Chp50. "Just relax"
Songs of the chapter:
All I Ever Need- Austin Mahone
A Little Death- The Neiughbourhood
Flawless- The Neighborhood
It Won't Stop- Sevyn Streeter ft. Chris Brown
R U Mine?- Artic Monkeys
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Austin's Point Of View
She was there. So perfect. So fragile. So innocent. So fucking sexy. And I just couldn't take it. In old times, I would feel like such a pussy having a girl make me feel these type of ways. All so different, all so addictive. The way her eyes have that gleam sparkle that I swear, could light up my dark messed up of a life you can call, and make all my demons disappear right then and there.
I didn't care much about anyone. Fuck, I didn't care about anything to be straight up blunt with it. This though? This was different. I didn't know if it was for the bad or for the better. Putting myself into this kind of position, where I'm giving my all to one single person. Where I am constantly putting someone else that wasn't my own self, first. It was unsual, and I had crossed my heart and hoped to die- that I would never do that again. Something so foolish- something that could lead to a wreck. And just look at me now...
I'm here. She's here. And I put her above anything else at this point. No hesitation, no anything. And that scares me to the point where I might just end up closing myself out again. And I don't want that. Becoming that helpless stupid guy I used to be. Not after I finally opened up to one person that means a whole lot to me. God dammit, I'm scared. I'm not going to deny it this time as I usually tend to do. I'm terrified, I really am. And I don't even know of what exactly. I can't come up with the right words to even describe it. I'm blank.
She gives me slight smile and I lose it completely. Thankfully before anything, Mia gets inside the car before she noticed how weak she had made me due to that one simple action of hers. Cause only knows that if she had still be standing there, I'd do the unbelievable to her.
Control yourself for fucks sake! I try to tell myself but I simply can't. Nor do I want to for that matter either. Exhaling a deep breath, I get inside the car myself, ready for whatever the rest of the night has instore for us. In deep thought I start my range rover to get us the hell out of here. In that moment I can feel everything.
The way my breathing hasn't stopped fucking around with me. The way my hair is probably a damn mess from pulling on it a few seconds ago. How Mia is all calmly sitting beside me, looking damn carefree even though I know myself for a fact that she surely isn't. My damn sweaty palms wrapped all around the steering wheel.
With myself, I was debating whether to just take Mia home instead and call it a night. Then again, I was backing myself out on that idea as well. So many thoughts rushing that I couldn't get a simple break. I was feeling weaker by the moment and that was unlike me. I love Mia. Fuck that, I am in love with her. And I don't want her to do anything she doesn't want to do. I'd be fine with that really. As much as it is what I want, I don't want to hurt her. Better yet make her feel like she has to do anything.
I made a left turn and before anything else I parked the car. But once the car stopped so did I. I took the keys out of the ignition and the was the only move I had made so far, besides sitting back on my seat and staring ahead. For a quick moment I closed my eyes and everything was just gone and all left was myself here. That didn't last long though. A few seconds later Mia adjusted herself in her seat, bringing me back to our current situation.
"Oh" I said bluntly. It wasn't until that came out my mouth that I realized how stupid it made me sound. Who the hell says 'oh' at a time like this? I'm such a fucking idiot god damn. Before allowing myself to say something even more humiliating, I asked her a question that I was in fact very curious about.
"Are you okay?" I narrowed my eyes over to her, viewing her pale face and those rosy cheeks of my Mia. I almost smiled at myself if I wasn't in such a nervous state to do that.
She replied with a faint 'yeah', following along with her own question. "Are you okay?" Mia asked.
"Yeah.. Couldn't be better."
"Is that sarcasm?" furrowing her eyebrows in confusion she gave me her little look she always does.
"What?- No." I shook my head, "No no no. I'm fine, I'm good. Actually, I'm more than good right now." I half spoke honestly.
She briefly stayed quiet until answering with, "Oh?"
I gave her a confused look, wondering if I had said anything wrong until I realized. "No.. no no, Mia no, not like that." I sighed trying to find my way out of this. "What I am meaning to say is that I'm just really glad you're here-with me."
She laughs. That's a good thing, right? With this girl I don't know what's good and what's bad. The two become too blurry to understand.
"Fuck," I breathed out, letting my hand run through my face.
"Calm down, Austin." she tells me, "I'm just messing with you. You're not making any sense anyway." she shrugs and puts a loose strand of her hair behind her ear.
I laughed to myself shaking my head slowly. I knew it was a fake laugh, more like a nervous one though. I had hoped she couldn't tell the difference.
I licked my bottom lip once and breathed steadily. I felt my blood rushing and I couldn't help but feel completely selfish. Not about her making this decision, me being involved and everything, but having myself thinking about this and how it's affecting me when I haven't even seen how she feels towards it. I haven't even taken her thoughts into consideration.
I had decided to finally free myself from the madness going on inside my head. And once I did, everything fell into place.
"C'mon," I montioned my hand for her to come walk beside me. We had just finally gotten out of the car after what felt to be centruies.
"Are you sure you're no one is here..." I didn't have to look at her to see the fear in her eyes, the way her voice shook let me be aware of that.
"Yes. I am sure." I confirmed.
"So no one at all?" curious Mia asked yet once again.
"Nope, no one."
She nodded once, "Okay," She bit the corner of her lip then parted them to speak. "So alone, alone?"
"Mhmm," I hummed.
"So... no Cora or any creepy guy popping out of nowhere or just any one else for that matter?"
I chuckled wondering what the hell was going in that mind of hers. I knew she was paranoid and so was I. But not as much as her.
"No Mia, trust me. It's just you and me here." Taking her hand in mines, letting her know she has me here and that's all I can give her.
She gave me a knowing side smile and that was my cue to go in ahead. Having Mia by my side, I lead the way to the back door leading into the living room to a stairwell all the way to my room. I would be lying if I said I was having doubts in my mind. I mean I hadn't at all before but shit, I couldn't help it now. This could go all wrong in so many ways.
Once I had finally placed my foot on that last step of the staircase, still holding Mia, making sure she was alright. Everything from then on went in such a rush, feeling an electric bolt running through my body like a storm waiting to unravel itself.
My lips were on hers as my hand was doing it's job on holding her waist, making sure to push her closer to me as if there was even more of chance to do so. Her grip around my arm was tight and getting tighter by the second, but I didn't mind.
I hated myself for wanting her to make me hers as in like how I was planning on making her mine. Even though she already was once I claimed her. But I wanted to take my time, I wanted this to be right. I wanted us to enjoy this and make her see how good I can make her feel. I wanted her to love me as much as I love her. Though I'm pretty sure our love will never be equal knowing how much this girl drives me wild.
I busted the door to my room open with my free hand and pushed us inside to a nearby wall. I parted my lips from hers and worked my way to her neck, finding her sweet spot. I knew her weakness and I was going to make her show them.
"C- close the door," Mia half whispered breathlessly.
"I know baby, I know." I nodded in agreement still having my face buried in the crook of her neck. My hands were too busy focusing on their own jobs, roaming around Mia's body, paying close attention to every little detail and small feature of hers. I kicked the door closed with my foot making a loud noise afterwards, and finally locking the door just in case. Wouldn't hurt be too careful.
Wrapping both my arms around her tiny self I moved us closer to my bed. She was so small compared to me. Small and fragile like a china doll there before me.
I smiled to myself, "I want all of you this time," I said in a voice I nearly didn't recognize as my own. "And I'm giving you everything I've got to give."
"Close your eyes," I instructed, "come lay yourself beside me."
She did as she was told and that turned me on even more than ever. I was really trying to be calm about this but fucking shit, I couldn't. I was planning on giving Mia all the attention she needed and was surely craving from me.
I watched with my eyes as Mia settled herself beside me, so innocently and cautious. My breathing had calmed down and I was thankful for that. I was going to do this right. I will mark my print on her like I had never done before, and I do mean emotionally and physically in a way.
"You alright?" I asked one last time. Mia nodded in response.
"Please tell me this isn't just me who wants this. You know I wouldn't force you to do anything you wouldn't want to do. This is a choice not a must, please know that."
"-Austin I know it's a choice. I really don't have any doubts." Pausing for a second, she then continued. "Do you?"
"No." I held my breath in, knowing for damn sure I had replied too quickly with that response. However Mia laughed it off and as so did I.
Playing the safe field, I went for her thigh to firstly set my hand on to rest. Supporting my weight with my elbow on the bed, I placed my other hand on her bottom cheek. Looking into her eyes for approval, I leaned in my face inches from hers. Then softly I kissed her bottom lip once, then twice before going in for something real.
Her hands moved away from her sides and placed themselves on my shoulders. I felt the warmth of her gentle lips against mine. They tasted sweet, I couldn't quite put my finger on it but it was definitely something I craved more of. They moved in perfect sync.
My lips spread once again exploring around her mouth. I let my tongue slide from my lips and slide into hers, feeling every inch of her mouth. I kissed her harder and harder until I earned a soft moaned from her. That's when I knew she was ready.
In no time here little Mia was on top of me. Holy fucking shit, she was actually on top of me. I didn't even realize when this happened but it did. My hands were on her ass and hers were now on my chest as she worked her way to my neck with those addicting toxic lips of hers.
"Babe?" I spoke up.
"Hmm?" She said still continuing though.
"I must say, as much as I do love you being on top of me right now... I don't think that's such a smart idea for this. You should let me guide you, yeah?"
"Oh, yeah." she said "right right..." She chuckled yet let out a breath at the same time while getting off from me and back to my side. "Um..." she bit the bottom of her lip not knowing what to say next.
"Hey hey, it's okay." I gave her a smile as I got myself a little closer to her. "Just relax."
She nodded.
"Now I said that I wasn't going to act out at all or anything. I wanted to be a gentleman about this," I paused while looking her in the eyes, "but then I remembered, I'm no gentleman."
Her eyes widened as my words flew out of my mouth. Moving my hands down to touch her, I unbuttoned her pants as I trailed my fingers around her panty line, getting her ready for something new she was about to experience.
"I'm going to make you feel so good baby." I lowly whispered to Mia.
Though my hands were on her lower half, I then made sure to keep my lips focused on hers hoping to keep her mind off and to free herself for me. As I pulled her pink panties down her legs along with her pants, till they were finally completely off and no longer a bother. I slid two fingers towards her entrance, instantly I felt a gasp escape her lips making me smirk into the kiss and reassure her that I was going to make her feel good.
I made sure to be completely careful with her. She was all new to this and I wanted to be gentle. Making small circular motions with my fingers, Mia arched her back in pleasure allowing the sound of her moans escape, letting me know I was getting her closer.
Allowing Mia to get used to my fingers, I inserted yet again another finger, now pumping in and out slowly. She widened her legs a little more, wrapping them around my waist.
Her body trembling in pleasure under my touch, I increased my pace feeling the wetness of my fingers and how responsive she was to me. I pulled my hand out just as she hits her climax, riding out the high state she is in.
I took no further time in removing my own shirt along with my pants and boxers. I felt my breath stop once I did so, knowing for a fact Mia's eyes were roaming me. Still under me, Mia nodded and with both her hands she pulled her shirt off. Leaving her with just one piece of clothing left.
"Hey I wanted to do that!" I joked with a smile.
She blushed and tried to hide it afterwards, "I think you've done a few things already." She mocke..
I thanked god this wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. Losing your virginity and all this type of shit for a girl is a big thing, and I really didn't want that damn cliche shit happening between her and I.
I went on and kissed all over her neck, leaving my mark to show that she is mine. I caress her body all over touching every inch of her that I could. Leading me to her hips, making a circular pattern with my thumbs. Bringing her body yet again, closer to mine letting her know just hard she is continuing to make me.
"Um... Are- are you on birth control?- wait the hell am I saying. Of course you're not... Okay hold on." I parted myself from her, still fully nude. I made a quick run over to my bathroom to find a condom. Once I spotted one in sight, quickly putting it on.
Walking back to Mia, I make sure to close the curtains to my bedroom, leaving us now in the dark but still able for me to see almost everything. Moving myself on top of her again, I return to see her already fully undressed right in front of me.
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, turning my head and seeing her mismatched bra and panties on the floor. I sniled, liking how she isn't that type of girl who stresses on matching her damn bra and panties. I would've thought she did that though.
I let out a small laugh as I licked my lips, ready for her to experience this new thing she has been missing out on.
"It's going to hurt a little okay?" I said letting her know most likely the obvious. She nodded once and I took steady low breaths.
I took Mia's legs and spread them a little wider for me, letting the secrets of her femininity lay bare in front of my eyes once again. I teased her entrance firstly with my dick, getting ready bit by bit. As much as I wanted to fuck her right here, right now, I was going to make love to this girl- something I had only done once with the wrong person.
Slowly and steady I entered myself onto Mia, bit by bit, little by little. I witnessed as her face changed and she winced in pain.
I brought my face over to hers, "Shhh baby girl it's okay." Once I was fully in, I waited for her to get used to it; something unusual and different for her.
"Okay I'm going to try it again now." I warned her and then did so. This time she hadn't given me the first reaction she did before, maybe a little less of it.
I took it as if she was ready, taking a few thrusts here and there, feeling her reticence. In a few moments, Mia heard her own moans along with a few of my own.
Something deep inside her bloomed making her bold. My blood roared through my veins like a wildfire, burning and stinging. She kissed me again, an open mouth invitation that I took.
I moved on over to her chest, and placed my hands over to her breasts. "I like the way your eyes glaze when I touch you here." I had said.
I let my finger touch one of her nipple along having my thumb to help me. In a lazy motion that made her head roll back as I watched. I had been holding on to this very moment with her.
I let out a breath in a long hiss. I brought my mouth to one of her nipples only for a few seconds, and moved back to kissing her lips hard.
"Austin" she mumbled in between one of her sweet moans. Making me go fucking insane just by it.
Fuck. I loved the way she had called out my name.
It was too much. She was too good. I couldn't stop. However I was careful with my speed and careful with her in general.
This only opened my eyes more. It was every little flaw of hers that brought me more to her. She had made me feel like every fucked up thing I had ever done, hadn't happened. It was by her blissful touch that she comforted all my wrong doings. And she accepted me for me, and that was all I could ever ask for.
"She's enough for me, she's in love with me."
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I felt like a whore writing this but everyone was asking for this chapter. Anyways, should I make a Deathly Kisses playlist?
comment & vote!