Author: Xanatos271
Book: Endless Race
The Flow:
Ok so your writing was explicit, minimal to no grammatical mistakes. It flowed extremely well. I lost track when you introduced a lot of characters. It kind of left me wondering whether I wanted to continue the book because I was bombarded with all these characters at once. Dialogue is really important but it doesn't really reveal the right information. It was really informative, but the information didn't encourage me to keep reading, but I did. I was just curious as to what you'd reveal. The story line is really unique, I applaud your for that. Your details are somewhat interesting, which is another reason I kept going. I could tell you have the potential to engage the reader undoubtedly, BUT make sure you don't lose track of the fact that you're trying to please your reader and gain an audience. Sometimes you need to steer your story in another direction to capture our attention.
Characters who resonated with me:
Sierra: I liked Sierra's personality. You portrayed her as talented but she also has a mix of wittiness and humbleness, this made her character more likable. I really enjoyed her encounters with Helga and Jazz. I felt like you could've made her more human though seeing as she came back from the dead. I understand that this is a Fantasy based genre, but empathy is a really strong factor when it comes to people. Everyone can relate to death and loss. I just didn't feel like she died and mourned over her previous life. Let's say she didn't favor her previous life, you could have elaborated on why, does that make sense?
Jazz:
He was my favorite character. All easy going and tough from the outside, but I could tell how understanding and loyal he was. You depicted his personality very clearly with dialogue. I'm a hopeless romantic so I was hoping it would be Sierra he had his eyes on. Romance always spices up things in any genre, it's something we seek for in every book. It's relenting, kind of makes someone look forward to something. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say :)
Rank: 6.5/10, Good job :)