June 15th 2022
Entry #7
People of the future, feel free to skip over this part of the fat journal. This is just me satisfying my need for poetry. Do you know what? I think I’ll just take these pages out when I’m done writing. Then that sentence was pointless...and so is this. Focus Kyra, focus. You need to write it out like you use to.
This is how I felt right after I lost Sebastian. I can’t put it into normal words, so I think maybe poetry should be able to help. I don’t want to forget who I was when I was with him, and I also don’t want to forget how I have changed since then. So, here it goes:
There Once Was a Girl
There once was a girl
Who felt beautiful,
Special,
Unique,
Alive.
But that girl
Is gone.
There once was a girl
Who felt loved,
Needed,
Wanted,
Safe.
But now
She is alone.
There once was a girl
Who had a boy
That stood by her
Through the rough
And the smooth.
But now she only has
Herself.
There once was a girl
That loved a boy,
And,
Surprisingly,
Though he
Could have anyone,
He loved her too.
There once was a girl
That had the most beautiful boy,
Whose eyes were like emeralds,
Whose hair was like gold,
Whose voice was like music
Whose body was that of a god’s
Whose happiness was contagious.
There once was a girl
Who felt
Like she could take on the world
As long as she had
The boy by her side.
And, for awhile,
He was there.
This girl
Is gone now.
She left
The minute
They boy left.
So who
Is she now?
There. That helped, maybe this will too. This is another poem about how I miss Bas.
Sometimes
Sometimes I hear
Your voice in the wind,
In the rustle of fallen leaves,
In the silence of my pain.
Sometimes I hear
You say my name,
Tell me what to do,
Whisper that you love me.
Sometimes I hear
You call out for help,
Quietly cry,
Laugh happily.
Sometimes I see
You beside me,
You in front of me,
You all around me.
Sometimes I see
You from the corner of my eye,
Or on the other side of the path,
Or hidden in the trees.
Sometimes I see
Your golden hair,
Your vivid eyes,
Your blinding smile.
Sometimes I smell
The scent that followed you,
Surrounded you,
Was a part of you.
Sometimes I smell
Your sweat after you played,
Your shampoo after you showered,
Your breath after we kissed.
Sometimes I smell
The lake we swam in,
The places we hid in,
The park we played in.
Sometimes I feel
Your arms around me,
Your hand holding mine,
Your fingers stroking me.
Sometimes I feel
Your mouth on mine,
Your breath on my neck,
Your tongue touching mine.
Sometimes I feel
You right behind me,
You laying beside me,
Your legs tangled with mine.
Sometimes I taste
The ice cream we shared,
The dinners we cooked,
The candy you adored.
Sometimes I taste
The strawberries,
The raspberries,
The apples we picked.
Sometimes I taste
Your kisses,
Your sweat,
Your love.
Am
I
Going
Crazy?
I’m done.
I thought about making a poem about Danny, a happier one, but I just can’t find the right words to describe him. Danno’s different from everyone I’ve ever known. Sometimes he reminds me of Bas, sometimes, when he talks, he uses this soft voice that reminds me of my father. Not in a creepy way though, I swear. He’s like everything I’ve ever loved combined into one person. Is there a word for that?