no, but for real, i'm getting good at this updating thing amirite
i have unrelated news at the bottom if you're interested, which you should bc y'know i'm great (lmao no i'm not)
also, while the song has no relevance to this chapter, the title is actually my favourite song called RIVA (restart the game) by Klingande, it's amazing and it gives me shivers when you listen to the lyrics (admittedly, I had to google the lyrics the first time because I couldn't quite understand him (even though the song is in english lmao) but fr it's great, 12.5/10 would recommend)
bold=Swedish, as always
T W E N T Y | RESTART THE GAME
Everything was a mess.
The sad thing was, Carter was beginning to get used to the feeling of success slipping through her fingers, like fine grains of sand. Her father was in lockup, soon to be executed for trying to overthrow Pike. When Bellamy rallied the news to her, she honestly wasn't surprised. Her mouth was clamped into a thin line, eyes tired. She had asked Monty if they could go for a walk so she could stretch her legs, that was when they met Bellamy through one of the many halls, his expression unreadable.
Just as the silence was becoming overwhelming, Monty looked up at Bellamy, "What about Miller and Harper?" His tone hesitant. Before Bellamy had a chance to respond, the automatic door opened to reveal Monty's mom, a bright smile on her face as she stopped in front of the trio.
"Nicely done today, I'm proud of you," The warmth in her gaze didn't waver as she turned to look at Carter. "And you, I know it must be hard, but you're choosing the right side, you're choosing survival."
Carter met her gaze with a blank expression, eyes dull. She didn't make a move to answer Hannah or even return her smile. Why would she? Monty's mom seemed perfectly fine with the kill order that was placed on Kane.
Wanting to dissolve the awkward tension, Monty replied, though his expression not quite matching his mother's, "Thanks, Mom."
Carter's eyes trailed back down to her boots as Hannah continued, "Were you able to identify anyone Kane was working with?" The engineer tensed, ready for both Monty and Bellamy to turn in Harper and Miller, ready for them to be executed alongside Kane for doing the right thing.
"No," Bellamy answered and Carter looked up at him. At first, she thought she misheard him, but then Monty shook his head as well.
Hannah didn't seem fully convinced, "Let's hope today's actions make it clear to the people of Arkadia which side they should be on," She eyed the three of them cautiously, almost in warning. "It's not really that hard choosing what's best for your people, is it?"
"No," Bellamy's voice was quiet at first, but then gained strength with his next words, "I do it every day." Hannah eyed them for a moment, Bellamy's gaze was hardened as he kept it. With a small nod, Hannah dismissed herself wordlessly and continued her path down the hall as Monty and Bellamy shared complexed looks.
What did that mean? Was Bellamy finally realizing how wrong Pike was with his decisions? While Carter let the glimmer of hope turn into a spark, she couldn't help but feel disheartened that it took her father's pending execution to shake Bellamy out of whatever trance Pike had him in.
"I, uh..." She stammered, a deep frown etching into her features, she didn't look at either of them, her eyes glazed over. "I think I'm going to go to bed. It's been a long day."
"I'll walk you," Bellamy offered though Carter shook her head.
"I've got nothing left to fight for Bell, I don't need to be escorted." She mumbled, taking a few steps back. "I just want to be alone."
It was against Pike's orders, what she wanted. But Bellamy couldn't obey them, she was going to lose her father and he helped Pike put Kane in that situation. The least he could do was give her time alone time she needed. With a short, sad nod, Bellamy let her walk away.
Maybe Bryan was right, maybe the only person she needed protecting from was him.
***
Carter wasn't sure how much time had passed once she was in the confines of her room. She hoped to have bumped into Steven on her way, but he was nowhere to be seen, so instead, she did what she said she would do and wrapped herself in the solitude she thought she needed.
Turns out, she definitely didn't need that.
Dwelling on everything that had happened, Carter wanted nothing more than the comfort of Bellamy, but since she still had no idea what side he was really on. She hoped that maybe her inkling was right, that he had changed his tune once Pike started to take the lives of their own into his hands, but she didn't want to bet on it. It seemed to be a constant yo-yo effect with him; just as she thought he was seeing sense, it was like he was reeled back in by Pike.
Falling back onto her bed, she huffed with discontent, bringing the collar of her jacket up to her nose and inhaling deeply. She sought comfort in it, and although she couldn't smell much other than smoke from the campfires, it always took her back to that brief moment on Earth when everything seemed to be okay, not great, but okay. Back to when she and Bellamy merely regarded each other as friends that didn't quite know they were after more than that. Sitting back up, Carter reached for her pack and opened it, digging right to the bottom until her fingers brushed against what felt like card.
Smiling sightly, she pulled it out and scanned the photos with a longing gaze. The one of everyone from camp was one that never failed to make her grin. Everyone she considered family was in that picture, all still alive and all smiling-- even if she wasn't looking the right way. Her eyes caught a familiar face and her thumb brushed over his grinning face. It was the only picture she had left of her best friend.
"Oh boy Finn, I'd really like to know what you would do if you were still here." She mumbled clutching the picture to her chest. She wasn't talking to the part of Finn that turned, the part that killed innocent Grounders (much like Bellamy) she was speaking to her friend on the Ark, the one that refused to hold and gun and liked the concept of world peace before the war. Suddenly her room began to close in on her and she stood up, heading towards the door. Maybe she could speak to Harper and Miller about everything.
However, when she opened her door she almost gasped when she met Bellamy's dark gaze. He seemed just as surprised, his knuckles raised like he was about to knock when the door opened.
Suddenly feeling flustered, Carter rubbed the back of her neck, "Uh, I promise you I'm not conspiring, I just wanted some air."
Bellamy didn't answer her and for a minute she couldn't read him. And then, his hands came up to cup her face as he brought her in for a kiss, not one that was on her forehead, but one of her lips. She was taken back at first, her eyes wide but she didn't fight it and soon after her eyes closed as she the tension left her body. Just as she started to kiss him back, he pulled away and closed her door so it was just the two of them. When he turned back to face her, he looked so vulnerable, almost broken.
"I'm so sorry, Carter." He breathed, voice shaking. "I... I'm such an idiot."
"You are."
"I couldn't see it at first, Kane even warned me this would happen." Bellamy let out a frustrated growl and Carter took a seat on the edge of her bed, hands in her lap as she watched him pace the small area of her room. "I didn't listen to him, I could have done something and I didn't."
"True."
"I never thought Pike would put a kill order on our own, I..." He faltered, struggling for words as he ran a hand through his hair. "Your dad might die because of me."
"Well, no-"
"- I've sworn countless times to keep you safe and all I've done is make things worse for you, maybe I am the only one you need protecting from," He stopped pacing and took a seat beside Carter, his head in his hands. "I'm so sorry."
Carter rolled her eyes, and apparently she was the one for theatrics... "I forgive you."
"I understand if you - wait, what?" Bellamy looked up with a frown.
"You're not one who's planning to kill my dad, you didn't know that would be Pike's punishment, you were just doing what you thought was right," Carter explained. "I forgive you."
"But... I haven't done anything right."
"I know you haven't, I've tried telling you that," She smirked. "But what matters is you're taking responsibility and you're doing the right thing now."
His brows pulled upwards, hidden beneath his dark hair. He stared at her for a long time, deep in thought before he shook his head. "I've done nothing right in my life, I've done nothing to deserve you-" Before he could continue, Carter drew him in for another kiss, it was deeper than the previous one and the words died on his tongue. When she finally broke away, their breathing was heavy and she rested her forehead against his, one hand tangled in his hair as she kept him close.
"I don't care about the bad things you've done Bellamy," She whispered. "I don't care about any of it. I care about you, I care about us. It doesn't matter what you do, nothing can change that. If you stopped focusing on every screw up you've made, maybe you'll see yourself how I see you. You're a good person, far better than you give yourself credit for - so stop putting yourself down, stop saying you don't deserve me... you don't deserve to feel like this."
A smile tugged at his lips and shined in his eyes, it had been a long time since Carter has seen Bellamy Blake smile like that.
"You have no idea what you do to me, Carter." He breathed, taking her hand in his and squeezing.
"Oh, I can take a pretty good guess." Carter grinned lopsidedly. Just like their time spent at the waterfall, Carter wanted to let all of their troubles melt away, she just wanted it to be the two of them— everything else blocked out. She pressed her lips against his, kissing his slower than last time, almost gingerly and when she pulled away, she looked up and into his dark eyes, almost shivering under their intensity. "Will you stay with me tonight? I... I don't really want to be alone."
Bellamy let go of her hand and instead tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, smiling at her with ease.
"Of course I will."
***
When Carter came to the next morning, she reached over in search of Bellamy's warmth but was only met with a cold and empty space. Curiously, she peeked through one of her eyes and half-heartedly sighed, not seeing him anywhere in her room.
Begrudgingly, she sat up with a half-lidded scowl, wiping the drool from the side of her mouth with her hand as her thoughts became more coherent, defining the line between reality and her mind. Sleep still weighed heavily on Carter's eyelids and had it not have been for the factors of the previous day, she may have buried her head beneath the pillow and return to the safety of her dreams.
With a small yawn, she threw back the covers and just as her feet touched the icy cold floor, her door swung open, startling her, only to relax once she saw the familiar face.
"I wondered where you got to." She murmured, her voice still husky from sleep as she put her vest back on, followed by her socks, jeans and then, of course, Bellamy's jacket.
"Pike's out of control." Bellamy rushed out, eyes wide.
"Good morning to you too," Carter spoke with heavy sarcasm as she tied up her boots.
"He's ordered the execution on Lincoln and Sinclair as well as your dad." Bellamy continued, unfazed by Carter's tone. At his words, the engineer stiffened, visibly gulping as the hairs on the back of her neck stood on edge. "We need to do something and fast. At first, I thought it wouldn't be too hard to save Kane, but now there's three of them..."
"We need to find someone who can help us, but who?" Carter asked, rubbing the tension building by her temples. She didn't really want to drag Steven into dangerous business, especially since she was sure he wouldn't take kindly to working with Bellamy so soon after Nina's death, even if Ren had said he seemed happier now.
"I know just the people, come on." Bellamy gestured towards the door but Carter shook her head.
"I'm not leaving without brushing my teeth." She said, glancing towards the small bathroom connected to her room, God knows when will be the next time I can brush them, she thought grimly, heading for her toothbrush. Once she was done, she met Bellamy outside the door with a small smile which immediately faltered when he grabbed her forearm gently. "What are you doing?"
"Pike still doesn't trust you," Bellamy muttered, eyes focused as he looked down every hallway for anything suspicious, his steps calculated. "At least this way it doesn't look suspicious."
"Don't lie, Blake," Carter scoffed, her pride glimmering in her eyes. "You're just looking for an excuse to touch me."
Bellamy rolled his eyes, "I don't need an excuse." There was a suggestive tone laced in with his nonchalance which Carter noticed and she fought the blush that threatened to color her cheeks. She probably deserved that one.
Just as they rounded a corner, they almost walked head-on into someone, both tensing as they readied themselves with a reason for Carter being out in the halls, but then relaxed upon seeing that it was just Monty.
"Bellamy," He rushed out, looking somewhat relieved, "I've been looking for you."
"Oh okay, clearly I'm useless now," Carter mumbled, feigning bitterness when Monty smiled apologetically.
"You can help too, Sparky," Monty spoke with familiar warmth before turning back to Bellamy. "We have to do something, we have to save them. I... I wouldn't have done this if I thought Pike would start executing our own."
Bellamy nodded, his expression softened with understanding, "That's what we're doing, you coming?" His words were so simple, but Carter's heart thumped at his use of the word we. It felt like a lifetime since they both were fighting for the same side, wholly together. A small smile pulled at her lips and Bellamy tugged her arm, willing her to follow as Monty trailed alongside her.
After winding down several halls, passing several security doors, they finally reached their destination. After giving the area a cautious once over, Bellamy knocked the door and stepped back, a few moments later, it opened to reveal two very familiar faces.
Carter smiled, a genuine one as she nodded her head in greeting, "Miller, Harper, it's been a while, how about we have a quick catch up?"
yikes, another cliffhanger.
i started saying yikes ironically, and now i say it unironically all the time and it's becoming a problem, why am i like this
okay, so i never ever, ever thought i would say this but ya girl here is working on another original book (even though she neglects her other original books) and, it shocks me to say, that it's gonna be a vampire book. ugh. i cringed writing that. it's a parady of vampire books and vampire cliches, so make of it what you will, a lot of my q u a l i t y humour has gone into it because let's face it, i'm hilarious (hahahaha i'm really not)
okay, i'm going, i'll see you guys soon hopefully, Grazie for reading.