hate you for it, and I'll let them hate you too for it, this time, I swear I'll let them hate you. I also have a heart, okay? I wanted them, all of them. It hurts in me as much as in you.
Steve cried again and Natasha cried when she saw Steve in that state. Natasha crawled over to Steve and laid her head on his leg.
N: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's all right. I'm sorry.
Natasha said, but she was still desperate and her tears seemed to be endless.
N: I won't leave you alone. I won't leave this time, I promise.
Steve managed to control himself and wiped away his tears. Natasha lifted her head and looked into his eyes.
N: Where is she?
S: Cho took her, I didn't see her after she started to... to...
N: I understand...
Natasha sighed.
N: I... I need to see my daughter.
Steve looked at Natasha.
N: Come with me, please.
Steve didn't want to see Lindsay's dead body, her heart was still beating when Cho and the nurses came to pick her, then someone came to announce her death and he didn't have courage to see his daughter's body.
S: I can't.
N: Steve, please.
S: It's not a good idea.
N: It's our baby, we need to see her one more time, we need that, please!
Steve finally agreed and stood up, he helped Natasha to stand up and they hugged each other for a few minutes.
S: Come on.
Steve took Natasha's hand and they went to the hospital morgue. The corridor of the morgue was already extremely cold, and when the two stood facing the iron door, they both froze.
N: I can't.
S: All right.
N: I can't see her like this.
S: I don't think I can either.
N: I can't say goodbye yet, I'm not ready.
Natasha was trying to contain the cry for Steve, but she couldn't help it. Standing there facing the morgue, knowing that Lindsay is there and lifeless, was the worst nightmare she could have.
N: Steve?
Steve looked at Natasha, she was extremely pale. Steve rested his hand on Natasha's back to steady her.
N: I can't breathe.
S: What?
N: I can't...
Natasha started choking and literally choking, before losing consciousness, the last thing she heard, was Steve screaming for help.
♫ Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
If I should die before I wake
It's cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air, oh
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand
But how
Do you expect me, to live alone with just me?
Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
That's how I feel whenever you ain't there
There's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon be without me?
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air ♪
No Air – Chris Brown ft. Jordin Sparks