Perrie
"Perrie, you're not fat." Alex says over FaceTime, I shake my head and cover my face with my palms, tears streaming down my face. "That's what we've been trying to tell her, Alex." Jade says to him as I felt Jesy and Leigh's hands on my back. "You're just saying that I wouldn't feel bad." I say, wiping the tears away.
"Baby, I promise you, you are nowhere near fat. And even if you were, I'd still love you." He says, I look at him and form a slight smile on my face. This man definitely knows how to push my buttons. "But why won't my costumes fit?" I burst out in tears again, covering my face as Leigh pulls me closer, rubbing my back with her hands. "Pez, they still ft you. They're just a bit snug, that's all." Jesy says, earning murderous looks from Jade and Leigh and even from Alex. "Oops." She says.
"Baby, it's okay." I hear Alex say. "She's been a bit emotional lately, Alex. All of us have gotten no sleep at all, that's probably what's causing it." Jade says to him. "Oh no, I have to go. Take care of her for me, please." He says. I look up at him, taking in his appearance in the screen of my phone. "Baby, I have to go. I love you." He says, I nod my head and wipe my tears. "Bye, I love you." I say. "Don't worry Alex, we have her." Jesy says before he hangs up.
"Come on, Pez. It's alright, stop crying." Jesy rubs my shoulders. I wipe my tears and take a deep breath. "I don't know why I'm crying this hard. I have no idea why I'm getting so emotional." I say to them. "It's alright, Pez. We understand. We haven't got any sleep, today is just one of those days, honey." Jade says, handing me a glass of water.
"Well, we haven't got sleep. You on the other hand is always asleep, anywhere and I'm getting jealous. You fall asleep during glam, during ten minute breaks on shoots and even before a show starts." Leigh says and we all laugh. "I can't help it, I just fall asleep." The three of them huddle around me in a group hug.
"But let's be honest, girls. My costumes are a bit snug." I say. The looked at each other and nodded their heads. "Well, just a little bit." Jade says. "No offense Pez, but maybe because you're eating 70% of the time. I mean, you're always eating. And don't get me started with the pickles dipped in chocolate, they're nasty. You're on a whole other level, woman." Jesy says, earning stifled giggles from all of us.
"I really don't know what's happening." I say, trying to stifle a laugh. "Girls, come on. Showtime." Paul says, sticking his head through the door opening. We got up and headed to the backstage, ready for our show.
We kickstarted our tour worldwide last week, starting with Europe, specifically here in London in the UK first. We were on a really great start this era, our single immediately topping the charts both in the UK and US. The girls and I couldn't be more prouder of each other. We finally got what we longed for and what we deserved. Little Mix has finally got the attention we all wanted.
The past week has been extremely hectic though. Aside from starting the tour, we've also been doing photoshoots and videoshoots in between breaks from shows. The management got the schedules all tied together and they're still trying to fix it, contacting sponsors to reschedule and move dates. So, while they're still fixing our schedules we've got to stick to the initial one instead while they're at it. It really has been exhausting. The girls and I have little to no sleep everyday.
This is probably the most hectic we have been. Our managers have been growling on the phone almost everyday, rushing them to fix our schedules because it really took a toll on us girls. Leigh has just got better from being sick and now Jade and Jesy are the one's who's sick. I've been under the weather as well, getting dizzy all the time. We literally need rest, but up until we get the schedules fixed, we wouldn't be getting any. We were literally pushing our bodies to it's maximum limit. Being awake as early as 3 am and in bed by 12am being the earliest. This is just really exhausting, though rewarding at the same time.
"I am so tired." Leigh said as she slumped down on the couch in our dressing room. We have just finished the show and I literally feel like I'm a zombie. I am so tired. I stop in my tracks when I suddenly feel a sensation in my stomach. I placed my hand on top of it and tried to even my breaths. "Pez, you alright?" Jesy asked, and I just nodded my head. "Yeah, it's just my stomach." I say. She comes near me and places a hand on my shoulder. "Do you have your meds?" Jade asks. I nod my head again. "Yeah, I'll take them tonight."
I changed out of my costume into a comfortable dress and proceeded to sit on my makeup chair to have Adam take my greasy make up off. Adam was just finishing off when I suddenly felt a sharp pang of pain on my abdomen. I shrugged it off at first, but it happened again, and again getting more painful. Then another came in and I couldn't take it anymore.
"Agh!" I clutched my abdomen and leaned forward, trying to stifle a cry. The pain was excruciating, radiating around my abdomen. It hurts so much, my eyes starting to water. "Perrie!" The girls ran up to me along with the rest of the team. "Perrie, what's happening?" Paul supports my shoulders as I try to compose myself, but the pain just kept on coming back.
"Perrie can you stand up?" Claud said as he helped Paul to stand me up. I got off the makeup chair when I heard the room go silent and the girls gasping. "Oh my God." Leigh says, looking at me and then to the chair I was once sitting on. I turn my attention to the chair and my eyes widen in horror, there was blood in the chair. I suddenly felt my body freeze, my palms getting clammy.
"Perrie are you?" Paul asks me, looking at me with complete worry in his face. My heart was pounding out of my chest, I felt like I was being drenched with ice cold water. "What? I don't know. I--" I was cut off when I felt something trickling down my legs." I look down and with a shaky hand, I slowly graze it on my inner thigh where I felt something wet. My heart fell to my stomach when I got my hand back and saw that my fingers were covered in blood. My blood. It didn't take me long to realize what was happening to me.
I am having a miscarriage.
No.
My baby.
"No. I didn't know. I didn't know." I said with a shaky voice. My tears come streaming down my face, as another pang of pain hits my abdomen but the pain in my chest was overpowering it. The tears won't stop falling down as they try to console me, I hear Paul shouting, telling someone to get a car ready. I hear them going into a commotion.
"Oh, Perrie." I hear the girls say, trying to stifle a cry.
"NO! NOO! I DIDN'T KNOW. NO!" I felt like my world came crashing down as the blood trickled down my legs. My legs wobbled, my knees felt weak and I felt like the world was spinning. I felt arms around me. The last thing I remember is Claud picking me up and carrying me out the door before darkness took over my sight.
Jesy
"Please, can we hurry up." I say to the driver. Jade, Leigh and I were in a car with our security following the car Perrie was in. They were a few miles ahead of us, rushing along the streets. I see their car pull up in the hospital driveway, security lining up and waiting for them. Rolling her in was like a choreographed dance. The security tried to conceal her by blocking her from the public, the nurses and the doctors rolling her in as discreet as possible. They did it so flawlessly, no one could suspect anything. Paul had called the hospital beforehand, making sure that everything would all be done privately.
I tried to wipe a tear away as we made our way into the hospital. We were escorted to a private room so that other people in the hospital won't bother us. "Hey come on you guys, stop crying. We need to be strong for Perrie. She needs us to be her rocks." I say, wiping another tear as I tried to console Jade and Leigh Anne. "You're right." Leigh Anne said, wiping her tears, Jade doing the same.
"I feel like it's my fault." Paul said,pacing around the room. "If only we'd had the schedules fixed earlier, you guys won't be stressed. She won't get stressed. This wouldn't happen." He added. We walk up to him and pat his shoulder. "No Paul. It's not your fault." Jade said. "You know Perrie would never put the blame on any of us, on anyone." Leigh told him as he sat down. "All we have to do is to be with her right now. She needs us." I say, earning a nod from all of them.
It's been a couple of hours and we still haven't heard anything about Perrie. It saddens me to know that this happened to her. She is one of the kindest persons, has the purest soul and the most bright personality. Heck, the woman doesn't even lie. She deserves the world and it sucks that this is happening to her. She's been through enough, she deserves to be happy.
I wipe the tears as I shake the thought away. "What's wrong, Jes?" Leigh and Jade sit beside me. "Nothing. It's just that, she's an amazing human being, a kind soul. She doesn't deserve all the crap that's happening to her. It's just so unfair." I let the tears stream down my face, worrying about my best friend's condition. "We have to be strong for her Jes, you said that." Jade said, rubbing circles on my back.
I composed myself and took a deep breath. "Has anyone called Alex?" I ask. Jade released a sigh and raised her hand. "I was given the task to do that. Gosh, you don't know how hard it was to tell him. They're good people. They don't deserve this." Jade said, releasing a breath. "This is messed up." Leigh said as she slumped down. "How'd he take it?" She added.
"Well, he was speechless at first, probably tried to process it. Then he just started to cry, told me he'd be on his way. He'll probably get here in a few minutes. It's been four hours." Jade said. The three of us leaned back on the sofa, and huffed a breath. "This is so messed up."
A few minutes later, we heard a knock on the door. We all stood up when Claud opened it, letting the doctor come in. "Uhm, where is the family?" He asked. We all turned our attention to Debbie as she came forward. "I'm her mother." She said. The doctor shook her hand and said hello to all of us. "Is the father here?" He asked. We all knew he wasn't referring to Perrie's dad but to the baby's dad. "He's on his way. How's Perrie?"Jade said. My heart started racing as we anticipated his answer.
"The patient is okay. She's stable and her vitals are all normal now. She's going to be fine." He said. We all looked at him, waiting for him to address the elephant in the room. "And the baby?" Debbie asked. Jade and Leigh held my arm, their hands all cold and clammy. The door shook his head and I felt my heart stop. "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but it was too late. Her body was extremely weak as well, probably because of the stress and fatigue and the lack of sleep. I'm terribly sorry." The doctor left us and we all felt like the world fell on us. If it already feels hard for us, who knows what Perrie and Alex would feel.
The poor angel, didn't even get to witness how cool his or her parents are.
We consoled Debbie and tried to calm her down. We were ushered to her room after a few minutes and seeing her this fragile is extremely saddening. She was unconsciously lying in her bed, and IV on her hand. Our poor baby Pez. We took the seats around her. I stroked her hair while Jade and Leigh took her hand. I could only imagine the pain she's about to feel. She doesn't deserve this tragedy.
Alex
"I just have to take this call!" I say to my teammates as they run back to the field to continue training. I swiped the answer button to answer Jade's call. "Jade? What's up? How's the show?" I say, wiping the sweat off of my forehead. There was a long silence that made me worry, made my heart beat a tad faster. "Jade?" I asked, making sure she was still on the line.
"Uhm, Alex. Don't panic okay. If you're driving I want you to stop and park somewhere. If you're standing up, I need you to sit, if--"
"Jade, just say it. What's going on?" I say, my hands starting to get a little clammy. "Alex, we need you to get to the hospital right now." I swallowed the invisible lump in my throat and wiped the sweat on my neck. "Hospital? Why? Jade, what's happening?" I say. I start to pace around, my heart rate speeding up. I hear her take a deep breath before she answered me. "Alex, Perrie had a miscarriage." My heart stopped beating and fell to an unending void in my stomach.
She had a miscarriage.
I felt like the world just fell on me, like a thousand boulders just fell all over me. Crushing me. I didn't even know she was pregnant. Our baby. Oh my, Perrie. I could only imagine what she could have been feeling.
"Alex, are you still there?" I hear Jade say, drawing me out of my trance. I feel tears forming in my eyes, daring to fall off. "Is Perrie alright?" I managed to croak out, the tears finally making its way down my face. "Oh Alex." I hear Jade say, worry on the tone of her voice. "She passed out after she found out. The doctors just brought her in, we're still waiting for updates." She said. I felt like I'm falling to an endless cliff. "Alex, you need to stay strong. She needs you." Jade says. I nod my head. She's right. Pez needs me. "You're right. Is Debbie there? I'm on my way." I say.
I hung up the phone after Jade said goodbye. I put my hands over my face, trying to stop the tears from falling. I pace around for a bit until I couldn't handle it anymore. I just cried it all out, I kicked the grass, screamed and just cried. I sat on the grass, my hands on my head. I'm trying to compose myself, trying to even my breaths.
I felt running towards me and a hand on my shoulder. I look up to see my manager, Mo and Bobby. "You alright, Chambo?" Jurgen, my manager asks. I wanted to nod my head but I ended up shaking it, the last of my tears falling down. I stood up and shook the grass off of me. "It's Perrie. Uhm, if she had a, she had a misca--, miscarriage." And the tears start to fall of again.
My manager pulled me in for manly side hug, while Mo and Bobbie tapped my shoulders. "You'll get through it, mate." They ruffled my hair, tapping my back. "I need to go, if that's okay. Thanks so much, guys." I say. My manager gave me a leave, as long as I have to and I couldn't be more thankful for him and the team.
I balled my eyes out the whole duration of the drive. Every bit of my tears, I let out inside of that car. I want to be strong for Perrie, she needs me the most right now.
My heart starts to race again as I pulled up the driveway. As I closed the door, I couldn't help but look up at the sky. I know my baby is there, watching over us. I wipe away the tear.
I followed one of the girls' security to Perrie's room, making our way there as lowkey as possible. I see Jesy emerge from the room, wiping a tear away. I quicken my steps and catch up to her. "Jesy!"
She looks at me, a faint expression on her tear stricken face. I looked at her with a questioning look, hopeful that something good happened but she just looked at me and slowly shook her head. I felt my heart sink, my baby was really gone. "How's Perrie?" I ask as I come to a halt by the door. She wipes another tear, breathing in a deep breath. "She just woke up, crying all over the place. I needed to get out of there, I couldn't bear seeing her like that."
I felt tears daring to fall again, but I try to fight it. I have to be strong. I opened the door for us and followed her in. I hear loud, excruciating sobs as I walk in. The first I see was Jade and Leigh by the foot of the bed, pained expressions on their face as they turned to look at me. I close my eyes as I prepare to see Perrie.
My world stops and my heart shatters into a million pieces as I saw her on the bed, clutching her mam's arms, crying. Her tears endlessly falling across her face, soaking her hair and top. "Oh my, Pez." I sprint towards her as she releases her grip on her mam. "Alex!" Her voice cracking as she reached for me. I immediately engulfed her in a tight hug, her cries getting louder. I pull her a little closer, kissing the top of her head, my tears slowly falling off. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. It's all my fault. I didn't know." She cries out, gripping tightly on my arms. "Ssh, no. It's not your fault, baby. Ssh." I wrap my arms around her tighter, swaying her, rubbing my hands on her shoulder. My heart aches more seeing her this broken.
"We'll be at the adjacent room, Alex." I hear Jade as they usher everyone else out, leaving us alone in the room. She tightly grabs hold of my arm, her tears soaking my skin. I let the tears fall, my heart breaking over and over again as I hear her crying. The pain she's feeling radiating in her voice. I stroke her head, swaying her back and forth. "I'm sorry, Alex. I'm sorry. It's my fault. I didn't know. I didn't know." She keeps on saying.
I shake my head and pull her face to look at me. Her eyes were swollen, tears constantly flowing from it. It pains me so much to see her like this. To see her in so much pain and distress. If I could only take it all away, I would. I stroke the sides of her face with my thumb as I stare into her eyes. "No, Pez. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. Don't blame yourself, okay." I say, tears starting to stream down my face again. I kiss her forehead and wiped her tears away.
"It was so painful. I thought it was just my stomach, but there was so much blood, Alex. If only I knew, but I didn't. I didn't know. Our baby, Alex. It's gone." I wrap my arms around her again, pulling her closer to me tightly. She clutched my shirt, burrying her head on my chest. My heart was hurting. It was hurting for my baby, hurting for Perrie. It's so hard to have her this broken.
"Ssssh, ssssh." I say, resting my head on top of hers as I let my tears trickle down my face as well. This is probably the most painfully sad day of my entire life.
I occupied the space beside her on the bed. She used my arm as her pillow while the other one was draped over her, my fingers along her hair. Her face was buried on the crook of my neck making it a bit soaked from the tears that had just come to a stop and her hand was still clutching my shirt, her other arm draping over my torso. I lean my head to rest on hers, inhaling the faint scent of lavender on her hair. "We'll get through this, Pez. Everything will eventually be alright." I softly say to her, earning a slight nod from her and a stifled sob.
I feel her grip loosen on my shirt as her breathing starts to get even. I stroke her hair as I heard the door open. I see Leigh and Jade come in with a pillow and a blanket. "We thought you might need this." Jade said, placing the extra pillow under my head. I smiled at her and mouthed a brief 'thanks', I did the same with Leigh as she draped the covers over Perrie and I.
"How is she?" Jade asked, placing her hands inside her pockets. I turn my head to look at Perrie's sleeping form and can't help but feel devastated at her state. "She just fell asleep." They both nodded, moving their gaze to Perrie. "Thank you so much, girls. Thanks for being here with her." I added. They looked at me, obvious tears on their eyes, daring to fall off any moment. "No Alex, thank you." Leigh said, grabbing my hand and squeezing it as she gave me a sympathetic smile. "Jesy's going to come in later to bring some food for you." Jade said. She tapped my shoulder and smiled at me with the same sympathy as Leigh's. I reciprocated the smile and nodded my head.
I leaned my head on Perrie's as I hear the door close shut. I run my fingers along her soft hair. I kiss her head and closed my eyes, praying that everything will eventually turn out fine.
***
I'M SORRY DON'T KILL ME HAHAHA. I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS CHAPTER I PROMISE TO WRITE REALLY GOOD ONES AFTER THIS ARC. I HOPE YOU STILL LIKE THIS. PLEASE COMMENT BC THEY REALLY INSPIRE ME TO WRITE HAHA AND PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO VOTE. THANKS!
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