"Fuck." Lacey mumbled to herself as she jammed her thumb in the lumbering file cabinet for the fourth time - thirteenth if you counted the last few days.
Not that Lacy was counting.
The file cabinets were new, Marie had told her that much before she'd begun. The doors slid easily despite the weight of the growing folders Lacey diligently ordered.
Why then was she so prone to catching her thumb?
Lacey's full attention wasn't on the task - not just because it was mind numbing work. Filing didn't exactly require her brain to fire at full capacity, but then again Lacey's mind seemed to be wandering more than usual.
It'd happened at the coffee shop too, she'd been spilling hot drinks of her arms and forgetting to give change several times a day.
And surely, her wandering thoughts couldn't be blamed on lack of sleep either. Lacey was no stranger to that - even though her sleep schedule was more hectic than it'd ever been.
For the past four days she'd been working in the tranquil cubicle at nights after pulling a shift at the coffee shop during the day. Exhaustion was settling into Lacey's bones like a hardening mold. How long could she keep this up?
She was already fraying on a thread. And what if the second interview didn't go well ?
Where would that leave her?
That was why Lacey had coffee burns on her forearms & a bruised thumb nail.
There was only so much she could do for Marie. And only so much money she could take from her before her conscious burst.
What other options did she have?
The thought had pushed Lacey to enter the unwritten agreement with Marie that guaranteed her a check at the end of the week. A check that when combined with her advance from the Split Bean would cover rent for the month of May. She would have a roof over her head at least, but while it would shield her from the spring rains it would do nothing against the hospital bills that pelted her on the eighteenth of every month.
Her head had become numb to the thought, the dense thunk of the monthly cheek hardly bruised her anymore. She wouldn't let it. Lacey wouldn't let the thought enter her mind, not when she had a panic attack every time she walked in the dark.
Direct withdrawal she'd told them. Anything to lessen her interaction with the sterile environment. All she would see was the words St. John's on her bank statement. Only she would know what it was for. And only she would know how much it drove her into debt.
Every month on the evening of the 18th she'd get the notification. Usually she'd be laying in bed. Safe. It was only then that she'd allow herself to fully revisit that night before pacing to the future. Lacey would stare up at the ceiling as her head rested on the pillow and picture the single spiderleg crack that began in the middle of the plaster for no apparent reason.
She'd had three days to figure it out, and eventually amounted it to water damage as she lay in the hospital bed. Lacey had no idea what time she had come into the emergency room, there'd been no clock. But she knew she'd stayed for two more nights before she convinced the nurse she could check herself out. That morning she'd lied and said that someone - her mother - was coming to pick her up before she snuck out of the lobby.
Too ashamed to call her mother - or anyone for that matter - Lacey took the bus home. Her hands were shaky as she walked past the alley way and even shakier as she tried to push the key into her lock. When she'd finally got in and locked the door behind her she collapsed onto her bed - in the same position - with her eyes glued to the ceiling.
Sleep wouldn't come for days.
The first bill hadn't helped.
The hospital said the payments would be manageable. Lacey scoffed. There was nothing manageable about it for someone naively uninsured.
How had she left that out of her plan? She'd meant to get insurance of course. After she graduated and her university coverage expired she'd meant to do her due diligence. But she hadn't. At least not in time. Maybe she'd always thought she'd get a job so quick it wouldn't be worth it to find her own provider.
Now Lacey was stuck with a fat check from the emergency room and a scar on her abdomen. Consciously she rubbed her lower stomach feeling the jagged tissue underneath her cotton shirt.
"Have you eaten?"
Startled Lacey looked up to find Marie standing at her side. Craning her neck to meet the eyes of the towering woman Lacey scrunched her face in confusion.
"What?"
"You're rubbing your stomach." Marie, always causal motioned to Lacey's hand as it rested on her abdomen.
"Oh." She replied. Shifting her hand back to the filing cabinet she closed it and rose.
"Don't tell me I'm working you so hard you forgot to eat."
"No it's not that." Lacey managed a smile her eyes drifting to the wall of windows.
The thrift had been closed for hours and only the security lights, as well as those in Marie's office stayed on. She glanced at the desktop clock. Was it already midnight?
Where had the time gone?
Usually Lacey tried to leave before nine - when the sun's fingertips held onto the horizon. But today she'd worked late and come straight to the store, apparently not taking heed of the time.
"It's late - I should go." Lacey bent to pick up the unfiled folders and stack them on top of the cabinet.
"Have dinner first." Marie offered reaching out to take Lacey's arm as she went for her purse. Lacey froze at the contact. Most nights when she arrived at the thrift Marie was somewhere in the back busy with closing the shop or handling orders on the phone. It wasn't until the other employees left that she saw her.
Some time between seven thirty and eight Marie would saunter into the cubicle, impeccably dressed, her hair a mess, makeup smudged at the corners of her eyes. Just like the first day they met. She'd make a joke about the way Lacey was organizing the folders or impose ridiculous alternative realities.
"Do you think you could do this in a wind tunnel?" or "I bet there are competitions for filing, keep it up and you could go to regionals."
Lacey never minded the light hearted comments and she'd stop her work to participate in the banter. She'd noticed that Marie used them as an excuse to talk to her, saying that she was just 'supervising' she would sit in the rolling chair and begin. Pretty soon Lacey would have her back against the closed cabinet, a stack of loose folders at her feet.
They would go on for an hour or more - until it got dark. Then Lacey would leave, reluctantly, hoping that Marie would ask her to stay.
Lacey would've loved to stay.
But not tonight. It was already too late. And too dark.
"No I really should go." She pulled away from Marie's hand.
"Come on Lace, what's another hour? You need a real meal - I'll cook!" Marie's persistence was sweet and well intentioned Lacey noted as she paused.
Her eyes again drifting back to the night that had settled over the windows like a dark curtain.
Marie chuckled. "If I didn't know you better I'd say you were afraid of the dark."
Lacey grew quiet, focusing on unfolding her cardigan that she'd stuffed in her purse. "Add it to my dossier." She mumbled under her breath.
Her comment caught Marie's attention and her voice softened. No longer was she in a joking jovial move as she took a step closer to Lacey. "I can walk you. I know where the bus stop is-"
"No!" Lacey brust, interrupting the offer.
She couldn't bear the thought of Marie walking back to the store in the dark. No doubt there were creeps lurking around the corner, ones like Lacey encountered when-.
"Then stay." Marie interrupted her dark thougth.
"What?"
"You heard me, I'll make dinner. We can watch a movie, it'll be fun!" Marie flung her arms out yet Lacey didn't budge.
Stay - as in stay the night. What did that mean? Was Lacey reading into the long looks and lingering touches - the ones that were growing more often by the day. Lacey hadn't had time to dissect their relationship lately. In fact Lacey hadn't thought all that much about it, she'd been too focused on setting alarms and counting dollars.
That was until now.
The looks and touches hadn't gone unnoticed or unappreciated. Lacey knew she was flirting and that Marie was reciprocating. A sudden wave of anxiety - different than the one experienced by the waning sun - washed over her. They still hadn't had rescheduled their first date - if that's what it had been. Tonight would be it. Dinner and a movie - a classic structure.
Oh god.
She was sweaty from working the mid morning shift and was pretty sure she hadn't fully combed out her hair after showering last night. Self consciously she ran her hands over her crown to smooth the flyaways.
"I won't make you work." The coffee eyed girl added with a wink. "Besides I know you've been dining off of day old croissants and ramen. You need something that isn't artificially flavored in your body."
Lacey laughed at the all too true statement just as her stomach rumbled.
"It's settled then."
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